What’s the most dignified way to ask a woman out on a date?

[Carnevil9]

Stop being a pussy. There is no way to ask a woman out that doesn't put you at risk for being rejected. That's life. Grow a pair and just ask her out on a date. Then graciously accept whatever she says.

And look at it this way: if she rejects you, that's her loss. But if you are too chicken-shit to ask her out in the first place, then YOU are rejecting yourself as being unworthy of her. That's much worse.

 

[DirtyAllie]

One big no-no

never, ever ask by text, that is just ridiculous.

Not as ridiculous as that I feel I should have to say it, but I have three friends that have had guys do that to them.

 

[HoneyFortune]

Be honest, be kind, be direct. Use an honest compliment. And be prepared for rejection. Unfortunately, it is the sad reality of the dating world. I have done my share of rejecting, it never feels good to be the rejected, either. Good luck.

 

[HoneyFortune]

Also, and this is important, if you want someone to be receptive to you, you need to be genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say and display that you have listened to her by recalling a part of a conversation or remembering some detail or part of a conversation. Incredible how few men learn that lesson. Listen.

 

[Sammael Bard]

Walk up to her. And ask her out.

Simple as that.

Tips?

Don't act like a wimp who doesn't know where he is. Be confident. If it helps you, practice in front of a mirror until you're confident of doing it in public. If she rejects you, don't bawl your eyes out. Rejection is a part of the dance.

You get some, you lose some.

Just know this - you'll never know if you don't try. I'd never have been with my partner if I just sat on the chair and ogled her.

Being afraid of rejection is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Man the F up and just walk up to her.

Stop being a pussy. There is no way to ask a woman out that doesn't put you at risk for being rejected. That's life. Grow a pair and just ask her out on a date. Then graciously accept whatever she says.

And look at it this way: if she rejects you, that's her loss. But if you are too chicken-shit to ask her out in the first place, then YOU are rejecting yourself as being unworthy of her. That's much worse.

Amen, Sir.

Amen.

 

[SultryKitten75]

A direct, confident, straight forward proposal, works best for me. Rejection, comes with the territory. Suck it up, and just ask. Since you don't clearly know what the fuck you're looking to get out of it anyway.. Worse she can say, is no.

And since you're not looking for sex out of it anyway..
Just walk up, and tell her she would look stunning bent over the bar stool, with your cock in her ass. She might just bend over right then and there for ya.

 

[erotica_n_s]

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First, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time and effort to reply.




That having been said, I get the impression that some of the folks who replied have missed the point of my question, or maybe I didn't word the question appropriately... So let me say this once again - I'm NOT afraid of being rejected. I can handle rejection.

The question is NOT "How do I get her to say 'yes'?"

I guess the question is "How do I ask her out without being accused of 'sexual harassment'? How do I avoid 'creeping' her out?"

I don't want to ask/say anything that makes her tell all her friends that I'm a jerk or a creep.

Would a woman ever be offended by being asked out for coffee? What sorts of things might cause offence/embarrassment? What kind of approach/behaviour must a guy avoid?

Also, there was one occasion when a young lady appeared to want me to ask her out, but I didn't, because one of our friends was also present at the conversation, and I didn't feel it appropriate to ask her out in the presence of another person... Then again, I don't think I would ask her out if we were completely alone in the office... I thought, ideally, in a place where there are others around, but not listening to our conversation, like maybe if we bumped into each other in the canteen, when there's others around, as opposed to when we're alone together in the shared office... And, e.g. I gave her a lift in my car once. But I didn't feel it would be right to ask her out in that situation. I didn't want her to feel "vulnerable" in any way. And I guess that's the question... what sorts of things must a guy avoid if he doesn't want her to lose respect for him?



Okay, so I'm not as utterly clueless as my questions might seem, but let's start with the basics anyway... like I said, there may be many other guys out there who could use the advice...



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[fire_breeze]

First, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time and effort to reply.

That having been said, I get the impression that some of the folks who replied have missed the point of my question, or maybe I didn't word the question appropriately... So let me say this once again - I'm NOT afraid of being rejected. I can handle rejection.

The question is NOT "How do I get her to say 'yes'?"

