The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

[graceanne]

I'm contemplating learning how to top.
And I don't think I'm entirely fond of the idea.

Ew. Why?

 

[chy_girl]

You make it sound like some sort of death sentence.
Why would you wanna learn such horribleness?

Not quite as bad as a death sentence. I'd rather have a root canal though.

Learning? I thought you just made a list of things that you want to do (in the context of the relationship and encounter). No props required.

Me? Noooo, not my list. The only thing I've ever been remotely interested in learning to top in is fire cupping and that's because of the healing/energy work aspect of it. Which I can now do in a mostly competent manner, even if I do need more practice and hands on education.

Hell, I'm not even fond of cowgirl if he's laying down.

Why would you wanna learn such horribleness?

Ew. Why?

Because, god help us all, I've been thinking again. This time in regards to what I can add to the local community. And I'm having a very hard time seeing what I can bring to the table (or St. Andrew's cross) as a 100% bottom.

When I was submitting it took a long time to even begin to see how I gave to my PYLs and then a little longer to get the whole roast beef is better than a happy meal. As roast beef I was more labor intensive, but I was tastier, of higher quality, and more filling for longer.

Now I'm a happy meal. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of being a happy meal. And there is far less that I can give to the community as a whole if I'm a happy meal that can only be chicken nuggets. If I were a hamburger then I'd have the option of being a cheese burger.

At least if I were able to top I could be helpful to the ones wanting to bottom instead of just sitting around waiting for a turn... If I could actually bring myself to hit someone with decent force without apologizing after each strike, harassing them with questions like "Was that too hard?" and "Oh! Did I hurt you?!?" after each strike... or crying. Most likely all three.

I can see the symbiotic relationship with a PYL/pyl. But I'm having a very hard time finding one between random top/bottom players. Possibly because the topping is kind of like the numa numa song for me: I like how it feels when I'm exposed to it and receiving it - but I don't actually know how to say most of the words or what the fuck they're even talking about.

 

[Cattypuss]

Not quite as bad as a death sentence. I'd rather have a root canal though.


Me? Noooo, not my list. The only thing I've ever been remotely interested in learning to top in is fire cupping and that's because of the healing/energy work aspect of it. Which I can now do in a mostly competent manner, even if I do need more practice and hands on education.

Hell, I'm not even fond of cowgirl if he's laying down.



Because, god help us all, I've been thinking again. This time in regards to what I can add to the local community. And I'm having a very hard time seeing what I can bring to the table (or St. Andrew's cross) as a 100% bottom.

When I was submitting it took a long time to even begin to see how I gave to my PYLs and then a little longer to get the whole roast beef is better than a happy meal. As roast beef I was more labor intensive, but I was tastier, of higher quality, and more filling for longer.

Now I'm a happy meal. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of being a happy meal. And there is far less that I can give to the community as a whole if I'm a happy meal that can only be chicken nuggets. If I were a hamburger then I'd have the option of being a cheese burger.

At least if I were able to top I could be helpful to the ones wanting to bottom instead of just sitting around waiting for a turn... If I could actually bring myself to hit someone with decent force without apologizing after each strike, harassing them with questions like "Was that too hard?" and "Oh! Did I hurt you?!?" after each strike... or crying. Most likely all three.

I can see the symbiotic relationship with a PYL/pyl. But I'm having a very hard time finding one between random top/bottom players. Possibly because the topping is kind of like the numa numa song for me: I like how it feels when I'm exposed to it and receiving it - but I don't actually know how to say most of the words or what the fuck they're even talking about.

[unsolicited opinion/advice]
Oh Chy.

This post really plucked at my heart-strings.

You've really been through the mill emotionally in recent times. Please don't let the trauma of that, the hurt of that, the rejected feelings you have been left with.... please don't let any of those lead you to buy into a notion of yourself as "less than" or "not good enough".

