What to submit. How do I chose?

[KellyRed]

I am in a committed, long-term relationship and we are begining to explore my thus far undiscovered submissive side. She has given me my first assignment. “Come up with five things that you want to lose control of. That you’re willing to give up control of.” Easy enough, one would think. However, I am getting so caught up in the thought process and trying to chose, and overanalyzing what the signifianct of each is, that I don't have a list. I realize that this is the point, but I still need to have a list by tomorrow at noon.

So my question to those with more experience, from either side of the D/s, what are some acceptable "first things" one could give up?

I first explored "what do I really control now?" Yeah, pretty much eveything in my life... that would be my way of not letting anyone really in...

Thank you for your help.

 

[glynndah]

You might try posting this in the BDSM board. They'll probably have many more ideas for you.

 

[nymphony]

Start small and fairly inconsequential.

An example of something that seems small but can have a powerful effect is to give up control of using the bathroom on your own, when you are at home with your partner. In other words you have to ask them for permission each time you want to take a leak or have a bowel movement.

There are lots of small things you can give up control over in that way. Some others might be when you go to sleep. That becomes their decision, not yours. Or what you eat for dinner. Or what chores you do around the house.

Try to choose things that don't have "hot buttons" around them, i.e. that don't make you upset at the idea of losing control over them. Common hot buttons include finances, habit-breaking, access to friends and family, performing types of sex that have never attracted you before, and, believe it or not, control of your "computer leisure time." Save that sort of stuff for later after you've gotten a feel for what it is like to be out of control in some smaller areas that you care less about. That way you can get some experience with success at being controlled rather than feel super bad when you can't bear it, even for a short while.

Finally, limit the experiment: set a date, such as a week from starting, when you two will sit down and talk about how the lack of control worked for you both, before you decide to continue further.

 

[KellyRed]

Thank you!

Thank you, that is all really great advice and has gotten me started.
I appreciate it.

 

[SweetErika]

What's acceptable will always vary from person to person and couple to couple. Bathroom control, for instance, is something I'm not interested in doing, unless it's a matter of him not interrupting something when he can wait.

I'd be pissed if my sub solicited help from others to complete a task, unless that was part of the assignment or I'd given permission for him to do so. The only acceptable options are to think hard and get it done, or to let me know he's having trouble so we can talk about it and I can give advice or add instructions to aid in completion. Communication and me understanding how he's dealing with things are fundamental for us.

If you've not done so already, grab a BDSM checklist. I like the Excel Playlist on this page (shevah.xls) because it's well-done, easily modified and shared. Both you and your partner should fill it out and then compare them (again, easier to do in Excel, IMO) periodically. It should give her ideas, help you two avoid some problems, and give you ideas for assignments like this and communicating.

I'd also advise asking her what she'd like you to do when you have trouble with an assignment like this. It's far better to clarify ahead of time and during than screw up.