What are some examples of masculine and feminine qualities?

[AG31]

Excluding the purely physical, what are examples of qualities that we would label masculine or feminine?

I'd like to avoid discussions of why we label them this way. Let's not talk about nature vs nurture. Let's not talk about the degree to which different genders display these qualities. (Let's accept that any of them can be present in any person.) Let's stick to the "I know it when I see it" principle.

Just stating the example is fine, but it's more fun if we try to dig deeper and give a more abstract definition of what th example represents.

Here's the example from a detective story that got me thinking about this. Two men are talking about the believability of a suspect's alibi. It's the day that Prince William and Kate Middleton got married. "No, way. Would you stay home all day to watch a royal wedding if there wasn't a woman in the house?"

I was struck by how vivid that was. If an otherwise unremarkable man stayed home alone to watch a royal wedding, it would add interest to the story because he would be counter to type. Or it might serve to strengthen the picture of a certain sort of gay man. However it's used, I think it's undeniably "feminine" to stay home alone all day to watch a royal wedding.

So what does this action represent? It brought to mind the cliche that women are more interested in relationships than men are. Thinking a little more about that, I decided that you need to add the phrase "in the abstract." I don't think we'd want to say that men are less interested in their own relationships with those close to them than women are, but being "interested" can mean caring in the hear and now, not thinking about the dynamics.

I'd be delighted if someone could sharpen up that last paragraph for me. I wasn't finding the right words.

 

[ronde]

I think it's difficult to separate masculine and feminine from nature and nurture because that's how we develop the personalities we have. That said, I also believe that both men and women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, and feelings. The thing that defines masculine and feminine to me is what I'd call "openness" or "willingness to share with others." It's a stereotype, but if you think about the people you know, you'll find it's usually true.

Men tend to hide their feelings or at least present their feelings in a way that is "appropriate" for a man. You'll seldom hear a "masculine" man telling another "masculine" man about how much he's in love with a woman. He'll keep that to himself and to her. Women tend to be open books to their female friends. They'll tell a close friend and even some not so close friends that they love the guy more than life itself. They usually won't tell a man those things until they're sure the feeling is reciprocal.

Men tend to outwardly shrug off disappointments and don't say much about them to other men for fear of being ridiculed. Women will go to their female friends to talk about their disappointments in hopes of sympathy.

Therein lies the potential for generating interest in a story.

I have written about a private investigator who outwardly is a total asshole toward women. His looks at women first as sex objects and as people second. While those feelings he usually keeps to himself, he feels sympathy for his female clients and has no sympathy for his alpha male clients. He has zero respect for "pussy men". His term, "pussy men" doesn't mean gay men. He is OK with gay men and doesn't criticize their life choices. He just can't stand a straight man who acts more feminine than masculine. In spite of thinking of women as sex objects, he likes strong women. He also likes lesbians and considers a few to be friends. He's two sides of the same coin. Which side the reader sees depends upon the situation and people involved.

I don't know if this answers your question or not, but it's my way of defining masculine and feminine.

 

[Bazzle]

You could trope it into testosterone v estrogen?

 

[AwkwardMD]

Aaaand drink

 

[AwkwardlySet]

So what does this action represent? It brought to mind the cliche that women are more interested in relationships than men are. Thinking a little more about that, I decided that you need to add the phrase "in the abstract." I don't think we'd want to say that men are less interested in their own relationships with those close to them than women are, but being "interested" can mean caring in the hear and now, not thinking about the dynamics.

I'd be delighted if someone could sharpen up that last paragraph for me. I wasn't finding the right words.

I would say that women are significantly more interested in the "security" of a relationship. I believe there is more than one reason for that, but I also think that one of major reasons is the fact that society looks so differently at single women and single men, especially in non-western countries. The world still has a long way to go when it comes to societal equality of sexes.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Men have penises, women have pussies, men have pecks, women have tits, men have no-brains-a-tall, and women are whip smart!

 

[FidelityBoss]

Excluding the purely physical, what are examples of qualities that we would label masculine or feminine?

I'd like to avoid discussions of why we label them this way. Let's not talk about nature vs nurture. Let's not talk about the degree to which different genders display these qualities. (Let's accept that any of them can be present in any person.) Let's stick to the "I know it when I see it" principle.

Just stating the example is fine, but it's more fun if we try to dig deeper and give a more abstract definition of what th example represents.

Here's the example from a detective story that got me thinking about this. Two men are talking about the believability of a suspect's alibi. It's the day that Prince William and Kate Middleton got married. "No, way. Would you stay home all day to watch a royal wedding if there wasn't a woman in the house?"

