The Wheels of Fortune (closed for DarkWarrioress)

[DarkWarrioress]

“Anything I can do?” he asked cheerfully.

Tess’ hand flew to her heart as she suddenly whirled about, her eyes huge.

“Arthur! You startled me. I didn’t hear you come in.”

She took a deep breath and smiled hesitantly at him.

“Um, could you pull the steaks out of the frig and fire up the grill? I forgot to ask you before you went to the study if you wanted to cook tonight or should I. I didn’t want to bother you so I figured something simple like baked potatoes, veggies and grilled steak. Does that sound all right to you? How did the writing go today”

Her eyes slowly wandered over him. He looked quite handsome and her heart that had just settled down, started to beat rapidly again. Her mind started to imagine what he might look like under his clothes. She gave a little shake of her head as she started to clean up kitchen from her previous preparations. She knew she sounded like an idiot, but he had startled her out of her earlier thoughts. Gathering up the remains of the vegetables she had prepared, she tossed them in the trash. Tess felt her cheeks become flushed and she kept her eyes downcast, trying desperately to get herself under control.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Arthur noticed that Tess was eyeing him as he retrieved the steaks. He noticed the blush as well. ‘It seems I’m not the only teenager around here,”’ he joked to himself.

“How do you want your steak done?” he asked. “I like mine blue.”

Out on the deck to fire up the barbecue, then five minutes to heat the grill and on went the bavettes with a sizzle. He paid attention to the meat as he cooked, but his mind was on Tess as well. Yes, it seems she liked him, and was growing more comfortable around him.

It was a warm evening with not a cloud in the sky. The deck had a western view, with a few glimpses of the lake through the woods. He decided to suggest they sit out to watch the sunset after dinner. Share some fine wine while they sat. And, well, who knows what may happen.

Back in with the steaks, and some easy conversation over the meal. As they talked, he spied the picnic basket.

“Oh,” he said, “ I see you’ve already got started on our picnic. The forecast is for good weather tomorrow, warm enough for swimming, and we can definitely go out on the lake. It’s one of the largest in the Adirondacks, and power craft are prohibited. It’s always nice and quiet. Only the splash of the fish and the cries of the birds. We can take the rowboat out, or either the canoe or the kayak, if you’d like. Anything you’d like to do at the lake?”

He smiled as he waited for her comments, remembering his thoughts about her in a bikini.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“How do you want your steak done? I like mine blue.”

Tess looked at him curiously as she pulled out condiments from the frig.

“Blue? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that term before.”

She set the things she pulled from the frig on the island. Steak sauce, sour cream, butter. Tess then turned to retrieve plates, forks and knives.

“I wasn’t sure what you like on your steak, so I pulled out everything I could think of. Personally, I like mine just as it’s cooked. Oh! And I like my steak medium rare please.”

Looking Around to see if there was anything else needed and noticed there were no napkins or salt and pepper. She quickly went to get those just as Arthur came back in with the steaks. Tess inhaled deeply and her stomach growled in anticipation. As he brought the steaks to the island and set them down, she handed him a glass of red wine.

“I hope this is okay. I’m not much of a wine connoisseur, but I do enjoy it as the situation warrants.”

“Oh, I see you’ve already got started on our picnic. The forecast is for good weather tomorrow, warm enough for swimming, and we can definitely go out on the lake. It’s one of the largest in the Adirondacks, and power craft are prohibited. It’s always nice and quiet. Only the splash of the fish and the cries of the birds. We can take the rowboat out, or either the canoe or the kayak, if you’d like. Anything you’d like to do at the lake?”

She smiled.

“The rowboat sounds like fun as does swimming. It’s a good thing I own a swimsuit. I’m looking forward to getting in the water. I haven’t swum in a….” she paused, thinking, “well, it’s been a long time.”

She refused to think about Brad. That had been the last time she had been swimming and one of the last times she and Brad had been in love. Enough! She was not going to think about the past. Here and now, she was with Arthur and looking forward to their trip on the lake tomorrow. Looking down at her plate, she fixed her baked potato, took a helping of veggies before passing them on to Arthur and then cut into her steak. It was cooked to perfection. For some reason, as she raised the cut piece of meat to her lips, she was smiling.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“Blue? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that term before.”

“It’s a French term, Arthur replied. “The steak is seared on the outside, but just warmed in the middle. It’s the closest to rare you’d cook a steak. And I just salt it a bit for eating.”

