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What the hell…Chilly’s little spot on lit

**disclaimer…I’m not sad just like this song and think it has great lyrics**


Why am I still protecting you?
Why am I still saying that you mean well?
When you don't notice if I'm in the room?
Yeah, I will always choose you over myself
Oh, I-I-I-I know that I deserve better than this
But I-I-I don't know how to not treat myself like shit
'Cause you don't even care about me
It's obvious but I'm still crawling back on my knees, oh-oh
Rip my heart from my chest
And I'll still apologize for making a mess
But you don't even care about me, oh
I don't make sense when it comes to you
I gave my worth up for somebody
Who doesn't care if we win or lose
Yeah, I will always choose you or nobody
I-I-I-I know that I deserve better than this
But I-I-I don't know how to not treat myself like shit
'Cause you don't even care about me
It's obvious, but I'm still crawling back on my knees, oh-oh
Rip my heart from my chest
And I'll still apologize for making a mess
But you don't even care about me
Oh, I'm so sorry to myself for justifying a narcissistic hell
For putting up with the minimum
Oh, I'm so sorry
'Cause you don't even care about me
It's obvious, but I'm still crawling back on my knees, oh-oh
Rip my heart from my chest
And I'll still apologize for making a mess
But you don't even care about me
 
I finally got the courage to answer a message I received on the dating app. His second message to me

“I’m so excited to meet you. My girlfriend and I are looking for a third to join us.”

😑😑💀💀

I quickly sent a no thank you and deleted and blocked him. Put that in your freaking profile!!!!!

So I dipped my toe in the dating waters and now I will be staying on dry land thankyouverymuch!
 
**this is not sad, I’m not sad, this is growth and healing and learning and it’s good**

Sooooo…I haven’t really talked about therapy. I feel like most appointments I’m just screaming and crying cause I’ve had no real breaks to work on old trauma, just constantly occurring new trauma. Last week we started on old traima. Abandonment issues. Ownership issues. Self worth issues.

The question she asked was “why don’t your feelings matter? Why do you think you don’t matter as much as everyone else?”

We discussed how I swing from one extreme to another and I’m either 100% in or 100% out. I have no balance, no in between.

Then she emailed me this…


IMG_6564.jpeg

I don’t have any answers but I’ve had lots to think about.
 
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Chillygirl said:
**this is not sad, I’m not sad, this is growth and healing and learning and it’s good**

Sooooo…I haven’t really talked about therapy. I feel like most appointments I’m just screaming and crying cause I’ve had no real breaks to work on old trauma, just constantly occurring new trauma. Last week we started on old traima. Abandonment issues. Ownership issues. Self worth issues.

The question she asked was “why don’t your feelings matter? Why do you think you don’t matter as much as everyone else?”

We discussed how I swing from one extreme to another and I’m either 100% in or 100% out. I have no balance, no in between.

Then she emailed me this…


View attachment 2367280

I don’t have any answers but I’ve had lots to think about.
Click to expand...
🫂🫂🌹❤️
 
Chillygirl said:
**this is not sad, I’m not sad, this is growth and healing and learning and it’s good**

Sooooo…I haven’t really talked about therapy. I feel like most appointments I’m just screaming and crying cause I’ve had no real breaks to work on old trauma, just constantly occurring new trauma. Last week we started on old traima. Abandonment issues. Ownership issues. Self worth issues.

The question she asked was “why don’t your feelings matter? Why do you think you don’t matter as much as everyone else?”

We discussed how I swing from one extreme to another and I’m either 100% in or 100% out. I have no balance, no in between.

Then she emailed me this…


View attachment 2367280

I don’t have any answers but I’ve had lots to think about.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry to intrude but wanted to say this spoke to me too.

Take care.
 
Chillygirl said:
**this is not sad, I’m not sad, this is growth and healing and learning and it’s good**

Sooooo…I haven’t really talked about therapy. I feel like most appointments I’m just screaming and crying cause I’ve had no real breaks to work on old trauma, just constantly occurring new trauma. Last week we started on old traima. Abandonment issues. Ownership issues. Self worth issues.

The question she asked was “why don’t your feelings matter? Why do you think you don’t matter as much as everyone else?”

We discussed how I swing from one extreme to another and I’m either 100% in or 100% out. I have no balance, no in between.

Then she emailed me this…


View attachment 2367280

I don’t have any answers but I’ve had lots to think about.
Click to expand...
Chilly
I say this
You are my friend and I do understand a bit about where you are
Screw the above whatever

I need you to get out and do something you love to do

That’s it

I want you to go and do you

The hell with anything else

By this i mean the advise You’ve been given

Reach out and do something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t
 
Joxlrg said:
Chilly
I say this
You are my friend and I do understand a bit about where you are
Screw the above whatever

I need you to get out and do something you love to do

That’s it

I want you to go and do you

The hell with anything else

By this i mean the advise You’ve been given

Reach out and do something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t
Click to expand...
I am. I do. I’m figuring out what I like and who I am.

