The "In Loving Memory of..." Thread

[sortacurious]

I have avoided this thread for a few days now...not knowing where to start. So many people I love have left this world, but tonight...rather than try to remember each one, I've decided to speak about Jeff.

Jeff was my buddy. We became close almost instantly upon meeting. If you close your eyes and picture Drew Carey...you see a close resemblance. I can still hear him chuckle. I've never met anyone that had such wit, he was sharp and could spit out a lancing cutdown faster than anyone.

Jeff used to talk on CB radio. He loved to rile everyone up and then sit back an listen to the heterodyne. If there was shit to be stirred...he couldn't keep from stirring it. I have a blown up picture that we took one night...just before he cut the coax of some idiot. He's all camoflaged up....holding our SKS like he was all that. A smile and a tear always form together when I look at it.

He used to come over and spend half his time brushing my dog, the other half hiding little things from me...little knick-knacks...just to see if I noticed them missing. But he'd start to giggling when I'd come into the room and looking around for what might be missing.

He had such a sweet tooth. I started setting out a heart-shaped crystal dish of candies, just for him. If I didn't get it filled before he got here...he'd start pouting. If I ran out, and didn't make it to the store...his whole day was shot.



He started showing up at dinner time everynight (bachelor that he was). I began to make enough for two extra people, so he'd have leftover's for late night snacks. The man could eat...and always raved about my cooking. He would even drag his friends over and make them eat if it was spaghetti that night.

He helped me bury my dog, Orion. My baby. He held me while I sobbed in the rain, and piled the dirt back over the grave.

I could tell him anything...and I knew he'd never tell another soul. He was the first and only person to see that I wasn't happy in my relationship. He actually could see the difference in me...he knew me so well. He's the only one that would have thought me being here at Lit. was a good thing. In fact, he'd be here with me...chasing all the ladies. Such a naughty boy he was!

My Snowman began to loose his appetite. He had felt run down for about a year. He went to the doctor. It took them almost another year to discover he had cancer. By then it was in his bones, his stomach, his intestines, and many other places. It was everywhere.

They lamely tried surgery, which only added suffering to his last days.

He resisted his family's request to move back home. He told them that I would take care of him. That his friends were his family.

I wiped his forehead as he burned with the cancer eating him up. I slept next to him as he tossed and turned in nightmares. I held the container as he vomited the water he needed so badly. I refused to think he wouldn't beat it.

Jeff lost his battle. It will be three years in September.
I miss my friend every single day.
I will someday remove that generic marker and place a headstone there.


Snowman, I love you. You are my angel now. I feel you watching over me. Thank you...for being in my life. I still keep your dish full of goodies. I can't say goodbye...but I will say...see you again.

 

[knightstalker]

Steve O this is for you my brother because we were more than friends we were tight til the end and always had each others backs...You left your mark on me with all the tatto's you put on me amnd to this day I won't get anymore because I want to remember you this way ..We had alot of good times me and you all the concers and girls and getting high and drunk and just being a couple of crazy ass punks..I miss you it has been 4 years since you took your life and again I get mad at you because of what you left behind ..Your G/F left town and doesn't keep in touch so I have no idea what Sid looks like or how she has grown ..I will come visit you soon my friend and bring the crew with me ..I still keep in touch with them and we will come see you ..Good bye Steve R.I.P. ...Knowing you though that isn't happening ....Shaq thank you for this thread I have not mentioned these things yet not even to myself it is like therapy and I feel better when I leave here ...Take care all

 

[QuickDuck]

Just in continuation to my post, Matt had the greatest capacity to make people laugh.... he still does and its how i will always remember him

Wish me luck for the funeral tomorrow.

 

[knightstalker]

Just in continuation to my post, Matt had the greatest capacity to make people laugh.... he still does

Wish me luck for the funeral tomorrow.

I wish you all the luck in the world Q.D. ..I am sorry for your lose...Again all the luck in the world to ya ..

 

[QuickDuck]

Thanks Knight.... it is going to be an interesting morning...

 

[MissTaken]

There are too many to list:

She was like a sister to me and a mentor. She lived a difficult life, but eventually came out on top, just before the end. Cancer at age 41 was the one thing she couldn't beat.

He stepped into the role my father should have played. 17 years in a wheelchair and never giving up. He managed to live a life as full as any and compensated for his legs with his wit and determination. He and his wife shared the kind of love everyone should experience, just one time. 51 -cancer.

A model student and good neighbor. Age 27 -WTC 9/11.

There are more. My thoughts and prayers go out to those of us left behind.

 

[sortacurious]

I hate to be a bummer but I needed to blow the dust off this thread and speak about someone that's been in my thoughts lately....