He took the steaks out to the deck and fired up the barbeque. His mind was on Tess as he cooked, starting her bavette first since his would only need three or four minutes of cooking. It was warm as the sun moved towards the western horizon, and he decided he’d suggest they sit out after dinner to watch the sunset. He set the double Adirondack chair facing west before he threw his steak on the grill. Back inside, then, and they sat to eat.

Again, it seemed so comfortable, so domestic, to be sitting in the kitchen sharing dinner with this woman he hardly knew. He knew, though, that he wanted to know more of her, more of who she was, more of her life, more of her body. Some light chat while they ate, and, as they cleared the table together, he suggested they take their wine and go watch the sun set.

He led the way and guided her to the double seat. As Tess sat, Arthur pulled up a rustic end table for the bottle and their glasses before sitting next to her. A toast to the setting sun, just beginning to redden at the top of the trees, and he pointed out how the deck stairs led to the trail to the beach.

“I hope you don’t mind swimming with fish,” he said. “Few people come here, so there’s little pressure on the fish population. They’re quite plentiful.”

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“It’s a French term, the steak is seared on the outside, but just warmed in the middle. It’s the closest to rare you’d cook a steak. And I just salt it a bit for eating.”

Upon hearing Arthur’s explanation of the term “blue”, Tess made a face. She enjoyed a bit of red in her meat but not that much. She went about setting the table as Arthur cooked the steaks. Everything was ready by the time he had finished and came inside. It was an easy meal with flowing chit chat as they ate and laughed. When finished, they cleared the table and went to sit outside to watch the sun set with their wine.

“I hope you don’t mind swimming with fish, few people come here, so there’s little pressure on the fish population. They’re quite plentiful.”

Tess paused before sipping her wine and shot him a look. Then grinned and shrugged good-naturedly.

“Let them nibble on my toes if they like. I don’t think I’ll mind the fish overly much. Maybe we should take fishing poles as well. Grilled fish sounds good too.”

Companionable silence washed between them as the sun slowly slid lower in the sky.

“Is there anything you would like to eat tomorrow on our picnic, Arthur? I mean anything we might have in store that you know of?”

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“Let them nibble on my toes if they like. I don’t think I’ll mind the fish overly much. Maybe we should take fishing poles as well. Grilled fish sounds good too.”

“Well, if you don’t mind them nibbling,” Arthur said with a laugh. “we could use your toes as bait. Seriously, though, I do have rods, reels, and tackle; we can go fishing. I’ll call the Fish and Game office in the morning and add a guest licence for you on my permit. If you do like to fish, we’ll get you a regular permit next time we’re in town.”

Arthur topped off their wine glasses.

“Is there anything you would like to eat tomorrow on our picnic, Arthur? I mean anything we might have in store that you know of?”

“We could plan on grilling some fresh fish,” he responded, then paused, “if we’re lucky, that is. Let’s see. There’s brook trout, lake whitefish, lake trout, white sucker, black bullhead, yellow perch, and sunfish in the lake. We should be able to get something, I’d expect.”

He took a long sip of wine and leaned back, silently watching the sunset, and then he stretched his arm out, around the back of the two-seat Adirondack chair, behind Tess.

“But what would I like for our picnic? There fresh fruit and greens, and if we don’t catch any fish, we could bring some cold meats along. Actually, what I’d most like is your company.”

Arthur laughed again.

“Isn’t that the classic for getting to know each other? The old ‘what do you like’ question. Let’s try.”

“I like many things,” he continued, “writing and reading, nature, cities. I like traveling, seeing new places and places I only knew through reading. I like the arts, and - I think I’ve said this before - I really like sex.”

He sighed then, and fell into a brief reverie, thinking of the sex he’d had since Emily’s death, sex with escorts and dates, and women he picked up, of how the emptiness of it struck him nearly two years ago, about how he’d been his only partner since then, about how much he missed sex with Emily, with a woman who shared his pleasures, who felt the same as he did. He took another long sip and filled up their glasses.

“What do you like, Tess?” he asked.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“What do you like, Tess?”

She gave it a bit of thought. She really hadn’t had time to enjoy much because she had spent pretty much every free moment she had working, trying to get ahead and build a better life for herself.

