The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

[minx1]

minx, can I tell you a secret?

I suck at submission, too.

(It's one reason I like "slave.")

Really ES? Honestly that gives me hope.

Slave seems like a million light years away right now.

Do you find slave 'easier' to fit into somehow? If so, how please?

I will PM you. Up until this moment I would have though slave would be much more difficult, but now I think about it in relation to me and my own behaviour, I think I can see what you are saying!

 

[gypsy*seer]

My son would have been 24 today.

Parents should never outlive their children

Thanks guys, Im ok.

Just learning that me+submission= fail

Yay.

who knows lol, I might suck just as much at vanilla.

It could be certain situations that I suck at also.

So glad that you're keeping it positive, minxie!
Live, Love, & LAUGH!

 

[minx1]

So glad that you're keeping it positive, minxie!
Live, Love, & LAUGH!

Thanks hon, although cant say I'm too positive right now lol and I've certainly not been doing too much laughing; which is a shame because i've laughed a lot in the past 6 months and I like it.

I will be ok. I will consider where Im at and what my options are.

 

[Cattypuss]

sun + sea + sand + my doggy + birdsong + seagull screeches + blue sky =

 

[eastern sun]

Really ES? Honestly that gives me hope.

Slave seems like a million light years away right now.

Do you find slave 'easier' to fit into somehow? If so, how please?

I will PM you. Up until this moment I would have though slave would be much more difficult, but now I think about it in relation to me and my own behaviour, I think I can see what you are saying!

Ok, at some level this is all semantics, right? But, I take a lot of comfort in the fact that "slave" doesn't imply voluntary submission.

There is no question in my mind that I am most at peace, most beautiful, most comfortable when I am in relaxed submission. But that is not always where I am.

In fact, I've probably devoted my life to the process of learning what that means - "relaxed submission." And I have had a very interesting life.

But I have spent a very small amount of it in the state I would identify as "relaxed submission."

Most of the time I am struggling against the ropes, cowering in a corner, screaming into the wind, sullenly resigned, or foolishly chasing phantoms in the name of bliss.

I will probably spend the rest of my life cultivating this ground, because - for me - it seems to yield a beneficial harvest. But I might have done a lot of harm in making people (including me) think it's even possible to live in a state of continuous submissive bliss.

This world, as you know, is full of beauty. But it's also full of shit.

And we are perfectly constructed to live in it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

My son would have been 24 today.

Parents should never outlive their children

Must admit this is a fear of mine. If it happens, I can only hope to handle it with half the grace and strength you have.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Strage how some dreams can feel so realistic in your sleep. As if it really happened yanno?

The 4 nightmares I had last night left me feel as if I got slaped to the ground. I can't stop thinking about the stupid dreams now. Funny how the worse possible scenario that could ever happen to you can come alive in our dreams while we are sleeping. Things that would hurt you emotionaly the most if they really happened IRL.

Well I've died at the end of the dream, which was actualy a good thing after the things I dreamt of in the other dream. I wonder how those things came into my mind. It wasn't THAT unrealistic, but still.

Nightmares sucks!

They certainly do. I have been dwelling in the same territory of late due to medication I am on. The dreams are constant and disturbing, and I too had one where I died. I was telling F about how real it seemed, how I felt the blood draining from my body, my body going colder and colder and thinking 'so this is what it is like to die', then blackness while at the same time my mind screaming at me to wake up before it was too late to...spooky.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks guys, Im ok.

Just learning that me+submission= fail

Yay.

who knows lol, I might suck just as much at vanilla.

It could be certain situations that I suck at also.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It happens to all of us, simply because we are human. Of course some will say it has never happened to them, but I tend to think that if they are telling the truth, it probably is because they have not been stretched and only expected to do what another knew was possible and within their capacity to fulfil.

Catalina

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Wow ...
You actually died in your dream?
Never happened to me. And I never heard of from friends.
They always wake up the second it would happen or so.

How morbid would it be to ask what it was like?

I've died like hundert times in my dreams already, somehow. I am weird. lol

As for your question how it felt? Freeing. At least in that dream. I had a good reason to wish to be dead in that dream, so thats why I guess. I don't wish for such things IRL! I used to, but that was loooooong time ago. Anyways, glad it was just a stupid dream! Really wouldn't mind to dream something "nice" for exchange.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

They certainly do. I have been dwelling in the same territory of late due to medication I am on. The dreams are constant and disturbing, and I too had one where I died. I was telling F about how real it seemed, how I felt the blood draining from my body, my body going colder and colder and thinking 'so this is what it is like to die', then blackness while at the same time my mind screaming at me to wake up before it was too late to...spooky.

Catalina

lol yeah I know the feeling!

I remember one dream where I got hit by a car and saw myself dying, with the last tear falling from my eye, thinking 'so thats it, all the pain is finaly over'. I remember how my mom wanted me to stay, but I've just simply give up on life as I couldn't find a reason to stay alive. And then I died.

I know it was just a dream, but I still woke up pretty down and hurting emotionaly, as the dream was so realistic.
Wish we could control what we dream about! That would be nice. *nods*

 

[chy_girl]

My son would have been 24 today.

