Threesome with my wife

[skytowner]

I've been around here a while and I do think that your observation is not inaccurate. However, as Carl Sagan said, "The absence of evidence is not the same thing as evidence of absence." Until you can point to several posts with nearly identical wording from both men and women where the responses were clearly more negative to the men's posts, then you just don't have enough to go on. It has been my experience that men and women describe their relationships and their relationship desires quite differently. Men tend to talk in terms of what they want for themselves while women tend to talk in terms of what they want for the relationship. This difference causes readers to react differently. We (in general, not just we who post here) tend to see selfishness as a negative character trait and respond accordingly.

So, how do you like being both right and wrong at the same time?

I wasn't writing a thesis merely pointing out an observation.

In one statement you ask that I reference "several post with near identical wording" to support my assertion. In the next breath you say that men and women express their desires differently, which causes readers to react differently.
By your own admission you both agree and disagree with me?

 

[silverwhisper]

skytowner, when you first posted in this thread with your observation, there were only 3 responses. at the time, only nightl's could possibly be read as "berating". are you saying that both my post and josh's were also critical of the OP? cuz i really don't see it.

?

ed

 

[skytowner]

skytowner, when you first posted in this thread with your observation, there were only 3 responses. at the time, only nightl's could possibly be read as "berating". are you saying that both my post and josh's were also critical of the OP? cuz i really don't see it.

?

ed

I believe I already said I was referring to NightL's post. While I don't agree with the way NightL responded, I don't take issue with their reasoning and advice on communication.

I merely pointed out what I thought was a double standard in responses to male vs. female posters asking similar questions..........pretty cut and dried in my opinion?

 

[silverwhisper]

i was being surprised by your use in that post of the word "most", that's all.

there can be a little bit of a double standard yes. i've certainly been here long enough to notice.

ed

 

[goofygus42]

You said coital parties. *giggle*

I'm imagining genitals with hats and party poppers.

Rainshine you are terrible. That is too funny, I love it.

 

[ttrfanatic]

Hi jamies20052 - I know this thread has been out there for a month or so but I thought I would throw in my thoughts since I have been in this situation myself. I have had a few MFM with a couple of different partners in the past.

I agree that communication is key and I think you are in agreement with this but are looking for a way to broach the subject with your wife in order to be able to gauge her interest. The way that it has happened for me in the past was usually done while we were in the heat of sex. I think most people's inhibitions are lowered when they are having sex and they usually are more open to possible suggestions at that time.

Usually it was me bringing it up though. It's always a little daunting though because you never know how your wife/partner might react. With me it would have been something like me having caught her checking out another guy earlier or something like that and then while we are hot and heavy in sex maybe I make a comment like "I bet you would love having that guy earlier fucking you right now." Then if she protested, maybe saying something like "Yeah I saw you drooling over him earlier. I know he had to have gotten you wet." Now keep in mind I'm just giving you what has happened to me so it may not work the same for you. You asked for ideas and I thought I would throw in what happened for me. Also, understand that for some it might just be fantasies they are willing to talk about while in the throes of sex and would never actually act on but at least it opens that communication door for possible expansion at a later date.

I also think there are inherent dangers of introducing an outsider to a sexual relationship, but I won't get into on my post since there are many many other posts throughout the site that go into that in depth.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck. I would also love to hear back from you to see if you were ever successful in broaching the subject and if it was well received by your wife.

 

[darksider_1]

You say you have no boundaries and a good sex life,3-4 times per week.Get a porno which the main theme is threesomes and watch it together and see what her reaction is.If she seems to be getting hot and bothered by it try commenting while watching it and say things like don't that look good,don't you wish that was you,imagine how she must feel.Then if she say's yes to the comments etc. when you are giving her the ole sausage talk about what you saw in the movie and say dirty stuff like don't you wish there was another guy her in bed and if she say's yes afterwards talk to her about it and tell her it is a fantasy of yours and explain why you want to do it and set rules.It worked for me and the only part I regret is she decided she is too old to do it anymore.

 

[lustatopia]

Hello. I have been married to my wife for five years. We know each other very well and we are comfortable sexually. We don't really have any boundaries, per se.

I want a threesome.

With another man.

I'd love the idea of watching her sucking & fucking another man, and fucking her while she's got her mouth full of dick. Only problem is, I have no idea how to breach this subject with her. Any suggestions? Anybody with any experience they'd like to share?

Thanks

Given that Jamies is comfortable sexually with his wife and they have no boundaries the logically thing to do is to simply share his sexual fantasy with her. If Jamies really knows his wife that well, then she's probably the type who just might do it.

But she is still a woman and you cannot just tell a wife, "honey, I want a threesome" any more than you can say "Honey, I'm going to buy a boat." She's got to want it as much or more than you!

What's important is that he let's his wife know that it would turn him on to fuck her with other guys without putting any pressure on her to actually have to decide whether she wants to do that or not. Just drop the idea into her sexual fantasy life under the appropriate conditions, say during "pillow talk."

What you want to do is create a kind of sexy mystery about the thrill of sharing her with other men. Don't describe it to her in too much detail at first.

Pose it as just your wildest fantasy...Then do NOT follow up on it, immediately.

Give her a week to stew in it. So that the next time it comes up, SHE'S the one who broaches the topic...supply her imagination with more detailed imagery from your fantasy, then have passionate sex with multi-cock scenarios dancing in her head.

