Wanting a Vagina (human preferably)

[ClownHater]

Yes I am looking for a vagina. One to have and to hold and to call my own. The vagina must not have teeth, it must not cause an echo when spoken to and it must not disintegrate nose hair when breathing around it.

It may come attached to a female if so desired, but please realize that I only want to get to know the vagina itself. I am in no mood to hear how your day went. I would prefer your vagina tell me how the day went if that be the case.

Hearing a vagina speak you ask? Yes I am the hatchet wound whisperer. I can communicate with the vagina like no other person with a penis. You know like a man has. I know when it is sad, I know when it is lonely and I know when you have washed it in the sink instead of the shower. I am one with the pussy.

On a side note: By the time it takes you to run the water in the sink. Get it the temperature the way you want it to be and then hoisting your leg and foot into it, you could have started the shower hopped in and washed it properly. Just saying

Ohhhhh puss puss puss puss pussy. Where are youuuuuuu?

 

[ClownHater]

If you are looking downstairs right now and are concerned if your vagina is pretty enough to talk to me let me set up some parameters besides the teeth and smell issues. Maybe a visual will help.

If your vagina looks anything like this:

http://img1.imagehousing.com/70/5760373929726f46fef441bc6fd5031c.jpg

Then please keep on moving.

Now if you vagina looks anything liek this:

http://img1.imagehousing.com/21/6654baf6cad9a05ee16e1949806e2067.jpg

Then I would love to whisper and chat with your pussy.

I hope this clarifies any issues you might be trying to solve at this point in time.

 

[MissBonita2012]

lol

"the hatchet wound whisperer"

OMG, that is funny

 

[ClownHater]

"the hatchet wound whisperer"

OMG, that is funny

If you lay on your back and open your legs I can tell you how long you are going to live. Did you know your life expectancy is based on how long your vagina lips are?

 

[ClownHater]

Application process is as follows:

Please answer the Questionairre:

1) Do you have a vagina?_________
2) Does your vagina have teeth?_______
3) Is your vagina a happy vagina?________
4) Will I find anything like car keys in your vagina when I go spelunking?______
5). Are you human?_______


If you answer NO to more then 2 questions please move along.

 

[Tiarra]

Application process is as follows:

Please answer the Questionairre:

1) Do you have a vagina?_________
2) Does your vagina have teeth?_______
3) Is your vagina a happy vagina?________
4) Will I find anything like car keys in your vagina when I go spelunking?______
5). Are you human?_______


If you answer NO to more then 2 questions please move along.

Welp. Guess that leaves me out. *sigh*

Next!

 

[ClownHater]

Also I do consulting work. If you have an unruly vagina, or a vagina that isn't tame I am able to calm them down. I can talk your vagina off the ledge. If your vagina snaps at strangers and won't get off the couch I will teach it how to obey you.

Through hours and minutes of practice and patience I have learned how to help you maintain a healthy and happy vagina.

 

[ClownHater]

Welp. Guess that leaves me out. *sigh*

Next!

Damn. Well it is probably best for me to work from the bottom up. I shouldnt start out on top. Then there would be no place to go.

 

[Tiarra]

Also I do consulting work. If you have an unruly vagina, or a vagina that isn't tame I am able to calm them down. I can talk your vagina off the ledge. If your vagina snaps at strangers and won't get off the couch I will teach it how to obey you.

Through hours and minutes of practice and patience I have learned how to help you maintain a healthy and happy vagina.

I will gladly loan You my vagina if You're willing to spend hours of 'practice' on it.

I'm here to help. *S*

 

[ClownHater]

I will gladly loan You my vagina if You're willing to spend hours of 'practice' on it.

I'm here to help. *S*

Please understand that I don't work free. Until animal planet picks up my show I have to charge you. I have a family of 18 to feed and working at the home depot doesn't pay a whole lot.

Did I mention I am a polygamist? Bill Paxton ain't got nothing on me.

 

[Tiarra]

Please understand that I don't work free. Until animal planet picks up my show I have to charge you. I have a family of 18 to feed and working at the home depot doesn't pay a whole lot.

Did I mention I am a polygamist? Bill Paxton ain't got nothing on me.

Do You charge per hour, or per lick?!

I already have a Sister Wife, her name is Sunshinegirl. Perhaps You could work on giving her a happy vagina as well.. *S*

 

[ClownHater]

Do You charge per hour, or per lick?!

I already have a Sister Wife, her name is Sunshinegirl. Perhaps You could work on giving her a happy vagina as well.. *S*

Oh there is confusion already. Hence why I want to just talk tithe vagina. There is no licking. Strictly talking. I am the pussy whisperer. Not the pussy tickler.

 

[Tiarra]

Oh there is confusion already. Hence why I want to just talk tithe vagina. There is no licking. Strictly talking. I am the pussy whisperer. Not the pussy tickler.

Gawd. What's a girl gotta do to get a lil oral action around here?!

 

[ClownHater]

Gawd. What's a girl gotta do to get a lil oral action around here?!

I figure the only thing a woman can do around here is maybe get fingered at best.

 

[Tiarra]

I figure the only thing a woman can do around here is maybe get fingered at best.

*laughs*

Have I told You lately that I love You?!

 

[ClownHater]

*laughs*

Have I told You lately that I love You?!

. Is that you or your vagina talking?

 

[Tiarra]

. Is that you or your vagina talking?

That was me, silly.

But, go on - lean down and whisper to my vagina - see what is says...

 

[Chaingun]

Gawd. What's a girl gotta do to get a lil oral action around here?!

Buy a plane ticket to warmer climes.

Just sayin'.

I won't talk to it at all, by the way.

 

[ClownHater]

That was me, silly.

But, go on - lean down and whisper to my vagina - see what is says...

Hmmmm I hear the ocean.

 

[Tiarra]

Buy a plane ticket to warmer climes.

Just sayin'.

I won't talk to it at all, by the way.

I love it when You say nothing at all...

Hmmmm I hear the ocean.

*nods*

It might get You a lil bit wet.

Get Your water wings on, grab Your snorkel, dive in and take a closer look ...

 

[ClownHater]

I love it when You say nothing at all...







*nods*

It might get You a lil bit wet.

Get Your water wings on, grab Your snorkel, dive in and take a closer look ...

Ummmm I can't swim and it is really difficult to talk underwater.

 

[Unthawed_Tatas]

The Vagina Whisperer.

It has a ring to it.

 

[ClownHater]

The Vagina Whisperer.

It has a ring to it.

Only if it is pierced.

I am trying to get the animal planet to pick me up but so far no luck. Something to do with the blurred out areas being distracting to the viewer. Tried to explain squiggly line porn but they wouldn't listen.

 

[Unthawed_Tatas]

Only if it is pierced.

I am trying to get the animal planet to pick me up but so far no luck. Something to do with the blurred out areas being distracting to the viewer. Tried to explain squiggly line porn but they wouldn't listen.

I miss trying to see the naked bits through the squiggly lines. I really do.

 

[MissBonita2012]

If you lay on your back and open your legs I can tell you how long you are going to live. Did you know your life expectancy is based on how long your vagina lips are?

I didn't realize this was going to be an educational thread Vagina Whisperer, is it possible to stretch my vagina lips so I can have a longer life? (please say yes, please say yes, please say yes!!!!)