Tumblr's Finest Dominant

[Kojote]

Indeed. Now to learn german...

After reading this thread I should seriously advice especially you to bind yourself to something immobile when reading any translations of their ongoing ramblings. They are serious in lots of things they say about topics like racial and cultural tolerance and I think you won’t like that a bit. In fact I can see your face turn pale, then red and then some icy determination to break some joints take over...
Feel warned...

true story once I dated a german girl and one time after we were done fooling around and laying there all naked and so forth I made so many jokes about the holocaust she almost broke up with me and I'm the jewish one.

Next time you should use the trained feeling of guilt to your advantage subtly. It's getting better but in a way we germans get still raised with a feeling of guilt towards some things in the past that equals the medieval feeling of guilt indoctrinated into women for the 'original sin' thing.
Even your indescribable awesomeness may sometimes not overcast this shadow...

On the other hand you may find out that it sometimes suffices to just tell them that you are American and famous to get them to rip their shirts for you. Try it in a small club in the backwaters…

 

[Lord_Steve]

Some insane beautiful bastard mixed Biggie Smalls and Yo La Tengo and it is glorious.

In related news, I'm in the mood to answer questions, although you should probably specify whether you want me (the real Lord Steve master of game and immune to shame) or me (the real Real Lord Steve, english language obsessive and humble poet and also maybe trickster spirit incarnated on this earth or some shit) to answer the question.

 

[Aurantica]

Some insane beautiful bastard mixed Biggie Smalls and Yo La Tengo and it is glorious.

In related news, I'm in the mood to answer questions, although you should probably specify whether you want me (the real Lord Steve master of game and immune to shame) or me (the real Real Lord Steve, english language obsessive and humble poet and also maybe trickster spirit incarnated on this earth or some shit) to answer the question.

Reads in a little-girl voice:

Dear Lord Steve Version 2.0

What is your opinon of The Temptest?

 

[Lord_Steve]

Reads in a little-girl voice:

Dear Lord Steve Version 2.0

What is your opinon of The Temptest?

If you are talking about William Shakespeare's The Tempest, I have Opinions about that. I'm just going to assume you are. It's better that way.

First of all as thematically perfect as it would be, the popular misconception that the Tempest was his last play is totally false. That's sad, because it makes so much sense if you read Prospero as a metafictional avatar of the masterful, omnipotent authorial perspective. When he casts his book and staff away at the end of the play, forever divesting himself of his powerful but burdensome abilities, it would be so perfect to put Shakespeare himself in his place, surrendering forever his creative powers to the ocean of time! It makes so much sense! But no, the dude wrote another play. A history, if I remember correctly. And it wasn't even for the money or anything, because Willie Shakes was one rich motherfucker by the time he retired.

I've always loved the character of Caliban, and when I was young and spritely I wanted to play Ariel more than anything. Miranda is boring as fuck though, and I haven't seen any evidence to the contrary in the criticism that I've read.

 

[rekane]

Dear Lord Steve, either version -
What is your opinion of Terry Tempest Williams, environmentalist and author?

Thanking you in advance.

 

[Etoile]

Please apply your masterful wisdom to my favorite Shakespeare play, Twelfth Night. I'll take anything you have to say about it.

 

[Lord_Steve]

rekane I'm sorry love but I don't know who that is!

Please apply your masterful wisdom to my favorite Shakespeare play, Twelfth Night. I'll take anything you have to say about it.

I like twelfth night a lot too, and not just because "twelfth" is a really funny word if you think about it. even Welsh is like "english, bro, you can't just have one vowel in a 7 letter word, that's crazy bananas." or as the welsh say, "bnnannnnnas."

anyway.

Twelfth Night and Much Ado are imo the two "real" comedies that shakespeare wrote. Midsummer has a pretty dark message about the nature of love, Cybaline isn't funny but it isn't a history or a tragedy so it's a comedy???? And so forth. Twelfth Night is, first and formost, funny. It also has some cool things to say about identity, politics, and what happens to the human spirit in isolation, but that's more of a nice intellectual hollandaise slathered on some pleasant, comedic eggs.

Also did you know that the character of Malvolio is a direct attack on Puritanism, a common theme in Shakespeare's writing? Dude did not like Puritans. See also: the ducal stand-in (Angelo I think?) in Measure for Measure, which is vastly underrated btw.

 

[rekane]

rekane I'm sorry love but I don't know who that is!

*pout*

Granted, it was rather esoteric, but she is a personal favorite and I just hoped.

Some quotes to get to know her:

"To be whole. To be complete. Wilderness reminds us what it means to be human, what we are connected to rather than what we are separate from.”