“Well, fishing for one,” she laughed, “I enjoy reading and writing, discovering new things and places. I think I’d enjoy traveling for a bit as well. There’s the little things too, like a crackling fire, making s’mores, watching the rain fall. Silence. From time to time, I simply enjoy silence.”

She glanced at him as he slipped an arm along the back of their seats. Funny, normally that would send her soul into a panic, making her heart race alarmingly, but this time it hadn't.

“I’m sure there are other things as well but at the moment, I can’t think of anything. As for our picnic basket, I’ll add a few things just in case we don’t catch any fish.”

She deliberately left out sex. In her opinion, sex had been awful more than it had been good. She would imagine that for Arthur, it had been just the opposite. Wistfully, Tess wondered what that felt like, to miss your partner and to miss even more what you shared. She wondered if she’d ever be able to feel that way.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“That’s a nice list,” Arthur said, though he felt disappointed that sex wasn’t on her list of things she likes. “And, yes, bring a few other things, but I expect we’ll catch something worth grilling.”

He poured a bit more wine and then sat back, silently sipping and savoring the sunset. And it was a sunset well worth savoring. The horizon was lined with clouds, and they took on a variety of hues, of reds and golds and oranges and purples. As he viewed the changing colors, his mind was filled with thoughts.

Most of his thoughts were about Tess. Traveling with her would be enjoyable, he thought. And then there was sex. He definitely wanted to make love with her, but wondered if it would ever happen. Was it that she didn’t like sex because of her past experiences? If it were, could he bring her to like it again? He hoped so, but still a sigh escaped from deep inside him.

“It’s a beautiful sunset this evening,” he said, trying to cover his sigh; “and I do love the twilight here in the woods.”

He divided the remains of the bottle between them.

“It’ll get a bit chilly soon,” he observed. “Let’s finish the wine and go inside. Would you like to light the fireplace and sit for a while?”

 

[DarkWarrioress]

They sat in companionable silence. Tess’ thoughts wandered as she shared wine with Arthur. She was sure he’d pick up on the fact that she hadn’t listed sex as one of her likes but sex for her had been a disappointment or rather, had turned into one. Surely Arthur could understand that. She wasn’t quite ready to write it off completely, perhaps with the right man she could learn to reenjoy it, at least she hoped so.

“It’s a beautiful sunset this evening, and I do love the twilight here in the woods.”

“I love the changing colors as we move into Fall and the crispness of the leaves as you walk through them. They remind me of warm crackling fires in a fireplace, hot chocolate, hoodies and curling up with a good book.”

Tess smiled, thinking of those things. All too soon it would become winter with snow and a host of other lovely things as well. Arthur leaned close as he deposited half of what remained in the wine bottle into her glass before he poured the rest into hers.

“It’ll get a bit chilly soon. Let’s finish the wine and go inside. Would you like to light the fireplace and sit for a while?”

“I think I’ll take mine inside, if you don’t mind and a fire sounds lovely. Are you sure it’s not too soon for one?”

With that said, Tess slowly and reluctantly, got to her feet, glass in hand as she waited for him to join her. When he got to his feet, she started heading indoors with one last wistful glance at the forest around them before she slid open the door and stepped inside, heading for her usual spot in the living room.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“The nights do get cool in the mountains, even in the summer,” Arthur said as he followed Tess inside.

Once in the living room he quickly started up a fire. Just a couple of logs; it was more for the ambience than the heat. With the logs aflame, he joined Tess on the couch.

“Then you’ll have to stay on through the Fall, at least,” he said, picking up on her earlier comment. “It’s nice in the winter, too, but winter in the city has its attractions as well. I do like both settings.”

He finished off his wine and fetched two glasses and a couple of bottles. He placed a glass and a bottle of bourbon on the coffee table in front of Tess.

“Just in case you’d like a drink,” he said. “Feel free, but don’t feel obligated.”

He sat and poured himself a double of Irish.

“Yes, traveling,” he said, picking up on another thread of conversation. “I do like it, but I haven’t done much this year and last. I’ve done most of Europe, and there’s places I’d like to visit again. Mexico, too. And much of the US and Canada. This is the first year I didn’t spend a winter week or two in the Caribbean. I think I should go again this winter. In fact, I think I should get back to traveling.”

It was Tess who revived his interest, not directly, but the thought of traveling with her appealed to him. He was still quite confused as to why he felt so comfortable with her, so fond of her. He took a sip of whiskey and waited for her response.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Fall wasn’t too far off so Tess thought that wouldn’t be hard to do.

