What do you do when you're depressed to pull yourself up?

[Killishandra]

Snowy: I understand what you are going through. I battled anxiety attacks for years as a teenager. So far, the only thing in recent memory to trigger one was when I (in the heat of the moment, and during some light roleplaying, and the situation-gone-bad was 100% my fault and not M's) screamed to be "ass-raped" during sex and when it was attempted... Well, I had been "talking dirty" (so I thought, in my naive way) but M took me seriously, and it triggered a full-blown, curled under the bathroom counter, eyes wide, hyperventilating, can't-stop-shaking, screaming in my head, PANIC attack.

It wasn't much fun. I brought it upon myself by misunderstanding the rules of the game, though. But anyway... I can't believe you are still not able to come, due to the anxiety drugs. (Just one reason I never took them when they were offered to me.) *hugs* I sincerely hope your body's various appetites return to normal soon.

PL: Find the flogger of understanding and acceptance. Beat him with THAT. LOL

FF: I hope your depression is receeding, sweetness. I'm always here to PM if you need a friendly chat to lift your spirits. (Better yet, grab your SO and catch a trip to Hawaii... we can chat under a palm tree and sip Mai Tais.)

 

[snowy ciara]

Thanks Lovely Killie... I'm doing better, really.

 

[FurryFury]

Yup. I had night terrors when I was a kid which a Doctor will tell you that kids are supposed to outgrow. I don't think they do, I think they morph into what you describe. I was taking some stuff for anxiety earlier this spring and they (the terrors) disappeared for a month or so. Unfortunately, so did my ability to think clearly and feel clearly, and my sense of humour and my appetite and my sex drive and the list goes on. Four months later most of it is back. The appetite is waking up slowly, though, and I'm still can't come. GRRRRRRRRRR!

Hi Snow Ciara!

Oh that is so frustrating. *hugs* I'm so sorry. Some drugs do that. I wish I knew how to help. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

Fury

I just had a nightmare that the more I think about it, the more I think was not a nightmare.

My entire reality feels shaken. I'm being told to do something, I need to figure out what.

Hi Marquis!

You seem to be feeling better lately. What was your nightmare about?

*hugs*

Fury

SSP sighting.

Hi Rosco Rathbone!

I don't believe we've said hello before. Nice to see you. I enjoy many of your posts a great deal. *smiles*

Fury

FF: I hope your depression is receeding, sweetness. I'm always here to PM if you need a friendly chat to lift your spirits. (Better yet, grab your SO and catch a trip to Hawaii... we can chat under a palm tree and sip Mai Tais.)

Hi Killishandra!

My depression is okay, I'm still creatively just not here though. I still can't seem to write on my SRP's, regular rp's or my novel.

I had a pretty good weekend. I played some games with friends and family. Saw a play I love and have performed, in the past, on Sunday! Watched a lot of Dead Like Me with my Daughter. Watched Dirty Harry and Family Guy (snippets only of the later) with my Son. Had some great meals. Spent some good time talking with and doing other things with my husband. My now, five day old headache has lead to liberal dosing, so that can be fun. It is HOT here though, lordy!

Anxiety attacks are not fun. *hugs* I'm so sorry you went through that. I know some people are helped by drugs for such but the things I've seen with my Mom and some close friends, make me avoid them.

Now a trip to Hawaii! Woot! Thanks for the invitation! I WISH I could go right now! I would so love that Killishandra!

Funny thing, I was actually pricing trips there today. I've been talking to a person there a lot lately, so I was just looking for fun. Maybe someday I will get there. I'm so frugal, it will be a while. I'd love to see you and Hawaii! I'd love to meet and talk with you face to face. I adore the ocean and beaches. Mai Tais are good. I'd love to show my Son a Volcano too.

This year though our vacations and budgets are set. I need a vacation! Can't friggin wait! I have to though the first one is in September. Actually, I want to go everywhere and do everything. I love to travel. I just hate the packing! LOL.

I got my husband to pick out some hair color today. I shall become his dream woman, hair color wise. That should be fun. Tomorrow I'm going to go by the beauty supply place and find some purple (that's for me!) Then I'll be all set for my hair adventure.