“I wonder how it is we have come to this place in our society where art and nature are spoken of in terms of what is optional, the pastime and concern of the elite?”
― from Leap

"I believe every woman should own at least one pair of red shoes.”
― from Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place


It was the word "tempest" that nudged me.

My apologies for pulling such an arcane reference.

 

[the captians wench]

Please apply your masterful wisdom to my favorite Shakespeare play, Twelfth Night. I'll take anything you have to say about it.

One of my faves, and the only one I've seen a live production of.

 

[Etoile]

I like twelfth night a lot too, and not just because "twelfth" is a really funny word if you think about it. even Welsh is like "english, bro, you can't just have one vowel in a 7 letter word, that's crazy bananas." or as the welsh say, "bnnannnnnas."

anyway.

Twelfth Night and Much Ado are imo the two "real" comedies that shakespeare wrote. Midsummer has a pretty dark message about the nature of love, Cybaline isn't funny but it isn't a history or a tragedy so it's a comedy???? And so forth. Twelfth Night is, first and formost, funny. It also has some cool things to say about identity, politics, and what happens to the human spirit in isolation, but that's more of a nice intellectual hollandaise slathered on some pleasant, comedic eggs.

Also did you know that the character of Malvolio is a direct attack on Puritanism, a common theme in Shakespeare's writing? Dude did not like Puritans. See also: the ducal stand-in (Angelo I think?) in Measure for Measure, which is vastly underrated btw.

It totally is! Especially with the whole yellow stockings, cross-gartered bit. It was a literary version of a gauntlet across the face.

Thank you, Lord Steve, for the "intellectual hollandaise" line, which I shall carry with me in my heart forever. I very much appreciate your willingness to engage in discourse about Shakespeare with me!

 

[Lord_Steve]

controversial stances for a werd nerd to take: sometimes split infinitives just make for funnier sentences.

actually a lot of the strunk & white et al rules for clear, lean prose should be ignored when artistry or humor is on the line. ppl take them too seriously and imitate hemingway slavishly without understanding it was his personality and life experiences that drove his prose style to the heights it reached instead of any inherent superiority in the model! Remember that hemingway was a journalist first and his style reflects that.

cormac mccarthy is sometimes wrongly compared to hemingway because his writing includes many crisp short sentences but his willingness to suddenly flow into astonishing passages of prose poetry shows that he boxes somewhat more canny, using metafictional techniques to contrast the brutal and understated life his characters inhabit with their singular access to the rolling, thunderous truth of being. Like this:

“The truth about the world, he said, is that anything is possible. Had you not seen it all from birth and thereby bled it of its strangeness it would appear to you for what it is, a hat trick in a medicine shoe, a fevered dream, a trance bepopulate with chimeras having neither analogue nor precedent, an itinerant carnival, a migratory tentshow whose ultimate destination after many a pitch in many a muddled field is unspeakable and calamitous beyond reckoning.”
-from Blood Meridian


I just felt like talking about this for a sec.

writing tips with tha steve

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Tip-o-the hat to Lord_Steve.

Interesting. Yes. I like it when a passage feels so formally well-written that it makes the understated humor much more delicious than if it'd been written more sparingly or conversationally. Like in Forster.

I love the Blood Meridian quote.

 

[seela]

I like twelfth night a lot too, and not just because "twelfth" is a really funny word if you think about it. even Welsh is like "english, bro, you can't just have one vowel in a 7 letter word, that's crazy bananas." or as the welsh say, "bnnannnnnas."

Strenght, bro, strength.

You should make video or at least audio of yourself reciting Twelfth Night in a bad-ass Lord Steve kinda way.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Strenght, bro, strength.

You should make video or at least audio of yourself reciting Twelfth Night in a bad-ass Lord Steve kinda way.

haha yeah I forgot about strength. english is such an adorable frankenstein's monster of a language, shamblingly shortleggedly towards the sublime perfection of self with we poor mad scientists in tow.

I might do that second thing but I don't have a webcam. I'll talk to one of my friends. I can't promise a proper "lord steve" reading, but I'll do my best to seduce your eardrums.

 

[Lord_Steve]

so i posted a thing and I didn't think it was that funny and overnight it got 260+ notes on tumblr... my previous record being like 60.

what is even

happening

 

[Etoile]

It was pretty good, I have to admit. In fact, it was almost as good as this favorite of mine:

son your sexual encounters are like a good nascar driver
they never go right.

and your girls orgasms are like the christmas miracle: it happened once and its been all about toys ever since

But that's from back in August. So clearly the pizza one is the NEW hotness. And by new I mean September...which is almost over. WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR OCTOBER I cannot wait.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Etoile: See, the difference is, I expected the post you quoted to get more notes than is did. Because I think it's actually a Funny Thing I wrote that is clever and everything. I didn't expect to get Internet Famous because Fleshy Tumblrites Love Pizza Sex.