“It’s nice in the winter, too, but winter in the city has its attractions as well. I do like both settings.”

“What do you do with yourself out here all Winter long, Arthur?”

Tess was curious. He went and got two bottles and glasses. Oh dear lord, she didn’t think she could drink another drop.

“Just in case you’d like a drink. Feel free, but don’t feel obligated.”

She smiled. “Thank you, but I think I’ve had my quota for the night.”

“Yes, traveling,” he said, picking up on another thread of conversation. “I do like it, but I haven’t done much this year and last. I’ve done most of Europe, and there’s places I’d like to visit again. Mexico, too. And much of the US and Canada. This is the first year I didn’t spend a winter week or two in the Caribbean. I think I should go again this winter. In fact, I think I should get back to traveling.”

“That’ll be good for you, Arthur. You might even find some extra inspiration for your writing. Of course, you’ll have to let me know. If I’m not here, I’d be more than happy to take care of the house for you when you go.”

Arthur was becoming more and more intriguing and even though he had shown some interest in her, Tess wasn’t sure yet if she could allow herself to trust a man to get close to her again. If there was anyone she would like to trust, it would be Arthur. Not only had he been a gentleman and he had helped her out too. Why he had placed such trust in her, a virtual stranger, she wasn’t sure. Maybe she would ask him about that.

“Where would you like to go this winter?”

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“Thanks for your offer,” Arthur said, “but I do have a house sitting service I trust. I’ve used them for years. For both houses. As a matter of fact, they’ll be getting the town house ready for our arrival on Friday.”

He took a sip of whiskey and turned to look into Tess’s eyes.

“Actually,” he said as he placed his hand on hers, “I was hoping you’d still be here, and that you’d go with me.”

He paused a moment.

“And a two bedroom suite, of course,” he added. “So, the real question is, ‘where would you like to go this winter?'”

He surprised himself, thinking that far ahead so soon with his new acquaintance, but he did know, sex or no sex, that he wanted her company.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“Thanks for your offer, but I do have a house-sitting service I trust. I’ve used them for years. For both houses. As a matter of fact, they’ll be getting the town house ready for our arrival on Friday.”

At his reply, something inside her, something that baffled her, seemed to sink in disappointment, that is, until he followed up with his next words.

“Actually, I was hoping you’d still be here, and that you’d go with me.”

Tess glanced down at the hand that covered hers, her eyes having gone wide with surprise.

“Me? You… you want me to go with you? Arthur… I don’t know what to say.”

His hand felt warm as it laid on top of her own, but what surprised her the most was that she didn’t instinctively pull hers away.

Too soon! Too soon! Her mind screamed at her. Maybe it was, but there was something about Arthur. Nothing she could lay her finger on at the moment and maybe flying by the seat of her pants wasn’t a good idea, she knew she had to trust her instincts at least.

“And a two-bedroom suite, of course. So, the real question is, ‘where would you like to go this winter?'”

Maybe this is what made Arthur so appealing. He wasn’t pushy. He respected her boundaries and gave her all the space she needed as she navigated her emotions and battled her past. To answer his question, she hadn’t a clue. Where would she like to go? A small smile played at the corner of her lips.

“Someplace warm?”

Was she actually considering traveling with Arthur for the winter?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Arthur laughed.

“Yes, someplace warm,” he echoed, “definitely someplace warm. We can enjoy the cold well enough here. And it will be enjoyable.”

He squeezed her hand gently and reassuringly.

“There’s plenty of time to think about it,” he added. Plenty of time to research it and discuss it, if you’d really like to go with me.”

He let go of her hand and took a sip of whiskey.

“I am serious about the two-bedroom suite,” he said emphatically. “You know I like sex, and I know you’ve had problems with it. I’ve been nearly two years now without a woman; I can go longer. And remember, I would never do something to a partner that she didn’t want done, for any reason.”

He took another sip.

“You know a bit about my desires and pleasures, and I will say that the greatest pleasure was in sharing the desires, in sharing the realization of them. Emily and I joined as lovers, and also played out sexual fantasies. The rooms of our townhouse served for many, as you might expect, kitchens and living rooms and studies and offices are all good places for playing games. But when we had the Lodge built, she saw even beyond the pool, the party room, the deck and the land outside and designed some rooms just for playing out fantasies. Those are the rooms that are locked. When we return from the city on Monday, I’ll unlock those rooms and you can explore them, think of what excitement, what desires, what pleasures you might see in them. Then, perhaps, you’ll understand a bit more of me. You can also feel free at any time to ask me about my desires, or anything else about me. I’ll answer honestly; I want you to know whatever you want to know about me.”

