What can I do to help him out?

[celtmuse]

.....

 

[silverwhisper]

celtmuse:

first, welcome!
second, i commend you on your question. it says a lot about you and how much you value your relationship w/ your SO. however, it will be awfully hard to give you meaningful suggestions if we don't know what you've already tried. :>

ed

 

[celtmuse]

What I have tried...hmmm...good point

Alright, i suppose that should have been a given to include. Sorry ^_^

 

[Tele2047]

If he feels pressure for it to happen then it's less likely to happen (in my experience). I often don't ejaculate during intercourse or oral with my girlfriend, but I know it's not a big deal. I don't have a problem doing it myself though. You said it was a problem he'd had for a while, can he ejaculate while masturbating?

 

[celtmuse]

.....

 

[Gamelover221]

There's probably lots of things for you to try. How is his level of cum production? Maybe drinking more fluids and taking more vitamins would increase the volume and give him an increased sensation to ejaculate. If it's a mental thing maybe having a couple of drinks beforehand would help him stay relaxed.

How much has he explored his kinks? If he has any fetishes maybe he should try to focus on them more. Maybe you could try being more vocal for him. Maybe you could try teasing him in an extended session and tell him he can't cum until you give permission. Maybe he's into BDSM and doesn't know it and needs to give/recieve pain?

Good luck in exploring the solutions

 

[Tele2047]

It's possible he's not relaxed, most of the time I find myself not ejaculating it's because I'm thinking about how much stuff I need to get done and what will happen if the condom breaks/comes off again (happened once before) and all that.

Maybe you guys need a relaxing weekend free of work and stresses.

Then again, it might not have anything to do with relaxation.

To be honest, it sounds a lot like what happens to me (though I do ejaculate during intercourse sometimes), and I haven't found a solution yet. I assume it's just me being nervous.

 

[celtmuse]

Hmmmm.....

 

[Tele2047]

Ah yes if he's dehydrated or just not feeling well (tired, sick, you know), that could definitely change the outcome. Maybe instead of water he'd like some juice, or a milkshake, or a fruit purée (when he gets home).

 

[Scirocco]

some great advice here as always..

two things I would suggest though, one being a change in your pacing. Sometimes a break and another go-round later will do the trick for me. Also, I've found that if I worry about it, it just won't happen. Keep trying, but don't worry about it, it sounds like you two are happy in every other way...have fun and hth!

 

[Eilan]

Yes, he can ejaculate while masturbating. I guess that's kind of what makes it somewhat frustrating. It gets me to wondering what I'm doing wrong. I suppose I just worry that he will feel as though he's not being satisfied, if it's not me causing the condition of the ejaculation?

First of all, welcome to Lit!

I'm just throwing out an idea here, but is it possible that his being used to how it feels when he masturbates is affecting his ability to orgasm during intercourse?

Don't place blame on (or focus on) either of you because that doesn't solve the problem. Of course, I think you've figured that out already.

Good luck!

 

[Exciteher]

....He has no complaints about techniques and seems just as frustrated as I am about the situation. I asked him to try and explain what happens...and all he can really say is that he gets really close, almost to the point of bursting and then the feeling goes away....
Thanks!!
~*aliera*~

When I first started out back in the Pleistocene I sometimes had that problem... which is actually a blessing once you figure it out. What maybe happening is he is not really in his body during sex.. he is thinking about how he is feeling, instead of "going into" the feeling. I imagine he is the type of person that is very much in his head???

No matter, sensate focusing exercises may help. Check out the book "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margo Anand... she has some great exercises in there, you can recast them minus their new-age neo-tantric jargon if you want... or not!

Also full professional therapeutic body massage.. and other sensual stimulation NOT WITH THE GOAL OF ORGASM will help. The idea is to give your SO the ability to experience his physical feelings directly, with as little thinking about them as possible. This is best accomplished outside of a sexual context..

Technically what is going on is he is dissociating when he gets close to ejaculation, maybe even before. This is actually not that uncommon, strong physical sensations can cause that. Athletes are prone to this, athletics of any sort actually require a certain amount of dissociation, both to control pain, discomfort, and to 'push".. and to attain a "goal". But "goals" and sex are not a good mix. So he may be unconsciously using "skills" during sex that are not useful for that context. So the trick is to learn to stay associated through-out the sexual experience. One trick you can try that may work is to tell him he is NOT to ejaculate.. prescribe the symptom. This also removes the "goal"...

The blessing is that this little problem of his makes him a natural to master male multi-orgasm if he can learn control things... do a search on Male Multiple Orgasm.

 

[naughtygirl69s]

good avise everyone!

I also might add, for him to try and not masturbate for a longer period of time, before sex.....or if possible not masturbate at all for a while.....Can he cum from receiving oral? or a handjob? or mutual masturbation?

