What is it about the English...

p_p_man

The 'Euro' European
Joined
Feb 18, 2001
Posts
24,253
...that they're rarely the target of other nations' jokes?
 
It is wrong to mock the afflicted,so I'll only comment that we've been afflicted with Wales for far too long.
 
Oh mig!
What do those poor darling sea mammals have to do with your little country. Last I checked the Wales stayed far out to sea, never coming into town to bother you during tea!
Silly English! ;)
 
An injustice has been done me,I am impugned.Some of my best friends are wails.
 
God I didn't expect the thread to start collapsing quite this early.
 
Lerner & Loewe

Why Can't the English

Henry
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Eliza
Aaoooww

Henry (imitating her)
Aaoooww
Heaven's...What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education

Pickering
Oh Counsel, I think you picked a poor example

Henry
Did I hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school

Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool

Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one

Eliza
Garn
Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak
 
wow! and Bravo, darling!!!!

You have redeemed the thread from my witless clutches!!
 
we may not have that many jokes about us but we are the bad guy's in almost all Hollwood film's these day's, and very good we are at it too, BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH.

BTW, have you noticed that God and the Devil almost always have English accent's in film's....?
 
An Englishman with a sense of humour,there'a sight to behold."mig can count to fifteen".What can be deduced from that?.Mig has only one foot.
 
Nothing much, mig. Can you count higher than that?

Is the one foot you do have in good condition?

Oh and is your brain all better?
 
No,my brain is all batter.I don't have a sense of humour but I do have a well developed sense of the ridiculous.I know Irish jokes,Scottish jokes and Welsh jokes,but I don't know any English jokes.Can someone please oblige?.
 
I want to make mig cookies

Then you should have me all figured out..ridiculous!

No English jokes here...sorry

Wait I'll make one up!

What did one scone say to the other?

Tea hee hee, did you hear the joke about the smotherd lady's fingers!


AHHHH HAA HHAAAA!! *falls off chair*

[Edited by G.R. on 03-24-2001 at 10:21 AM]
 
This one has an Englishman in it but I fear the Irishman gets the punch line. Its funny though.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"


The joke comes from the site below -

http://www.jokesoup.com/one/fly.htm
 
Loved the jokes.More please.Jaguar was bought by Ford,from BMW,I think.It's difficult to keep up,and I live here.
 
Thanks genderbender - that's the spirit.
And thanks for the link to the jokes page - it's now on my favourites list.

Here's an old one, not about the English as such but about a particular Englishman notorious for his bad memory.

Sir Malcolm Sargeant, Director of Music at the Royal Albert Hall and conductor of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was shopping in Harrods before WWII, when an attractive woman began speaking to him.

"Hello, Sir Malcolm, and how are you?".
"Fine thank you", the great man said wracking his brains to remember her name, "and how are you?"

They continued in this manner for some minutes whilst Sir Malcolm politely but in very general terms answered her questions trying desparately all the time to remember who she was. In the end seeking an answer to his problem and thinking the question innococent enough said "And your husband, how is he nowadays?"

"He's still King." came the reply.
 
English,Irish and Scottish jokes aren't really English jokes,if you follow.Laugh into old age,that appeals to my sense of the ridiculous.Ford bought Jaguar,from BMW,I think.
 
So many empires, so little time.

The sun never sets on the British Empire, you know.

WE STILL HAVE THE FAULKLANDS! MUHAHAHAHA!
 
DarlingBri said:
So many empires, so little time.

The sun never sets on the British Empire, you know.

WE STILL HAVE THE FAULKLANDS! MUHAHAHAHA!

The Faulkland's....nice if your interested in Penguins and sheep and inbred locals.
 
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