what to say while talking dirty...

[nickollette]

hello all,

well well well, where to get started. the thread will result in being about what the title says but i have a bit of background info to cover to get the fullest of advice. im ADD so it may end up with me requesting a few questions to be answered...who knows

ok, the art of talking dirty, we all know it and on some level most of us love it. i know for one i thrive off it but sometimes have issues doing the return. i have a very dirty mind with plenty to say but always have the issue of getting it across for fear ill sound stupid.

anyhow, for someone who wants it so bad he isnt willing to help out or initate things, or ask questions to get it started. i know he'll shoot that down claiming it leads to nowhere but one or two non-open-ended questions wont do much to get the ball rolling. it bugs me, bc he doesnt seem interested in me and continually reinforces his need to go be with other people, yet if i agree then im a whore.

but back to on topic, i have plenty to say with my filthy mind and know when and how to say it, i just cant let go of my fear of sounding stupid. and when it comes time i loose everything ive had to say. ive suggested a blindfold bc then i wont feel pressured or judged but that went in one ear and out the other.

i am a VERY sexual person and he claims to be as well, but me wanting it several times a day is apprently too much bc it never happens, i dont know if he thinks im boring or if maybe im bored so im coming off as boring but nonetheless i wanted insight on how to let go of myself 100%(without alcohol ).

i think my biggest issue is knowing he talks to other people every now and again and rely's on porn to turn him on, so i dont know what to do, how to regain his interest, i have a coule idea but cant say on here bc hes here as well, but if my ideas dont work then im seriously at a lost cause.

so again, insight on how to regain his interest and how to let go enough to not worry about what i say, and some extra ideas on what to say would be greatly appreciated....sorry for such a long post.

 

[M's girl]

anyhow, for someone who wants it so bad he isnt willing to help out or initate things, or ask questions to get it started. i know he'll shoot that down claiming it leads to nowhere but one or two non-open-ended questions wont do much to get the ball rolling. it bugs me, bc he doesnt seem interested in me and continually reinforces his need to go be with other people, yet if i agree then im a whore.

Why don't you explain to me first why you want to be with him still? Because I don't understand....

 

[asian_princess]

anyhow, for someone who wants it so bad he isnt willing to help out or initate things, or ask questions to get it started. i know he'll shoot that down claiming it leads to nowhere but one or two non-open-ended questions wont do much to get the ball rolling. it bugs me, bc he doesnt seem interested in me and continually reinforces his need to go be with other people, yet if i agree then im a whore.


i am a VERY sexual person and he claims to be as well, but me wanting it several times a day is apprently too much bc it never happens, i dont know if he thinks im boring or if maybe im bored so im coming off as boring but nonetheless i wanted insight on how to let go of myself 100%(without alcohol ).

so again, insight on how to regain his interest and how to let go enough to not worry about what i say, and some extra ideas on what to say would be greatly appreciated....sorry for such a long post.

...maybe you should think about what...or who it is that is making you feel uncomfortable letting go in the first place, hon.

But if you're looking for expert on this topic, this is the place to come

Try this thread and you'll be spouting out the dirty talk in no time

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Wow

hello all,

well well well, where to get started. the thread will result in being about what the title says but i have a bit of background info to cover to get the fullest of advice. im ADD so it may end up with me requesting a few questions to be answered...who knows

ok, the art of talking dirty, we all know it and on some level most of us love it. i know for one i thrive off it but sometimes have issues doing the return. i have a very dirty mind with plenty to say but always have the issue of getting it across for fear ill sound stupid.

anyhow, for someone who wants it so bad he isnt willing to help out or initate things, or ask questions to get it started. i know he'll shoot that down claiming it leads to nowhere but one or two non-open-ended questions wont do much to get the ball rolling. it bugs me, bc he doesnt seem interested in me and continually reinforces his need to go be with other people, yet if i agree then im a whore.

but back to on topic, i have plenty to say with my filthy mind and know when and how to say it, i just cant let go of my fear of sounding stupid. and when it comes time i loose everything ive had to say. ive suggested a blindfold bc then i wont feel pressured or judged but that went in one ear and out the other.

i am a VERY sexual person and he claims to be as well, but me wanting it several times a day is apprently too much bc it never happens, i dont know if he thinks im boring or if maybe im bored so im coming off as boring but nonetheless i wanted insight on how to let go of myself 100%(without alcohol ).

i think my biggest issue is knowing he talks to other people every now and again and rely's on porn to turn him on, so i dont know what to do, how to regain his interest, i have a coule idea but cant say on here bc hes here as well, but if my ideas dont work then im seriously at a lost cause.

so again, insight on how to regain his interest and how to let go enough to not worry about what i say, and some extra ideas on what to say would be greatly appreciated....sorry for such a long post.

