Transcending Transsexualism

[Chrissi]

.....

So.... that said (and thank you if you read through that mess) I guess I don't feel the need to go stealth because I'm quite open about my life and I really don't view it as being born in the wrong gender so much as I see it a opportunity to grow into a more unique individual and a learning experience. I obviously don't feel the need to wave my transpride flag around but it's part of me and a part I'd like to be able to share.

..I think I digressed from my main point...

HarlotMinx, I read this thread, and I really feel for you, I think I understand the catch 22 you and many other transgender people are in. And honestly, I have to agree with who ever stated it, that it is the problem of your interest (their own prejudices and biases and phobias) if he or she cannot find you "as the person your are" acceptable. But that doesn't really help you and your situation.

You want to meet people and date, and have fun and potentially fall in love, and yes, have sex. There is no bright line as to when you should tell someone. There is no bright line as to when you know you have feelings for them, or they for you. You just know it. Human emotions are a mess, they can be terrible and wonderful at the same time.

As a small token of advice, what's wrong with what I emboldened. You don't seem to mind outing yourself, and maybe wearing a small pin or some other stylish symbol is just what you need as a very subtle form of pre-advertisement.

I myself do that. I wear a cocoawood necklace, that is usually very visible with an open necked shirt. It has a very small and subtle rainbow pattern to it intermixed within the beads. To most it just looks like a nice brown wooden necklace, but to others, it is pretty clear that I am a gay man.

Topher.

 

[temp256]

Being on hormones for about three years, I know how you feel. I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice though. I've never had a relationship lasting more than one or two dates, and I don't even have any friends anymore.

My technique on disclosure has always been to tell potential dates online before meeting them. Most reject me at this point, but the few who don't are either fine with it, or have problems with it but clearly show it. I can get a pretty good feel of their acceptance. All my former friends started out as potential dates, so they all knew.

Etoile, I have to disagree with your comment. True, for the most part no one needs to know, but there comes a time when I need to be able to talk to close friends about it. Not being able to do so leaves me feeling even more isolated and different.

As a curious side note, your facial bone structure is almost identical to mine, particularly the jaw. If you don't mind me asking, is there a small gap between your top and bottom front teeth when you close your mouth? I do, and I think it's why we look so similar.

 

[Etoile]

Etoile, I have to disagree with your comment. True, for the most part no one needs to know, but there comes a time when I need to be able to talk to close friends about it. Not being able to do so leaves me feeling even more isolated and different.

As a curious side note, your facial bone structure is almost identical to mine, particularly the jaw. If you don't mind me asking, is there a small gap between your top and bottom front teeth when you close your mouth? I do, and I think it's why we look so similar.

I think that refers to your level of personal acceptance, though. There's a woman I know who is stealth doesn't feel isolated or different. She just is who she is...a woman. It's not a thing for her anymore. Of course, she's been doing this something like 15 years, so I'm sure early on she felt the same way. Of course, she also moved across the country several years back, so she was able to cut old ties and build new relationships that didn't have the previous connections.

Hmm...not sure what you mean by a small gap. I have a slight overbite, is that what you mean?

 

[HarlotMinx]

Hmm...not sure what you mean by a small gap. I have a slight overbite, is that what you mean?

Yes she does and yes I do. It's a tiny bit of one and for some reason makes my lips have more room so they're poutier than they should be... I'm not complaining. And Etoile, I think the point is, if you know about your friend then she can't be going entirely stealth. Their are people who she can talk to and interact with on that level, and I assume that if she's dating they know as well.

So, had a awesome day yesterday chatting with some old friends who run a lot of pagan events locally (I'm not pagan but I somehow know just about every damn pagan in the area) and we were talking about intolerance within the community directed at other parts of the community. And so we wondered why, with a group that already has so much outward pressure against it, why have.... this idea of status within the community. Gay men are superior to bi men, gold star lesbians are the only REAL lesbians etc. I partially ask this because I wonder how the trans community can better integrate with the GLB which seems to be another dividing wall.