Wow that was a lot of meaningful capitalization!

Ok since I'm treating this thread as my personal Livejournal: I just got the number of an almost impossibly attractive young lady who I would love to toss my penis into or at least around, but the thing is. She believes in ghosts. Like, vehemently believes in them and will not hear otherwise. And so on. She laughs at my joaks but My sex thing will not rest until it has run rampant over her lady parts, but my mind self doesn't know how to handle her weak brain bits. Is this what maturity feels like? Because a year ago I would have told any lie in creation to introduce her to my Aching Meat.

haha.

do you guys know how much I like to write things like that? probably not. Serious question though.

 

[Etoile]

Etoile: See, the difference is, I expected the post you quoted to get more notes than is did. Because I think it's actually a Funny Thing I wrote that is clever and everything. I didn't expect to get Internet Famous because Fleshy Tumblrites Love Pizza Sex.

Wow that was a lot of meaningful capitalization!

Ok since I'm treating this thread as my personal Livejournal: I just got the number of an almost impossibly attractive young lady who I would love to toss my penis into or at least around, but the thing is. She believes in ghosts. Like, vehemently believes in them and will not hear otherwise. And so on. She laughs at my joaks but My sex thing will not rest until it has run rampant over her lady parts, but my mind self doesn't know how to handle her weak brain bits. Is this what maturity feels like? Because a year ago I would have told any lie in creation to introduce her to my Aching Meat.

haha.

do you guys know how much I like to write things like that? probably not. Serious question though.

Well, here's the thing. Is she DTF? Or does she want a Real Relationship? If she is the kind of girl who you can bang and it won't be awkward in the morning, then go for it. Stuff some panties in her mouth so she doesn't talk about ghosts. But if she is going to expect something further from you, like a 2012 Benz and a white picket fence, drop it like it's hot. Because holy crap believing in ghosts is something you do until you're, like 18 months old. Also, if she will not hear otherwise, then she is not good girlfriend material. Because who wants somebody who is Always Right and will not listen to your side of things?

If you enjoy writing it as much as I enjoy reading it, then yeah, I do know!

 

[Lord_Steve]

Well, here's the thing. Is she DTF? Or does she want a Real Relationship? If she is the kind of girl who you can bang and it won't be awkward in the morning, then go for it. Stuff some panties in her mouth so she doesn't talk about ghosts. But if she is going to expect something further from you, like a 2012 Benz and a white picket fence, drop it like it's hot. Because holy crap believing in ghosts is something you do until you're, like 18 months old. Also, if she will not hear otherwise, then she is not good girlfriend material. Because who wants somebody who is Always Right and will not listen to your side of things?

If you enjoy writing it as much as I enjoy reading it, then yeah, I do know!

Etoile you are all kinds of the best

 

[Lord_Steve]

I'm really sad that Kaos dude or whatever went away.

you all are too nice to destroy satisfactorily.

I demand fresh blood for my phylactery

 

[YourCaptor]

Ok since I'm treating this thread as my personal Livejournal: I just got the number of an almost impossibly attractive young lady who I would love to toss my penis into or at least around, but the thing is. She believes in ghosts. Like, vehemently believes in them and will not hear otherwise. And so on. She laughs at my joaks but My sex thing will not rest until it has run rampant over her lady parts, but my mind self doesn't know how to handle her weak brain bits. Is this what maturity feels like? Because a year ago I would have told any lie in creation to introduce her to my Aching Meat.

This sounds like the kind I'd totally fuck with.

What kind of ghosts? Is she scared of them, interacts with them, chats, whatever?

Make up a formulaic ghost story to tell her.

For example, you woke up with some chick next to you, you fuck her and accidentally strangle her in the process, you freak out and dig a grave in the backyard only to discover her and all blood spatters have mysteriously disappeared. Later a neighbor tells you 40 years ago some girl got raped and killed in your bedroom.

See her reaction to that

Oh, and tell her you wake up next to the rape ghost once a year on October 13th. She'll have to spend the night to see.

 

[eastern sun]

Hey! I believe in ghosts. I've even met a few.

This girl may not be your intellectual equal. But don't underestimate the mental capacity of someone who believes in ghosts.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Hey! I believe in ghosts. I've even met a few.

This girl may not be your intellectual equal. But don't underestimate the mental capacity of someone who believes in ghosts.

my philosophy, I will admit, may not include things i have not dreamt of on heaven or earth but.

there is not such a thing as a ghost.

there are so many things in human existence more horrible and strange than our senses of self may endure that we do not need to invent more.

life is suffering. death is certain. ghosts are fantasy.

if you met a ghost you met yourself and everything that you are made strange by your imagination and projected into your experience of the world by your lust to see death defeated.

discuss.