Parents should never outlive their children

If you don't mind my asking, what was he like?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

My son would have been 24 today.

Parents should never outlive their children

*huggs*

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Thanks guys, Im ok.

Just learning that me+submission= fail

Yay.

who knows lol, I might suck just as much at vanilla.

It could be certain situations that I suck at also.

I don't think you suck at submission. As someone here said, we are all just human. There is nothing like perfect slave or submissive, the same goes for dominants, so don't be too hard on your self Minxie!

Just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else. Sometimes you have to stand alone just to make sure you still can. *HUGGS*

 

[shy slave]

Thank you for all the thoughts, hugs and
They are all appreciated Xx
Cat you were a wonderful support 5 yrs ago when he died. I will always love you for that.
Chy you asked what he was like, not sure how to answer. He was wonderful, gregarious, generous, loving, with a constant smile
He drowned when he was 18 on a night out. It was a terrible time and I could not have coped without my friends, both online and in real life. I miss him all the time.
His birthday is a strange day. A time to reflect, I try not to wonder what he would be like now as it would be conjecture and makes me sad. I am lucky I knew such a bright, caring, wonderful person who lit up my life

 

[shy slave]

Minx - everyone is right, ES, Cat and BF.
No-one is perfect and no-one said submission nor slave was easy.
But please don't leave it all behind without really working out what you want.
A couple of years ago I made a decision to return to vanilla. I didn't actually do it then but it became a really difficult choice.
Recently started dating someone from the GB who I have known in real life for a few years. Oh my is it complicated and confusing!
I can dress as I please, he doesn't expect me to wait on him, I don't have to ask permission to do things... the list goes on and on.
Weirdest part is being able to send a text or call him whenever I please, and he is not offended if I don't text or call.
Believe me, it's an odd kind of scary.
But it's also fun.

I hope what your going through settles and you get your confidence back. I have long admired you and your way of submitting

 

[Kojote]

I've died like hundert times in my dreams already, somehow. I am weird. lol

As for your question how it felt? Freeing. At least in that dream. I had a good reason to wish to be dead in that dream, so thats why I guess. I don't wish for such things IRL! I used to, but that was loooooong time ago. Anyways, glad it was just a stupid dream! Really wouldn't mind to dream something "nice" for exchange.

Maybe you should try to.
Dunno if this works for others as well, but when I have something I want to explore deeper while slowly falling asleep I tend to dream about it.
Happens mostly when I drift to sleep while actually thinking about the details of whatever I happen to explore at the time. Seems that it carries over somehow ...

On the other hand I tend to dream totally weird scenarios (which seldom include violence but beat Alice in Wonderland in weirdness by far). So I'm probably a weirdo and what works for me may not work for others.

As for the ‘dying habit’ in dreams:
I find this interesting but it never happens to me.
I have nightmares sometimes, but they also tend to be weird.
The most recent one I remember included a odd colored spider clinging to the wall above my nightstand. It was about the size of a small fist with this long, thin legs (which added to the diameter immensely) and sat just there.
I woke up, jumped to the other bedside (awakening my partner) and tried to figure out how to get THIS out of the room and if I should let it stay alive or not.
More some kind of shock than actual fear.
Not very frightening in fact and I have totally no idea why I write it down yet, but I felt like sharing this totally uninteresting one with you …

Dying in dreams doesn’t scare me (like most things happening in dreams even if they actually happen in the dreams). That may be the reason for me not dying in dreams and mostly ending up talking to the ‘nasty horrors from underneath the bed’ about total bullshit instead of running away endlessly.
Nah … I’m a freak …

 

[rida]

When I went to rida's house, though, she was much more flexible. Outside shoes came off in the genkan and then we just ran around in whatever socks we had on. THANK YOU RIDA!!

HAHA!
Yeah, I always got confused myself and would end up walking around in the "toilet slippers" so I'm doing without ^_~
But I try to remember the proper etiquette and use them when visiting people or am at some hotel or ryoukan.

 

[seela]

I don't like the accent Finnish people have, when they speak English. It's flat, voicless, denasalized and most of the vowels are all over the place both in quality and quantity.

There, I said it. Maybe this will help me get over my hang ups.

(And yes, I have the same accent when I speak English, so I get to say this.)

 

[Cattypuss]

Lotus biscuits are extremely moreish.

 

[Cattypuss]

What does "YMMV" mean?

 

[OzoneRed]

"Your Milage May Vary." What works for someone else may not work, or may not work well, for you.

 

[seela]

What does "YMMV" mean?

Your mileage may vary. As in, this is my experience, yours might be different.

 

[Cattypuss]

TVM

(ta very much!)

 

[catalina_francisco]

My doctor is not coming back!! Sadly she is ill and it took me so long to find a doctor here I trusted and liked. Good thing is I have a new doctor she was training who has learned a lot of the best things from her and will be around until August, then I have to find another one. For now I have new medication and more on the way which we hope will begin things moving in the right direction for me so I can begin living again.

Catalina

 

[Fuckette]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qFDc0eT-dZg/TG2J_HXRHTI/AAAAAAAAAYk/1t5MIxQ28is/s1600/elvira.jpg​