Hopefully I won't have any unexpected business meetings in the next few weeks.

Now I need to go to bed and get a good night's sleep before my last gig this Summer.

I hope you have a great night! I love ya Killi!

Fury

 

[Killishandra]

FF! Next year, plan a vacation to Hawaii! You have a guaranteed tour guide. And I love little kids... I am hereby promising a night of babysitting so you and hubby can have a romantic night in Waikiki.

 

[snowy ciara]

Hee. I think you should open a kinky B&B in Hawaii, Killi. Litsters alone would guarantee success... I'm glad you're feeling better, FF.

 

[Killishandra]

Hee. I think you should open a kinky B&B in Hawaii, Killi. Litsters alone would guarantee success... I'm glad you're feeling better, FF.

A kinky B&B in Hawaii... Good Gods, that's an excellent idea, snowy!

I wonder what kind of special liabilities an establishment like that would be open to, as opposed to a regular B&B, though? Do to it being sexual in nature, that is.. (I wouldnt' want to get sued.)

Damn, I'm not at the right point in my life to do something like that, but what a good idea.

 

[Private_Label]

Yup. I had night terrors when I was a kid which a Doctor will tell you that kids are supposed to outgrow. I don't think they do, I think they morph into what you describe. I was taking some stuff for anxiety earlier this spring and they (the terrors) disappeared for a month or so. Unfortunately, so did my ability to think clearly and feel clearly, and my sense of humour and my appetite and my sex drive and the list goes on. Four months later most of it is back. The appetite is waking up slowly, though, and I'm still can't come. GRRRRRRRRRR!

Snowy, Night Terrors (as opposed to the night mares tha tchildren outgrow) are a recognized sleep disturbance. Since the anti-anxiety meds did help that you might want to consider trying other until you find one that doesn't leave you feeling zonked out - sometimes it's a matter of figuring out the correct dosage, one that tomnes down the terrors, but doesn't leave you dragging your brain behind your body all day.

*has battled sleep issues and depression issues*
*wants everyone to get a good nights sleep, unless they choose to stay up and play*

I'll see what I can dig up in my old links on sleep related illnesses and send you some links if you like.

 

[snowy ciara]

Well, I know the bdsm club here in town was able to get liability insurance. Maybe that's all you need.

 

[Marquis]

Fuck medication, ever since I've been taking medication I have just been going crazier and crazier!

 

[sincerely_helene]

Fuck medication, ever since I've been taking medication I have just been going crazier and crazier!

Now perhaps you better understand my seemingly vague stance from a few months back with regards to this very topic; (re: Betticus' Celibacy thread.)

 

[Marquis]

Now perhaps you better understand my seemingly vague stance from a few months back with regards to this very topic; (re: Betticus' Celibacy thread.)

Oh, I understood it then, but my options are running a little low.

 

[XXplorher]

There is a reason for the saying, "write what you know."

If I simply write what I know? I wouldn’t be achieving anything.

The idea is to create understanding (whether that be for me, or the person reading it). I wrote it because I tend to attract a lot of the submissive type. I needed to understand what it is they gain from such a relationship. So I can learn to respect it. Ultimately, I didn’t achieve the initial idea because I have too much respect for a woman’s right to be sexually uninhibited (as long as it doesn’t compromise the rights of another).

The problem I run into with the sub thing is they tend to be far too self-consumed to achieve the kind of mutual success I seek. And yes, that’s frustrating for me. But that doesn’t excuse a judgmental knee-jerk reaction that’s certainly uncalled for in a public forum. And I feel bad about that. Rather than dismissive.

You have a right to your own desires as I do to mine. Failure to recognize that makes me a fuckin’ hypocrite.

If that’s any kind of explanation/consolation.

 

[FurryFury]

FF! Next year, plan a vacation to Hawaii! You have a guaranteed tour guide. And I love little kids... I am hereby promising a night of babysitting so you and hubby can have a romantic night in Waikiki.

I would so LOVE that! *hugs and hugs* A tour guide would be great! We once went to San Fran and a good friend of mine met us, took us on a tour, took pictures, he was wonderful. Ironically he lives within a couple of hours drive now and I NEVER get to see him. He is one of many brothers of my heart. I need to call him.

