What would you change

[shy slave]

There are common aspects that include being more social with other people, being more confident, not annoying other people, being less shy, not continually saying 'sorry' and worrying about things.

Yet online we all appear to be like each other, sarcastic, flirty, social, confident and mostly peacable.

Some have also mentioned being arguementative, but I like BB's thoughts that it becasue we have intense emotions.

serijules, is BB right in thinking your rarely wrong when you weigh up people?

Gracie, you are a softy and its obvious to every friend you have cried with here at Lit you feel things deeply.

Jade you said about being a man and 'showing weakness is bad. I wonder if that makes you a better submissive because it means you can take more than if you cried all the time?

Not sure what that says about me, I kept alot of my emotions firmly locked in until I lost my temper, then I met Andante and now thats pretty much reversed and I am better at showing my feelings (unless I am angry or very hurt). He says I can be irrational but thats a good thing, right? lol

Please don't tie and gag me for these next thoughts....

I wonder if we spent less time here flirting, bitching and being sassy would we push ourselves out to find real people and practice our skills on them,
or would real people beat us up and leave us laying in the road??

 

[shy slave]

Oh and I notice the PYL's are staying out of this one

Does that make Jades 'showing weakness' comment apply to you

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I wonder if we spent less time here flirting, bitching and being sassy would we push ourselves out to find real people and practice our skills on them,

First of all don't most of you guys have someone in your lives?? I am not talking about friends but girlfriends, dommes, or lovers?? Friends will come and go like the wind, but, at least for me, I can let the walls down and just be myself and connect with you guys. Letting the walls down is what helps to make the enduring friendships we all share.

As for the quote because of the things I want to change its hard for me to just wander into an unknown. So what I did was get comfortable here and started to build some relationships with several ladies, it seems no guys just want to chat. I then took some of my comfortableness and started to expend it out there. Being able just to bring it up in conversations in a general form was the next step. Now I am starting on the last step, going out there and finding like minded people. I want to drag my JADE blanket with me though, but if she can't go then I want this bad enough to just jump right in. Just even typing this out makes my eyes water and some fear well up but instead of giving in to it I will just act like it isn't there, if I can't see it then it must not be there.

Just a side note on Jade, I love her to death. So I get off the bus and walk over to where she said to meet. As I get closer there I see 2 people on this bench. Jade clad in her Wonka tee and someone she is helping find something on campus I think. First impression of Jade is that she has a quite cool, that she is aloof but not snobby. She was sitting sorta just leaning on one arm to the back smoking a semi cig, ask her about what she smokes. Her first words were about a voice mail message I sent on a crappy payphone, her voice on the message is nice, but it does not do justice to Jade the person.

 

[Recidiva]

Oh and I notice the PYL's are staying out of this one

Does that make Jades 'showing weakness' comment apply to you

I don't agree that showing weakness is a weakness. It means you're informed and realistic.

Of course, taunting people into doing something doesn't inspire confidence either

 

[serijules]

serijules, is BB right in thinking your rarely wrong when you weigh up people?

I find this question difficult to answer because....well, yes, I find I am rarely wrong in my assessment of people, but that is only my own personal opinion. So I won't say I am *right* in general in that they are bad people or whatever, but I usually find that I am not wrong in the sense that I will change my mind and become friends with that person. It kind of bothers me though because I find I dislike people more often than I like them, and that's a tad depressing and makes me feel sometimes like I'm being overly judgemental and anal. Yet...even when I TRY to "like" someone more, that original impression is always there under the surface.

Edited to add....

Even in past relationships gone bad, I *always* knew that the person was not as great as they tried to appear. I knew the first Dom that collared me was an ass under the surface, yet I wanted that collar, any collar (I was very new) so badly that I allowed myself to ignore the physical signs of my first impression. Another Dom I played with that injured me badly, my first impression of him was that he was very full of himself and didn't have nearly the experience he claimed. I also had the feeling that despite his words, he didn't respect my views and limits, and sure enough when we got together to play, he ignored my safeword and beat the crap outta me with a cane. My next relationship, while I know she is a good person, I knew she was not the best Domme for me, but again, I wanted/needed something badly enough that I was willing to ignore these instincts and hope I was wrong. I never was.

