The Return of the Gloveslap

[TheEarl]

Re: Re: Re: Replacement slap for Earl

Damn. Sorry, did I go overboard on the weirdness? I really should keep a check on that.

I can give you a new slap and make the other an open slap if you want.

It's a little bit of a surrealist slap, but hey, that's half the fun. Don't worry, I'll get you back later...

The Earl
Slapper in Chief

 

[Guest]

Okay Lou, you asked for it:

Your challenge is to write a First-Time story, where both the participants are having their first time. the story has to be as sugar-coated as humanly possible, full of sickly sweet references to young love and talk of sharing this special moment. It's not allowed to be a parody! No spanking, no kinks, no oral, no fingers, no biting, licking, sucking or toys. Just kissing, above the waist feeling and straight-forward intercourse. Yet both of them have to cum. Greater than 500 words please.

Mwahahahaha.

The Earl
Slapper in chief

Oh great!

Right up my street. NOT!

Don't know when I'll get chance to do it, but I will aim for this side of Christmas.

Thanks so much, mate!

 

[TheEarl]

Oh great!

Right up my street. NOT!

Don't know when I'll get chance to do it, but I will aim for this side of Christmas.

Thanks so much, mate!

Well, I thought you'd enjoy the opportunity to write something outside of your usual oeuvre .

Mwahahaha.

I really did deserve Luc's evil slap didn't I?

The Earl
Slapper in Chief

 

[Guest]

Well, I thought you'd enjoy the opportunity to write something outside of your usual oeuvre .

Mwahahaha.

I really did deserve Luc's evil slap didn't I?

The Earl
Slapper in Chief

Yes!

 

[TheEarl]

Well that's the fun of the gloveslap - making Shanglan not edit, making you write sacharine erotica. Now, what else can I do?

The Earl
Evil Slapper in Chief

 

[Guest]

Maths flashback

Well, I thought you'd enjoy the opportunity to write something outside of your usual oeuvre .

What's that got to do with one of her ovaries?

Pear

p.s. Earl, I wish you'd do Shang's original slapquest, it was uncommonly ungentlemanly of him to give it away to another (and you can show up the other guy).

p.p.s. If it's still going on I'll join in when I return from Yorkshire.

 

[BlackShanglan]

One question: By pantry you mean a walk-in version of cupboards right?

Sorry, live in a land devoid of proper pantries.

Agreed. A walk-in cupboard, usually adjacent to a kitchen with with some food storage function, possibly cleaning supplies or what have you as well.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Re: Re: Replacement slap for Earl

I want Shanglan's slap back again! I liked that idea! This one's mean .

Will get onto it.

The Earl

Actually, my intent was that both you and Lucifer might write on that one, with the best man winning. Your choice, of course, but I would love to see what you can do with it.

Shanglan

 

[BlackShanglan]

Re: Maths flashback

p.s. Earl, I wish you'd do Shang's original slapquest, it was uncommonly ungentlemanly of him to give it away to another (and you can show up the other guy).

Perdita, I am wounded to the very heart. I can only assure you that my intent was not to give it away, but to foster an enjoyable duel between two fine talents. I had thought that The Earl might enjoy the added tension of having a second writer working on the same theme.

Ungentlemanly.

Excuse me ... I must go weep in a corner.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Sh., I hate for you to weep, but I know you understand why rules and customs are adopted (just look at Earl's first response). I would have been hurt if my slap had been given to another so easily, whatever the intent. Now dry those tears, I speak to you as a friend (vs. flatterer).

Have a slap on a flank, Perdita

 

[TheEarl]

So, Pear - can we slap you? Can we, can we, can we?

The Earl
Slapper in Chief

 

[Guest]

So, Pear - can we slap you? Can we, can we, can we?

On January 12, 2005. I'll take it from you only.

Pear

 

[BlackShanglan]

Sh., I hate for you to weep, but I know you understand why rules and customs are adopted (just look at Earl's first response). I would have been hurt if my slap had been given to another so easily, whatever the intent. Now dry those tears, I speak to you as a friend (vs. flatterer).

Have a slap on a flank, Perdita

Oh, all right then. Even I can't sulk through the image of Perdita slapping my flanks

Seriously, The Earl, I intended Luc to expand the people doing the story, not cut you out. I'd love to see your take on the slap.

Shanglan

 

[Huckleman2000]

While I'm sure I'll regret this at some point, I have a long and probably lonely weekend coming up in a few days, so....

Slap my ass and call me Spanky, I'll play your silly game!

 

[BlackShanglan]

While I'm sure I'll regret this at some point, I have a long and probably lonely weekend coming up in a few days, so....

Slap my ass and call me Spanky, I'll play your silly game!

You know, I've been dying to slap you So here's one hand-crafted just for you - an 800-1500 word story in which:

1) The setting is no earlier than the 1940's. It can be in the future if you like, just no further into the past than 1940.
2) At least one of the characters has an unusual regional accent (your choice). What accent should not be stated directly in the story; you should convey it through speech.
3) No metaphors are used in describing sex or genitalia - i.e., no mighty rods, no delicate berries, etc. etc.

