What to do? *Freaking out here*

[funandnaked]

Ok... I am totally freaking out here.. i dont know what to do.

I have been violated. Again. By my own brother.

Background info: My brother cohabitates a townhouse with me. Hes a couple years younger than me. Since my ex moved out, he's let himself go. Like, he has no respect for anything sacred, i swear. ugh. I know WAY too much about him. Like that he wears womens underwear and sleepwear. He just leaves all his shit out everywhere! He's got an immense amount of sex toys and plugs that he just leaves laying around in full site. He lounges around in panties all over my furniture when im not at home. You know - to each their own. I dont care as much that he does all that. I care that hes so disrespectful about it, that *I* am forced to be included. This is not his own secret sex lair. 2 people live here. 2 RELATED people. Everyone has their own demons and what not. But I dont parade mine around for him to see. I even *try* to keep quiet when i have sex. lol Im respectful like that. Even tho he's probably listening outside the door. gross.

SO the violating - a couple months ago I came across some atrocities. We share a computer, with seperate user accounts. His account was open, i didnt notice it was his, clicked the favorites tab to check my bank account, and saw all these bookmarked sex sites. Yeah normally i'd have rolled my eyes, fought back the vomit, and gone on with my business. But there was an Incest link. I think i stared at it for like 10 minutes, in shock and horror. I had to go. You know i had to. I had to know what was on there. I HAD to know. What if it was about me? What if he did something to me and i didnt know? So i looked. It was about me. He had snooped in my room while i was at work one day. Found MY toys, and had his way with them. Not only did he do that, he photographed it, and posted the pictures on the forum. So there was my vibrator, online big as life, with my brothers manseed all over it. On the post he mentioned how great it was that i didnt know, and was goign to use it again after he did. (Its a good thing theres a bathroom near my office, cuz i really did throw up.) Luckily, i hadnt used it since the post. Thank you Jesus. Anyway, that night i basically bleached the whole house, then went to Walmart bought new sheets, blankets, pillows, everything for my room. And a locking doorknob. He saw me installing it, asked what it was for. I just told him "it seems we have a snoop". I dont think i overreacted. Well maybe with the bleaching. lol But i was grossed out. I would have hightailed it out of here, but i cant break my lease as it would cost me about $800. i was furious, and disgusted. I wanted to press charges against him and all that, but... he's my brother. And i didnt want our living situation even more hostile. So i just forced myself to get over it for now.

And things have been bearable the last couple months. I lock up everything when i leave. Well, i had a spare key to my room hidden in the house, in case of an emergency or whatever. This morning i get home, i go to grab the hidden key (which i usually use, or at least hide somwhere new all the time) and it was moved. It was in the same spot, but backwards. (Yes, im that anal that i know how i layed it in there.) He was in there. Again. And its not like he just came across the key. He would have had to look for it. So now, i have a whole new batch of sexual devices (hehe) that i have to throw away. I had to do that last time, and that shit is expensive.(And the ones i have now are NEW cuz it took me like 2 months to not be grossed out by using them.) I also threw out ALL of my undies, and bought new stuff after he decided he liked wearing them. Yes mine. I caught him. ANd i dont even wanna go in there again. Who knows what he did. THere is no way of knowing. I am disgusted, annoyed, and frankly hurt that my own family could be so disrespectful.

So what do i do? After last time, he's cleaned up everything on the computer, new accounts on all his weird sites. I cant check up on it anymore. I shouldnt have to in the first place. I feel all paranoid. What if theres like, hidden cams in there or something? What if he did stuff? I dont feel safe or comfortable in my own house. Again. Now, im one of those people that gets over stuff really quick. But this is the second time! Im sure its actually probably the 100th time. *GAG*

I want to get even. I want to fuck him over. I want revenge. I want to make him sorry. Any big burly volunteers want to work him over, and defend my honor? I'll totally make it worth your while!! But seriously, i could go and tell my mommy. Tell her all his dirty secrets. But where would that get me? No where, cuz i'd still have to live with him for the next 5 weeks. The best solution is to leave. I know thats what everyone is going to say. But i cant. Everything in this apartment, aside from the electronics, is mine. I cant leave all that behind. I cant kick him out because i cant afford the bills on my own. I can make it one more month. But... i dont know. im freaked.

All i can think to do is use those week to plot his demise. Then BAM! hit him with it right when I'm about to move out. So what do i do? Advice? Revenge ideas? Wakeup calls? Sexual propositions? All are welcome.