I'm very happy to finally be in a place and relationship with someone I FEEL is *right* and I FEEL really is the good, caring, wonderful person I have known her to be since I first met her 7 years ago. Our relationship has taught me many things, but the fact that I now trust and believe in this "instinct" is probably one of the most important changes.

It's tough though, when the people I have negative feelings about or dislike are the very same people that most of my friends like and admire. This forum is a good example of that actually, and one of the reasons I don't post as often as I otherwise might; a lot of the people that seem more "popular" for lack of better word are the sometimes the same people I feel negative energy from and have a hard time connecting with. That bothers me.

 

[jadefirefly]

Jade you said about being a man and 'showing weakness is bad. I wonder if that makes you a better submissive because it means you can take more than if you cried all the time?

S'pose that depends on what you mean by 'take'. If we're talking pain, hell no... I'm a complete and total wimp. I'll *try*, that's for sure, but I don't know. Who knows, maybe I actually do wind up dealing with more pain that I thought I could.

If you just mean 'take' as in put up with a lot of bullshit... yeah, probably. If it's something I can flare up about and just lose my temper without admitting that it's because something hurt me, I'll go ahead and do it. But if in order to get angry I have to let someone know that I was hurt, that they did something to get that much of a reaction out of me... I won't do it, 9 times out of 10.

I just don't like having to trust people with the things that can make me crack, y'know?

 

[Netzach]

I'd procrastinate less.

 

[bridgeburner]

Please don't tie and gag me for these next thoughts....

I wonder if we spent less time here flirting, bitching and being sassy would we push ourselves out to find real people and practice our skills on them,
or would real people beat us up and leave us laying in the road??

The vast majority of the time I spend here is by default --- I'm chained to a desk 8-9 hours a day and forums are the reason I can maintain a desk job without dying of ennui. For the most part I'm either here at Lit or checking in with another group of folks that I've known for going on ten years now (they talk politics, not sex).

Much as I enjoy my time here, if I weren't forced by my day job to be on the computer, you'd see me very little. It's not my habit to post from home although I'll go through brief periods of doing so if I'm plugged into a hot topic that won't let go of my brain when I leave the office or if I get caught up in conversation with a friend. I almost never post on weekends.

All in all, I prefer to speak. I can write and even express myself tolerably well through the written word, but I would far rather have an audible discussion with someone or a group of someones than to sit behind a screen.

There are advantages to the online experience, I suppose. I can edit my posts, I can plan what I say. If I misspeak I can even delete what I've said, and if no one has chanced to read it, then it's as if I never said it at all. In the offline world you can't unsay things, but I don't know that those are advantages that really mean much to me.

I find that I'm more confident in person in many ways. Certainly, I never suddenly worry after having known someone for six weeks or six months or two years that they don't know I'm a female. ;->

-B

 

[bridgeburner]

I'd procrastinate less.

Someday you will.

 

[shy slave]

I don't agree that showing weakness is a weakness. It means you're informed and realistic.

Of course, taunting people into doing something doesn't inspire confidence either

Was I taunting???

*shocked look*

I don't think showing weakness is a weakness per se, as I said I am able to show it alot more than I ever used to. I go too far with sometimes and cry too much, it means my shopping bill has doubled due to the amount of tissues I need to buy.

I think its healthier to show it than to hide it, but sometimes for some people its necessary to wear a mask in terms of true feelings for self preservation reasons.

 

[shy slave]

Leeroy Thanks for your honesty in your post. I was terrified of admiting I was interested in this stuff, now I am happily ok in my skin although I don't discuss it with some people (Andantes kids, my son, my father) One of my sister knows and my mother is not as dumb as she appears but in general I only show certain facets of 'me' to them anyway. One of those facets is the brave sexual adventurer who has been there and done that...twice. Although thats not actually 'me' or necessarily true lol
I hope going out there is a wonderful experience for you, with or withour the 'Jade blanket,' Fury has a thread about first munch tips and I am sure everyones first time is scary. Our local munch has both munchettes, where you can meet a few people before the munch and one-offs where you can meet two people on a more personal relaxed basis. People choose whatever suits them best. Some people post on the website but are still too scared to come to a munch, which is a shame being around people who can talk about lots of things is liberating. Not all our conversations are sex-based, but we don't ask people what they do as a living due to privacy issues.

