The Darkness Within ch2 is posted

[americandemon]

But I would have to say don't waste your time. It's doing horrible in points. Kind of a let down really. But if you want to check it out it's in the new stories section. I had only one feedback on the story. And she loved it except for the "Nice" ending. This was possibly going to be my last story.....Well, at least this makes it easier to give it up. LOL
Take Care
Demon

 

[MLyons]

Hi Americandemon,

I just read your story. I liked it very much, although I thought the story-telling felt a little awkward at times. In any case, it played into many of my own fantasy fetishes, and at the same time left me a little cold as well.

I didn't mind the "nice ending" too much. There's something to be said for stories of balls to the wall roleplaying, but I can understand the complaint too. It can instantly take away from the impact of the rest of the story for those hardcore non-consent lovers.

Although you lose me personally with regard to the non-consentual impregnation fantasy, and the dry anal sex thing kind of left me wondering how exactly that all happened smoothly, that's really niether here nor there. These little matters of personal taste don't make it a bad story at all.

There was tension, there was some interesting dialogue (although soemtimes a bit on the forced side), and there was some hardcore sex. It got me hard in places, and that alone is a tall order.

Anyway, there ya go. It's too bad you're thinking about not submitting stories anymore.

 

[Guest]

iH,

Iv'e Jsut snet yuo feedbcak whcih si writne lkie thsi.

I hpoe yuo giggeled.

 

[americandemon]

I got your feedback chilled

It had to be the one that said.... It was horrible and I shouldn't write anymore chapters. LOL Don't worry. It's over. I had 2 more chapters in mind. But I'm letting it go.

The Nice ending Was written for two reasons. 1. They were roleplaying and usually people don't stay in their roleplay lives. At least not usually. So now they have each other to play their Dark roleplay whenever they want. 2. Lit scared me off of being too rough. Trust me I could have easily gave it a dark ending. Hell I could have made it soooo much worse. But I had such a hard time getting my Zombie story in because of too much "abuse" of the main girl. So, I've cut back on the "brutal." Why do you think I made the story a roleplay? It's the only way I thought Lit would except it.

Oh well, Time will tell if I ever write again. Never say never right? LOL
Demon

 

[Guest]

The point about writing is that you prove you can make people turn the pages even when what he/she is reading is not what he/she is wishing to read.

Wars, murders, rapes: you name it.

Sorry. Your's didn't (this is not to say you won't do it in the next story. I for one, certainly keep your "nick" in the back of my head - if I posessed one).

Ch1 was good. Because it was one page.