 

[DarkWarrioress]

There was warmth, reassurance and yes, even comfort in his touch. The very thought of traveling the world with Arthur this winter, kind of excited her in a way. Another part of her worried about Arthur’s needs. At this very moment, she knew she couldn’t meet them. His assurance that he would never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do, meant something to her. But could she trust him to be true to his word? The jury was still out on that one. She had time. They had time.

“…. When we return from the city on Monday, I’ll unlock those rooms and you can explore them, think of what excitement, what desires, what pleasures you might see in them. Then, perhaps, you’ll understand a bit more of me…..”

Tess frowned.

“Why did you lock those rooms, Arthur?”

It didn’t make any sense to her. He was the only one living here. She hadn’t been wandering around the lodge much yet, but those locked rooms made her curious, about him and about Emily. She was curious about what lay beyond the locked doors as well. What would the interiors tell her about this man and his lover?

Tess nestled back into the comfortable cushions as she watched the flames dance in the fireplace. Arthur seemed like a man of diverse tastes. In many areas, including sexual. Her experiences were limited by someone else’s tastes. What her own were, she didn’t have a clue. She had been a virgin when she had Brad got together. Eventually, he had taught her what he liked and she hadn’t liked any of it. Now that she was free of him, she hadn’t a clue as to what she liked and desired in a partner, well, except that she knew she didn’t want to be anyone’s punching bag. A little rough? Maybe. She was a bit confused on that one. Maybe somewhere in between? Giving herself a mental shrug, she glanced over at Arthur. What kind of lover would he be?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“Why did you lock those rooms, Arthur?”

He laughed.

“Nothing nefarious, Tess,” he assured her. “They were private, for Emily and me and some close friends. We were only at the Lodge for a few weeks at a time, and there was no need for the house service to be into our very private lives. I still have the service in to clean every two weeks and to check on things every other day when I’m not at the Lodge. They will be coming to do heavy cleaning next Thursday. I usually go out for the day when they’re here.”

A pause as he sipped his whiskey.

“As I said, Emily designed those rooms just for playing out our fantasies. There’s a bridal chamber and a Medieval vault; a jail and a medical clinic; a Japanese garden and a New Orleans bordello; and a chapel with altar finishes it off. We would dream up fantasies - light and dark - to play in these rooms as well as in the rest of the house. It was fun; we could explore all sorts of things sexual.”

He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.

“I know you’ve had a hard time, but I think you need to leave it behind. You need to find what pleases you. Whether it be with me or not, I want you to discover your own pleasures. I feel very comfortable with you, more comfortable than I’ve felt with anyone since I lost Emily. I want to be your friend, to help make it possible for you to find yourself and your pleasures in life, with me or without me. Let me know what I can do, and stop me if I’m doing too much.”

 

[DarkWarrioress]

His explanation of the locked rooms made sense. She probably would do the same thing, if this was her home as well. The rooms, as he explained them, made her curious. Especially the medieval vault. She had always been fascinated with the romance of that era. She would curb her curiosity until he unlocked the rooms when they returned from New York. Tess came out of her own private thoughts as Arthur squeezed her hand. She responded in kind without forethought.

“I know you’ve had a hard time, but I think you need to leave it behind. You need to find what pleases you. Whether it be with me or not, I want you to discover your own pleasures. I feel very comfortable with you, more comfortable than I’ve felt with anyone since I lost Emily. I want to be your friend, to help make it possible for you to find yourself and your pleasures in life, with me or without me. Let me know what I can do, and stop me if I’m doing too much.”



His words were kind and she appreciated it. He was right, she needed to let go of the past and not fear to find her present and perhaps her future.

“I am trying, Arthur, truly. I just---I don’t know how to let it all go. The fear has been literally beaten into me. You’re the first person who has gotten close to me in any way since Brad.”

She wanted to let it all go. Be done with Bradley once and for all, but how? With whom? She turned to look at Arthur. He seemed like the obvious choice. She didn’t mind his touch and she genuinely liked him. She had spent so much time running away from men, she had forgotten how to approach them. Tess bit her lower lip before she whispered softly.