You are YOU. In all your human, complex, submissive glory. You are "less than" NOBODY. Anyone for whom you are "not good enough" is a blind idiot. You don't need to be fixed. You are perfect as you are. And, what's more, you're a person to whom honesty is very, very important. Please stay honest and true to yourself.

So you're a sub who wants to be roast beef? What on earth could be wrong with that? We all know what we want, and that includes you.

If while you wait for the roast beef opportunity you are happier being a happy meal than being...um... uneaten... then fine - be a happy meal, but keep looking for the roast beef opportunity at the same time.

But as long as you've been on this board you've been giving off the unmistakable message "I am 100% wired as sub".

Why be untrue to yourself just because you're hurting and lost at the moment? You may be lost, but you still know who YOU are.

To quote the venerable, if pretentious, Bono, who got it exactly right in this instance -

And if the night runs over
and if the day won't last
and if your way should falter
along the stony path
- it's just a moment
this time will pass.

Chy, please start being half as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else.


[/unsolicited opinion and advice]

 

[chy_girl]

[unsolicited opinion/advice]
Oh Chy.

*snip*

To quote the venerable, if pretentious, Bono, who got it exactly right in this instance -

And if the night runs over
and if the day won't last
and if your way should falter
along the stony path
- it's just a moment
this time will pass.

Chy, please start being half as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else.


[/unsolicited opinion and advice]

It isn't that I think I'm less than, I just can't see what there is for me to contribute. The irony is, I've always had a hard time understanding what I was contributing because it's always been so freaking hard to see it from the Top, which is one of the reasons I've always considered myself totally submissive. I honestly, truly, with my entire being cannot understand what a top gets out of it - and not for lack of trying. But I don't have to understand it to do it and I don't have to like a chore for the work to contribute to the world around me.

And you're right - being a happy meal now doesn't mean it's impossible to be roast beef later. It's just really hard to imagine being roast beef again. Especially given the part where happy meals don't rot. And some of those toys can be quite to collector's items - you know, they're "worth keeping."

Maybe now isn't the best time to think about starting to attend again. But I miss the people, and I miss my night out, and I miss those few minutes of release. But it's really hard to even think about going when I have nothing to contribute other than being a stunt bottom. Oh, hell, maybe this is just an excuse to keep from learning to bottom to others. I don't know.

What I do know is that I really, really, really want to hit a certain someone right now. And then cry on them. And then hit them again. And then tell them to fuck off.


I wish with every fiber of my being that he never, ever, ever had uttered those five fucking words: "because you were worth keeping."

 

[graceanne]

Because, god help us all, I've been thinking again.

Oh, for Pete sakes. What did I tell you about thinking? *shakes finger*

This time in regards to what I can add to the local community. And I'm having a very hard time seeing what I can bring to the table (or St. Andrew's cross) as a 100% bottom.

there are things that even a bottom can contribute. Remember chicklet, who I told you is helping put together leather fest? She's a sub. There is a lot you can contribute, just ask the people putting together the munches what you can do to help. I bet they have a list. lol

When I was submitting it took a long time to even begin to see how I gave to my PYLs and then a little longer to get the whole roast beef is better than a happy meal. As roast beef I was more labor intensive, but I was tastier, of higher quality, and more filling for longer.

Now I'm a happy meal. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of being a happy meal. And there is far less that I can give to the community as a whole if I'm a happy meal that can only be chicken nuggets. If I were a hamburger then I'd have the option of being a cheese burger.

Dude. You are weird. And now I'm hungry. Aside from that, though, I sincerely doubt you'll be owner free that long, but you have to give it time. You're healing, and you need to do that before you start another relationship, because otherwise you'll be bringing all that nasty baggage with you.

Furthermore, there are things you can be doing so as to be more than roast beef when you get a new owner. You can be educating yourself, you can be taking care of yourself (both physically, emotionally, and spiritually) so that when you get a new owner you have Fillet Mignon to offer him/her/them. For everything you do know that it's for your soon-to-be owner, and it will make you an even better sub. Heck, there are even books you could be reading, although I'd talk to CM about them.

