Up and Cumming: Work In Progress

[ABSTRUSE]

Lil E: love it, you captured the perfect Mom.

 

[lil_elvis]

Lil E: love it, you captured the perfect Mom.

Didn't take much imagination

 

[TheEarl]

Over dessert, his mother couldn’t resist another one of her favorite subjects. “Now that you’re home again, maybe you should meet a nice girl, and get over that bitch Letizia who broke my son’s heart.”

L: I hate to be picky, picky picky, but I didn't like the 'who broke my son's heart'. It seems a little forced to me. I think you could lose it and the rest of the sentence would tell the backstory just as well.

I love the character of the mum though. As Abs said, superbly captured.

The Earl

 

[lil_elvis]

L: I hate to be picky, picky picky, but I didn't like the 'who broke my son's heart'. It seems a little forced to me. I think you could lose it and the rest of the sentence would tell the backstory just as well.

I love the character of the mum though. As Abs said, superbly captured.

The Earl

Point well taken.

Thanks Earl.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Well, I think I've figured out the end of the story. Now if I could only finish that pesky middle.

 

[cloudy]

here's the beginning of what I'm working on:



“You’ve got mail” the bland voice declared from Anna’s computer speakers. Normally, she would have blown it off as spam, or a forwarded joke from one of her many friends, but lately, her email had been interesting, to say the least. She tried to resist the siren call, but after a moment, her curiosity got the better of her, and she crossed the room to her PC, and clicked on her inbox.

There, in bold letters staring back at her, was another email from Rick.

I was thinking of you while I was getting ready to take my shower, but decided to take a bath, instead. Once in a while...I really enjoy just laying down in the tub...turn the shower on to a nice soft pulsating little beat...and lay beneath it with the water about as hot as I can stand it. Feeling the water pulsating against my erection is extremely pleasurable. It's a sort of slow tease as it's not really intense...until you've allowed it to do that for a while, sort of building up steam. Just by simply shifting postions I can adjust the sensitivity...feeling. Then when I am ready, I increase the pulse itself to a much harder pounding. *grin*

So there I was...letting the water do all the work...just imaging what it would be like to be with you. I could first see us taking turns orally...(I love that anyway) getting you close...so fucking close, then switching. The feel of your mouth on me.... playing with your breasts, nipples so hard...feeling so good while you suck me.

Then getting into a side-by-side spooning thing behind you, slipping inside your wet hot pussy, still able to caress and play with your breasts...the feel of your hand stroking yourself and me as we slow-fucked. Then, I thought of then entering your ass...sliding inside, so tight...so damn hot and tight. And then the purr of a vibrator as you began to masturbate...me, stroking in and out of your ass from behind...feeling the vibrations through your pussy as I did.

That...while laying there. Oh baby...when I came...I actually cried out loud there in the tub, feeling my cock squirting, the pleasure so damn nice...and wishing to hell you'd really, really been there!

Anna reread it, slower this time, and as she did, she felt a heat rushing between her legs. She squirmed in her seat and wished, for the thousandth time, that she had a little privacy. As if to emphasize the lack, she heard the screen door at the back of the house slam, and a voice, “Mom! Is there anything to eat?”

 

[TheEarl]

There, in bold letters staring back at her, was another email from Rick.

That's fucking good.

If I was to be extra, extra picky (as L allowed me to get away with it earlier), I'd say that mentioning Rick's name wasn't necessary. You say this is the start, so I'm presuming more will be forthcoming and you'll introduce the character of Rick there. If you curtailled this sentence to finish [/i]"...was another email"[/i] then I think it would flow a little better, giving your audience that little tease of not knowing who it's from. The name drop cuts the mystique a little and personally I think it'd be better to start mentioning his name after this passage.

JMHO.

It's really fucking good though.

The awed Earl

 

[cloudy]

That's fucking good.

If I was to be extra, extra picky (as L allowed me to get away with it earlier), I'd say that mentioning Rick's name wasn't necessary. You say this is the start, so I'm presuming more will be forthcoming and you'll introduce the character of Rick there. If you curtailled this sentence to finish [/i]"...was another email"[/i] then I think it would flow a little better, giving your audience that little tease of not knowing who it's from. The name drop cuts the mystique a little and personally I think it'd be better to start mentioning his name after this passage.

JMHO.

It's really fucking good though.

The awed Earl

Thank you! And, I think your suggestion is a good one, thanks for that, as well.

 

[impressive]

Erotique is finished. Beta readers welcome ... just PM me with an e-mail address.

 

[Guest]

So I started back to my car but there was a guy standing by it and he didn’t look nice but I was tired and I just wanted to go home so I walked past him and reached for the door but he stopped me.

