What does Dominate mean to you?

[Romial]

So I was thinking today, trying to figure out what Dominate meant to me. And yes I am talking about sexually...in bed..that type of stuff. And I won't influence anyone with my views, but I'm interested to hear what you all think of it.

What does Dominate mean to you in bed? Examples would be ever so lovely.

 

[Bandit58]

I've just begun my training as a sub, and so dominate to me means Him taking charge of things, teaching me how He likes to be pleased, and me pleasing Him without thought to my own pleasure (which gives me pleasure anyway).

The feel of His hand holding my hair as I give Him a blowjob, the sharp smack on my butt to bring me back to concentration, begging to be allowed to cum and being denied, and learning that my body can respond in ways that I never knew it could.

But also being taught that I am beautiful and precious to Him, and not to be shy about showing my body. Being held in His arms, sleepy and content, and knowing that this is what I've always dreamed of, and it's real....

 

[Romial]

Sounds wonderful Bandit.

Anyone else?

 

[Angel_Diva]

Re: defention of dominate

I've just begun my training as a sub, and so dominate to me means Him taking charge of things, teaching me how He likes to be pleased, and me pleasing Him without thought to my own pleasure (which gives me pleasure anyway).

The feel of His hand holding my hair as I give Him a blowjob, the sharp smack on my butt to bring me back to concentration, begging to be allowed to cum and being denied, and learning that my body can respond in ways that I never knew it could.

But also being taught that I am beautiful and precious to Him, and not to be shy about showing my body. Being held in His arms, sleepy and content, and knowing that this is what I've always dreamed of, and it's real....

I agree with this defenition... it reminds me of my guy exactly to the dot

 

[Vixandra]

My own words-
To dominate- to take total and completele control and responsibility for another(s) in any given aspect. To be aware of what's going on, not only of your own pleasure, but of thier pleasure and safety as well. To allow them to serve you as they wish to do, stopping at a safe word if they feel its needed. To love and support them as you guide them and yourself to a higher plane of exsistance, if only for a little while.
I believe a good dominant, be she/he male or female, Dom or Domme or Daddy or switch, should take into accound all aspects of the scenario they're dominating in. I speak of a "scene" not the 24/7 couples. I can't speak for that, since I've never been in a relationship like that.
For a scene though- utmost care and caution, protecting the one you're dominating whether you're punishing them for incompitance or putting them through an endless orgasm.
Cuddling afterwards, words of praise and love, that they've pleased you well.
A good dominant should do those things, in my opinion.
But then, I'm most an online Domme anyway for tis only once in a blue moon my hubby allows that side of me to come out and play. Though he did say I could seek out a female submissive once we're back stateside and he wouldn't mind it. *happy sigh*
Perhaps my dominant side will get a true emergance then, we shall see.

Interesting question, btw. I think it would get more responses on the BDSM board or its Cafe.

 

[Guest]

 

[Limbhugger]

It means her needs and desires are the only concern. It is through that fulfillment that I receive my own.

It means surrender in trust.

It means I am hers.

She can choose to raise my flesh in stinging striations to ease her own tension. She can choose to "humiliate" me. She can choose to simply take me. She can choose to not touch me. She can choose to force my orgasm just for her own simple pleasure. She can choose...

A very simple question with a very complex answer. But at its core I reckon it is really a simple answer after all.

It is what it is.

 

[Romial]

I will do that Vix, thanks.

And great responses so far everyone.

 

[Limbhugger]

You might also find some good stuff in the "Library" thread on the BDSM Talk forum. Good stuff there.

 

[Luvinit]

I'm finding it really has nothing to do with sex.

 

[slave to pain]

What does Dominate mean to you in bed? Examples would be ever so lovely.

Tie the knots tighterand make sure the blindfold stays!

 

[Limbhugger]

I'm finding it really has nothing to do with sex.

Emotions are a wonderful thing eh dear?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

His needs - not mine.

 

[College_geek]

I've never done intense domination, but when I dominate, I like to give him pleasure, but control when and how he gets it. I like to tie him up and suckle on his cock until it gets hard, and then refuse him any more pleasure until it's soft again. I give him what he wants in the end, but it's fun to tease and toy with him for a while.

 

[Buck Funkenstein]

Dominate to me means that I am restrained. I cant say anything or do anything. She tells me what to do and how she wants to do it. No questions asked.

 

[Spurious Scribe]

Is there such a thing as a gentle DOM?

A month or so ago I would have stated unequivocably that if my only choices were between being a DOM or sub, I'd have to choose DOM every time, though such really isn't of much appeal to me either. But after reading some of Caplurnius_erex's stories on this site, I'd gladly accept the role of a sub to his character's DOM. His DOM storyteller is definitely a DOM, but not so that it is at all obvious. But to see what I am referring to, read his "Skirting the Night".

Yeah, I know. It sounds like I must be shilling for this guy, but I really don't even know him. I just like his writing style and the way he portrays a DOM/sub couple. It is such that neither has to refer to the other as MASTER or slave. She knows her place and acts accordingly though not in an exaggeratedly submissive way. And there is no doubt that the narrator is somewhat of a DOM, but again, not in any truly outwardly aggressive manner.

Oh heck! Just read the story and you'll see what I mean. Or if you want to cut to the chase, just read the last 4 or 5 paragraphs. Here's the link if you're interested. If you're a guy, you'll probably just say, "Humph!" If, on the other hand, you're a gal, you'll probably more readily catch my drift here.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=125372

 

[College_geek]

Re: Is there such a thing as a gentle DOM?