I was struck by how vivid that was. If an otherwise unremarkable man stayed home alone to watch a royal wedding, it would add interest to the story because he would be counter to type. Or it might serve to strengthen the picture of a certain sort of gay man. However it's used, I think it's undeniably "feminine" to stay home alone all day to watch a royal wedding.

So what does this action represent? It brought to mind the cliche that women are more interested in relationships than men are. Thinking a little more about that, I decided that you need to add the phrase "in the abstract." I don't think we'd want to say that men are less interested in their own relationships with those close to them than women are, but being "interested" can mean caring in the hear and now, not thinking about the dynamics.

I'd be delighted if someone could sharpen up that last paragraph for me. I wasn't finding the right words.

This is such an interesting dive into gendered traits! The royal wedding example is spot-on, it highlights how certain interests (like abstract relationship dynamics or societal events) are often coded as "feminine." Masculine-coded traits might include things like assertiveness, competitiveness, or a focus on problem solving, while feminine-coded traits often emphasize empathy, nurturing, or emotional expression. These aren’t exclusive to any gender, of course, but they’re culturally labelled as such. Your point about relationships "in the abstract" is sharp, it’s not that men don’t care about relationships, but the way they engage with them (practically vs. conceptually) can differ. Fun topic to explore!

 

[yowser]

More AI induced drivel.

 

[FidelityBoss]

I think it's difficult to separate masculine and feminine from nature and nurture because that's how we develop the personalities we have. That said, I also believe that both men and women have the same interests, likes, dislikes, and feelings. The thing that defines masculine and feminine to me is what I'd call "openness" or "willingness to share with others." It's a stereotype, but if you think about the people you know, you'll find it's usually true.

Men tend to hide their feelings or at least present their feelings in a way that is "appropriate" for a man. You'll seldom hear a "masculine" man telling another "masculine" man about how much he's in love with a woman. He'll keep that to himself and to her. Women tend to be open books to their female friends. They'll tell a close friend and even some not so close friends that they love the guy more than life itself. They usually won't tell a man those things until they're sure the feeling is reciprocal.

Men tend to outwardly shrug off disappointments and don't say much about them to other men for fear of being ridiculed. Women will go to their female friends to talk about their disappointments in hopes of sympathy.

Therein lies the potential for generating interest in a story.

I have written about a private investigator who outwardly is a total asshole toward women. His looks at women first as sex objects and as people second. While those feelings he usually keeps to himself, he feels sympathy for his female clients and has no sympathy for his alpha male clients. He has zero respect for "pussy men". His term, "pussy men" doesn't mean gay men. He is OK with gay men and doesn't criticize their life choices. He just can't stand a straight man who acts more feminine than masculine. In spite of thinking of women as sex objects, he likes strong women. He also likes lesbians and considers a few to be friends. He's two sides of the same coin. Which side the reader sees depends upon the situation and people involved.

I don't know if this answers your question or not, but it's my way of defining masculine and feminine.

You’ve nailed the idea of "openness" as a key difference in how masculinity and femininity are often expressed men tend to internalize or downplay emotions, while women are more likely to share them openly. Your PI character is a great example of playing with these stereotypes to create complexity and tension. By blending traditionally masculine traits (like being assertive or dismissive) with unexpected sympathy for certain groups, you’ve created a layered, intriguing character. It’s a smart way to explore gender norms while keeping the story engaging. Great insights!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Men have penises, women have pussies, men have pecks, women have tits, men have no-brains-a-tall, and women are whip smart!

C'mon, Millie - just come out and tell us what you really think!

 

[MillieDynamite]

We have the best, and the men have the leftovers. LOL

C'mon, Millie - just come out and tell us what you really think!

 

[NuclearFairy]

It's been a few decades since I've been in high school, but whenever I think of how men and women differ I can't help but think of the people watching I would do in gym's free jogging time and the cafeteria.

The girls were constantly talking about guys or grades, nothing else and grades took a back seat to guys. They would talk loudly, they would squeal, they would compare their physique and how good of kissers they were and even how good in the sack they were. They would talk about how good they looked in their foot ball uniforms or swim suites and about wanting to fuck the male cheerleader because of how obviously big his dick was in that uniform. They would exchange makeup tips and flirting tips and tell each other what exactly was good or bad about their outfit.

Whereas the guys mostly talked about video games, and sports as in who do you think is going to win next week's game and why. When they talked about cheerleaders it was to talk about how effective their cheers were. Occasionally someone would go, "So I heard you're dating so and so." And the other guy would say, "Yeah she's fun." Then they'd get back to talking about lunch. There was this one time that a guy was spacing out and his friends finally got his attention to ask what was on his mind and he started talking about the adorable way his girlfriends nose crinkled when she laughed. Which got his friends loudly teasing him for being in love.

