Wanted: accomplished smugglers

[shereads]

Sher, pardon me but I can't let this go by. You misspelled Revenoors. Depending on what holler one is from, it can sometimes be spelled Revenooers, or even Revnoors. I grew up next to "hillbillies" in Detroit.

Perdita

Different accent. Not surprising, if these were Detroit hillbillies. Appalachian mountain hillbillies pronounce the "u." An alternative spelling with the same pronuncation would be "rev'-in-yew'-ers.

 

[shereads]

The People Rest Their Case, Your Honors.

Incidentally, please post a link when the first Alabaman policeman is arrested for posession of sex toys, to wit a nightstick and handcuffs.

Snoop, I think you just provided the challenge that will work when this finally reaches the Supreme Court: the War on Terror requires the possession of certain sex toys. Therefore, it's meaningless to ban other sex toys. (Exceptions might be allowed for armor-piercing and rapid-fire ones, especially the cheap Russian imports, like the so-called "cop-killer" vibrators.)

 

[Belegon]

Call me - I'll come get you out of jail.

Cloudy, I vote we meet there and do interesting things involving bars, handcuffs, night sticks and maybe big rubber hoses before we let her out.

If we do it right, maybe she won't want to leave...

 

[cloudy]

Cloudy, I vote we meet there and do interesting things involving bars, handcuffs, night sticks and maybe big rubber hoses before we let her out.

If we do it right, maybe she won't want to leave...

Works for me.

 

[OldnotDead]

In the proud tradition of my dad's Southern Appalachian ancestors, I'll make bootleg sex toys. I don't know how bootlegging is done exactly, but I know it involves corn.

And a banjo. I'll need banjo accompaniment when the Revenuers are chasing my souped-up Pontiac Firebird.

DAYUM!! I really wanted to spend my time correcting Sher on all the political errors of some of her recent rants, but THIS is far more important as it affects the reputations and heritage of a GREAT SOUTHERN TRADITION. Sher, you really need to get your facts straight if you are going to talk about this important subject.

1) NO ONE IN THE SOUTH HAS EVER MADE, NOR WILL EVER MAKE, BOOTLEG WHISKY. Bootleg liquor was the result of prohibition which, as anyone from the south knows was a Nawthun Experiment that failed miserably. Bootleg liquor was primarily liquor imported from Canada by a variety of folks and distributed in Nawth. While this is the famous liquor of 'speakeasies' it was also distributed in the back rooms of many a drug store, barbershop, etc, and was a small flask could be hidden in a boot that did not hug the leg too tightly.

Southerners have a much more revered tradition of locally manufactured refreshing beverages, some of which go by the name of Moonshine, due to the increase of production during the nocturnal period. Moonshine was and is most often distributed in much large vessels, which would probably only fit in the bootleg of the Jolly Green Giant. Hence, a fast car was a requirement for the distributors. (see below)

2) Post prohibition, Moonshine continued as a resourceful solution to the imposition of excise taxes (also a Nawthun invention) on the sale of now lawfully manufactured refreshing beverages. The attempts to make 'Federal Cases' out of the continuance of local manufacture were the direct result of local law enforcement not really giving a care. Federal agents used the failure to pay taxes as their means of enforcement.

3) No self respecting 'shiner would ever consider a souped up Pontiac Firebird as a reasonable form of transportation. The true founders of NASCAR preferred cars manufactered with full frames, double A frame forward suspensions and reasonable ground clearance, none of which a Pontiac Firebird represents. Additionally, the Firebird was not actually in production until the late 60's and the honorable tradition of souped up stock cars was already well established. If you need to haul ass through the backwoods, you want something that will make it through without breaking.

4) As for Banjo music. I think that's another Hollywood invention. 'Shiners themselves are not a musically talented group. And for the most part, the ones I knew were far more likely to give an ear to someone with a talent on the fiddle that would provide some serious dancin music as they were rarely settin on a porch whilin away any time. But if one DID prefer Pickin over Fiddlin, I don't think that would exclude them from society of their brethren. In any case, music was never part of the 'distribution/evasion' process. Stealth was the most important asset; speed a close second.

If there is/was a requirement for membership, it probably had to do more with the size of a 'chaw' that one could handle and how far you could spit.

'nuff said,

 

[Guest]

Whoa! Old Man, I think you must made your bones on this forum.

respectfully, Perdita

 

[OldnotDead]

Whoa! Old Man, I think you must made your bones on this forum.

respectfully, Perdita

If the 'must' was a typo for 'just', I am most humbly honored to be cited by the well read and even more well spoken, Perdita.

If the 'made' is a typo for 'make', then I also most humbly ask, what is needed, dear Lady?

 

[OldnotDead]

to join the sex toy underground.

A Federal Appeals Court has declared that the State of Alabama has the right to outlaw sex toys and that there is no right of Sexual Privacy under the Constitution.

People this is a crisis!

. . .
Where you hide the sex toys while passing over the border is left up to each agent.

Applications are now being considered. Please leave your qualifications and vital statistics on this thread.

The march of freedom is not to be denied.