A month or so ago I would have stated unequivocably that if my only choices were between being a DOM or sub, I'd have to choose DOM every time, though such really isn't of much appeal to me either. But after reading some of Caplurnius_erex's stories on this site, I'd gladly accept the role of a sub to his character's DOM. His DOM storyteller is definitely a DOM, but not so that it is at all obvious. But to see what I am referring to, read his "Skirting the Night".

Yeah, I know. It sounds like I must be shilling for this guy, but I really don't even know him. I just like his writing style and the way he portrays a DOM/sub couple. It is such that neither has to refer to the other as MASTER or slave. She knows her place and acts accordingly though not in an exaggeratedly submissive way. And there is no doubt that the narrator is somewhat of a DOM, but again, not in any truly outwardly aggressive manner.

Oh heck! Just read the story and you'll see what I mean. Or if you want to cut to the chase, just read the last 4 or 5 paragraphs. Here's the link if you're interested. If you're a guy, you'll probably just say, "Humph!" If, on the other hand, you're a gal, you'll probably more readily catch my drift here.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=125372

I haven't read the story yet, but the situation isn't farfetched at all. If one person happens to be naturally dominant and the other naturally submissive, then regular sexual encounters could still be considered Dom/sub. When my boyfriend and I dom/sub each other, one is in control of the situation, but we don't feel comfortable with a master/slave situation. One thing I have learned while being on Lit is that D/s relationships have many appearances.

 

[Bobmi357]

Domination is entirely about control. The problem is however that few really understand that its the sub in control. Not the Dom. The sub grants the power to the Dom/Domme to take control and can just as easily take that power back.

In the end, its all about control, but its the sub that is really in charge.

 

[sheath]

Re: Is there such a thing as a gentle DOM?

It is such that neither has to refer to the other as MASTER or slave. She knows her place and acts accordingly though not in an exaggeratedly submissive way. And there is no doubt that the narrator is somewhat of a DOM, but again, not in any truly outwardly aggressive manner.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=125372

I haven't been to read the story yet, but I'm headed there after this post.

I agree with what you have said. A "submissive" does not necessarily mean a person wearing a collar and jumping at every command. The dom/sub relationship HAS to have respect between the partners. Respect can also be interpreted as trust, and trust is absolutely required. I don't believe there can possibly be a healthy dom/sub relationship without a HUGE measure of respect.

Respect within the dom/sub relationship in the bedroom translates into that same respect outside of it...so it stands to reason the dom/sub mentality extends to all areas of life after a while, right? Just in a much more subtle fashion.

At least, that's the way I see it.

S.

 

[tendril]

Domination is entirely about control. The problem is however that few really understand that its the sub in control. Not the Dom. The sub grants the power to the Dom/Domme to take control and can just as easily take that power back.

In the end, its all about control, but its the sub that is really in charge.

This is the way I call it too.

It seems to me the sub not only grants the power to the dom/domme but also invests in him/her the responsiblity of providing their pleasure.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

This is the way I call it too.

It seems to me the sub not only grants the power to the dom/domme but also invests in him/her the responsiblity of providing their pleasure.

Hiya Tendril!

I beg to differ slightly.

Yes, she (i will use "she" as that is the nature of my relationships with subs) grants to the Dom the power and control within the relationship.

However, IMHO, She does not invest in him the responsibility of providing their pleasure. He may give her pleasure and she will enjoy it. Yet she is still capapble of gaining pleasure on her own.
She oftentimes gains pleasure from the sheer act of pleasing her Dom, the "satifaction of a job well done". In otherwords, it is not his sole responsibility to grant pleasure, as for many, the simple act of doing what she is told or what she knows will make her Dom happy is enough to gain pleasure. Many times, it is the act of submiting that gives the most pleasure for a sub, whether it is physically or mentally.

 

[Bandit58]

Re: Re: Is there such a thing as a gentle DOM?

I haven't been to read the story yet, but I'm headed there after this post.

I agree with what you have said. A "submissive" does not necessarily mean a person wearing a collar and jumping at every command. The dom/sub relationship HAS to have respect between the partners. Respect can also be interpreted as trust, and trust is absolutely required. I don't believe there can possibly be a healthy dom/sub relationship without a HUGE measure of respect.

Respect within the dom/sub relationship in the bedroom translates into that same respect outside of it...so it stands to reason the dom/sub mentality extends to all areas of life after a while, right? Just in a much more subtle fashion.

At least, that's the way I see it.

S.

LOL sheath I don't wear a collar and He doesn't order me around (except in play of course ). We have absolute respect and trust in each other.....I trust Him to lead me along in my journey and gently push my limits, and He trusts me to use my safeword if I really start to be afraid or if something really hurts or doesn't feel right.

As His health isn't good I also serve outside the bedroom, in the role of carer. But we don't do the D/s thing all the time, we are equals in life and show respect and love and honesty to each other.

Sir Brian I love to please Master....in fact I discovered early on that it gives me pleasure to pleasure others. He also loves to watch me cum, so it gives Him pleasure to tease me and deny me orgasm until He says I can.....incredibly frustrating, but I love it.....

 

[yaspis]

"Dominate" to me means taking control of everything in the play situation, including the play partner. I dominate only when agreed upon, but I'm a dominant personality outside the bed, too. When I dominate, the play partner becomes my property for a while - I expect them to live the situation to their heart's content, but live it for me, not themselves.

I know I sound cryptic, but it is really hard to describe, it varies with my mood and my play partner's mood. If only English were my native I'd probably find the right words, not just the right-ish.