What is it about the English...

[genderbender]

I can't imagine I'm actually on the board at the same time you are Ally. I'll say good morning to you before I go to bed.

When I did a search earlier in the day looking for jokes about the English I pretty much struck out...except for a whole slew of jokes about football. I read a couple, and to be honest they made absolutely no sense to me. I decided they missed the point of this exercise as well and so abandoned them where they lay.

I'm surprised that our English friends have had no better success than we Anglos in locating some real humor. We should ask the help of a Scot. They no doubt have some lovely quips about their neighbors to the south.

Goodnight everybody and have a nice day all you lovely Brits.

 

[Starfish]

You, as a woman are of course, exempt from having pigment effect beauty. Tis not possible! Besides you have gorgeous eyes and lips!

Hell, I am pretty pasty myself....
Sun? where?

 

[Mistress]

LOL! I mean..someone would go blind just by the light reflecting off my skin more or less the way I look!

http://voxs.homestead.com/files/me1.JPG


http://voxs.homestead.com/files/hmm.jpg

 

[DarlingBri]

I beg your pardon?

Ugghhhhmmmm, I just can't help saying this here.
Yes, Mistress, you're right, if they have proper oral hygene, and skin pigment.

I believe you have us confused with our French bretheren. One small channel, and a world of difference.

 

[DarlingBri]

Well, the Goth look is very in, yanno.

 

[Starfish]

Ahh, i am laughing, hold on!

*skips off over the water there, to go see for herself*....Be back!

 

[Ally C]

Hi DarlingBri and gb. I don't want to turn this into a good morning (or goodnight!) thread, but thought I'd say 'hi' anyway. I know one anti-English joke, but it's not very tasteful. Do you still want to hear it??? I agree entirely with what DarlingBri says about what it means to be English: beyond the caricature I referred to, there doesn't seem to be much consensus these days. Some seem to be clinging on to ideas rooted in the days of being a 'colonial super-power' (to varying degrees), while others are waking up to the fact that this small island (or peninsula, depending on one's definition!) isn't the centre of the known world anymore. More to follow - maybe!

 

[Handy-Andy]

Oh to be a yorkshireman and PROUD..

I know that Lancastrians call Yorkshiremen sheep-shaggers.

Honey, EVERYONE calls Yorkshiremen sheepshaggers!

Yeah and we wear flat cap's , breed whippits , got pidgeon loft's in the back yard , we all used to work in coal mining , steel and textile manufacturing but alas no more we lost all that and ended up looking for job's has stripper's .

 

[p_p_man]

The Quest For The Ant-English Joke...

Comments in the thread that there are no anti-English jokes because there are no longer any English doesn't hold water. To my knowledge, and it stretches way back before the European Union, as far back, would you believe, to the loss of an Empire! there have NEVER been any anti-English jokes. Anti-Irish, Welsh and Scottish jokes? No problem. Anti-regional jokes? Two a penny. Anti-rest of the world? Swamped with them. But anti-English? Nahhh!

Maybe everyone else thinks we'll send a gunboat or an army or something. We're not like that anymore. Honest...(I think).

Pity I'm beginning to feel really left out...

"All alone am I..."

 

[DarlingBri]

Ally C...

Tell us your joke, please!

 

[Ally C]

p_p_man

I said I have a joke. I also said it's not very good. I'm waiting until someone twists my arm and makes me tell it, as I don't want to volunteer it.

 

[p_p_man]

[Slamming Ally C to the floor in the best tradition of WWF and twisting arm way up to base of neck] Tell the joke. I'm not begging, I'm not...Just tell us the bloody joke.

 

[Ally C]

Trying to break free ...

... but the armlock hurts. Here goes:

A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are exploring in the deepest Amazon, when they stumble upon a tribe of homosexuals who take them prisoner. The tribe take them back to their village and surround them menacingly. The leader approaches the Scotsman and says "You can have death or Boonda". The Scotsman thinks to himself that he certainly doesn't want to die and says "Boonda". The tribe promptly tie him face down and each have their way with him, then let him go. He hobbles off into the forest to freedom. The chief then approaches the Irishman, and asks "Death or Boonda?" The Irishman has seen what Boonda involves and says "'Tis a hard choice to be sure, to be sure. But I don't want to die, and if the Scotsman could take it then so can I. Boonda it is" he says at last. So the tribe all fuck him too and let him go on his way [glad that he isn't the punchline of the joke no doubt]. The chief then faces up to the Englishman and says "Death or Boonda?" The Englishman stares the chief calmly in the eye, sneers with his stiff upper lip and bravely says "Death". The whole tribe wave their spears wildly and scream as one "Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh! Death by Boonda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

LOL
--------------------------------------------------------
Now I'll sit back and wait while someone deconstructs this attempt at humour. There's certainly no end of imagery to play with. The fact that the Scotsman and Irishman both had to be gang-fucked isn't lost on me. But does this fulfil your quest p_p_man? And more importantly, will you let me go now?

 

[DarlingBri]

Ally, Ally, Ally....

The post-feminist deconstruction potential here ALONE could keep us going for a week. I personally would never shutup and everyone would hate me. Plus, all but about 6 people would die of bordeom, let alone Boonda.

But... but...

Anyway, I recognise that it's funny and why but it's not the sort of joke I would laugh at.

 

[Ally C]

Oi, Oi, Oi

Go for it DarlingBri. I didn't really want to share, but my arm was twisted. The dark continent has been rediscovered. I eagerly await the next post, in a post-post mood.

 

[DarlingBri]

Ally, you cow...

No way, no how. There are far too many gender issues hiding in those trees.

But the Englishman is OBVIOUSLY a latant homosexual.











I mean, aren't they all?











<g>

 

[p_p_man]

Boonda Ends The Quest

[p_p_man laughing loudly and letting Ally C go]

At last! I now feel fulfilled. It made me laugh out loud. An actual anti-English bona-fide joke.

You win top prize Ally C.

 

[mig]

Well! Boonda me,We are not all latent homosexuals.It depends on which pubic school you went to.

 

[DarlingBri]

Mmm mmm mmm...

Gotta love those Eaton lads...

 

[MunchinMark]

Gotta love those Eaton lads...

No, the head boys will do that.

 

[DarlingBri]

ROFL!!!!

10 points

 

[p_p_man]

ROFL 2

Now we're making up our. Perhaps it's meant to be...

And it's Harrow, girls, Harrow. We Harrovians never mention that other place.

 

[DarlingBri]

For Problem Child...

...and anyone else confused or interested by British English, a reference that's fun to read:

http://english2american.com/index.html#index

 

[Ally C]

Ha!

Just came from the 'Horowitz ... yes or no?' thread. 'British English' ... I had a quick look at the link and it is fun! Not sure about the use of a modifier though! LOL, talk about deja vu - but do it in English please, as my French ain't so 'bon' ... I mean good.

 

[DarlingBri]

Well, Boys and Girls....

Auntie Bri's French phrases used on the boards to date roughly translate as:

"Go get fucked, please."

and:

"Go get fucked up the ass by Greeks."

It is her way of venting without causing disruption to the thread. She must be very miffed indeed to use French.