Very Depressed And Hurt

[Latinababe]

For a former depressed guy, I want to offer you a rose.




I've been to the brink of death and still chose to stick around in this crappy world. Let me tell you it's been worth it. I now have a Beautiful wife and a energetic son, plus we have a Beautiful girlfriend. So it may sound like the same old same old, but time to think and prozac helped me. Through in time and I have the man I am today.

It may not be much but I hope the rose makes you smile, even a little.

Oh here's another

Thank you the roses did make me smile.

 

[Latinababe]

Time.

Nothing works like time. The trick is believing that now, when it hurts like this.

And when you do find that right person all the anguish seems pale and 2 dimensional.

It's a horrible feeling right now. I remember curled up in a ball against the wall, not able to stand, not able to cry anymore, and just wanting something, anything, to make it better.

Do what you need to do to get through each day. Go to bed, wake up, do something in between, be productive if you can. One of those days you will realize it hurts a little less. Use that realization to be a little more productive, work on the things you can control in your life. Then one day will come when you realize it doesn't hurt much at all.

I agree with the scar analogy, but a lot of scars don't hurt, they're just a mark of something we have been through, for better or worse.

Hang in there.

So far I been a little better being close with my family n friends help. Been keeping busy so I don't think on what has happened to me.
Thank you dreamer!

 

[Latinababe]

I wanted to know if I did the right thing? Please can you help me.

I had a one night stand with a man.

The pain wouldn't go away no matter what has happened to me. I tried to talk to my boyfriend and he tried to make things better but I felt worse then better. I felt decieved.

Well we both decided to let me have a one night stand with someone and I done it, and when he got home I told him and he was shocked not to mention very hurt he wouldn't look at me or even talk to me.

We been talking a little bit but he said he is still hurting and all upset.

He asked me all kinds of questions about what happened that night and I told him the truth about everything.

All I wanted was our relationship to be a experience that we both can learn from. We both have learned.

But was it right to do?

 

[Ms_Kat]

There are a number of ways to approach it, Latina.

First of all, he agreed that you could do this beforehand. Most likely, he thought that by giving you permission that you would not go through with it. This is rather disingenuous, but it is also common. People don't want to say "No" to someone they love. The problem is that you can't read his mind that he really means "No" when he is saying "Yes". At this level you are blameless, or he has the same level of guilt that you do.

Without knowing a lot about your relationship, I can tell that it is important to both of you. If it weren't then the two of you would not be hurting like you are. This is actually a good thing, if you decide to let it be. You have actually discovered how much you two love each other.

Some people are able to sit down and discuss things openly and honestly and get through them. This is what I generally suggest. He needs to know that what you did was not because he is inadequate or that you don't love him. He needs to know that if you had known it would hurt him this way, you never would have done it. He needs to hear that you are sorry that your actions hurt him, even though you didn't mean it to hurt and even though he agreed to it. You need to hear that he still loves you, that he doesn't think you're a horrible slut, and that he will find a way to forgive (even if he can't forget), and he needs to tell you that he didn't mean to tell you a lie (he didn't realize he was lying, I'm sure).

The next step, I would say is to actually determine what the limits on your relationship are.

Sometimes, things hurt too much to talk about, though. At these times, our actions can sometimes convey our meaning to the person we love. I don't have any idea what this would be between the two of you. My husband does this for me sometimes by washing my car or currying my horse. I show him my love simply by putting my arms around him and holding him until both of us start to cry. Men and women truly are from different planets sometimes.

Maybe the two of you need to grieve together for the innocence that your relationship has lost. I think even more than talking, you two need to start touching. We can get by with no one talking to us, but we suffer physically if we are deprived of touch. Even if it is simply washing his feet after he gets off of work, it will reassure you both that you are still connected.

Things like this can be overcome. Don't give up hope.


Hugs,


Kat

 

[Latinababe]

Thank you so much Kat, What you wrote meant alot and we are going to try and work everything out, he said he loves me and don't want to lose me and I feel the same for him. So we are gonna take it one day at a time and heal.

He cheated on me and that is what set the chain of events why I ended up having a man.

 

[Ms_Kat]

If he cheated on you to begin with, and then agreed that you could do the same, then I would say the blame if fully laid at his feet. Having said that, I will also say that doing unto others what they have done unto you is not always a good idea. I believe it was Ghandi that said, "If the world lived by an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we would all be blind and hungry." I do understand your motive, though.

The rest of my advise stands. I think those are things that still need to be said between you and that you really need to be touching. Tone of voice can be easily misunderstood, but even a dog knows if it has been kicked or tripped over.

Hugs,


Kat

 

[Latinababe]

If he cheated on you to begin with, and then agreed that you could do the same, then I would say the blame if fully laid at his feet. Having said that, I will also say that doing unto others what they have done unto you is not always a good idea. I believe it was Ghandi that said, "If the world lived by an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we would all be blind and hungry." I do understand your motive, though.

The rest of my advise stands. I think those are things that still need to be said between you and that you really need to be touching. Tone of voice can be easily misunderstood, but even a dog knows if it has been kicked or tripped over.

Hugs,


Kat

Yes that is how it was hun he cheated on me first and your right it's not good to do on to others that is why I don't feel proud of what I have done even though we agree to do it.