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Those little furballs know how to work the system, pink. Yes kitty, I will let you do whatever you want and you will tolerate me. 
The Isolated Blurt Thread XXXVII: You're Welcome, Fuckers
- Thread starter pointless
- Start date
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Would it kill you to iss the quote system!
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Plasma just has a pooriss attitude.
TwinkleStars
Keeper Of Cuteness
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I miss my fur baby. 
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Iss poor poor iss, all the same.
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Flips you off from sspace
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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International space station
It was a typo but dancer needed to go all raining on my parade mode..
See what I did there...
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Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Why did i buy this house for that to be your answer?
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Oh wonder how this will shake out..
Probably poorly
Probably poorly
phantom4533
eh … fuck it.
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Please don’t whack the side of the urinal too hard.
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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Why...wait...experience?
phantom4533
eh … fuck it.
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I wasn’t there but I heard it from a friend who knows a person that said it was true. Knocked the urinal right off the wall.
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That’s an urban dick legend.
TwinkleStars
Keeper Of Cuteness
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Just because I have big boobs doesn't mean I'm lactating. Dumb boys. 
juttjaw
Don't fence me in
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2011
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I'm struggling today. My urge to drink is almost overwhelming today. Usually, the wife is right there and we talk, but she's out of town for the next few days and crazy busy. I wouldnt want to worry her, shes under enough stress. She would tell me im being dumb and that we can talk anytime, no matter the environment or situation. I just cant add more on her plate right now. It helps when i talk about it. So, I'll talk about it here.
A few days ago, she reminded me ive been sober for 9 years. I dont keep track, but evidently she does. Which is good, i guess. I dont keep track because it makes it worse. Like the longer i go, i will get a reward and be able to drink again. I know i never can. Just the way it goes. Im afraid if i get too cocky about the distance from my former self, it will give me permission to buy a bottle.. I know myself and how my internal dialog works. "its just for one night. Its easy to stay sober, so what am i worried about? It's fine, everyone has a drink no and then, just have a couple and put it down." except, it never happens that way. Never.
I spent the better part of 20 years drinking. The last 10 years were a free for all. I was very nearly dead at the age of 35. My body was starting to shut down and my withdrawals were straight out of a bad movie. I tried quitting over and over in the last two years. I couldn't. I knew i couldn't, so i had accepted the fact that i was not long for this world. During every Christmas break with my kids, i wondered if id still be around for the next one. I entertained suicide, very seriously, thinking it was the least selfish thing i could do for my children. Sure, they would be heartbroken and grieve, but at least it would be over and they could stop worrying. They were way too young to be dealing with that. It made sense to me. I was stuck and couldnt get out. End it quickly or watch me wasts away like i watched my father. It made total sense.
With the help of my wife, divine intervention and a massive tonic clonic (grand mal) seizure, i got the right medical help and made it through. Dozens of caring doctors and nurses, heavy medications and time got me there. My age didnt hurt, still young and repairable. Here i am. Sober, heathy, happy.
Knowing what I had to do to survive does not escape me. The pain and guilt does not go away. Luckily, if you can call it that, i was a very gokd alcoholic. I kept it in the shadows and didnt destroy any of my relationships. Ive done that, sure, but not because of my drinking. I was still me. Gentle, kind and loving. Just plowed... And, i know thats not all true. I was a good drunk, but i certainly caused those who loved me, pain. My mother, brothers and sisters and ultimately, my children and wife. Thats why its so dumb that i still struggle. Its like im trying to give back the gift of a life. A good life.
I suppose, struggling helps me remember. Helps me weigh my choices. Sure, i can drink. Anytime i want too. I can get a handle of vodka delivered to my doorstep, within minutes. But i choose not too. I choose to rethink my cravings. Rethink what ive been through and what ive accomplished and how i want to live. If that has to be sober, so be it.
If anyone reads this, and you're struggling with addiction, know there is life after. No matter how fucked up you are, there is hope. You just have to seek it and keep seeking it. No one can do that for you, it needs to be your decision to live a different life. And yes, no matter how long you've been sober, its going to suck sometimes. For me? I think about it every day, some more than others. Today is one of those days and it helps to talk. You dont need a program if you choose not to. But they can help. I advocate for the AA programs all the time, even if i didnt use them. Luckily, i have a a wife that is awesome. Not everyone has that. You dont have to do it alone and people who understand what you're going through are out there. I am one of them.