You are great to offer! The kids don't really need a sitter, they are 12 and 14 but I'm sure they would love to meet and hang with you! I will now spend some sweet time fantasying about that trip! Ahhhh! I spend a good bit of time dreaming of such trips.

You are just the best Killi and I do like the idea of a Fetish or BDSM BnB. These days we usually stay at a condo and cook most meals ourselves or I should say my SO cooks. Would you believe he LIKES to? Personally I like being able to grab something whenever it feeling hits. When you are swimming and sunning that tends to be a lot. LOL!

Typically we spend one trip sight seeing and the other doing nothing but swimming, floating, sunning, building sand castles/women/cats, drinking, reading and fucking. I can't live without that week!!! Last year some damn hurricane tried to rob me of that trip but I figured out a way to get it anyway. Heh! Hawaii occurred to me then too. Galveston, Texas was cheaper and quite lovely though.

I will so keep your offer in mind wonderful Killishandra! *grins* Thanks so much!

Fury

Hee. I think you should open a kinky B&B in Hawaii, Killi. Litsters alone would guarantee success... I'm glad you're feeling better, FF.

Thanks Snowy! *hugs* I hope you are feeling better soon too! I think this is such a great idea! Needs like a "suspension" room! Yeah baybee!

Fury

Snowy, Night Terrors (as opposed to the night mares tha tchildren outgrow) are a recognized sleep disturbance. Since the anti-anxiety meds did help that you might want to consider trying other until you find one that doesn't leave you feeling zonked out - sometimes it's a matter of figuring out the correct dosage, one that tomnes down the terrors, but doesn't leave you dragging your brain behind your body all day.

*has battled sleep issues and depression issues*
*wants everyone to get a good nights sleep, unless they choose to stay up and play*

I'll see what I can dig up in my old links on sleep related illnesses and send you some links if you like.

Good work PL!

I always like to help people out and I can see we are the same that way!

*smiles*

Fury

Fuck medication, ever since I've been taking medication I have just been going crazier and crazier!

I hear that a lot. I'm so sorry to hear it in your case though. You were posting more and starting threads, so I thought you were feeling better. I'm still waiting for your life story post. You hinted you might do it. In fact, I think you felt better that day and said so. In any case, I wish I could help.

Fury

If I simply write what I know? I wouldn't be achieving anything.

The idea is to create understanding (whether that be for me, or the person reading it). I wrote it because I tend to attract a lot of the submissive type. I needed to understand what it is they gain from such a relationship. So I can learn to respect it. Ultimately, I didn't achieve the initial idea because I have too much respect for a woman’s right to be sexually uninhibited (as long as it doesn't compromise the rights of another).

The problem I run into with the sub thing is they tend to be far too self-consumed to achieve the kind of mutual success I seek. And yes, that’s frustrating for me. But that doesn't excuse a judgmental knee-jerk reaction that’s certainly uncalled for in a public forum. And I feel bad about that. Rather than dismissive.

You have a right to your own desires as I do to mine. Failure to recognize that makes me a fuckin’ hypocrite.

If that’s any kind of explanation/consolation.

Hi Xxplorher,

I like the avatar btw, I really do. I think I the point of writing what you know is to write it well, in lush detail, so others can vicariously understand and "taste" it. You know walk a mile in your shoes?

Now I sometimes write about what I don't know too. I'll admit that. I wrote about anal sex before I tried it. I often test things out in writing and research it before I try it. In this case I very glad I did!

However, things are far from all about me and I may, in fact, not be a sub at all. I see myself as a "helpmate" to my husband. I tend to put his needs and those of my kids, family and friends, above mine. Sometimes I have to force myself to stop and take care of me. It's not easy. I am a well raised and well socialized Southern American woman and my place, in my own head, is to care for others. That doesn't mean I am not a strong woman who sets the tone for a lot of people and events in life. I am a very strong woman.

If I were to ever be submissive in a sexual relationship, it would be because I wanted it though. I am in charge of too damn much. I want to play. I want to relax. I want to not have to plan and think. That is what I would like out of it. It does make me very happy to make others happy. I tend to get rather down when I absolutely can't do so.