 

[RamapoNJ]

I know when I first started having sexual relations with a partner it was somewhate hard to have an orgasm. My guess was that I wasn't use to the different type of stimulation.

Also, it could be that he is too sensitive to orgasm. Sometimes with me, if my SO goes to crazy on the head of my penis I become overly sensitive and have a hard time ejaculating from continued stimulation--I need to take a quick break, relax, and then I am usually fine.

Hope this might be helpful.

 

[Missingmeds]

The one thing that I didn't see mentioned was whether or not you are using condoms. If so, that could also be a bit of the problem. He might not be getting the full sensation with the ones that you are using.

Lifestyles ultra-sensitive come highly recommended and make sure that the fit is right. If it is to tight it can act like a cock ring and actually prevent him from ejaculating.

 

[emap]

Get him to drink more water, or gatoraide, if hes sitting out in the sun all day he has to drink twice as much water as anyone else. If he really dislikes water, buy him the flavored water or gatoraide or whichever sports drink he likes, keep him away from alchohol, coffee and soda during the day. A lack of water is a problem for his ejaculate, it's the first thing lost to dehydration.

Second thing, get him to stop playing with himself, and don't give him sex for a day maybe two, then shove him down and take him he will be Mount Vesuviius.

Of course explore his fantasies, whatever he wants to do and you don't mind letting him, do it. It's been my experience that some men just can't cum unless your doing something specific. Ask him what he thinks about when he cums, no matter how bizarre it is getting a little bit of it into your routine will have him shooting.

 

[bisexplicit]

Do you know if there is anything psychological that may be hindering things?

 

[celtmuse]

Thanks!

 

[phoenix1224]

I'm just throwing out an idea here, but is it possible that his being used to how it feels when he masturbates is affecting his ability to orgasm during intercourse?

I'm thinking the same thing.

If he masturbates quite often, his penis has become accustomed to the sensations that his hand produces... Sensations that are IMPOSSIBLE for a vagina to duplicate.




When my woman and I first got together (we are in a LDR too), I had a similar problem... What we found was that, if I refrained from masturbating for a couple of days before we saw each other, I had no problem ejaculating at all.

 

[Shadexx]

I thank you all for the advice you have given aleira. I am deffinetly going to try to stay more hidrated, which is sometimes hard being a lifeguard and all, but i have been doing better. I might also add that I am greatly anticipating her trying some of your suggestions.

 

[fgarvb1]

Hmm.

No one else has mentioned it so here goes.

For the emergency relief of pressure when finishing him off or as part of your sex play try giving him a blow job or better yet when in a sixty nine position.

Trim the nail on your middle finger, lube it up and tease his asshole for awhile before inserting it and gently!, massaging his prostate.

If you don't like the taste of cum, take him out of your mouth and point him at something you don't mind getting covered with it

 

[bushy_chrissy]

It sounds like you've got the right attitude, that will help you both explore this and create a solution... I hope you'll be seeing orgasms gallore soon!

One thing that hasn't come up yet... is he circumsized?

If he is NOT, perhaps his foreskin opening is too tight, keeping his 'head' covered when you have intercourse. This could affect stimulation.

if he IS 'cut,' then it could be truly a sensitivity matter. Men who are cut at birth go through their life with their penis rubbing against clothes and such, so the head of their penis gets tougher and less sensitive.

If you think that could be it, try googling "non-surgical Foreskin restoration" and seeing what comes up. I think my guy is doing that (havent talked to him yet, but see my post in the 'how to section).

Restoring is supposed to dramatically improve the sensitivity in circumsized men, and could help him get 'over the edge' to an orgasm.


Just my two cents, lots of good advice here, and I'm sure you'll try what seems fitting for you. best of luck!

-Chrissy

 

[Grizzman]

Hey celtmuse.
Here's the problem. You're too wet. When my SO comes before me, sometimes it gets so wet down there that there's a loss of sensativity.
If he masturbates frequently, this could compound the moisture problem.
Possible solutions: hmmm?
Anal sex. Hey! I'm a guy. I has to day it. You don't have to worry about it staying wet for too long down there.
Or you could put you hand down there to give some manual pressure, but he won't get as much penetration.
You could change position so that his cock is at a more extreme angle. this can often compensate for the loss of feel from too much moisture.
Hope it goes well for ya.

 

[kaledonia]

new to this site, old hand at loving...

not liver spotted, though! try NOT having penetrative sex for a week, but do gaze into each others eyes a lot. you could also try blindfolding him, or trying for complete dark.

 

[Hooper_X]

I didn't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this has already been said. Tell him to stop masturbating cold turkey. If he is medically and psychologically sound, this should do the trick.