At least if I were able to top I could be helpful to the ones wanting to bottom instead of just sitting around waiting for a turn... If I could actually bring myself to hit someone with decent force without apologizing after each strike, harassing them with questions like "Was that too hard?" and "Oh! Did I hurt you?!?" after each strike... or crying. Most likely all three.

Even if you were able to top without annoying you bottom you probably still wouldn't be a good top. Bottoms don't want a top who isn't enjoying him/herself anymore than tops want a bottom who isn't enjoying him/herself. It's supposed to be fun for everyone.

 

[chy_girl]

Oh, for Pete sakes. What did I tell you about thinking? *shakes finger*
*snip*

LOL - If it's any help, my sponsor says the same thing. On a fairly regular basis.

Thank you for the bitchslap of gracie logic though. It's hard to remember that there's even the possibility of ever having a Person or People again. I guess that's fairly normal though.

And there really isn't any hurry in finding a new Person/People because there's another 263 days till I hit a year and a day. Which will also give me lots of time to work on being filet mignon.

Until then I suppose I just have to be happy being a damned good chicken nugget. Because I *am* a damned good chicken nugget.

I was a damned good roast, too.

 

[Cattypuss]

We should have a "if you were a food item, what would you be?" thread

 

[chy_girl]

We should have a "if you were a food item, what would you be?" thread

So tell us, dear puss, what kind of food would you be?

 

[teknight]

<snippage>

I can see the symbiotic relationship with a PYL/pyl. But I'm having a very hard time finding one between random top/bottom players. Possibly because the topping is kind of like the numa numa song for me: I like how it feels when I'm exposed to it and receiving it - but I don't actually know how to say most of the words or what the fuck they're even talking about.

Hey, the song's Romanian, I'm Romanian, and I have no clue what they're on about. It involves calling someone and hanging up after one ring- so you get their attention. It is a Romanian thing- you don't pay anything if they don't pick up their cellphones.
And...there's a linden tree involved in the song. No clue why.

But, anyway, I could teach you the words?

 

[Cattypuss]

So tell us, dear puss, what kind of food would you be?

A hummus, green olive and Tabasco sandwich on ciabatta.

Reasonably good for you without being too earnest about it. An idiosyncatic mix of components. A hint of zesty heat. A slight crunch. Leaves you with a tell-tale aroma on your breath

 

[graceanne]

LOL - If it's any help, my sponsor says the same thing. On a fairly regular basis.

Thank you for the bitchslap of gracie logic though. It's hard to remember that there's even the possibility of ever having a Person or People again. I guess that's fairly normal though.

And there really isn't any hurry in finding a new Person/People because there's another 263 days till I hit a year and a day. Which will also give me lots of time to work on being filet mignon.

Well, I was thinking that but I wasn't sure if you were doing that. You're SUPPOSED TO, but many don't. I'm glad you are, though. It's not like you don't have enough going on without adding in a relationship.

So tell us, dear puss, what kind of food would you be?

I always figured if i were a food I'd be some kind of nut. I think there was, once, a what kind of nut are you thread. lol

 

[ImOnIt]

Me? Noooo, not my list.

The only thing I've ever been remotely interested in learning to top in is fire cupping and that's because of the healing/energy work aspect of it. Which I can now do in a mostly competent manner, even if I do need more practice and hands on education.

Then (and I mean this seriously) don't do it. You could be Chy, selective dispenser of increasingly skillful theraputic firecups. That could be your service, or their service or whatever.

If it's not your list, don't do it. I know I would be a fucking terrible bottom to 99.9% of the population. I hate to have my breathing restricted in any way, or to be unable to move. However, I can be a thoughtful and attentive human being - by bringing cups of tea, letting things be done to me (but I would lie there myself thanks, no restraint necessary). and offering the best of my mind and conversation.