Samantha started calling the hotline on a night I was on-call. The night before I had dealt with a similar call and was really feeling like I hadn't handled it well, and had been processing it with co-workers all day in case that caller called back. I had no idea how useful that processing would be that very night.

For 15 minutes she simply sobbed into the phone, unable to put into words the hell she was going through. Eventually, we were able to talk, and she was able to tell me her story:

She was sitting in her room, with her father's gun in her hand. He had just left her there, after another brutal attack. He had been raping her for over a year, since her mother had died. This particular night he decided to avoid pregnancy he would sodomize her instead. She was bleeding dangerously, she couldn't walk because of what he'd done to her, she was terrified.

After two very intense hours, we made a promise to each other. I would try and help her everyway I could, and she would not do anything to hurt herself for the rest of the night.

For two weeks, we talked for hours and hours a day. Her story continued to unfold. It got worse and worse. But we were also able to establish that she didn't really want to die. She just wanted her daddy to stop hurting her. But, she remained anonymous, except by first name. I respected her need for this. After speaking with a couple other staff members she decided she only trusted and felt comfortable with me. It took weeks of working on this to expand her support system, and keep the boundaries of our relationship in check. I struggled internally with my entire being on these. I wanted nothing more than to take her into my home and love her. To give her life.

One day the calls stopped, just as suddenly as they started. More processing with my co-workers on how that felt, and how to cope with the lack of closure.

After two weeks, again at night while I was on call, the pager went off. I called in, it was Sam. She was again sobbing uncontrollably. Her father had found out she was getting support through our agency. And she was pregnant with her father's child. He took her to Mexico, and two days later starting taking money from tourist to have sex with her while he took pictures. Her nightmare had gotten worse, and I was terrified. She was somewhere in Mexico, she had escaped him, and didn't know where she was, or what to do. Just as suddenly as she returned, she was gone again, the line went died. My heart quit beating.

A few days later, a call at the office came in asking for me. Sam was in LA now. She had hitched a ride back over the border, and had just drank a half a bottle of bleach. She wanted to die, now. She wanted to be with her mother and leave the pain behind. My training told me to get her in contact with a local agency like ours that could help her. She wouldn't talk to anyone but me. I finally convinced her to go to the hospital. She got treatment, and ran away a few days later, before anyone could help with everything else.

After weeks of running, sending handmade cards from all over the state, and calling nightly to cry and feel love, she needed to go back to the doctors...but she was scared of what might happen. We talked for five hours that night. I went against every protocal and boundary, desparate to get this girl some sort of intervention. Finally she decided to go. She was treated and given a definate positive pregnacy test. By the end of the night, she had miscarried the baby, and the ER doctor had involved Child Protection Services and she was placed in a foster home.

Finally, Sam had a chance to heal. And the healing was so needed that she made leaps and bounds. At 16 years old, she passed a highschool proficiency and went into college. She went to individual and group therapy. Over the next few months she let her foster parents glimpse the sweet soul that she had been hiding behind walls of pain. They loved her instantly, and gave her more happiness in a few months than she had known in her entire life.

As she blossomed the calls started to become fewer and fewer. As it should be. I was truely thrilled for her. She began to call more often with good news than with stumbling blocks. Then I recieved a letter from her, telling me how much she loved me, and how much of a difference I had made in her life. I could only cry when I read it. Sam was the most beautiful soul I've ever had the opportunity to be touched with.

Her father was eventually caught trying to come back into the States and arrested. The DNA from the miscarried fetus was enough to build a strong case and he plead guilty to all charges. Sam didn't have to see her father and testify against him. He is still in prison, and will be for the next 18 years.

I didn't hear from her for a few months. But I knew in my heart that she was living the life she so deserved, that she had wonderful, loving, supportive foster parents, and that all was right with the world.

Then I got another call. She was in a very good hospital in the LA area. My precious Sam had breast cancer and had gone through a radical surgery. We talked and talked while she was in the hospital. And for the first time, we laughed together. I got to hear about how she actually got to be a teenager for awhile. And she got her hair braided which took seven hours! The whole time, the tears silently streamed down my face. She told me "it's ok, I'm ready to go be with my momma now. I have felt love and I have loved in return. That's what life is for." She was so right.

Sam died within a month of her surgery. Her body was just not strong enough. The one and only time I spoke with her foster mother, was to receive the call of her passing. Sam had made her promise to call me.

It's been three years this week, since that first call from her. Sam is finally with her mom now. I just hope she felt my love. I thank her for the lessons in life this child taught me. No more pain, no more fear, just love.