Did you jump inside my head and copy down what was written on the walls?

 

[nickollette]

Why don't you explain to me first why you want to be with him still? Because I don't understand....

well if i didnt love him and if he ddint fuck so good i wouldnt be with him

 

[naxalite0906]

Its a case of knowing what your guy likes and would enjoy hearing I guess.. Once you are sure of that you will NEVER sound stupid.. Maybe see what porn he enjoys and whether people talk dirty in the ones that turn him on..

Does he ever talk dirty with you as you have sex, or do anything different to the norm?

The other possibility is perhaps being quiet is his way of saying he isnt as turned on by women being vocal during sex..

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, just random thoughts i had when I saw the post.. Hope it helps a little..

 

[nickollette]

no, he definately likes the talking thats 100% sure.

my problem is lacking the motivation to speak my mind if i dont have it initated or questions asked to get me into it.

like i said, i have PLENTY to say and i know what i have to say he'll like its just the whole issue of letting go and getting it out.

i think i have problems letting go bc i know theres ways he could make me feel more comfortable to let go(despite me not even being certain what those things are, but im sure he could make me more comfortable if he tried, and he has recently) but it just never happens much, and so i just lack the whole feeling of being wanted when i know he relies on porn and other people to more of an extent than me, which i cant even get an answer as to why.

my main issue is trying to understand why porn in some aspects is more important than me and it bugs me to no end, dont get me wrong i do my fair share in being a porn advocate as well but i dont let it take precedence, not that he does either but i just dont feel i get the same interest he has in porn expressed onto me.

dont get me wrong the sex alone is enough motivation to talk and gets my thoughts going but they never come out to their fullest extent and for the life of me i dont know why and i cant figure out how to get them out. ive found having his eyes covered really works and helps out a lot, which hes become more accepting with, but even still for whatever reason things still arent flowing to their max and im out of ideas on how to get them going.

 

[naxalite0906]

If he likes it then don't be shy, you know him better than us.. Just whisper a few naughty things to him first.. stuff about what you want to do to him.. see how he responds.. then eventually you will be screaming all sorts at him.

 

[M's girl]

If he likes it then don't be shy, you know him better than us.. Just whisper a few naughty things to him first.. stuff about what you want to do to him.. see how he responds.. then eventually you will be screaming all sorts at him.

Yeah.... and he will be screaming back at her for being a whore... that's what she said in the initial post.

"....yet if i agree then im a whore"

He wants her to talk dirty yet does not want to help her get over her shyness about it...

"for someone who wants it so bad he isnt willing to help out or initate things, or ask questions to get it started. i know he'll shoot that down claiming it leads to nowhere but one or two non-open-ended questions wont do much to get the ball rolling"

Does he love and/or want her anyway? Does not look like it to me. Not to her either.... by the way....

"it bugs me, bc he doesnt seem interested in me and continually reinforces his need to go be with other people, yet if i agree then im a whore"

Looks like he is already getting his kicks somewhere else:

"i think my biggest issue is knowing he talks to other people every now and again and rely's on porn to turn him on, so i dont know what to do, how to regain his interest"

"i have a coule idea but cant say on here bc hes here as well, but if my ideas dont work then im seriously at a lost cause"

He's here as well? Well, well....

Seriously..... before trying to master the 'fine art of talking dirty' I would concentrate on gaining some selfrespect first. She says she loves him and he's a great fuck. Apparently (to me) he does not echo either of those sentiments....

 

[nickollette]

"....yet if i agree then im a whore"

i meant that if i agree to temporarily see other people. i jump around quite a bit so tat probably wasnt clarified.

and i probably portrayed him worse than he is...lately hes been very helpful in overcoming my shyness and granted it might be a small start but im doing better, at least i think, things always start off small anyway.

and as of now i dont thhink hes going elsewhere or actively wanting to, but i was naive enough not to believe that before but this time my gut isnt saying he is.

i believe he does love me on some level, whether or not its the level im on who knows, cant really get answers out of him, its like pulling teeth.

yes he's on the site as well, im sure hell jump in and have a bit to say.