He said he had a gun in his pocket and he wanted all my money but I didn’t have any ‘cause it was all in my duffle so I told him that. He said he didn’t believe me ‘cause he knew I was a dancer at the club and he said he knew I got lots of tips. So I pulled my coat up a little and turned around, I said, “You see a wallet in those back pockets you dumb jerk?”

He said, “No but I see something worth just as much. Take your clothes off.”

I said, “What the hell for?”

He said, “Cause I wanna see you naked and I got a gun.”

I said, “You only said you got a gun but I ain’t seen one and if you want to see me naked your gonna have to pay like everyone else.”

He said, “Pay? I’m trying to rob you, bitch.”

I said, “Well I ain’t got any money and you call me bitch again and I won’t even take off my coat. Now you got money or what?”

He said, “Ok, how much?”

I said, “Theres a $30 cover charge plus you gotta buy 3 drinks. And since this is a private dance that’s another $25 and that don’t count the tip.”

He started kickin’ at the snow and said, “But that’s like 50 bucks and I only got 40.”

I said, “Give it to me.” And when he did I flashed my boobs at him. His eyes got real big and I kicked him in the crotch and jumped in my car and drove away while he was lyin’ on the ground holding his crotch and cryin’ like a girl.

Debbie rides again.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I'm still waiting for my latest story to be posted. Not my best work to be honest, but at least I finished the damn second half!

Otherwise I'm working on a vampire story (hopefully done for the Hallwoween contest) and a new gay story. The latter I have a feeling will be good, but I need to work out some plot details better.

 

[sophia jane]

What's happening with everyone's work in progress? Or did everyone stop writing?

 

[carsonshepherd]

What's happening with everyone's work in progress? Or did everyone stop writing?

i'm not making any progress I got about halfway through the 1st draft and kinda of sputtered. Depressing really.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I'm working on three novels at once, one sentence per week. At this rate, I should be done about the time entropy pulls the galaxy apart.

In the meantime, I'm painting my nails right now.

 

[logophile]

I'm working on three novels at once, one sentence per week. At this rate, I should be done about the time entropy pulls the galaxy apart.

In the meantime, I'm painting my nails right now.

I love you Scarlett!

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I love you Scarlett!

Awww. Though I heard in another thread that you say that to....well, the whole world.

 

[logophile]

Awww. Though I heard in another thread that you say that to....well, the whole world.

I may feel it for the whole world, but today I'm only saying it to you.


Well, and to Sophie, of course. I tell her a hundred times a day that I love her...

 

[rgraham666]

I'm working on my first Mind Control story, Conditioning..

A quick bit.

'Damn. I've broken another one of my toys.'

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I may feel it for the whole world, but today I'm only saying it to you.


Well, and to Sophie, of course. I tell her a hundred times a day that I love her...

I think I need an "I Logo" T-shirt.

 

[logophile]

I think I need an "I Logo" T-shirt.

Hehe...
I grew up in a little town in Iowa.
Down the highway from my town was an even littler town (Senator Harkin is from there) called Cumming, Iowa.

For their centennial celebration, the parish ladies had shirts made that said:

I Cumming.

Sold like hotcakes. The ladies were confused, but just so pleased.

 

[rgraham666]

Hehe...
I grew up in a little town in Iowa.
Down the highway from my town was an even littler town (Senator Harkin is from there) called Cumming, Iowa.

For their centennial celebration, the parish ladies had shirts made that said:

I Cumming.

Sold like hotcakes. The ladies were confused, but just so pleased.

LOL!

 

[carsonshepherd]

Hehe...
I grew up in a little town in Iowa.
Down the highway from my town was an even littler town (Senator Harkin is from there) called Cumming, Iowa.

For their centennial celebration, the parish ladies had shirts made that said:

I Cumming.

Sold like hotcakes. The ladies were confused, but just so pleased.

oh, that would totally rock

how about "get lucky"

 

[logophile]

oh, that would totally rock

They were so popular that when a bar finally opened up in that teeny tiny town years later, they started making the shirts and selling them. I'm sure you could still get one if you looked around a little.

See...

http://b.im.craigslist.org/84/HL/0MptTFp0QVOHYEJ7SXyAaxD6vVaR.jpg

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Hehe...
I grew up in a little town in Iowa.
Down the highway from my town was an even littler town (Senator Harkin is from there) called Cumming, Iowa.

For their centennial celebration, the parish ladies had shirts made that said:

I Cumming.

Sold like hotcakes. The ladies were confused, but just so pleased.

Haha! That's great. Much cooler than I Muscatine.

 

[logophile]

Haha! That's great. Much cooler than I Muscatine.

Now, there's nothing wrong with Muscatine.
Some friends of mine from church camp lived there.
It's just not as cool as saying you're from Cumming.