TLDR: I feel better. Feel free to skim past, this was a purely self serving post and its full of random thoughts, spelling errors, the punctuation is probably atrocious, and i probably useed to, too and two wrong a thousand times. But thank you for an outlet.
A few days ago, she reminded me ive been sober for 9 years. I dont keep track, but evidently she does. Which is good, i guess. I dont keep track because it makes it worse. Like the longer i go, i will get a reward and be able to drink again. I know i never can. Just the way it goes. Im afraid if i get too cocky about the distance from my former self, it will give me permission to buy a bottle.. I know myself and how my internal dialog works. "its just for one night. Its easy to stay sober, so what am i worried about? It's fine, everyone has a drink no and then, just have a couple and put it down." except, it never happens that way. Never.
I spent the better part of 20 years drinking. The last 10 years were a free for all. I was very nearly dead at the age of 35. My body was starting to shut down and my withdrawals were straight out of a bad movie. I tried quitting over and over in the last two years. I couldn't. I knew i couldn't, so i had accepted the fact that i was not long for this world. During every Christmas break with my kids, i wondered if id still be around for the next one. I entertained suicide, very seriously, thinking it was the least selfish thing i could do for my children. Sure, they would be heartbroken and grieve, but at least it would be over and they could stop worrying. They were way too young to be dealing with that. It made sense to me. I was stuck and couldnt get out. End it quickly or watch me wasts away like i watched my father. It made total sense.
With the help of my wife, divine intervention and a massive tonic clonic (grand mal) seizure, i got the right medical help and made it through. Dozens of caring doctors and nurses, heavy medications and time got me there. My age didnt hurt, still young and repairable. Here i am. Sober, heathy, happy.
Knowing what I had to do to survive does not escape me. The pain and guilt does not go away. Luckily, if you can call it that, i was a very gokd alcoholic. I kept it in the shadows and didnt destroy any of my relationships. Ive done that, sure, but not because of my drinking. I was still me. Gentle, kind and loving. Just plowed... And, i know thats not all true. I was a good drunk, but i certainly caused those who loved me, pain. My mother, brothers and sisters and ultimately, my children and wife. Thats why its so dumb that i still struggle. Its like im trying to give back the gift of a life. A good life.
I suppose, struggling helps me remember. Helps me weigh my choices. Sure, i can drink. Anytime i want too. I can get a handle of vodka delivered to my doorstep, within minutes. But i choose not too. I choose to rethink my cravings. Rethink what ive been through and what ive accomplished and how i want to live. If that has to be sober, so be it.
If anyone reads this, and you're struggling with addiction, know there is life after. No matter how fucked up you are, there is hope. You just have to seek it and keep seeking it. No one can do that for you, it needs to be your decision to live a different life. And yes, no matter how long you've been sober, its going to suck sometimes. For me? I think about it every day, some more than others. Today is one of those days and it helps to talk. You dont need a program if you choose not to. But they can help. I advocate for the AA programs all the time, even if i didnt use them. Luckily, i have a a wife that is awesome. Not everyone has that. You dont have to do it alone and people who understand what you're going through are out there. I am one of them.
TLDR: I feel better. Feel free to skim past, this was a purely self serving post and its full of random thoughts, spelling errors, the punctuation is probably atrocious, and i probably useed to, too and two wrong a thousand times. But thank you for an outlet.
juttjaw
Don't fence me in
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2011
- Posts
- 4,872
Really??Just because I have big boobs doesn't mean I'm lactating. Dumb boys.
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- Jun 24, 2004
- Posts
- 14,686
TwinkleStars
Keeper Of Cuteness
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- Aug 16, 2014
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Please don't act that dumb. It doesn't look good on you.
Plasmaball
Karma Police
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- Oct 24, 2005
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- 11,664
Flips tableJust because I have big boobs doesn't mean I'm lactating. Dumb boys.
Anyone in the path of the extreme weather this weekend: Take care Be safe. Look out for the elderly, pets, the kiddos, and your neighbors.
Pushing -20F actual temp where I’ll be hanging the next day or so, with wind chills pushing -45F.
No Ice storm or blizzard on the menu, so tiny blessings…
Pushing -20F actual temp where I’ll be hanging the next day or so, with wind chills pushing -45F.
No Ice storm or blizzard on the menu, so tiny blessings…