 

[EJFan]

revenge won't get you a damn thing. the best revenge is to live a better life than whomever you want revenge against... leave it at that and you'll be much happier in the long run.

as far as a solution, kick his ass out. it's that simple. brother, mother, spouse, whoever... if they're that disrespectful of your domain, kick 'em the fuck out. period.

 

[gingermango]

Just move and leave no forwarding address or phone number. Remember, living well is the best revenge.

 

[silverwhisper]

point him to this thread.

now.

that's all the advice i can offer, i'm sorry to say.

he needs to understand that what he did is completely and totally unacceptable. i don't care if you're jessica simpson/halle berry/[other hot celebrity]: he's still your brother and that means his obsession is sick. violating your privacy like that is incredibly wrong. and posting pics of your stuff is probably illegal and incredibly wrong.

IOW, he's acting like a little boy. time for someone to grow up.

lastly: you need to confront him. until you do and dispel his little fantasy in no uncertain terms, he may continue to harbor the idea that you're secretly interested. however, don't do this until you no longer live in the same place.

whose name is on the lease: yours, his, both? if both, you do have a problem. do you have any friends who could help you out?

i do not recommend telling your mother. as sick as his behavior is, that might trigger a whole series of reactions you don't want.

ed

 

[funandnaked]

Both of us are on the lease. And I'll get an $800 penalty if i break it. Without his half, i cant afford it on my own, and therefore cant kick him out. I went thru all this the first time it happened. What to do. Im trapped. At least this time i only have a few weeks left, as opposed to months left. My parents could give me the money, to get out. BUT.... they'll wanna know why, and thats a discussion i dont want to have.

As far as confronting him, i am awaiting moveout day. Trust me. I have a whole list of grievances. I also have a list of things i have had to buy or throw out because of him, which i'll be demanding payment for.

He always knows when i know. Because i avoid him. And act weird. And clean everything like 5 times a day. So I guess im just gonna leave him a note/email and tell him if he goes in my room, near my room, thinks about me or my room again, he's gonna regret it. In the meantime, i'm just gonna work extra shifts, stay away from here, and try and get out as soon as i can. *sigh*

 

[EJFan]

Both of us are on the lease. And I'll get an $800 penalty if i break it. Without his half, i cant afford it on my own, and therefore cant kick him out. I went thru all this the first time it happened. What to do. Im trapped. At least this time i only have a few weeks left, as opposed to months left. My parents could give me the money, to get out. BUT.... they'll wanna know why, and thats a discussion i dont want to have.

As far as confronting him, i am awaiting moveout day. Trust me. I have a whole list of grievances. I also have a list of things i have had to buy or throw out because of him, which i'll be demanding payment for.

He always knows when i know. Because i avoid him. And act weird. And clean everything like 5 times a day. So I guess im just gonna leave him a note/email and tell him if he goes in my room, near my room, thinks about me or my room again, he's gonna regret it. In the meantime, i'm just gonna work extra shifts, stay away from here, and try and get out as soon as i can. *sigh*

i may be making the wrong inference here but it sounds like you're kind of passive aggressive with him about this... avoiding him when he disrespects you, waiting for moveout day, etc. i think you need to get in his face about it. he may be a douche bag but it would benefit you both if you told him he's an ass and explained, in explicit detail, why you feel that way.

and why not tell mom & dad? embarrasing him to them is far less hurtful than what you're letting him do to you. they don't have to have the deep details. just tell them that he's in your private/personal things... that he's violating/disrespecting your space and your stuff and that it's an ongoing problem.

remember, he's THEIR son, not yours. if anyone is responsible for him besides himself, it's them. he might be an adult but regardless of age he's more their problem than yours.

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: telling the parents may trigger a series of events that nobody wants.

ed

 

[EJFan]

EJ: telling the parents may trigger a series of events that nobody wants.

ed

i'm sorry but i have to disagree here. mom & dad seem to have the resources, and i assume willingness, to help her (their daughter) out of a problem she's having with him (their son). she's in a situation that she doesn't want to be in and doesn't deserve to be in. the only thing stopping her from telling them about it is that she doesn't want to embarass him... but he's been doing that to her repeatedly.

i can't say that your advice is wrong... and i respect your view. i simply think that if there's a solution (and an expedient one at that) i'd surely explore it. as i said, she doesn't have to tell them exactly what he's doing, what he's doing it WITH or any of the details. i'm sure that they'd respect her privacy and let the most basic of explanations suffice.

