Welcoming

[ArcheKlaine]

That's the thing, I am not isolating myself anymore, I am making an active effort to go out there and meet people now...even if it feels like I am not really going anywhere, I am still trying to meet people...

It's hard though for me because this nagging feeling of being an unwanted presence in any group always haunts me.

How have you been going about meeting people? And what are your interests? Depending on those, there may be ways to find people you could like a bit more, and who could like you back.

I have a thing about feeling crowded around too many people, especially when I'm dragged into groups of people I don't know. It gets me a lot of crap at parties, because I'm usually the guy who will sit down and relax and look around, seeing what's going on. Usually people get curious and ask me things anyways though, and I tend to start conversations from there if they want to know about things. o_o;

 

[Hannah_tan]

true, but I have no easy way of finding new friends.. I literally stumbled into my current group with about a 2% chance of it happening. I got very lucky that i found a place I could be accepted. Mind you, I want to move on-campus and room with a girlfriend. (I come from a girl's perspective, remember. Not a relationship). I do want a good friend like you mentioned... but the fear of my life crumbling is too much for me at the moment. Also, if I lost all my friends that way, it might scare me too much to even continue, which isn't what I want at all.

 

[Mirror_tan]

How have you been going about meeting people? And what are your interests? Depending on those, there may be ways to find people you could like a bit more, and who could like you back.

I have a thing about feeling crowded around too many people, especially when I'm dragged into groups of people I don't know. It gets me a lot of crap at parties, because I'm usually the guy who will sit down and relax and look around, seeing what's going on. Usually people get curious and ask me things anyways though, and I tend to start conversations from there if they want to know about things. o_o;

Mostly going to on campus clubs. I wanted to go to APIQ (Asian Pacific Islander Queer), but I was told it was more or less a drama dram club for gay Asian guys and a maybe two lesbians, and basically to stay away with a 10 foot pole. I have met a few people, mostly girls...but the ting is even though I talk with these people often at clubs and maybe online, I never see them otherwise.

I do very poorly at parties especially since I can drink a mule's share in alcohol before being affected by it. Everyone else is getting shit-faced drunk, and I'm sitting quietly...often appalled.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

I know, and I don't mean to try to push you to suddenly lose your friends. I just don't want you to keep yourself repressed, because it's not good for you emotionally. You may want to consider just talking to some guys and girls online who you think would be receptive to your situation and tastes. I don't know why, but it's just so much easier to find stuff out about people's interests online. :x

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Mostly going to on campus clubs. I wanted to go to APIQ (Asian Pacific Islander Queer), but I was told it was more or less a drama dram club for gay Asian guys and a maybe two lesbians, and basically to stay away with a 10 foot pole. I have met a few people, mostly girls...but the ting is even though I talk with these people often at clubs and maybe online, I never see them otherwise.

I do very poorly at parties especially since I can drink a mule's share in alcohol before being affected by it. Everyone else is getting shit-faced drunk, and I'm sitting quietly...often appalled.

I do poorly at parties where drinking and things like that are attractions because of my brother's experiences setting the 'examples of things not to do' before I got the chance to think about them, so I don't drink or anything like that anyways.
You should look into clubs related to nonsexual things, really. Follow your other hobbies to find people with similar interests. An ideal girl is hard to find, so don't set your eyes on just finding one around spontaneously. Find people you like, and stick around them and be their friend, and you may eventually find someone who you really do like.
I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but it's worth saying anyways. o.o

 

[Hannah_tan]

I know, and I don't mean to try to push you to suddenly lose your friends. I just don't want you to keep yourself repressed, because it's not good for you emotionally. You may want to consider just talking to some guys and girls online who you think would be receptive to your situation and tastes. I don't know why, but it's just so much easier to find stuff out about people's interests online. :x

Thats why I'm glad I have here. I can be myself, and not have to worry about it.

Also, apparently, hormones make chest hair go away like male pattern baldness. horray! (According to the how-to forum)

 

[Mirror_tan]

I do poorly at parties where drinking and things like that are attractions because of my brother's experiences setting the 'examples of things not to do' before I got the chance to think about them, so I don't drink or anything like that anyways.
You should look into clubs related to nonsexual things, really. Follow your other hobbies to find people with similar interests. An ideal girl is hard to find, so don't set your eyes on just finding one around spontaneously. Find people you like, and stick around them and be their friend, and you may eventually find someone who you really do like.
I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but it's worth saying anyways. o.o

Yeah, I actually do go to normal clubs. I actually have met quite a few people. Mostly girls. However they seem to "straight and narrow" to seem accepting...

