The Return of the Gloveslap

[rikaaim]

All right, pasha boy. You asked for it. Write an 800-1500 word story in which:

1) The charactes consist only of television chefs on camera throughout the story.
2) Cayenne pepper is used in a sexual act.
3) The word "BAM" is used at least 15 times.

And the kicker ...

4) The story is not a parody or comic piece.

Enjoy

Shanglan

Sir, err...horse, I scoff at your challenge. Pah! I say, Pah!

*mumbles under breath* Crap.

 

[Guest]

Eep! I just remembered, I've got one of these to write. I'd better get to it, cos I'd hate to have Earl on my arse.

 

[rikaaim]

Well, Emeril may not like how the cayenne is gonna be used...

But isn't that the point anyway?

 

[BlackShanglan]

Well, Emeril may not like how the cayenne is gonna be used...

But isn't that the point anyway?

Beyond a doubt

Shanglan

 

[Kassiana]

Eep! I just remembered, I've got one of these to write. I'd better get to it, cos I'd hate to have Earl on my arse.

Don't worry about it. I wrote mine already, and no one's reacted to it, Earl or otherwise. I guess I should have done what my husband suggested and used a computer rather than a tape recorder as my inanimate object. Shows my advanced years, I suppose.

Hm. Having Earl on one's arse isn't a bad thing, though, is it?

 

[rikaaim]

Beyond a doubt

Shanglan

I just wanted to update you...

I haven't wrote the story yet, but by weeks' end it shall be up. I am going to be very liberal with your requirements and push them right to the limits of acceptable boundaries. I do hope you enjoy.

 

[yui]

Don't worry about it. I wrote mine already, and no one's reacted to it, Earl or otherwise. I guess I should have done what my husband suggested and used a computer rather than a tape recorder as my inanimate object. Shows my advanced years, I suppose.

Hm. Having Earl on one's arse isn't a bad thing, though, is it?

Hi Kassiana,

I liked your story. I still have a tape recorder…it is a purple Sony and it is very small, but I have one! I read your challenge, so I knew you were an inanimate object from the start and the Sanyo clued me, but I was thinking VCR or TV. The tape recorder did surprise me because the first TV my ex and I bought together was a Sanyo. I was thinking video tapes.

Well done. You fulfilled your glove slap to the letter. Nicely done.

Luck to you,

Yui

P.S. I agree, I don't see how "having The Earl on one's arse" could be a bad thing either.

 

[Kassiana]

Hi Kassiana,

I liked your story. I still have a tape recorder…it is a purple Sony and it is very small, but I have one! I read your challenge, so I knew you were an inanimate object from the start and the Sanyo clued me, but I was thinking VCR or TV. The tape recorder did surprise me because the first TV my ex and I bought together was a Sanyo. I was thinking video tapes.

Well done. You fulfilled your glove slap to the letter. Nicely done.

Luck to you,

Yui

P.S. I agree, I don't see how "having The Earl on one's arse" could be a bad thing either.

Thanks, sweetie.

 

[TheEarl]

I am left in awe by some of the results - truly superb writing. Especially yours Kassiana.

Lou: Don't worry about it; I can't legitimately get onto your arse till I've finished my own slap. <Dammit!>

The Earl

 

[C's Button]

May I please have a small slap? I cannot guarantee a great story, but would be willing to try. I have written a few, but none are posted anywhere. I have had poems posted elsewhere, though.

Please no evil iambic pentameter, though.

 

[Guest]

May I please have a small slap? I cannot guarantee a great story, but would be willing to try. I have written a few, but none are posted anywhere. I have had poems posted elsewhere, though.

Please no evil iambic pentameter, though.

Ok, I'd be happy to oblige! But, could you please tell me first what your usual kind of "thing" is? For example, if you have only ever written about couples, I might slap you with a group scene. Or, if you usually write hardcore BDSM, I might slap you with a romance (much like Earl did to me - the swine).

The objective of these stories is to get you to write something out of your normal scope. If you just write erotica, in general, without being able to pinpoint the type, then I'll just use my imagination.

Lou

 

[C's Button]

I have written bdsm stuff, groups stuff, (mff) lesbian stuff.. I do not do so well with science fiction inter-species lust, (though I do lurve sci-fi in genderal) or that sleasy romance stuff. I would rather not be seen dead or alive with a harlequin in my hands.. Mushy sticky sweet romance drives me a little crazy. Just feed me a sack of sugar.. Not real big on incest either and I have no idea what to do with more than one cock at a time, when there is no woman to share the love.

Poetry wise, I have written some stuff that is fairly hot, but mostly non sexy stuff..

 

[snowy ciara]

If no-one slaps you soon, Button, I'll find something to slap you with! (Shoulda thought of that before you brought me a jello penis for my birthday!) (No folks that was not a typo! It was Jell-O.. not Jell-Y!)

 

[C's Button]

Somebody slap me, QUICK!

Before I am writing some kitchy soap love scene for Venusian televeision! Ciara only looks harmless!

 

[Guest]

Slap!

Ok, Button, here’s your challenge, should you choose to accept:

In no less than 1,200 words, write a story that contains the following:

1) A romantic liaison between a human and a pseudo-pod, but they are not to have physical contact.
2) The phrase, “Did you steal my hairbrush?”
3) No more than three characters, and only two of them are main characters.
4) The setting can be anywhere you like, provided it is outdoors.

For an added slant, and just for shits and giggles…

4) It must be written in first person, but you cannot write from the POV of either of the main characters. Include lots of internal dialogue.

Lou

 

[C's Button]

giggling madly Thanks Tatelou! Whats a psuedo-pod? laughing just kidding, thanks for the slap and the rescue from the evil snow imp!

 

[snowy ciara]

Oh you're evil, tatelou! I like you.. Wanna be my friend?

 

[Guest]

giggling madly Thanks Tatelou! Whats a psuedo-pod? laughing just kidding, thanks for the slap and the rescue from the evil snow imp!

Pleasure! I'm looking forward to see what you do with it.

Is she really that bad?

Oh you're evil, tatelou! I like you.. Wanna be my friend?

I've heard you're evil, too. Of course. LOL!

 

[PaulUK]

Pseudopod? I thought people were meant to write about stuff they didn't normally cover. Have you not read Button's extensive ouvre of vegetable life-form sex?

 

[Guest]

Pseudopod? I thought people were meant to write about stuff they didn't normally cover. Have you not read Button's extensive ouvre of vegetable life-form sex?

Erm, no, I haven't. Oops. But, Button did express a "not doing so well" when writing sci-fi and inter-species lust.

Oh well, the rest of it is tricky enough.

 

[C's Button]

My love... Thews are not psuedo pods.. I am pretty sure.. Now put those thews away, you could put someone's eyes out!

Lou, I do not do so well at that.. But I am working on it..