what should I do

[sexualbeing]

O.K im a 23 year old ebony female that has a crush on this older white guy. He's in his late 40's but he has a amazing sense of humor and he's so adorable. I don't know how to approach him because I don't know what his response will be if I reveal this crazy secret. We've known each other for two years but only because he comes to my job every morning and drops off deposits. It has gotten to the point were I dream of this man almost every night. And everytime I see him my heart drops. Another obstacle is that I am in a relationship and weve been together for 7 years with two children. But the fire isnt there between us anymore. Can anyone give me any suggestions of whta I should do?

 

[texhud]

okay . . . . .

First you really don't "know" him. You simply have a friendly, casual, relationship. It sounds like in a few minutes each day ya'll exchange small talk, a little flirting, a little this, a little that . . . . Have you ever asked him to share lunch with you? Suck as "I heard of this neat place for lunch, but I can't find anybody to go with me, would you like to meet me for lunch?" You are going to have to expand your knowledge of this person. You are going to have to get to know more about him. Do it on a friendly basis. At the same time look at your current relationship. What happened, can the fire be re-kindled? You are capable of doing many things at the same time so why don't you try to expand your knowledge of the older guy, just on a friendly basis, and also try and decide where your are going with your current relationship.

 

[jerseyman1963]

O.K im a 23 year old ebony female that has a crush on this older white guy. He's in his late 40's but he has a amazing sense of humor and he's so adorable. I don't know how to approach him because I don't know what his response will be if I reveal this crazy secret. We've known each other for two years but only because he comes to my job every morning and drops off deposits. It has gotten to the point were I dream of this man almost every night. And everytime I see him my heart drops. Another obstacle is that I am in a relationship and weve been together for 7 years with two children. But the fire isnt there between us anymore. Can anyone give me any suggestions of whta I should do?

If you want to ask the guy out, ask him out. If you're bold, ask him if he'd like to have lunch some day. If you want to be more demure, slip him your phone number (or write it on a deposit slip) and tell him you'd love to get a cup of coffee or a drink after work some day. Simple as that. If he takes the bait, you'll know. If he never comes back to your window, you'll know. Either way, you found out.

But I think there's a bigger question for you. Is it possible that you're into the idea of being with this guy because he represents an escape from the reality of your existing relationship? If a fantasy escape is the basis of your attraction, it's doomed. Our fantasies rarely turn out the way we expect them to, or at least that's my experience.

If all you're looking for is an extracurricular romp, and you're OK with that, then go for it. But if you decide the dreams you're having are because you want something better and more fullfilling, then you ought to go deal with your existing relationship, and either see if it can be salvaged, or end it and move on and look for something that fullfills you, before you start seeing other people. Life is too short to waste time if it's not working for you. It's not easy, but we each deserve what we want and need, not what we think we should settle for.

My two cents, for what it's worth.

 

[LadyJeanne]

O.K im a 23 year old ebony female that has a crush on this older white guy. He's in his late 40's but he has a amazing sense of humor and he's so adorable. I don't know how to approach him because I don't know what his response will be if I reveal this crazy secret. We've known each other for two years but only because he comes to my job every morning and drops off deposits. It has gotten to the point were I dream of this man almost every night. And everytime I see him my heart drops. Another obstacle is that I am in a relationship and weve been together for 7 years with two children. But the fire isnt there between us anymore. Can anyone give me any suggestions of whta I should do?

I'd hold off on acting on your crush until you've sorted out what's going on with your relationship with your SO. You do it any other way, and someone, or everyone, will get hurt.

 

[turboguy]

I'd hold off on acting on your crush until you've sorted out what's going on with your relationship with your SO. You do it any other way, and someone, or everyone, will get hurt.

Very true....good words.

I am also in the job position where I see people that I'm attracted too on a daily or somewhat daily interaction. You tend to "get to know them" on some sort of routine ......you know what they are up too...you know if he or she is responsible by the comings and goings of them.

I agree that the little "daily" meets are great...but what I have at home is so much more important. She knows what I am, and I know what she is. Everyone has faults. Everyone can make themselves appear "better" to a stranger.........

If your truely HONEST in your present relationship...and its still not good....then maybe persue this.....but if you haven't been TRUELY honest in your relationship, letting your Sig. Other know what you want or don't want........then don't persue it.......persue what you already have, as what you want might already be at your fingertips.

Okay......I'm out

T

 

[Ahh_lex_A]

Hmmmmm....

.......It's just a crush. Yu have an existing responsibility. Although, i got no idea if the two of you (your existing partner) are married. The thing is, you already have two children together. If it can be worked out, why not try for the sake of your little children?...If it can't be helped. Maybe its the time. Then maybe start from there. Date with your crush. I suggest you work things out first before doing something with your crush.=)

 

[M's girl]

If, after being with your current partner for such a long time already, this is the first time you are tempted like this I would say it's a clear sign. A sign that tells you you need to think real hard and good about what you want. If you have never felt like this before about someone else I would say it's not in your nature, thus this is telling you something about the choices you will have to make.

I agree with LadyJeanne, I would NOT persue this fling until you have figured out for yourself why, all of a sudden, you are so attracted to this guy you hardly know. Plus, I think when a relationship starts to fall apart you become more open to people who SEEM to show you a side that you would find so attractive in your current partner but miss at the time. The attention, the (small) flirtations that make you feel so good.... But you know? It's just that but all of a sudden it seems like a much bigger deal because it's what you miss in your current relationship maybe.

Think about it. Flirt if it makes you feel good. There is not much harm in that. After all, being nice and open and relaxed towards another nice person is nothing you should not do, until you feel like you have to take the next step. Would you really rather go for this fling with someone you hardly know at all than see it as a sign to make an effort to make your current relationship better? All the positive energy you get from this could wear off in your relationship and onto your children and all will benefit from it.

 

[thirty]

O.K im a 23 year old ebony female that has a crush on this older white guy. He's in his late 40's but he has a amazing sense of humor and he's so adorable. I don't know how to approach him because I don't know what his response will be if I reveal this crazy secret. We've known each other for two years but only because he comes to my job every morning and drops off deposits. It has gotten to the point were I dream of this man almost every night. And everytime I see him my heart drops. Another obstacle is that I am in a relationship and weve been together for 7 years with two children. But the fire isnt there between us anymore. Can anyone give me any suggestions of whta I should do?

Do you knw whether or not he is currently also in a relationship?

To be honest, I'm in the middle of my 30s, I love a girl your age, I'm still worring about my age, I mean I will be about 50 years old when she is in her middle 30s.
Did you ever put it to your consideration?