melusine
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2001
- Posts
- 114
Mary Montrose
When night falls, my day begins. I open my eyes to darkness, instead of to light. It is fitting, somehow, that these days after Paul's death should dawn black for me. It is as though the sky has put on mourning.
"Don't be such a noodle," I tell myself as my feet find the icy floor. "You had night duty before you received the news too...and it was just as bloody dark then."
It's not easy to get used to waking up without the songs of birds.
After a very cold bath in the zinc tub down the hall I am wide awake. My uniform is laid out ready on the single chair. Grey cotton dress, white apron and sleevs and veil. Badges. Stockings. Shoes. I look like a nun.
I feel like one too. Or how I fancy a nun would feel. Shut off from the world. Cocooned. Chained by the heart to someone who does not dwell amongst us anymore. Someone without a body.
I suppose if I were Catholic, I might well join a Sisterhood somewhere. Though of course I am too willful to accept anybody's Rule but my own.
"Whatever you do, don't become a Nurse!" Aunt Lily begged me. "You will ruin your hands, and who will marry you then?"
She was right. My hands are ruined by methylated spirit, and toil and cold. But what does it matter? Paul is gone. The best thing I can do with my hands now is work with them...work and work and work until I am too tired to think anymore.
I don't meet anyone on my way downstairs, though I can hear the family I board with eating supper by their tiny fire. My arrangement in this house was for "Room and Board." They would share their soup with me if I asked, but I don't. Madame Linard has so little for herself and her two little ones. France is slowly starving. I don't need to eat. I don't want to.
Outside, the night air still bears the sweet scent of the sunny afternoon -- the perfume of field flowers mixing with the heady exhalations of trees in the dark. I lower my head, hands in pockets, and walk as briskly as I can through the village towards the Abbey, where the Hospital is. As I cross the square, I hear the sound of shouts and laughter coming from the tavern. Something has happened, clearly. Something good.
Too late.
I am just turning away from the lighted window when I hear the rumble of a soldier's motorcycle. I look up for a moment and give the best approximation of a smile I can manage before hurrying on. Towards the massed darkness of the trees. The sheltering dark.
When night falls, my day begins. I open my eyes to darkness, instead of to light. It is fitting, somehow, that these days after Paul's death should dawn black for me. It is as though the sky has put on mourning.
"Don't be such a noodle," I tell myself as my feet find the icy floor. "You had night duty before you received the news too...and it was just as bloody dark then."
It's not easy to get used to waking up without the songs of birds.
After a very cold bath in the zinc tub down the hall I am wide awake. My uniform is laid out ready on the single chair. Grey cotton dress, white apron and sleevs and veil. Badges. Stockings. Shoes. I look like a nun.
I feel like one too. Or how I fancy a nun would feel. Shut off from the world. Cocooned. Chained by the heart to someone who does not dwell amongst us anymore. Someone without a body.
I suppose if I were Catholic, I might well join a Sisterhood somewhere. Though of course I am too willful to accept anybody's Rule but my own.
"Whatever you do, don't become a Nurse!" Aunt Lily begged me. "You will ruin your hands, and who will marry you then?"
She was right. My hands are ruined by methylated spirit, and toil and cold. But what does it matter? Paul is gone. The best thing I can do with my hands now is work with them...work and work and work until I am too tired to think anymore.
I don't meet anyone on my way downstairs, though I can hear the family I board with eating supper by their tiny fire. My arrangement in this house was for "Room and Board." They would share their soup with me if I asked, but I don't. Madame Linard has so little for herself and her two little ones. France is slowly starving. I don't need to eat. I don't want to.
Outside, the night air still bears the sweet scent of the sunny afternoon -- the perfume of field flowers mixing with the heady exhalations of trees in the dark. I lower my head, hands in pockets, and walk as briskly as I can through the village towards the Abbey, where the Hospital is. As I cross the square, I hear the sound of shouts and laughter coming from the tavern. Something has happened, clearly. Something good.
Too late.
I am just turning away from the lighted window when I hear the rumble of a soldier's motorcycle. I look up for a moment and give the best approximation of a smile I can manage before hurrying on. Towards the massed darkness of the trees. The sheltering dark.