I’m also juggling caring for my parents.

Life is good.
 
You're a fantastic person and it's so impressive and exciting seeing you are working to become the best version of yourself and to find areas you want to improve in your life and actually work for that and to live your best life. You may not be there right now, but I applaud you for going for it and doing what you need to get there. There are many threads around here about being turned on by other Lit people, but your efforts to work to make your life the best it can be are wildly impressive and you are doing great and there should be threads about how awesome that is. Keep it up.
 
TomTeacher19 said:
You're a fantastic person and it's so impressive and exciting seeing you are working to become the best version of yourself and to find areas you want to improve in your life and actually work for that and to live your best life. You may not be there right now, but I applaud you for going for it and doing what you need to get there. There are many threads around here about being turned on by other Lit people, but your efforts to work to make your life the best it can be are wildly impressive and you are doing great and there should be threads about how awesome that is. Keep it up.
Click to expand...
You are very kind. Thank you! 🥰
 
Chillygirl said:
View attachment 2368524
Click to expand...
Chilly, I just happened upon this thread today, which surprises me, because I'm normally drawn to things Chilly. I haven't gone back through all of the thread, and I don't want to intrude, but I do want to encourage you to take care of you. This meme...so much wisdom. I've had more peace in the last ten years or so (I'm about to hit 60 in a few months) than ever before by applying this concept. I don't have to "hate" people or harbor anger at them to protect myself from their destructive habits and mindsets. You have to protect yourself, your mindset, and your peace. Take care of YOU; you are worth it. Anybody whose presence makes you feel that is less than true needs to be kept at a LONG arms length. I believe that doing this, protecting yourself, actually releases you to be the best version of YOU. Some will love that person, some may not; their loss.
Just a little input from an old soul who wants the best for you.
 
LustyScribe said:
Chilly, I just happened upon this thread today, which surprises me, because I'm normally drawn to things Chilly. I haven't gone back through all of the thread, and I don't want to intrude, but I do want to encourage you to take care of you. This meme...so much wisdom. I've had more peace in the last ten years or so (I'm about to hit 60 in a few months) than ever before by applying this concept. I don't have to "hate" people or harbor anger at them to protect myself from their destructive habits and mindsets. You have to protect yourself, your mindset, and your peace. Take care of YOU; you are worth it. Anybody whose presence makes you feel that is less than true needs to be kept at a LONG arms length. I believe that doing this, protecting yourself, actually releases you to be the best version of YOU. Some will love that person, some may not; their loss.
Just a little input from an old soul who wants the best for you.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much…your advice is so timely ❤️
 
Chillygirl said:
**this is not sad, I’m not sad, this is growth and healing and learning and it’s good**

Sooooo…I haven’t really talked about therapy. I feel like most appointments I’m just screaming and crying cause I’ve had no real breaks to work on old trauma, just constantly occurring new trauma. Last week we started on old traima. Abandonment issues. Ownership issues. Self worth issues.

The question she asked was “why don’t your feelings matter? Why do you think you don’t matter as much as everyone else?”

We discussed how I swing from one extreme to another and I’m either 100% in or 100% out. I have no balance, no in between.

Then she emailed me this…


View attachment 2367280

I don’t have any answers but I’ve had lots to think about.
Click to expand...
Therapy can do some amazing things. It sounds like you scored yourself a great one :)

Mine is pretty great, too. Sometimes a love/hate relationship depending on the topic, haha.

One day I was really going through it and just couldn't get myself out of that failure and 'why doesn't anyone want me' feeling..a little dramatic, I get it..but it's real.

One day she sent me this - she said she came across it and wanted to share - I think sharing is caring so here it is for you and anyone else as well:

"I think it's brave. I think it's brave that you get up in the morning when your heart aches and life is messy, even when you don't feel like being soft for the world. I think it's brave that you continue to love and open your soul despite the way you were treated in the past. I think it's brave that you keep going. I think it's brave that you keep believing in something more, something bigger, even if you don't know what you are hoping for."

:heart:
 
FunLi said:
Therapy can do some amazing things. It sounds like you scored yourself a great one :)

Mine is pretty great, too. Sometimes a love/hate relationship depending on the topic, haha.

One day I was really going through it and just couldn't get myself out of that failure and 'why doesn't anyone want me' feeling..a little dramatic, I get it..but it's real.

One day she sent me this - she said she came across it and wanted to share - I think sharing is caring so here it is for you and anyone else as well:

"I think it's brave. I think it's brave that you get up in the morning when your heart aches and life is messy, even when you don't feel like being soft for the world. I think it's brave that you continue to love and open your soul despite the way you were treated in the past. I think it's brave that you keep going. I think it's brave that you keep believing in something more, something bigger, even if you don't know what you are hoping for."

:heart:
Click to expand...
lol I roll my eyes a lot in therapy and she laughs at me. I’m glad you found a good one too!

Thank you for sharing that!

❤️
 
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