I guess the question is "How do I ask her out without being accused of 'sexual harassment'? How do I avoid 'creeping' her out?"

I don't want to ask/say anything that makes her tell all her friends that I'm a jerk or a creep.

Would a woman ever be offended by being asked out for coffee? What sorts of things might cause offence/embarrassment? What kind of approach/behaviour must a guy avoid?

Also, there was one occasion when a young lady appeared to want me to ask her out, but I didn't, because one of our friends was also present at the conversation, and I didn't feel it appropriate to ask her out in the presence of another person... Then again, I don't think I would ask her out if we were completely alone in the office... I thought, ideally, in a place where there are others around, but not listening to our conversation, like maybe if we bumped into each other in the canteen, when there's others around, as opposed to when we're alone together in the shared office... And, e.g. I gave her a lift in my car once. But I didn't feel it would be right to ask her out in that situation. I didn't want her to feel "vulnerable" in any way. And I guess that's the question... what sorts of things must a guy avoid if he doesn't want her to lose respect for him?



Okay, so I'm not as utterly clueless as my questions might seem, but let's start with the basics anyway... like I said, there may be many other guys out there who could use the advice...

Simple: by being respectful. A simple "would you like to grab a cup of coffee?" is respectful and clear. You may wish to add in "I am interested how you snagged the Thompson contract" (or in my scenario) "I am very curious about that article you wrote, and wanted to discuss the application to my research." If she says yes, then great. Make a time and go. If she says she isn't sure, or no, then a polite "I respect that; let me know if you change your mind" and then leave it at that. You won't be accused of sexual harassment. It's coffee, for Gods' sake, not a marriage proposal. Colleagues go out for coffee all the time. Hell, if I accused of every single person who asked me to go out for coffee/tea, then I would be constantly in HR, filling out reports. Think of it as a networking opportunity. Smile when you see her, say hello, ask how she is doing is also respectful.

If you do want to get intimate with a lady from your office, check with your company's policy. Some have rules against intra-office romance. Also, most people do not date where they work, even if there are no policy in place; it's just common sense. I've seen cases where the couple are together for years (so it works) and I've seen cases where the couple broke up and it got ugly. That said, you said - repeatedly - that you do not want romance, so think of this as getting to know your co-worker and getting to know a person as a friend as opposed to getting to know a mythical 'woman'.

I have said this many times, but women desire what all genders desire: to be respected. Stop thinking that we are some alien species. Be polite, respectful and I promise you won't come across as a douche.

And this is coming from someone who lives in her head far too much: stop overthinking. You are, in all seriousness, very much overcomplicating the situation and it's at your great detriment. I fear that you are missing out on all possibilities that life has to offer (and not necessarily romantically. Think of the friends you are not meeting, work opportunities that you haven't taken, promotions that you have been passed over) because you are too preoccupied with some sort self-conceived notion of rules that in reality, barely exists.

If you want to ask a woman out for coffee, then ask her out. If you want to pursue a romantic interest, then ask her out (I would not ask her out in front of her friend). And yes, she will tell her friend, just as you would tell your friend if you were going out with someone for coffee or on a date. And they may or may not discuss you, but in all honesty, it's none of your business what they say about you. Do not create situations where a person feel that they cannot escape and if you are polite and kind and respectful, then they will not feel vulnerable nor will they lose respect for you.

Women are first and foremost people. Women are as varied as men: you cannot lump women into one category, just as you cannot lump men into one category. There are so many variances, that ignore them would be like ignoring colour. It demeans humanity. Anthropologists will tell you that gender-stereotyping is a social ill that reifies negative social constructs, perpetuates patriarchy, hinders social advancement and is detrimental to society as it consistently reinforces the notion of rigid social hierarchy and continues the cycle of racism and genderism (actually, one anthropologist just told you that ). And besides, what general social ideas of how women 'should' be (i.e. fair, shy, Madonna/whore dichtomic, non-sexual, etc) are just stereotypical ideals and fantastical constructs that has no basis in reality (see previous note on stereotypes).

Treat women like a living, breathing human being worthy of respect and not as a some sort of elusive fragile species, and you will not be considered as a creep. Promise

Good luck, my friend. I truly hope you will go out there and live .