Jade Now your posts is going round in my head as to the scale I lose my temper compared to taking pain, not sure I want to figure it out lol
I am glad Leeroy said your cool and not snobby but aloof; its just as I imagined you. But what are semi-cigarettes??

serijules does it matter if your right according to you and not the rest of the world, we choose people for friends and lovers who jigsaw into us and our ways. Why make life difficult, your probably more intuitive than you believe, I am sure other people would agree with your initial thoughts too

BB I found it funny that people discussed if you were female or not, next thing people will think I am actually shy lol. I like the edit button too, especially as I am the worlds worst at proof reading and often make errors. I need an edit button my mouth sometimes. I work from home so am now able to be here alot, whereas before it was just a quick visit each night.

Hi Netzach I just want to know who was brave enough to tell you that you procrastinate, and what did you do to him once he said that!!
I remember reading a post of Shadowsdream where she said one of her boys would tell her when she has lipstick on her teeth. I clearly remember thinking that was not a task I envied.
I am always more respectful and wary of Dommes online and in r/l than I am of Doms; achoice between you, Shadowsdream or the SweetDommes against AA, Marquis, Rosco and DVS combined....I will take the Dom combination everytime

I didn't mention Luna, I know she is a Domme but I am not scared of her, just excited

 

[bridgeburner]

BB I found it funny that people discussed if you were female or not, next thing people will think I am actually shy lol. I like the edit button too, especially as I am the worlds worst at proof reading and often make errors. I need an edit button my mouth sometimes. I work from home so am now able to be here alot, whereas before it was just a quick visit each night.

I have certainly suffered from Foot-In-Mouth Disease on plenty of occasions, but I feel constrained in debate when I can't use my voice and my energy to convey my point. Plus, I'm funnier "live."

btw - it might be easier to keep things straight if you call me Bridge. I tend to thing of BB as BlushingBottom. ;->



-B

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Leeroy Thanks for your honesty in your post. I was terrified of admiting I was interested in this stuff, now I am happily ok in my skin although I don't discuss it with some people (Andantes kids, my son, my father) One of my sister knows and my mother is not as dumb as she appears but in general I only show certain facets of 'me' to them anyway. One of those facets is the brave sexual adventurer who has been there and done that...twice. Although thats not actually 'me' or necessarily true lol
I hope going out there is a wonderful experience for you, with or withour the 'Jade blanket,' Fury has a thread about first munch tips and I am sure everyones first time is scary. Our local munch has both munchettes, where you can meet a few people before the munch and one-offs where you can meet two people on a more personal relaxed basis. People choose whatever suits them best. Some people post on the website but are still too scared to come to a munch, which is a shame being around people who can talk about lots of things is liberating. Not all our conversations are sex-based, but we don't ask people what they do as a living due to privacy issues.

Well I would not want to discuss where I work, I mean walmart does fill a need for many of us but I for one dislike the company. I will stay there if I can get this internship like thing going otherwise its see me later, bye. Again I will go to the munches but for me and Jade it will be hard they are on a Sunday afternoon and that is a busy time for both of us workwise. The nice thing is this club has a calendar and they let you know when the stuff is so you can plan your life around it if you choose. When I talk about this its just in passing that I might post to a bondage site but I give nothing else away, again walmart's harrassment and sexual harrassment policies are a bit over the top. Quick question anyone yet figured out why I like this color and no other really??