these are their parents. if anyone should be involved it should be them. if they can't be involved then (and i'm sorry to say this) she shouldn't be stressed about it. if there's a viable solution to a problem and it goes unexplored then there's no one to blame and nothing to complain about.

disrespectful roommates (related or not) are one of the worst things anyone has to deal with. at least in this case, being a relative, there can be benign outside parties working toward a solution. kick him out, find a way to get yourself out, punch the prick in the eye, do whatever it takes. just have some self respect and stand up for your rights. hell, i'm tempted to go and beat some sense into this jackass

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: my reason for saying this is that you and i have both seen in thread after thread comments from people saying that the reaction they got from their parents on [issue] was extremely non-helpful or even harmful.

i hate to say it, but there exists every possibility that they will not believe these horrible charges. and if they think that F&N is lying about something so terrible, what do you suppose happens next? they wonder why she would make up something so terrible.

F&N: i'm sorry, i don't know anything at all about the rest of your family, but i really think this is something you should consider if you follow EJ's advice.

ed

 

[Lappdog]

Just have to say that I saw your brothers thread on said site and I thought it had to be made-up until I read your post. Anyway...revenge is not going to solve anything. It may be sweet for a while, but that sweetness will be short-lived and probably regretted.

You need to move out or throw his ass out -now. Plain and simple. There has to be a friend that can help bail you out on the lease end? This can't be a healthy situation for you and it is probably pushing him closer to doing something that will cross all lines of acceptability.

I say.......throw him out or move out ASAP.

Lapp

 

[LadyJeanne]

Borrow money from your parents if you can, hire a locksmith to change the locks on the house, and throw his things out into the street, or take them to your parents' place, get a roommate to help with expenses. If he gets anywhere near your house, call the cops and get a restraining order.

This guy has crossed all bounds of decency and respectability, and clearly has no understanding of right/wrong. Protect yourself.

 

[silverwhisper]

lappdog quoth
saw your brothers thread on said site

i gotta confess, i'm a litle curious how lappdog can be certain it was teh same thread.

ed

 

[LadyG]

Interesting.

 

[Dirty_dave25]

To be honest revenge is never sweet, but getting the person to think you have done something.... now thats a different story.

Id film him or take photos of him in the sly (remember to put a note in ur room saying that there are cameras filming or he can take matters further, hell be to horny and perverted to notice it any way!!) Once you have collected the evidence u need, make a copy and leave it for him with a not saying that a copy has gone to your parents or even worse the police.

Send your parents a note about a vido your bro sent them and did they get it. They will phone you/him up and ask about this video. That in itself will be enough to shock him. Then move out. But always warn him once he knows the true story that u lied, this time only, next time it will be a different story.

Christ permision is a must, sneaking around like that, although a kinky thought in fantasy, doing it is a whole new ball game. Even worse, its your brother invading ur privace. GRRRRR gets under my skin.

I hope you sort the problem out. Good luck! x

 

[Brandy1969]

Yes, his name may be on the lease but you can look for someone to sublease his half of the lease/rent and kick his disgusting ass out ASAP.

And as far as getting payment for what you have had to throw away or replace, good luck. You can demand it from him until you're blue in the face but you'll never get it.

 

[EJFan]

i'm familiar with this type of lease situation... i was in such an ordeal with a friend of mine when we were about 20. his mother had promised to subsidize his half of the rent if/when necessary (he only had a part time job) but she ceased doing so after the 2nd month we were there.

in our case, we were able to get him off the lease. this wasn't an optimal solution but if i had all the responsibility for the rent from a financial standpoint i wanted all the rights and responsibilities the lease afforded me. in other words, i could kick him out.

 

[emap]

Umm well wow, and I thought my family was a little out there.

I think talking to your parents would be something to consider, but if your brother is the baby of the family I have to say avoid telling them like the plaque until you are moved out. Not real sure why but the youngest can't really do wrong.

Anyway, until you are moved out, do two things, get a new set of locks for your room, don't hide the key around the house, lock one in a safe deposit box and the other carry in a necklace or bracelet heck in your stockings if you want, but always have it on you and not in your purse. I am saying that because 1) he knows you like to hide them around the house and 2) he very easily could have gotten a copy made. Second thing, buy a stun gun, not a taser or any of those shooting, but a pure and simple stun gun and use it on him, just once not for an extended period when he stops twitching and whatnot, tell him it is for doign what he did and if he does it or anything else worse you will hit him with it for longer and carry that in your purse or pocket at all times.