“Help me, Arthur. I am so lost.”

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Arthur was pleased to hear that Tess had let him get so close to her, and he certainly wanted to help her, for herself, though he would be pleased as well if it brought her closer to him.

“I know it’s serious for you,” he said sympathetically, “but there are other ways of looking at it. For one, I’ll tell you you’re not lost. Not at all. You’re only someplace you didn’t expect to be. You don’t have to find where you should be; you can’t help but be where you are. You need to find yourself in that place. Your life with Brad will always be there, but it doesn’t determine where you go. You do that. The past can be re-written, re-remembered, what’s important is what you want in the present. And that’s not limited by anything other than your own imagination and your own openness to what’s there.”

He reached over and took her hand again, squeezing it gently.

“You’re lost, you say. Well, you’re not. You’re here. You have a job with me, a place to live. Possibly another job in town. You’ll be going away for a weekend in Manhattan. These are all places you didn’t expect to be, places where you can find yourself. Imagine yourself in these places? What would you do to make them yours?”

He let go of her hand.

“That’s why I told you about the playrooms and invited you to visit them. They’re places of imagination. If you decide to see them, think of what you see yourself doing in them. That’ll help you find yourself in this place you didn’t expect to be.”

He took her hand again and looked into her eyes.

“You say you’re lost, But I can’t - I won’t - tell you where to go. Maybe I can help you find that yourself, but it’s you who have to find out where and who you are.”

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Tess grew quieter as Arthur finished speaking.

“This has nothing to do with feeling lost as in living arrangements or jobs, Arthur. It has everything to do with my mental and emotional state and how do I start to heal. I haven’t a clue where to begin. I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore. I can imagine all I want, but that isn’t going to be of much help for me.”

Tess jerked her hand from his grasp. It was an involuntary gesture.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you, Arthur. Up here,” she pointed to her head, “and in here,” she touched her chest, “I am lost. And scared. I’m not asking you to save me from myself.”

Tess bowed her head and breathed. Deeply. A deep inhale. A full exhale.

“You know, I think I need to call it a night. I’m sorry to bother you with my problems, Arthur. I’ll figure it out. Now, if you’ll excuse me….”

She wasn’t disappointed in Arthur at all. She was far more disappointed in herself. She felt weak because she had asked him for help. No one could help her with this, she knew that deep down. If only she had a place to start. Tess wanted to feel normal again. Whatever normal was. The days before Brad decided to start using her like a punching bag for one. When had she ceased to be a flesh and blood woman to that man? What had she done wrong for him to start treating her the way he had? What door did she open and step through? Maybe she needed to find some professional help with this. Tears formed in her eyes; she could feel them. She fought the urge to wipe them and darted a glance toward Arthur before glancing away quickly. The urge to retreat to her room was strong. She had even gotten to her feet to do so.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“Don’t leave,” Arthur said as he jumped to his feet, “please not yet.”

He took her hand back in his, holding it loosely so she could withdraw it easily if she wished.

“I wasn’t talking about finding yourself in the physical world,” he began. “I meant you have a new context for your life, a new world in which to find yourself, to define yourself, mentally and emotionally. An opportunity to transcend the past.”

“I know you have a past you need to make sense of, and that can only be done by you. Others may be able to help, but no one can do it but you. So go to your room if you think that’s best, or sit back down with me and talk. Your problems aren’t a bother to me. I know I can’t solve them, but I can listen and I can do whatever you want to facilitate your doing what you need to. Whatever was the past isn’t your fault, and blame, I think, will never resolve it. I think you need to find some way to reconcile it so that you can move on rather than have to constantly move away. So, sit and talk with me or go to your room and talk to yourself. Do whichever you think will helps you the most right now.”

His eyes were still on hers as he waited for whatever she would do.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“Don’t leave,” Arthur said as he jumped to his feet, “please not yet.”

Everything in her wanted to run and hide, but something held her there in place as she continued to listen to him. Tess wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about this further. She had asked him for help and yet, he seemed to reluctant to give it. Still, she slowly sat back down.