It would be a disservice for me to attempt to bottom for anyone I didn't know intimately - it would end with me quite distraught and one confused woman who had done nothing wrong.

 

[chy_girl]

A hummus, green olive and Tabasco sandwich on ciabatta.

Reasonably good for you without being too earnest about it. An idiosyncatic mix of components. A hint of zesty heat. A slight crunch. Leaves you with a tell-tale aroma on your breath

LOL - Nice! And I can see how that would fit with who you are.

Well, I was thinking that but I wasn't sure if you were doing that. You're SUPPOSED TO, but many don't. I'm glad you are, though. It's not like you don't have enough going on without adding in a relationship.


I always figured if i were a food I'd be some kind of nut. I think there was, once, a what kind of nut are you thread. lol

Yeah, well, I'm trying not to screw up a program that has the core component of "we don't expect you to be perfect, just try to be willing."

Besides, my sponsor firmly believes in offering tried and true suggestions. And the no dating for a year thing is one that is suggested quite heavily. As is "I suggest you stop talking to the mother fucker- if you're not careful he's going to take you down with him!"

Yeah. This sponsor isn't much for mincing words. It's a really good fit.


And I think you'd be a filbert.

Then (and I mean this seriously) don't do it. You could be Chy, selective dispenser of increasingly skillful theraputic firecups. That could be your service, or their service or whatever.

If it's not your list, don't do it. I know I would be a fucking terrible bottom to 99.9% of the population. I hate to have my breathing restricted in any way, or to be unable to move. However, I can be a thoughtful and attentive human being - by bringing cups of tea, letting things be done to me (but I would lie there myself thanks, no restraint necessary). and offering the best of my mind and conversation.

It would be a disservice for me to attempt to bottom for anyone I didn't know intimately - it would end with me quite distraught and one confused woman who had done nothing wrong.

You're right. You've all been right. It just scares the fuck out of me to think of walking back in the door and knowing that my "spot" in the community no longer exists. I'm not her girl anymore. I'm not their girl anymore. It's hard enough watching her play with others and knowing that'll never be me. That I'll never be able to give her what I did. I can't imagine how hard it'll be when he walks into the room with his ex on his arm. The very thought makes my heart freeze over and brings about a rather unattractive potential competitive streak that I am not fond of.

 

[the captians wench]

okay, I don't get the "happy meal" metaphore.

 

[graceanne]

LOL - Nice! And I can see how that would fit with who you are.


Yeah, well, I'm trying not to screw up a program that has the core component of "we don't expect you to be perfect, just try to be willing."

Besides, my sponsor firmly believes in offering tried and true suggestions. And the no dating for a year thing is one that is suggested quite heavily. As is "I suggest you stop talking to the mother fucker- if you're not careful he's going to take you down with him!"

Yeah. This sponsor isn't much for mincing words. It's a really good fit.

Which is perfect for you. You don't have to worry that theirs some nuance you aren't picking up.

And I think you'd be a filbert.

I've head that before. lol

okay, I don't get the "happy meal" metaphore.

Happy Meals are cheap and easily attained. Fillet Mignon is expensive and hard to come by.

 

[chy_girl]

Which is perfect for you. You don't have to worry that theirs some nuance you aren't picking up.



I've head that before. lol



Happy Meals are cheap and easily attained. Fillet Mignon is expensive and hard to come by.

It is perfect for me. Because someone so full of suggestions usually doesn't just let things go if they think it's important for someone to hear.

And that about sums it up for the Happy Meal reference. The original concept came from a thread in Talk about sadists that I'm too lazy to go look up.

But a bright side has occurred to me! I couldn't get my nipples pierced before because I wasn't willing to have limited play on them for a year so they could heal to the bigger gauge jewelry. But since nipple play is one of those things that has been falling firmly into the "partner only" category, I have plenty of time for them to get mostly healed before I need to worry about a partner!