 

[Netzach]

Hi Netzach I just want to know who was brave enough to tell you that you procrastinate, and what did you do to him once he said that!!
I remember reading a post of Shadowsdream where she said one of her boys would tell her when she has lipstick on her teeth. I clearly remember thinking that was not a task I envied.
I am always more respectful and wary of Dommes online and in r/l than I am of Doms; achoice between you, Shadowsdream or the SweetDommes against AA, Marquis, Rosco and DVS combined....I will take the Dom combination everytime

I didn't mention Luna, I know she is a Domme but I am not scared of her, just excited [/QUOTE]

LOL, I told me. Control freak perfectionist, remember?

So do late bills, last minute chaos before leaving a house, a million consequences of this last great vice of mine. I hate it, or rather it hates me.

I wish I had someone around during the day to tell me I have lipstick on my teeth. Spouses are useless for that, they think you look perfect no matter what.

 

[shy slave]

Spouses think you look perfect huh, thats great.

I am between husbands at the moment, I must find one soon, it would mean and end to walking on that blasted treadmill for a start.
One small piece of paper = instant perfection.

Thanks Netzach you have solved all my problems

 

[bridgeburner]

I find this question difficult to answer because....well, yes, I find I am rarely wrong in my assessment of people, but that is only my own personal opinion.

Not that the rest of what you said wasn't important, but this is the most important. Your own personal opinion is king when you are choosing your friends. Not what other people think.

Keep in mind, too, that your judgement is about how these people will affect you and your life. You're not saying they're axe murderers or baby-rapers or something. You just don't want them around you. There are plenty of people in the world who are perfectly suitable to be lovers and best friends and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers to all kinds of other people but not ME. I'm a decent person but I'm not suited to all types, either. Mother Theresa and I would likely not have gotten along.

Don't discount your instincts and let people into your life out of some misguided sense of fair play when you have a track record for being right about who will betray you. It doesn't make you a bitch or a hard case. Nobody thinks it's cruel to innoculate themselves against harmful diseases and lots of people are just that.

I'm not saying be rude or cruel or snotty. Be polite. Be civil. But be firmly closed to those that you feel would use or harm you. There are some six and a half billion people in the world and you don't have to be friends with all of them.

And yes, this is as much a lecture to myself as an affirmation for you --- some of the very worst incidents in my life are due to not trusting my instincts about people that I took an immediate dislike to but forced myself to endure, tolerate and even become close to because I had convinced myself I was being unfair and a bitch. I had a great long litany of reasons why I couldn't just decide I didn't want to further my aquaintence with someone who made an overture to me. "Oh, for pete's sake, you can't possibly make a reliable character assessment so quickly. You're not that intuitive. You're not that wise. You're not that observant."

The fuck I'm not.

And it sounds like you've a good track record yourself.



-B

 

[Recidiva]

Spouses think you look perfect huh, thats great.

I am between husbands at the moment, I must find one soon, it would mean and end to walking on that blasted treadmill for a start.
One small piece of paper = instant perfection.

Thanks Netzach you have solved all my problems

It's unfortunately true. I think my husband's gorgeous.

He accuses me of lying constantly.

The man can't take a compliment.

Doesn't help that I am a liar and I can't refute it.

Damn.

 

[Netzach]

Spouses think you look perfect huh, thats great.

I am between husbands at the moment, I must find one soon, it would mean and end to walking on that blasted treadmill for a start.
One small piece of paper = instant perfection.

Thanks Netzach you have solved all my problems

Ok, ok live-ins. Yeah I think that glassy eyed you are bautiful with goo on your face and on 40 mgs of steriods thing grew up around moving in.

 

[Netzach]

Not that the rest of what you said wasn't important, but this is the most important. Your own personal opinion is king when you are choosing your friends. Not what other people think.

Keep in mind, too, that your judgement is about how these people will affect you and your life. You're not saying they're axe murderers or baby-rapers or something. You just don't want them around you. There are plenty of people in the world who are perfectly suitable to be lovers and best friends and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers to all kinds of other people but not ME. I'm a decent person but I'm not suited to all types, either. Mother Theresa and I would likely not have gotten along.

Don't discount your instincts and let people into your life out of some misguided sense of fair play when you have a track record for being right about who will betray you. It doesn't make you a bitch or a hard case. Nobody thinks it's cruel to innoculate themselves against harmful diseases and lots of people are just that.