That does two things, gets your peace of mind back and stops him from doing that, at least long enough for you to move or at least your locks changed and not let him back in to your room.

He is also lucky he isn't my brother, I would have free reign to take a baseball bat to him and would, though not hard enough to break much.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I would just talk to him and make sure he knows your pissed. I do like that video idea though. It seems really funny. But I would say "You don't stop, I'll tell mom/dad/whoever what you do". Maybe while your gone during the day, take something from him like the computer power bar or mouse. So he can't use it, or would have to go buy a new one. Just small things.

But just talking to him and set him straight.

 

[NaiveOne]

If you only have a few weeks left, I say move out or make him move out. I understand that you can't afford it. But your sanity is worth the credit card bill or borrowing from mom and dad.

You can maybe warn him? Explain that you saw the website and the things he is doing are completely unacceptable. And if you ever even have an inkling that he is invading your privacy again, he's out.

Or you said this happened when your ex moved out. Do you have a big, scary guy friend who could move in with you for a few weeks?

And the other posters are correct, you can find someone to sublet without violating your lease agreement.

I'm really, really sorry you have to go through this. It SUCKS!

We wish you luck and safety.

 

[NaiveOne]

And if the computer is yours, I would not let him use it. There has to be a way to keep him out.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Also, why not tell him your going to the police because what he did is a crime. Breaking and Entering (You can't go into someone elses room technicall), invasion of privacy and defimation of character. You can get him on a good amount of stuff.

 

[SweetErika]

Second thing, buy a stun gun, not a taser or any of those shooting, but a pure and simple stun gun and use it on him, just once not for an extended period when he stops twitching and whatnot, tell him it is for doign what he did and if he does it or anything else worse you will hit him with it for longer and carry that in your purse or pocket at all times.

What, like shock therapy?

I think this is a terrible idea because:
1) He could very well be angry or scared enough to fight back and/or really hurt her in some way; and

2) Just using a stun gun on someone if they haven't physically hurt you, or you don't have reasonable cause to believe there's imminent danger if you don't subdue them, is assault. She'd be utterly stupid to make a physical move on him or his possessions unless she's looking to live in jail for the next few weeks.

 

[pandoravampire]

Either DO something about it, go with it or SHUTUP.

People will only ever treat you, the way you allow them to.

Freud would have a field day with this.

Be honest. Tell him what you found, why your kicking him out. Abusers thrive on the perceieved 'trap' that VICTIMS feel theirselves to be in. And one incey wincey bit of nastiness from him over his very narrow escape with the law, is that you will report him. Incest, is illegal. Your revenge that you seek? His crestfallen face when he finds that online, has just jumped outta the screen and bit him on the ass. Fantasy is one thing, he may not wish it ever to become a reality. By talking about it, confronting him with your knowledge, you put it on the table fare and square. He cant avoid it. Or use the power any more.
Give him 30 mins to find emergency accom. And a available date that he can collect his belongings. Once he's moved out, maybe things can get back to being siblings. Without the incest. But i doubt it in his mind. EVer.

You are a free person. You have a choice here. You are making one right now to keep the status quo and keep quiet. You are behaving in a way that says its ok. That is how he will interpret it. ITs a 'licence' to continue. A misinterpretation, sure, but a sexual abuser, see's this 'ignoring' it by you, as permission. He now knows you know what he's up to, and he's not been kicked out. You therefor must be secretly likeing it yourself, could be his thoughts.
30 mins. Thats 29 seconds of extra time in my book.
pandoravampire

 

[Ahh_lex_A]

Blood is

....thicker than water. Yeah?...and so, here is where the delimma comes in.
I, myself can relate. I have been like you, and still is. But, once before, i separated myself from my family,got to enjoy more of life with fewer constraints living alone. Anyway, the things is, it depends if you can live with or without him. If you can't , then don't. Doesn't mean you'll despise him forever and cut down the biological link you both shared. =).....Let your mommy know. Parents ought to (Its their right). =)....People grow up. He may seem not to, but eventually he will. We live, we learn, we choke...and so Alanis' song goes... ....Have fun!

 

[1ebony]

Solution

You sound like you are not backwards in your sexual appetite either. Place and ad in the paper or on lit for a room for rent, and get yourself a fuck buddy who pays rent...kick your brother out, and no need to spend a fortune on new sex toys, you have a real live one..problem solved