 

[M's girl]

i meant that if i agree to temporarily see other people. i jump around quite a bit so tat probably wasnt clarified.

and i probably portrayed him worse than he is...lately hes been very helpful in overcoming my shyness and granted it might be a small start but im doing better, at least i think, things always start off small anyway.

and as of now i dont thhink hes going elsewhere or actively wanting to, but i was naive enough not to believe that before but this time my gut isnt saying he is.

i believe he does love me on some level, whether or not its the level im on who knows, cant really get answers out of him, its like pulling teeth.

yes he's on the site as well, im sure hell jump in and have a bit to say.

I'm very curious what HE has to say about all this. Listen.... it's your business in the end so you are the only one who can judge what's right and wrong for you and what you will tolerate or not. But you are asking us advice and all I see from what you disclose in your initial post is a bastard boyfriend and a very depending girlfriend. Most bastard boyfriends know how to manipulate their women. Trust me, believe me, I've been there. It's only that I recognize what's going on here (I think) and I want to warn you rather than tell you what to whisper in his ear while his concern is so far from making you feel loved and happy.

Good luck

 

[silverwhisper]

nickolette, i have to say, you may love him, but it really doesn't sound like he loves you. that said, i don't have the full picture and i know it, hence the qualifiers.

ed

 

[nickollette]

yea and i might be too stupid or naive to believe that he loves me, but i honestly thinks he does.

i dunno its weird and complicated but until he says otherwise im believing he does, and would hope he respects me enough to let me know otherwise.

ive re-read thru the posts and i have portrayed him to be worse than he is, he does try to make me feel more comfortable im just too uncomfortable with myself to accept any outside reinforcements. so thats a thing on my behalf i need to change, not completely his fault.

and u guys can have all the opinions u want and feel free to express whatever u want but im still curiious on what vocabulary u guys use.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I can't believe I'm saying this:

If you want to learn to talk dirty, go rent a porno. Don't follow it as a training video, but it should give you some vocabulary to follow.

There is not way to ease into this, I don't think. I think you need to just let it fly. You can gauge his reaction pretty well, just grab him by the hair and tell him to fuck the shit out of you. Don't ask, tell. His reaction there will gauge how far you can go talking dirty.

 

[nickollette]

i know all of this, i do my fair share in watching movies, know what to say and how to, but it stays in the vault. and demanding doesnt go over well with him, so the whole fantasy of me dominating goes out the window

 

[TBKahuna123]

OK so what are you asking us then? I'm not being facetious, I'm really trying to help. Just not sure anymore what the quesiton was.

 

[M's girl]

OK so what are you asking us then? I'm not being facetious, I'm really trying to help. Just not sure anymore what the quesiton was.

I think basically she's asking how she can get the words out she's already thinking. She knows the vocabulaire... she wants to say it and she already does it in her head while they are 'at it' but it does not come out.

Lots of people have this... know what it feels like. Me too. I'm getting better at it and I also like the dirty talk. M too, but I really have to be in the mood, so to speak, to do it. Wish it would come out easier too. I'm also always afraid it will come out the wrong way. I think it would help (as it did me for as far as I've come with this) to be in a loving, trusting relationship where you can be secure and rely on your partner. Where you know the other one well and know what will be received well and what not. Listen.... I'm in that loving relationship where I can trust M... and it's still hard for me. So I can't see how it could become easier for you in short term if your relationship with him does not start to improve first.

Only women (and men) who are VERY outspoken in this area by nature does it work from the start. They seem to be very confident in this area, no matter what stage of a relationship they are in. That's cool.... but it sound like you (like me) are not that kind of person. That's why I (we all basically) am (are) telling you to work on that one first...

 

[M's girl]

OK.... having said that....

You needed pointers. No one can tell you what will work for you, because you will have to be comfortable with what you are doing to start with.

When M and I started to discuss this 'issue' a long time ago I flat out told him basically what you said also: the words are all in my head, dying to get out, but somehow I'm too shy or something. Even M reassuring me that it all would be OK did not help. So I told him that he really needed to help me, even maybe push me a bit. Turn it into some kind of conversation; sort of directing me the way he wanted me to go... verbally.