Then do NOT follow up on it!

You get what I'm getting at here? You want to stroke her imagination into thinking you might want it, but she wants it even more. So that when the time to take the next step towards making it really happen she's thrilled you're bold enough to lead the way.

Let her be curious and have to ask you questions, let her have time to steep in it, have dreams about it and construct her own MMF fantasies. After all, if it is really going to happen it can't be just what you want, but she has to want it too. So it has to be a SHARED fantasy. And all shared fantasies are based upon a back and forth exchange of ideas building up into something bigger than the original idea. If you do it right, in the end, your wife will feel like she totally owns the idea and will hardly remember it was you who suggested it.

If you do this right you will create a new mystique around yourself in her eyes as being far deeper and darker and more powerfully sexual being then she ever imagined. Straight guys always imagine women share their prejudices against sexual ambiguity, but in my experience with women that's not true.

This technique also works with, "Honey, I want a sports car" situations too.

 

[summiter1]

Talk with your wife

Have you thought ....what if she enjoys the other guy more than you? That might be a hard pill to swallow. Once you invite someone else into your life/bed things will never be the same. Some candid conversation with your wife needs to take place. I hope it works out for both of you.

 

[lustatopia]

Have you thought ....what if she enjoys the other guy more than you? That might be a hard pill to swallow. Once you invite someone else into your life/bed things will never be the same. Some candid conversation with your wife needs to take place. I hope it works out for both of you.

Don't worry, things will be exactly the same only a whole lot more deeply rewarding both erotically and emotionally for husband and wife, given this is a fantasy they both seek to pursue together as a couple.

Women rarely leave their husbands for cock, especially if the husband is in on the cock with the wife.

Women almost always bond far more deeply with a lover brave and sexually secure enough to share them, because both husband and wife will discover that soulmateship runs far deeper than fucking. The the great lie of the necessity of monogamy is exposed as a fraud. The lie is sex equals love. It doesn't.

Of course, it's complicated by the fact that young females need to ration their early sexual favour to males by judging who can best "love" them. But once a mature female has chosen a life mate successfully there is no reason for sex not to become primarily a physical sport, albeit with a strong psychological element. Obviously, maturity, health, economic security and a safe loving environment are also essential.

The central ontological message couples discover when involved in threesomes is that the martial relationship is bigger than sex, deeper than fucking.

It might seem like a paradox to the culture bound, but fucking your wife with another man is a major life bonding experience for husband and wife, because you are sharing a lover as a couple... There are too many psychological reasons for this to go into it tonight. Suffice it to say, that in most cases a woman falls deeper in love with the man bold enough to please her in such a counterintuitive way. In the end wife and husband have together made the most erotic thing possible happen -- a secret sexual pact they share together.

It is all part of the liberation of modern woman to learn she can have great sex with someone without falling in love with them, just like you can have a great tennis volley with someone without falling in love with them. And why should not the love of the woman's life, her husband, attend to her tennis match and enjoy each pulsating stroke?

Welcome to the 21st century.

 

[wellnow]

lustatopia,

I like and agree with your answer. Thanks.

wellnow

 

[UrsaMajor69]

Don't worry, things will be exactly the same only a whole lot more deeply rewarding both erotically and emotionally for husband and wife, given this is a fantasy they both seek to pursue together as a couple.

Women rarely leave their husbands for cock, especially if the husband is in on the cock with the wife.

Women almost always bond far more deeply with a lover brave and sexually secure enough to share them, because both husband and wife will discover that soulmateship runs far deeper than fucking. The the great lie of the necessity of monogamy is exposed as a fraud. The lie is sex equals love. It doesn't.

Of course, it's complicated by the fact that young females need to ration their early sexual favour to males by judging who can best "love" them. But once a mature female has chosen a life mate successfully there is no reason for sex not to become primarily a physical sport, albeit with a strong psychological element. Obviously, maturity, health, economic security and a safe loving environment are also essential.

The central ontological message couples discover when involved in threesomes is that the martial relationship is bigger than sex, deeper than fucking.

It might seem like a paradox to the culture bound, but fucking your wife with another man is a major life bonding experience for husband and wife, because you are sharing a lover as a couple... There are too many psychological reasons for this to go into it tonight. Suffice it to say, that in most cases a woman falls deeper in love with the man bold enough to please her in such a counterintuitive way. In the end wife and husband have together made the most erotic thing possible happen -- a secret sexual pact they share together.

It is all part of the liberation of modern woman to learn she can have great sex with someone without falling in love with them, just like you can have a great tennis volley with someone without falling in love with them. And why should not the love of the woman's life, her husband, attend to her tennis match and enjoy each pulsating stroke?

Welcome to the 21st century.

Amen to that. You have put the paradox of sharing leading to more bonding most succinctly.

But there is one caveat to this, which I like to trot out when this subject arises:
Participating in an MFM threesome will make a secure relationship stronger, but it may easily lead to the end of an insecure one.

Not coincidentally, the same applies to the male side of the equation. Those men secure enough will be handle hearing his wife calling out another man's name in ecstasy will some out of this intact. Those men not secure enough to handle this should not wander into this territory. See the rabid commenters of LW as examples of the latter.

So my reply to the original poster: how secure is your relationship with your wife?