The bonds I have with my husband are very strong. I have never cheated on him nor will I. He gave me his blessing to do as I like online and from that he has received great big juicy rewards.

I, like most people am capable of creating and honor a great many "bonds" with a great many people. I love people. I love men and women, young and old.

Now if you call cyber and sexual role play cheating than that is something I have done but since my husband, who is a very happy man, knows about it, I don't consider it such. In point of fact, I have his permission to do much more than I have. I probably won't. For over 15 years now he has been the only one I've been with in real life. I have never cheated on any one in real life though I had plenty of reason in a prior relationship, but I'm married, not dead, I see people and I THINK about it. I can tell when they are thinking about it too which is most of them, most of the time. It would be too easy to go astray if I were that sort.

To date, I'm not entirely sure, I am submissive. For the record, I don't want to be beaten at all. To me being beaten means bruises that can been seen in public and a possible trip the emergency ward. Not my thing at all! Now spanking, and other things of that nature, that can be neatly hidden under clothes that is fine. Also, frankly, such things often do and should, translate into pleasure or rather sensation, not pain, for me. My husband would never want to hurt me. That is part of why it's been so difficult to suck him into the sort of things I'd like to be doing. He has no desire to "Master" me. He likes us being equals. I love that about him.

I am curious though. I can't tell from what you have writen what you tried in RL and what you haven't. What kind of mutual success do you seek exactly? You don't have to say of course but I would like to understand better what you are trying to do.

Anyway I already accepted your apology and I hope you find the understanding are trying to discover about BDSM and whatever else you seek.

Good luck,
Fury

 

[snowy ciara]

Snowy, Night Terrors (as opposed to the night mares tha tchildren outgrow) are a recognized sleep disturbance. Since the anti-anxiety meds did help that you might want to consider trying other until you find one that doesn't leave you feeling zonked out - sometimes it's a matter of figuring out the correct dosage, one that tomnes down the terrors, but doesn't leave you dragging your brain behind your body all day.

*has battled sleep issues and depression issues*
*wants everyone to get a good nights sleep, unless they choose to stay up and play*

I'll see what I can dig up in my old links on sleep related illnesses and send you some links if you like.

Thanks PL. I think we simul-posted last night, so I didn't catch this. I'd love the links, please. My dr says that a lot of my sleep issues are related to my hyperactivity, so I deal as best as I can, but sometimes it's hard.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

SSP sighting.

rosco

FurryFury-i'm not really a medication person...my mom took it tho and it helped her immensely-she only had to take it for a year and then they weaned her off it and she's been fine since. its just something i need to work through i think, and there are going to be good days and bad days and days like when i posted earlier in the thread, when i really dont see any light at the end of the tunnel at all.

its hard to stay depressed and feeling sorry for yourself when ppl make it obvious that they care about you tho. and i appreciate your reply to me

 

[FurryFury]

rosco

FurryFury-i'm not really a medication person...my mom took it tho and it helped her immensely-she only had to take it for a year and then they weaned her off it and she's been fine since. its just something i need to work through i think, and there are going to be good days and bad days and days like when i posted earlier in the thread, when i really dont see any light at the end of the tunnel at all.

its hard to stay depressed and feeling sorry for yourself when ppl make it obvious that they care about you tho. and i appreciate your reply to me

I understand Sigsauerprinces!

I'm not a medication person either. However, some do benefit from is as we all know.

I'm glad you might be feeling a bit better.

*hugs*

I'll be thinking about you.

Fury

 

[XXplorher]

I think I the point of writing what you know is to write it well, in lush detail, so others can vicariously understand and "taste" it. You know walk a mile in your shoes?

True enough. But in the case of erotica…

I already fuck myself plenty (me and my unruly appendage have an excellent relationship). When I’m writing erotica I don’t want to just jack-off. AS I’m writing it, I’m explaining things to myself – via the natural reactions of the characters I’m inhabiting. So while the purpose is very much to transfer belief and satisfaction to the reader? I wouldn’t bother to undertake the piece unless there was some knowledge in it I wanted to discover and understand. Thereby making it more visceral and satisfying for me than an exclamation mark to my own tetherball session.

