This might seem paranoid, but…

[Djmac1031]

I may be paranoid, but i am quite certain that my dryer claims a sock every couple of months or so, without warning, as tribute for my using it.

actually, check your closet. Pretty sure those missing socks transform into wire coat hangers.

 

[FidelityBoss]

Just some light-hearted whelps. Feel free to add your own p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶a̶ keen observations on life. To start:

This might seem paranoid, but no matter how carefully I park in a mall or supermarket parking lot and no matter how carefully I not the spot, my car will always move three lanes over when I’m inside.

Oh, and a corollary:

This might seem paranoid, but if I try in such cases to use the key fob to make the horn beep, that same fob that inevitably triggers the panic alarm when I’m in church or looking for a comb, will fail utterly and I will have to find my car by barking my knee on a bumper.

This is so relatable it hurts, especially the knee part. It's like cars have a secret society where they conspire to hide just to mess with us.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I've told you many times not to use wire hangers, and you're still doing it. No wire hangers, ever! I work and work 'til I'm half dead, and I hear people saying, "She's getting old." And what do I get? A @Djmac1031... who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give him... as he cares about me. What's wire hangers doing in this closet? Answer me. I buy you beautiful dresses, and you treat them like they were some dishrag.

actually, check your closet. Pretty sure those missing socks transform into wire coat hangers.

 

[Djmac1031]

I've told you many times not to use wire hangers, and you're still doing it. No wire hangers, ever! I work and work 'til I'm half dead, and I hear people saying, "She's getting old." And what do I get? A @Djmac1031... who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give him... as he cares about me. What's wire hangers doing in this closet? Answer me. I buy you beautiful dresses, and you treat them like they were some dishrag.

well played, Millie Dearest.

 

[Duleigh]

actually, check your closet. Pretty sure those missing socks transform into wire coat hangers.

Wire coat hangers? Where? I could make incredible HAM radio antennas out of wire hangers but I haven't see one in years.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Wire coat hangers? Where? I could make incredible HAM radio antennas out of wire hangers but I haven't see one in years.

You should check my closet then, I swear the things are breeding in there. They came with the house and I've been tempted to throw them out many times but, they keep coming in handy for this that or the other thing.

 

[MillieDynamite]

When they are birthed, they are just paperclips, but they grow up fast with a bit of care and some changing of the bends; well, you get wire hangers fucking up the dresses!!!

You should check my closet then, I swear the things are breeding in there. They came with the house and I've been tempted to throw them out many times but, they keep coming in handy for this that or the other thing.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.

 

[Duleigh]

NO WIRE HANGERS!
NO WIRE HANGERS!
NO WIRE HANGERS!

I read the book...