And just for the joy of it -

4) All spoken dialogue should be in iambic pentameter. Because I know that *you* can.

Shanglan

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

<hang my hat>

Well shucks, folks. I'm mighty sorry for my ungentlemanly conduct. I rather hope y'all forgive me for plundering your topic, kidnapping your dog, setting fire to your house, and leading Johnny Law on a nine-hour gunfight across your property.

It wasn't intentional.


By the way, someone still needs to give Kass a topic so that she doesn't decide to plunder as well.

 

[Kassiana]

No one wants to slap me? Anywhere? Aw, come on...

I may mainly design slaughterhouses, but I really want to be a Mason. Masonry opens doors! I wouldn't have to crib from Monty Python if I were a Mason...

 

[Huckleman2000]

You know, I've been dying to slap you So here's one hand-crafted just for you - an 800-1500 word story in which:

1) The setting is no earlier than the 1940's. It can be in the future if you like, just no further into the past than 1940.
2) At least one of the characters has an unusual regional accent (your choice). What accent should not be stated directly in the story; you should convey it through speech.
3) No metaphors are used in describing sex or genitalia - i.e., no mighty rods, no delicate berries, etc. etc.

And just for the joy of it -

4) All spoken dialogue should be in iambic pentameter. Because I know that *you* can.

Shanglan

I was right - I regret this already!

The combination of 3 and 4 is what makes this really tricky, but I suspect you realize that already
No matter! I and my mighty rod will leap to the delicate berry and devour it! Or whatever....

 

[BlackShanglan]

No one wants to slap me? Anywhere? Aw, come on...

I may mainly design slaughterhouses, but I really want to be a Mason. Masonry opens doors! I wouldn't have to crib from Monty Python if I were a Mason...

They wouldn't let me into the Masons, those black-balling bastards!

Actually, the university I attended as an undergraduate was located in a town with a Mason's Lodge, located up a flight of steps in the main street near several pubs. We would occasionally get legless and stagger about near the lodge, hurling that particular line at them every time we passed.

Ah, the heady days of youth.

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

No one wants to slap me? Anywhere? Aw, come on...

I may mainly design slaughterhouses, but I really want to be a Mason. Masonry opens doors! I wouldn't have to crib from Monty Python if I were a Mason...

Kassiana: You have to write a 1st person story from the perspective of an inanimate object. The story can be m/m, f/m or f/f, but at least one of the characters has to be a fudnamentalist Christian and everything has to be from the object's POV. Include the phrase: "Oh no, we couldn't possibly do that. Who would clean up the mess?" in your story.



The Earl
Slapper in Chief

 

[Huckleman2000]

Kassiana: You have to write a 1st person story from the perspective of an inanimate object. The story can be m/m, f/m or f/f, but at least one of the characters has to be a fudnamentalist Christian and everything has to be from the object's POV. Include the phrase: "Oh no, we couldn't possibly do that. Who would clean up the mess?" in your story.



The Earl
Slapper in Chief

Wow! I spent some time (quality time, actually) today reading Kassiana's stories, and was trying to come up with something involving either Cathy, Nancy and Sluggo, or Peanuts that would pass muster. Your idea is hard! Not that I have any doubt she's up to it.

anyways, I'm not usually a fan of fanfiction - I usually feel like I'm at a party where everyone knows each other except me when I read it - but Kassiana's stories were H-A-W-T HOT!

 

[Kassiana]

Kassiana: You have to write a 1st person story from the perspective of an inanimate object. The story can be m/m, f/m or f/f, but at least one of the characters has to be a fudnamentalist Christian and everything has to be from the object's POV. Include the phrase: "Oh no, we couldn't possibly do that. Who would clean up the mess?" in your story.



The Earl
Slapper in Chief

...Ow.

And here I was considering writing a Carson Shepherd-style bittersweet gay male story. I guess I'll have to save that up for the next holiday contest, hm? (Just kidding, just kidding ... don't want to take the wind from CS's sails...)

Cathy I can do, but Nancy?

Of course, that bitch Brenda Starr's just asking for a good BDSM story...hm...

 

[BlackShanglan]

...Ow.

And here I was considering writing a Carson Shepherd-style bittersweet gay male story. I guess I'll have to save that up for the next holiday contest, hm? (Just kidding, just kidding ... don't want to take the wind from CS's sails...)

Cathy I can do, but Nancy?

Of course, that bitch Brenda Starr's just asking for a good BDSM story...hm...

Just ... don't use ... the Phantom ... The world's supply ... of ellipses ... wouldn't ... be up to it ...

Shanglan

 

[rikaaim]

BRING IT ON HORSEY!!!

 

[BlackShanglan]

BRING IT ON HORSEY!!!

All right, pasha boy. You asked for it. Write an 800-1500 word story in which:

1) The charactes consist only of television chefs on camera throughout the story.
2) Cayenne pepper is used in a sexual act.
3) The word "BAM" is used at least 15 times.

And the kicker ...

4) The story is not a parody or comic piece.

Enjoy

Shanglan