You mentioned you did an anal erotica thing beFORE you went for the actual package (pun intended). I’m thinking you found yourself convinced once you were through drawing it out, that’s something you now understand and you want to experience for real. And you’re now glad you did? Hey – mission accomplished! (Not that we should all run out and try all this crazy shit we’re funneling through a keyboard). You used the transfer to page to discover. Rather than write down what you ‘already know’.

I’m actually stepping OUT of myself – rather than taking what’s already sure of itself and hammering you with it (in fact, my most satisfying stuff was written from a female perspective. I like being that deep inside her). Since I am, in fact, one stubborn bastard? And I think I’m ‘right’ more often than I possibly could be. Tackling sexual situations I don’t “know”…

Is perhaps on a similar level of satisfaction for me – as letting go of all your responsibilities is for you. It’s humbling. (Unfortunately, it’s also educational. So when I’m finished? I’m even more arrogant than I was when I started. Ooops (I much prefer the word ‘ego’ to arrogant. But some would claim one is more accurate than the other)).

In short… When I’m having sex I’m not just giving her what I already know. I’m listening to her body and finding out what she is. Same thing when penning erotica.

The bonds I have with my husband are very strong. I have never cheated on him nor will I. He gave me his blessing to do as I like online and from that he has received great big juicy rewards.

And that’s why I can’t go trashing people when I suddenly think to do so. Cuz I don’t have all the information. With the above information I would ABSOLUTELY support what you’re doing then. Permission from those who could be harmed was granted – and the results benefit him. Which means you’re out there doing exactly what I support – exploring your sexuality with a firm belief it’s your right to do so.

There are dangers in that as well though. Sex is the most complicated of all things (delicious). Sometimes it’s not always productive. Sometimes people want re-occurring harm forced upon them, likely in an effort to remove the guilt of past sins/experiences. And I don’t think I’m for that. It hurts me to see that. Which is another of the reasons I barked at you. Sometimes a kiss is not what you need to cure where the damage is occurring.

However, as you mentioned, I’m well aware many subs are unusually strong-willed women. They just want a chance to drop the decisions to someone else and free them up to relax. I get that. But a lot of these ‘subs’ just want to be harmed. Period. And that bothers me. (Bothers me about a lot of the world, actually). I can very much appreciate you prefer the term ‘help-mate’.

What am I after? Respect. And Equality! (Like your husband). And since I’m such an arrogant prick – that’s a tall order. And I like a lot of drool. Lots and lots of droooooool (it’s all Jenna Jameson’s fault).


So… wanna cyber? (I’m kidding!!)



Thanks for your kindness,

XX

 

[petboy]

I usually go to the gym and work out, which to me is the best wy to deal with stress. Im very laid back and never get to mad, upset and stressed out very often anyway.

 

[ammre]

to pull myself up... HMM! i normally jsut grab the rope and pull... granted normally it's attached to hooks in my body, but oh is it a great feeling!

 

[Marquis]

Yeeeaaaaaah, I'll stick to Petboy's solution.

 

[jasonlf]

When I'm depressed, I usually think of people who are in worse situations than me. There's always someone with more of a reason to be depressed.

 

[Marquis]

When I'm depressed, I usually think of people who are in worse situations than me. There's always someone with more of a reason to be depressed.

Depression is its own reason. Somewhere out there there is a 48 year old one legged busboy with cancer whistling on his way to work.

 

[Netzach]

I used to do that, but then I realized how I'd feel if someone were making me their "it could be worse" example and I got more depressed.

 

[jasonlf]

Depression is its own reason. Somewhere out there there is a 48 year old one legged busboy with cancer whistling on his way to work.

Then my thought pattern would be...

wow, if he can find the strength to be happy, then so can I

But I do tend to be brighter than your average bear (bright as in happy, not bright as in smart)

 

[shy slave]

There is a difference between low days and clinical depression.

If clinical depression is spotted in time and help that works isn't sorted out (medical or natural or whatever) it can be difficult to even think about anyone else who is in a worse situation.

Sometimes its just too damn hard to think.