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Being able to be myself is what I love about the internet.
Like male pattern baldness? Kick ass.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Heh, don't worry about them being straight and narrow. Just talk to them about whatever interests you or them. If they ask about your more sensitive preferences, just tell them. It's not really unusual to have some quirks. Most people don't care if you've got a few more than most.

 

[Hannah_tan]

I am too tired to keep posting. Talk to you girls later, I am gonna snuggle with my ringtail and get some sleep

 

[Mirror_tan]

Oh man, I almost forgot, one thing keeping me from being fully out is my extended family. My dad's side, is totally banana (yellow on the outside and white on the inside), and are all Conservative Fundamental Christians. When I went through a Wiccan phase for a month, my aunt sprang like a tiger on crack and made my previously non-religious parents into Baptist church attenders who dragged me and my sister along for the ride.

If she caugh wind of this... the shit would hit the fan.

And she somehow convinced my dad to give her power of attourney of the estate should he pass away...

So I have to tread carefully, at least until I am financially independent.

I may be screwed already since they may or may not know I am ignostic...

 

[Mirror_tan]

Heh, don't worry about them being straight and narrow. Just talk to them about whatever interests you or them. If they ask about your more sensitive preferences, just tell them. It's not really unusual to have some quirks. Most people don't care if you've got a few more than most.

Oh I know they'll be accepting...but if there was a potential of a relationship to begin with...they tend to shunt you to "friends only" so fast you get whiplash. At least in my experience.

Most of the people in the club will know about my dressing preferences soon anyways. I entered the game of "assassins" and plan to use every weapon at my disposal to win. They made us take pictures at club so people would know what we look like...but I have more than one trick up my sleeve... heh.

 

[Mirror_tan]

I am too tired to keep posting. Talk to you girls later, I am gonna snuggle with my ringtail and get some sleep

K, night.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Erk, that does make the environment significantly more volatile.
I'm the son of a state university engineering professor, who never really cared much about religion later on in life. My mom was the daughter of a southern baptist family of 7, and she has her own mildly religious things from it, but most of her attempts to get us to go to church ended by the time I was around age 7. Probably because I was the biggest pain in the ass hyperactive demon child you could ever have around at that age. So needless to say, my circumstances are once again a lot less explosive than yours. So uhh, yeah, definitely hold off on the family stuff until after you've got the financial independence. Friend finding can and should continue, however.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

I am too tired to keep posting. Talk to you girls later, I am gonna snuggle with my ringtail and get some sleep

Night hun.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Oh I know they'll be accepting...but if there was a potential of a relationship to begin with...they tend to shunt you to "friends only" so fast you get whiplash. At least in my experience.

Most of the people in the club will know about my dressing preferences soon anyways. I entered the game of "assassins" and plan to use every weapon at my disposal to win. They made us take pictures at club so people would know what we look like...but I have more than one trick up my sleeve... heh.

Oh, trust me, I'm way too used to being sorted into everyone's 'friend' section, and often the 'friend I dump my problems on' section, but I tend to ask for that sort of thing.
What's assassins? :x

 

[Mirror_tan]

Oh, trust me, I'm way too used to being sorted into everyone's 'friend' section, and often the 'friend I dump my problems on' section, but I tend to ask for that sort of thing.
What's assassins? :x

It's kind of like tag, except everyone is "it" for a a specific target. You have to hug them instead though, and when you tage them out you get their target. And this game is run over weeks.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

Interesting. Though I'd suck at it because I'm forgetful and unaware of things.

 

[Mirror_tan]

I'm kind of paranoid, and I hang out on /k/ often enough to be considered somewhat of a /k/ommando, so that, in combination with masterful disguise makes me a formidable target. Also people don't know me that well, so I have extra protection.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

That takes 'trap' to an extreme.
And oh god, I just checked F21. I think I just died of cute.
Boys just fucking miss out if they're not crossdressing, I'm sorry.
I think I'm going to cuddle up to a pillow and fall asleep too. Night dear.

 

[Mirror_tan]

I think I'll be retiring to bed soon as well...if anyone else is around >_>

 

[WombatimusPrime]

I return to this thread and find two extra pages and a new person.

Well, certainly seems like you all have had your bad experiences, and I'm sad to say you're all certainly right about us guys (not that you needed me to confirm it), by and large, at least concerning the bits about trying assert dominance one way or another.

