What is it about the English...
- Thread starter p_p_man
- Start date
R Nitelight
Her Rock
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2000
- Posts
- 10,003
Lerner & Loewe
Why Can't the English
Henry
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Eliza
Aaoooww
Henry (imitating her)
Aaoooww
Heaven's...What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Pickering
Oh Counsel, I think you picked a poor example
Henry
Did I hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school
Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool
Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Eliza
Garn
Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak
Why Can't the English
Henry
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Eliza
Aaoooww
Henry (imitating her)
Aaoooww
Heaven's...What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Pickering
Oh Counsel, I think you picked a poor example
Henry
Did I hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school
Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool
Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Eliza
Garn
Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak
OUTSIDER
Devil's in the detail
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2000
- Posts
- 5,298
we may not have that many jokes about us but we are the bad guy's in almost all Hollwood film's these day's, and very good we are at it too, BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH.
BTW, have you noticed that God and the Devil almost always have English accent's in film's....?
BTW, have you noticed that God and the Devil almost always have English accent's in film's....?
I want to make mig cookies
Then you should have me all figured out..ridiculous!
No English jokes here...sorry
Wait I'll make one up!
What did one scone say to the other?
Tea hee hee, did you hear the joke about the smotherd lady's fingers!
AHHHH HAA HHAAAA!! *falls off chair*
[Edited by G.R. on 03-24-2001 at 10:21 AM]
Then you should have me all figured out..ridiculous!
No English jokes here...sorry
Wait I'll make one up!
What did one scone say to the other?
Tea hee hee, did you hear the joke about the smotherd lady's fingers!
AHHHH HAA HHAAAA!! *falls off chair*
[Edited by G.R. on 03-24-2001 at 10:21 AM]
G
genderbender
Guest
This one has an Englishman in it but I fear the Irishman gets the punch line. Its funny though.
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
The joke comes from the site below -
http://www.jokesoup.com/one/fly.htm
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
The joke comes from the site below -
http://www.jokesoup.com/one/fly.htm
G
genderbender
Guest
Here we go, very much to the point about English humor.
The best way to make an Englishman laugh in his old age is to tell him a joke when he's young. (Ashley Montagu)
http://www.cleanjokes.net/jok1020.html
The best way to make an Englishman laugh in his old age is to tell him a joke when he's young. (Ashley Montagu)
http://www.cleanjokes.net/jok1020.html
p_p_man
The 'Euro' European
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2001
- Posts
- 24,253
Thanks genderbender - that's the spirit.
And thanks for the link to the jokes page - it's now on my favourites list.
Here's an old one, not about the English as such but about a particular Englishman notorious for his bad memory.
Sir Malcolm Sargeant, Director of Music at the Royal Albert Hall and conductor of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was shopping in Harrods before WWII, when an attractive woman began speaking to him.
"Hello, Sir Malcolm, and how are you?".
"Fine thank you", the great man said wracking his brains to remember her name, "and how are you?"
They continued in this manner for some minutes whilst Sir Malcolm politely but in very general terms answered her questions trying desparately all the time to remember who she was. In the end seeking an answer to his problem and thinking the question innococent enough said "And your husband, how is he nowadays?"
"He's still King." came the reply.
And thanks for the link to the jokes page - it's now on my favourites list.
Here's an old one, not about the English as such but about a particular Englishman notorious for his bad memory.
Sir Malcolm Sargeant, Director of Music at the Royal Albert Hall and conductor of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was shopping in Harrods before WWII, when an attractive woman began speaking to him.
"Hello, Sir Malcolm, and how are you?".
"Fine thank you", the great man said wracking his brains to remember her name, "and how are you?"
They continued in this manner for some minutes whilst Sir Malcolm politely but in very general terms answered her questions trying desparately all the time to remember who she was. In the end seeking an answer to his problem and thinking the question innococent enough said "And your husband, how is he nowadays?"
"He's still King." came the reply.
DarlingBri
Brit Wit
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2001
- Posts
- 1,262
So many empires, so little time.
The sun never sets on the British Empire, you know.
WE STILL HAVE THE FAULKLANDS! MUHAHAHAHA!
The sun never sets on the British Empire, you know.
WE STILL HAVE THE FAULKLANDS! MUHAHAHAHA!