Subo,

Since you had the correct details on the founding of the GOP, I was sure you had the fact right on this one, but I did a little checking as I was preparing a comment to get the thread back on track after my recent diversion.

POSSESSION of sex toys is not a crime under the controversial law. Only the sale is banned. And in a an ironic way, this ties in with the comparisons to liquor laws.

The end of Prohibition returned the control of the sale of liquor to local option, allowing any recognized governing district to regulate the sale of alcoholic beverages. As anyone that has lived in a 'dry' town will attest, the size of the nearest legal purveyors of such spirits far exceeds the needs of the locality within which they are located.

While I think this law is grossly unfair to the locals of the state where I was born, I see a boom in real estate and state sales tax in Mississippi, Georgia, Florida and Tennessee. Now the once ubiquitous FIREWORKS signs that adorned exits near the border will all be replaced by TOYS FOR GROWNUPS signs in that lovely Suthun' tradition of euphemism.

Of course there will also be a correspondent rise in some redneck anger when they find out what's on sale when they were hopin to find a new ATV or RV.

 

[Subo97]

subterfuge or propaganda

Interesting takes.

i think we should embark on two different tracks to liberating the sexually frustrated, toyless denizens of Alabama. Much like the IRA and SinnFein, we need to attack above board and below it (kind of like a good blow job in a restaurant) Some of us must continue in our civil disobedience by smuggling the goods to our starving and horny brothers and sisters down on Dixie, while otherrs must stand above the fray and win the hearts, minds and quivering thighs of the undecided. To this effect, I suggest the creation of NORSTL (The Nation Organization for the Reform of Sex Toy Laws). I myself prefer to remain underground and am thinking of changing my name to Cinque, but surely someone will pick up the baton and follow his political destiny. It may even be lucrative. The porn industry is a billion dollar enterprise, surely they could use a good lobbyist.

To echo the slaves of our past, "Go down Moses." On who, they didn't say, but go down on somebody.

 

[Guest]

Viejo, the typo was for 'just', you flatterer. P.

 

[Subo97]

laws

Old, you're absolutely right. If I left the inference that all toys were outlawed, I apologize. It's not even the ban of sales that aroused my indignation and my desire to save my bretheren to the West. What really created my missionary zeal was the statement by the court that there was no such a principle as sexual privacy.

It is not just the private consumer/possessor who suffers here, it is the small business man, the backbone of the American economy that is really being hurt. Not to mention the vibrator repairmen who have to work undercover in back alleys and down unpaved dirt roads. We're trying to fight our way out of recession and entrepeneurs all over Alabama are being run out of business or run underground. Taxes are being lost, jobs are being lost, and worst of all, orgasms are being lost.

 

[Subo97]

public service

If I have done nothing, then I at least have provided the oppurtunity for more sightings of Perdita's lovely AV.

 

[Guest]

Re: public service

If I have done nothing, then I at least have provided the oppurtunity for more sightings of Perdita's lovely AV.

Subito:

 

[Clare Quilty]

Sher, pardon me but I can't let this go by. You misspelled Revenoors. Depending on what holler one is from, it can sometimes be spelled Revenooers, or even Revnoors. I grew up next to "hillbillies" in Detroit.

Perdita

I grew up in a house with a man from Kentucky who, in his pre-WWII younger days, manufactured and distributed corn whiskey to dry counties in neighboring Tennessee. My nickname for this scoundrel was Dad.

 

[shereads]

DAYUM!!

You had me at hello.

 

[shereads]

I grew up in a house with a man from Kentucky who, in his pre-WWII younger days, manufactured and distributed corn whiskey to dry counties in neighboring Tennessee. My nickname for this scoundrel was Dad.

My dad's best friend at age 6 was a moonshiner's son in the mountains where he spent summers. J.D., also 6 years old, taught my dad to "cuss." They didn't spend all of their time on vocabulary lessons; when they were bigger, they took turns "knocking over privys."



True story. When my dad was 80-something, he decided to drive up the mountains and ask around for J.D. Only my dad would waste an entire weekend on a hopeless quest to find someone he hadn't seen in nearly 70 years. Found him, too.

They had some laughs. I have no idea whether any moonshine was imbibed, but if there were outhouses knocked over it didn't make the papers. I checked. There was cussing, no doubt.

 

[shereads]

Re: laws

Old, you're absolutely right. If I left the inference that all toys were outlawed, I apologize. It's not even the ban of sales that aroused my indignation and my desire to save my bretheren to the West. What really created my missionary zeal was the statement by the court that there was no such a principle as sexual privacy.

It is not just the private consumer/possessor who suffers here, it is the small business man, the backbone of the American economy that is really being hurt. Not to mention the vibrator repairmen who have to work undercover in back alleys and down unpaved dirt roads. We're trying to fight our way out of recession and entrepeneurs all over Alabama are being run out of business or run underground. Taxes are being lost, jobs are being lost, and worst of all, orgasms are being lost.

Pervert! Scofflaw!

If all sex toys aren't banned after all, my corn idea is worthless.