I still wouldn't mind tipping someone special with Saint Bartholomew. He's a mean mother fucker even for a dragon's tongue. A mean mother fucker that I now own due to the kindness of my ex-Mistress.

 

[ImOnIt]

You're right. You've all been right. It just scares the fuck out of me to think of walking back in the door and knowing that my "spot" in the community no longer exists. I'm not her girl anymore. I'm not their girl anymore. It's hard enough watching her play with others and knowing that'll never be me. That I'll never be able to give her what I did. I can't imagine how hard it'll be when he walks into the room with his ex on his arm. The very thought makes my heart freeze over and brings about a rather unattractive potential competitive streak that I am not fond of.

I would want a breakup to be private and forgettable. I would not even consider watching an ex with anyone else. Maybe take a wingman or set of firecups.

 

[chy_girl]

I would want a breakup to be private and forgettable. I would not even consider watching an ex with anyone else. Maybe take a wingman or set of firecups.

Only one I've ever firecupped was my ex-Mistress. I'd like more hands on instruction so I could do it more often. I'm just unsure how to approach her with that since it's very much a her thing.

It has been fairly quiet. At least any talk has been well shielded, anyways. As for the ex... I've no idea when or if that'll happen. Either way, I've no cause to be rude or disrespectful to her. There is nothing, however, that says I have to be anything more than socially appropriate to him though. And "no thank you" is a very socially appropriate response to a whole LOT of things.


Jesus... there's the cute little blue alien phase. Shit. At least the cycles are going much quicker now!

That is a good sign when you break up with someone, right? That the cycles don't take so long?

 

[graceanne]

Only one I've ever firecupped was my ex-Mistress. I'd like more hands on instruction so I could do it more often. I'm just unsure how to approach her with that since it's very much a her thing.

It has been fairly quiet. At least any talk has been well shielded, anyways. As for the ex... I've no idea when or if that'll happen. Either way, I've no cause to be rude or disrespectful to her. There is nothing, however, that says I have to be anything more than socially appropriate to him though. And "no thank you" is a very socially appropriate response to a whole LOT of things.


Jesus... there's the cute little blue alien phase. Shit. At least the cycles are going much quicker now!

That is a good sign when you break up with someone, right? That the cycles don't take so long?

Take a cupping class at leather fest. I bet they have one.

 

[Keroin]

I hate writing resumes. Despise it.

I guess if your life follows a relatively straight line and most of your history relates to whatever job you're seeking then it's not so bad. But when you're a Jill of All Trades, on paper everything just makes you look unfocused and not serious. Blurg.

But the agent needs a writing CV, so I'm slogging through. I wish I had more publishing credits...sigh.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I wish I had more publishing credits...sigh.

What the hell?

You've got 5,971 publishing credits.

 

[Keroin]

What the hell?

You've got 5,971 publishing credits.

Or..6.

Plus awards.

But still...6. And no, I won't be including Lit stories.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Or..6.

Plus awards.

But still...6. And no, I won't be including Lit stories.

Well, I was including your posts. But okay.

What's wrong with six? Seriously? I mean, what do they expect?

 

[DVS]

Or..6.

Plus awards.

But still...6. And no, I won't be including Lit stories.

And here I thought you liked us. We're just cyber slime to you, I guess.

Ew, that even made me sick.

 

[Keroin]

Well, I was including your posts. But okay.

What's wrong with six? Seriously? I mean, what do they expect?

LOL, I was wondering what that number referred to.

I suppose there's nothing wrong with six and I've done some other 'professional' writing for websites and such but...

"Hello, my name is Keroin and I am a chronic overachiever."

"Hello Keroin."

"No...wait...can I try that again? I didn't like how I put the emphasis on 'over'."

*crowd groans*

And here I thought you liked us. We're just cyber slime to you, I guess.

Ew, that even made me sick.

If it's any consolation, you're nice slime.