But other than that, at least in public guys don't really talk about girls much, whereas girls really do seem to talk about guys all the damn time.

 

[AG31]

More AI induced drivel.

???? What's AI induced drivel???

 

[AG31]

You'll seldom hear a "masculine" man telling another "masculine" man about how much he's in love with a woman.

Spot on.

"So I heard you're dating so and so." And the other guy would say, "Yeah she's fun." Then they'd get back to talking about lunch.

Yes, this is another quality that differentiates masculine and feminine in my mind. Many years ago a half dozen couples went on an overnight retreat. There was an exercise where we all talked about some topic (I forget what it was), and then the men went off to one room and the women to another. The rooms had glass doors and were off a central area, so each group could see and hear noise from the other.

The women immediately launched into sustained chatter. The men mostly sat and looked at each other.

 

[NuclearFairy]

The women immediately launched into sustained chatter. The men mostly sat and looked at each other.

I think that's why I always go largely unnoticed in social situations. I'm always very quiet and watching while all the girls and women around me are loud and excitable. But I'm also not drawn into myself and uncomfortable. It's always hilarious when most of the women wander away and the men start talking about guy stuff only for that one guy to suddenly notice me and look at me like I'm a spy. But... It's been decades since I've been in social situations outside of family bbq's and they're constantly trying to draw me into conversations when I just wanna sit and observe.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

???? What's AI induced drivel???

I believe he meant the post before his own.

 

[jaF0]

Aaaand drink

Both hands.

 

[getnakedgoswimming]

Masculine and feminine traits are going to vary widely depending on the culture in which the subject was raised. So do you mean contemporary American culture? Even then, I'd guess masculine and feminine traits are going to vary on socio economic background, religion, ethnicity, etc.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I wrote this in a story a long time ago:

"You know what it is about you that's different to other men? I've just realised what it is."

"No, haven't got a clue. I'm just me, being me. I never measure myself against other men. What's the point?"

"See the waitress, what do you think of her?"

"She's a pretty girl, with a lovely smile. I'd come to this tea shop again, just for her smile."

"Yes, you would." Her eyes darkened. "I don't blame you, I would too.

"But you know what it is about you? Even though she's a pretty girl, and there's a sexy sway to her hips as she walks around, you don't notice that. Most men, my husband included, most men would be following her with their eyes even as they were talking to me.

"But you, you're here talking to me, and you're giving me your undivided attention. Your eyes aren't looking all over the room, they're not gazing at the pretty girl, they're not looking out the window. You're paying attention to me, giving me your undivided attention. Your gaze. It's just for me.

"And fuck, I love that. Men don't do that, not at all. You're the first man I've ever known to do it. You talk to me like a woman does. That's how women talk to each other."

So Cathy was the first woman to introduce me to the notion of "undivided attention". I was intrigued, but didn't think so much about it, not then. It was not until later, when some other women used exactly the same expression, that I realised that it was an unusual thing, in a man.

Later, I found myself watching women talk to each other, out in public, in the cafe, on the bus. And I realised that women talk together so differently to how men talk. That was it - women talk together, while men talk apart. So that's why women are a mystery to men - we men just don't pay enough attention.

 

[AG31]

I believe he meant the post before his own.

So @yowser is saying that @FidelityBoss's reply was AI generated? Or sounded like AI???

 

[AG31]

Masculine and feminine traits are going to vary widely depending on the culture in which the subject was raised. So do you mean contemporary American culture? Even then, I'd guess masculine and feminine traits are going to vary on socio economic background, religion, ethnicity, etc.

So give us some varying examples from different cultures.

 

[PennyThompson]

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I don't think I align with a lot of these tropes. I like men who are strong and helpful and maybe a little protective, but also curious and goofy and unashamedly enthusiastic about their hobbies.

There are some funny videos that went viral on tiktok a while ago about "the masculine urge to dig a hole at the beach," and it's just women recording their boyfriends enthusiastically digging in the sand either alone or in groups, sometimes complete strangers who get in on the action. To me that's very funny, dumb, endearing, harmless physical fun, guys being dudes

 

[ElectricBlue]

So @yowser is saying that @FidelityBoss's reply was AI generated? Or sounded like AI???

Both of those posts reek of AI. Look at the structure of the responses, they're virtually the same. People in casual forums like this don't write like that. People don't write such bland, formulaic responses.

 

[jaF0]

A lot of dudes watched just to see Kate. The opening comparison doesn't gel with the popularity of her, them or the Royals in general.

 

[AwkwardMD]

A lot of dudes watched just to see Kate. The opening comparison doesn't gel with the popularity of her, them or the Royals in general.

It does not account for the cultural difference of being British.