Sadly, the way societal conventions work is that non-conventional behavior is shunned. And this isn't entirely without reason, deviant behaviors like pedophilia, abuse, etc so-forth are shunned because it's non-conventional behavior that has destructive results on people physically and mentally. Still, it's not right for society to impinge or punish people for trying to be true to themselves despite the fact that it doesn't fit with their own world view of how people should think, act, or behave.

When I was a little guy, I was always the outcast in school. This isn't a "I'm gonna go hang with my outcast friends" thing, I was literally always the last kid picked during kickball, and that sort of thing. I was always several years ahead of my peers, I was sensitive, I had a mom who told me it was okay to cry, and many other things which led to me being a social outcast amongst my peers, in addition to the added "benefit" of being called "gay" or "faggot" during middle and high school (at least my early years of high school).

Still, nothing compared to what you all have been through. I've never been faced with the idea that I was in the wrong body, or anything like tha,t and punished for trying to act naturally. I guess I've been lucky in that regard. You all have my sympathy and respect for that.

 

[Hannah_tan]

I return to this thread and find two extra pages and a new person.

Well, certainly seems like you all have had your bad experiences, and I'm sad to say you're all certainly right about us guys (not that you needed me to confirm it), by and large, at least concerning the bits about trying assert dominance one way or another.

Sadly, the way societal conventions work is that non-conventional behavior is shunned. And this isn't entirely without reason, deviant behaviors like pedophilia, abuse, etc so-forth are shunned because it's non-conventional behavior that has destructive results on people physically and mentally. Still, it's not right for society to impinge or punish people for trying to be true to themselves despite the fact that it doesn't fit with their own world view of how people should think, act, or behave.

When I was a little guy, I was always the outcast in school. This isn't a "I'm gonna go hang with my outcast friends" thing, I was literally always the last kid picked during kickball, and that sort of thing. I was always several years ahead of my peers, I was sensitive, I had a mom who told me it was okay to cry, and many other things which led to me being a social outcast amongst my peers, in addition to the added "benefit" of being called "gay" or "faggot" during middle and high school (at least my early years of high school).

Still, nothing compared to what you all have been through. I've never been faced with the idea that I was in the wrong body, or anything like tha,t and punished for trying to act naturally. I guess I've been lucky in that regard. You all have my sympathy and respect for that.

it sounds like you had a mother who instilled her sensitive beliefs in you, which were not somthing most people accept. I just always felt out of place (Males always seemed almost primitive to me... someone farts, everyone started cracking up... I honestly invision Ugg the caveman and his caveman buddies doing the same thing.) Given that when I was 6 it made me laugh, I still see stuff like this by people my age on occasion, and it reminds me of who I am.

I gotta admit though, I do wonder if I got emotionally damaged throughout middle school. There have been times where I should have felt empathy, but it just wasn't there anymore. I remember, before fifth grade and middle school, I used to feel bad for other people. It seems like somthing that happened to me (or all of it, I don't know for sure) during that timeframe that made me stop caring about other individuals. I do definatly feel bad, but it seems that really it is more of me able to tell that they feel bad, but without any emotion on my end. I do know, I should see a psycaitrist, but then, I would have to explain why I need to see one. Whats more, if he knew about the whole gender thing, he might encourage me to move when I am not ready ( I have been in and out of counceling for some time), and I know how they usually react.

*sigh* Oh, the food was great. I only had two plates total, included was a little sushi (eeeeeel ) and some chicken, so overall nothing super fatty. Still, I wanna go run it off, but the weather is foul right now.

(Is /b/ down? I have been having issues connecting to it today)

 

[WombatimusPrime]

/b/'s currently down as of this moment.

I sorta feel bad, since I wanna lend support in any way I can but I really have no firsthand direct experience of what ya'll are going through, so I just sorta feel awkward on the sidelines going "Ah... uh... well this is what happened to ME back then..."

But I do owe my mom a lot, my dad too. I'm blessed with good parents. Don't know how they'd treat me if my life turned out differently (as in gender dysphoric, homosexual, what have you) but they've been really supportive, and I love them a lot.

I suppose, really and truly, we all still need and crave our parent's love, guidance, and affection. I really do honestly wish you all can have that when you come out, if that's an appropriate phrase to us.

 

[ArcheKlaine]

the img servers had to move to a new DNS server, so people can't connect to them until the address gets sent out again in the next few days.
I sort of feel like I'm 'on the sidelines' in this too, but I don't really know why. Oh well, I'm used to that feeling.
Glad you enjoyed your dinner. I wouldn't worry too much about the bit of fat you got in there, you seem to work pretty hard on this front already, I'm sure your body will forgive you for a little reward every now and then.