Things your mother told you

[Silverlily]

Thanks Mom!

My mother told me:

Never, ever wear dark hose with white shoes, that it was a sign of a low I.Q.

Never join the Navy, they eat vaseline sandwichs everyday.

Never spit in the wind, for obvious reasons.

 

[Ezzy]

My grandmother was a one for sayings,including the :-
"If you fall out of that tree and break your leg dont come running to me".
"Civility cost nothing", usually just before thwapping me.
"God gave you two ears, but only one mouth so listen twice as much as you speak".

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[SimplySouthern]

Alright...my Dad was the wise one. My mom....looking back it seems to me she was the paranoid one.

Always had this thing with going out after dark alone. If you wanted to go anywhere she would say....take someone with you. Even now...me a grown woman she hates for me to go out alone. Always insists that someone will jump in my car at a stoplight and kill me. Right there on the spot. Just kill me.

I think the woman stays up nights thinking of things to worry about. In high school, I can remember every time I went anywhere she would scream after me "Now, don't you be out drunk and on drugs." Like the thought crossed my mind...and if it did she really thought that little warning would stop me.

Now my Dad...that man was something. This is the man that taught me how to drink wine when I was 15. Took me to this fancy place in town and he and I sat down and shared one glass of every wine on the menu. I can remember thinking, "This stuff sucks". (I've changed my mind a little). This is the man that taught me all the dirty jokes I know (usually I heard him telling them to all the preachers.) *LOL* when he had something to say...he let it fly wherever. His most common phrase..."If they don't like it, fuck 'em". Man, I learned alot of cuss words from him. *grin*

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Mom and Dad

On Dinner: There's starving people in the world who would love to eat this good. (Note: Ever notice how this invariably has something to do with Brussel Sprouts?)

Anybody else get beat for offering to pay the postage to mail those unwanted Brussel Sprouts to those needy children who wanted them so much?

 

[Firesprite]

Re: Re: Mom and Dad

On Dinner: There's starving people in the world who would love to eat this good. (Note: Ever notice how this invariably has something to do with Brussel Sprouts?)

Anybody else get beat for offering to pay the postage to mail those unwanted Brussel Sprouts to those needy children who wanted them so much?

LOL.. yeah I got a hiding for trying that one on

 

[Silverlily]

Re: Re: Mom and Dad

[/B]

Anybody else get beat for offering to pay the postage to mail those unwanted Brussel Sprouts to those needy children who wanted them so much? [/B][/QUOTE]

Absolutely! I was six and really thought it was a great idea to send the food to the starving children. I got a spanking for being such a smartass.

 

[Bushido71XS]

Brussel Sprouts

Tell me about it, after that leapt from my mouth. (And making a mental note to put brain in gear before opening mouth) I had to use a pillow to sit down and could warm my own bath water all by my onesies.

 

[Ticklish Girl]

My mom's a nice person, but you can only push her so far before she blows up -- and when she blows up, look out. Her philosophy is contained in these statements I've heard my whole life:

1. "You'll be a doormat as long as you lie down with WELCOME on your belly."

2. "It's one thing to shit on someone, but dammit don't rub it in."

And my favorite:

3. "You can shove an umbrella up anyone's ass, but don't pull it down open."

 

[RisiaSkye]

Good ole' Mom

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned the potential consequences of jumping on the bed---you could hit your head on the ceiling and DIE! And if there is anything in your hands, you could fall down on it and DIE!

Although, that one really stuck. As a kid we had a babysitter with a glass eye. She lost an eye jumping on the bed with a pencil in her hand. Yep, you guessed it. She fell on it. Though she didn't die...

Also, my mom used to tell me that when eyelashes fell out, they never grew back. So every time I lost an eyelash, I would run to mirror to see how many I had left, because I was scared I was going to end up an eyelashless freak.

And after I got my Air-Mail Brussells Sprouts beating, I got Brussells Sprouts and Liver every meal for a week--as an object lesson, I suppose. However, I am still unsure what the lesson was. I think it was something like "Don't fuck with Mommy. I'm having a bad week." LOL I still can't look at the damned things.