What works for me is if I start to tease him (because I do a lot of the seduction; I'm bold in that and initiate sex a lot) and ask him what he would like me to do. He will ask questions in return to which I can answer. That works well. Also, I will make a combination of telling him how I feel when we make love of romantic and sexual statements. Like "I love you so much; it feels so good to have your hard cock inside of me". Things like that never really have been a problem for me to say.

Still, there's lots more in my head. Sometimes it comes out.... most of the time it does not. I'm working on it... If it were a switch I could flip I would have done it a long time ago.

Remains the fact that I think you really need his help and support in this. He wants it as bad as you do and from what I hear he's far better at it. Great! Let him teach you, guide you. If he does not want to do that there's no reason for him to complain any further.

One final note: M seems to be far better at this than I am, but he told me a long time ago that he sometimes is shy too. He is also always wondering if he's not going too far; if he's not upsetting me and things like that. It's getting easier the longer we are together and that is only natural.

There's really not much more I can tell you. Hope this helps somewhat. And for the extension of your vocabulaire? Yeah, like Kahuna said: rent a DVD or so. Although I don't think that on average they are being very creative (ahum) there... Oh yes, and read some Lit stories maybe?

 

[TBKahuna123]

Yeah, like Kahuna said: rent a DVD or so. Although I don't think that on average they are being very creative (ahum) there... Oh yes, and read some Lit stories maybe?

I guess my thinking was if a shy person tries to emulate a porn star and gets it our half way, that's about right.

 

[M's girl]

I guess my thinking was if a shy person tries to emulate a porn star and gets it our half way, that's about right.

Good thinking too..... Guess I'm a bit too ethical or so and want to be eloquent, even when talking dirty, haha.... That is probably part of MY problem...

 

[nickollette]

see i have so much stuff i want to do to try out and constantly want things changed up, sometimes it happens, other times not so much..and its not a matter of being shy thats preventing me from saying stuff but the fact that some of it seems cliche and will sound stupoid or corny.

im gradually working on ways of "cleansing my mind" whether it be verbal or thru actions.

i think only recently ive been more willing to accept it and come to terms with it, bc my mind is overflowing and ive come to terms more with the fact that i like sex a lot and love this aspect of it so why not get over it and do it already. i def wouldnt mind more voice on his behalf, which he does every now and again, but more would be nice and def lead to more inspiration and motivation from me.

my initial reason for joining here was to my mind out into stories, which i have yet to think of a scenario for.

but to answer a previous wuestion my reason for this is to find out what u guys say and what methods worked for u to overcome getting it out, like for me now, having his eyes covered works pretty well.

 

[M's girl]

.... like for me now, having his eyes covered works pretty well.

His eyes covered? Why not? I'm not (a) prude but sometimes I'm in the mood for making love in the dark (with the lights off) because I feel I can be more open. Has to be something of the same difference I guess.

 

[TBKahuna123]

my initial reason for joining here was to my mind out into stories, which i have yet to think of a scenario for.

That's a really good idea. So are you worried to how he'll respond to the things you want to say or do? IF so, have you talked to him about it in a non-sexual setting?

Another way to do this is print out some stories and take em to bed with you. Read them to him and see how he reacts. Then, write a story of your own, basing it on the two of you, thinking about how you would like to be with him and what you'd like to say when with him. Read that to him, or have him read it to you and see how he reacts. If he reacts badly you can just claim annonymity and move tot he next one, or you can start a dsicussion about why he didn't like it. Assuming he reacts favorably(which he probably will), tell him it's one you wrote while thinking of him. Then act it out, saying all the things you want to say just like you did in the story. He'll not just be enjoying it, but encouraging you at that point.

 

[Kinksville]

You could start by

telling him how whatever he's doing to you feels. Praise his touch, his cock, whatever.

Or make up a character in your head, and let her do it for you. Create Nicole, the cockteasing, dirty slut and pretend that you're her. I was playing with someone a while back and they wanted to do a medical scene.

It ended up turning into a forced sex scene because I created this totally amoral paramedic who answers a 911 call and finds a girl tied up in bed in my head. And then I just put myself in his shoes and responded the way I thought he would to whatever she was saying.

Not so much that we were talking "dirty" but that I'm not normally intimidating or harsh...and this was a way to get at those aspects of my self without feeling like *I* was doing it.