 

[reachedme]

Being on hormones for about three years, I know how you feel. I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice though. I've never had a relationship lasting more than one or two dates, and I don't even have any friends anymore.

My technique on disclosure has always been to tell potential dates online before meeting them. Most reject me at this point, but the few who don't are either fine with it, or have problems with it but clearly show it. I can get a pretty good feel of their acceptance. All my former friends started out as potential dates, so they all knew.

Etoile, I have to disagree with your comment. True, for the most part no one needs to know, but there comes a time when I need to be able to talk to close friends about it. Not being able to do so leaves me feeling even more isolated and different.

As a curious side note, your facial bone structure is almost identical to mine, particularly the jaw. If you don't mind me asking, is there a small gap between your top and bottom front teeth when you close your mouth? I do, and I think it's why we look so similar.

we may not be there in the physical but I hope you see everyone here as your friends

 

[HarlotMinx]

I totally just found a new form of masochism.... I was cooking with a Jamaican Red Scotch Bonnet pepper(an EXTREMELY HOT pepper) and I wasn't paying attention so I had the misfortune to pinch the bridge of my nose and slathered my tear ducts in pepper juice.... took me a good 20 minutes of crying.

 

[haurni]

I totally just found a new form of masochism.... I was cooking with a Jamaican Red Scotch Bonnet pepper(an EXTREMELY HOT pepper) and I wasn't paying attention so I had the misfortune to pinch the bridge of my nose and slathered my tear ducts in pepper juice.... took me a good 20 minutes of crying.

Be careful putting that on your mucous membranes!

 

[Essene]

Harlot Minx:

1. I just have to chime in and say: "Yes, you really are very beautiful."
2. Well, upon further reading the thread you didn't agree with Etoile, though I was thinking some of the same things she was. Although I suppose it's easier in theory than in practice. I would just like to see you happy and completely and utterly confident... IE give the big ol FA-Q to people who don't accept you. -Easier said than done. I guess, if there is any solace to be given, please know that there are people out there who will accept you and love you as you are; however you choose to be.

However...all that said...I know how you feel. I wish people could tell I was a lesbian just by looking at me. I look totally heterosexual, and I don't like people assuming things like that. I want them to know that yes, there is a queer among them, we ARE everywhere! But I just go on looking like the straightest of the straight girls. (Actually, this is why I got the rainbow star tattoo on my ankle. Not so much to explicitly communicate it to others, but to tell myself that there is something about me that looks gay, that I'm not totally straight-looking, because people can see the tattoo.)

edit: wow, that got really long

I know what you mean. I'm pan, I date girls fairly often, but the only way most of them know I'm even open to dating women is if I tell them directly. Oddly enough in my experience I have been correctly sized up by the occasional lesbian (why the butch dykes I honestly don't know) who sees right through me. -IE I was so psyched when two weeks ago a hot butch EMT walked into my work to pick up a patient...gave me that long stare. Of course I played shy, and pretended not to notice. I looked up at her, and she started calling me "hon" - which was annoying in and of itself, but I was happy that she realized just by watching me. Yay me!

Even the guys and TG folks I work with in my DV job always assume I'm a straight girl.

So I dunno. *shrug*

 

[blade_rocknut]

Looking back at this thread, I swear I wasn't posting pics to fish for compliments! Just I find it easier to put words and ideas to a face... makes it easier to relate to people on the internet.

Absolutely, it makes it easier to relate! I don't know how I missed this thread before ( course i haven't been posting for long), but I can only begin to imagine what life is like for you; and applaud your committment to honesty- both to yourself and those you feel compelled to reveal yourself to. I don't wish to come off as someone chasing you for fetish or fantasy ( although I do have such fantasies), just want to say that your story, as well as a few others' on here shed a bit of light for folks like myself whose interpretation of gender
"rules" is a bit fluid. I am not far enough over on the scale to ever consider transitioning, just far enough to be certain I'm not the stereotypical "man of the house". Information is soooo powerful, and I'm thankful for your sharing it.
And yes, I think the pictures are beautiful- if I can say so and not be creepy

 

[Stella_Omega]

A bump for a beautiful woman