“Arthur," she hesitantly started out, “I’m not looking to you to give me answers or making decisions for me. Having never been put in this position before, I simply do not know where to start. I am tired of not having an intimate relationship with someone. I miss that closeness. I miss the shared laughter and the depth of emotions that can be reached. There’s so many things I miss and probably a few things I don’t even know about as well. It’s not like I don’t know what I’m looking for, I do. Mostly. I just can’t seem to get over that hump of fear that seems to lodge in my throat or makes my heart race and not in a good way. The fear is…. overwhelming. I feel like a scared little mouse that scurries away not wanting to be hurt again.”

Her voice became a hushed whisper, barely heard as she gazed down at the rug beneath her feet.

“You have no idea how…painful….”

Her words hung between them as it faded off into silence. The only sound she registered was the crackling of the fire he had built. She could even feel its warmth on her skin and it brought, in some fashion, a sense of peace.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

“No, Tess, you’re right,” Arthur said, “I don’t have any idea of how painful it is. But I do know how painful things can be emotionally. I lost a love I thought I’d always have. It’s nearly five years, now, and I’m still not over it. I want to help you with your pain, but I know I can’t do it for you. I can do whatever I can, though, to help you do it for yourself. Here, sit back down with me and we’ll talk or just lose ourselves gazing at the fire.”

He took her hand in his again and tugged gently towards the couch.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

“Arthur,” she spoke softly as she sat back down, “I know I have to do the work myself. I just don’t know where to start.”

She knew she had said that before. More than once, really. Where to start? How to start. Somehow, she knew the answer lie with men. They had been and were her issue.

As she sat down, she reached over to the table and poured herself a drink. Her insides were shaking and she needed something to help her calm down. The room was cozy and warm. Arthur was friendly and concerned. He was trying to be helpful and she appreciated that fact. Her hand rested in his and she didn’t feel that panicky need to pull away from him. Tess took a sip of her drink and leaned back against the couch. She was sitting close to Arthur, close enough that their shoulders touched. There was some part of her that wanted to seek comfort from him, but that wouldn’t help her find any of the answers she was seeking. Answers? Or a new pathway? Maybe both.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Arthur poured himself another as he sat next to Tess.

“You know,” he said as the fire danced and roared, “I’m not a therapist, so I can’t help you that way. But I am a writer, and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to try a writer’s perspective on things.”

He took a long draught of his Redbreast.

“If I were writing the story, I’d see the protagonist fall in love with a man she thought she knew, but then find herself betrayed by him. She might, as some women do, stay because she loved him, but this woman decided to run away from him. He followed her, and she kept on running. In effect she became a fugitive, a fugitive from injustice, you might say. But not just a fugitive pursued by him, a fugitive from betrayal itself. Yes, she’d be making a life for herself as a fugitive, a fugitive from all men, or maybe all people, all situations, always afraid of betrayal. In the story, then, I’d have her reach a fork in the road, a choice between continuing the life of a fugitive and confronting her fear and finding a new course for her life. It might mean confronting the man who betrayed her or confronting her fear of betrayal, or both. In the story it would set the scene for her freedom, her ability to make her own life. She’d have to be a strong woman to do that, but she would be strong; after all, she had the strength to leave in the first place.”

He squeezed her hand gently as he finished speaking and shifted just a little closer to her, their whole upper arms touching, not just their shoulders, and their thighs lightly grazing.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Tess sat there on the couch next to Arthur and listened intently. When he had given her his perspective, from a writer’s point of view, she smiled, finished off her drink and set her glass on the table in front of her.

“Thank you, Arthur. You have given me something to think upon and I will. I know I’m at a crossroads in my life right now. I need to think upon that and choose a path. Hopefully, I will choose the right one.”

She squeezed his hand gently in response to his action and sat there a few minutes simply enjoying his closeness, something she never thought she would enjoy again. Maybe that seemed unrealistic, but given what she had been through, it wasn’t unreasonable for her to think.

“You know, I’m going to leave you for now. I need some time to myself to think. I’ll see you in the morning, Arthur. I’m looking forward to our time on the lake.”

Another second and another passed as she remained where she was. If truth be told, she didn’t want to move. However, another part of her told her she needed to say goodnight and leave. With a soft sigh, she leaned close to him and brushed her lips against his cheek before getting to her feet, reaching for her empty glass. She would take it to the kitchen and make sure their picnic basket was basically packed except for a few items she left in the refrigerator until tomorrow morning.

“Good-Night, Arthur and thank you.”

Tess made herself get up from the sofa, pick up her empty glass and start toward the kitchen.