I'm not saying be rude or cruel or snotty. Be polite. Be civil. But be firmly closed to those that you feel would use or harm you. There are some six and a half billion people in the world and you don't have to be friends with all of them.

And yes, this is as much a lecture to myself as an affirmation for you --- some of the very worst incidents in my life are due to not trusting my instincts about people that I took an immediate dislike to but forced myself to endure, tolerate and even become close to because I had convinced myself I was being unfair and a bitch. I had a great long litany of reasons why I couldn't just decide I didn't want to further my aquaintence with someone who made an overture to me. "Oh, for pete's sake, you can't possibly make a reliable character assessment so quickly. You're not that intuitive. You're not that wise. You're not that observant."

The fuck I'm not.

And it sounds like you've a good track record yourself.



-B

sagely said.

But of course I like you both.

 

[serijules]

Not that the rest of what you said wasn't important, but this is the most important. Your own personal opinion is king when you are choosing your friends. Not what other people think.

Keep in mind, too, that your judgement is about how these people will affect you and your life. You're not saying they're axe murderers or baby-rapers or something. You just don't want them around you. There are plenty of people in the world who are perfectly suitable to be lovers and best friends and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers to all kinds of other people but not ME. I'm a decent person but I'm not suited to all types, either. Mother Theresa and I would likely not have gotten along.

Don't discount your instincts and let people into your life out of some misguided sense of fair play when you have a track record for being right about who will betray you. It doesn't make you a bitch or a hard case. Nobody thinks it's cruel to innoculate themselves against harmful diseases and lots of people are just that.

I'm not saying be rude or cruel or snotty. Be polite. Be civil. But be firmly closed to those that you feel would use or harm you. There are some six and a half billion people in the world and you don't have to be friends with all of them.

And yes, this is as much a lecture to myself as an affirmation for you --- some of the very worst incidents in my life are due to not trusting my instincts about people that I took an immediate dislike to but forced myself to endure, tolerate and even become close to because I had convinced myself I was being unfair and a bitch. I had a great long litany of reasons why I couldn't just decide I didn't want to further my aquaintence with someone who made an overture to me. "Oh, for pete's sake, you can't possibly make a reliable character assessment so quickly. You're not that intuitive. You're not that wise. You're not that observant."

The fuck I'm not.

And it sounds like you've a good track record yourself.



-B

Thank you for saying all that, I think I needed to hear it.

In general, I don't have a problem "avoiding" or not making an effort to befriend those that I don't feel positive about. Sometimes, and the times that bother me the most, is when those same people are people that everyone else in my group of friends likes or puts up with and I am kind of forced to be around to some extent, by default. I have to be cival while wondering what the hell everyone else hit their heads on LOL. That's when I start feeling bitchy

 

[chris9]

I would like to be more self-disciplined. I'm lazy, and sometimes unable to get my life organized. Like I plan perfectly what I'm going to do, and when, know where to apply and what they need. But I always think it's a long time till deadline. So I end up running around like some madman on the last week or day to get everything together. Very stressful for me and everyone around me.
I also tend to not study when I'm supposed to. Especially without pressure by exams. As long as my guts have not realized it's soon, my brain can say what it wants.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

1. My unholy, ungodly temper. It's so bad that I scare myself..and my children (on the rare occassion when they have seen mommy going at it with someone). I have learned far more control than I had before but still...my temper is awful.

2. I would also love to be able to say no and mean it to those I love (outside of BDSM). I hve an awful time with that word...and I usually end up bending over backwards just so I don't have to say it.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I'd like to be more free to br more open with people about who and what I am

I'd like to be able to focus more without hyper focusing and ignoring the universe around me when I do.

 

[DVS]

I wish I was better at taking chances. I've been brought up to have too much common sense. Common sense says you'll just waste your mone...your dream will only be struck down, you'll end up in the same place, and poorer.

I wish I could come up with a lot of cash, so the above sceneario wouldn't be such a daunting thought. And, time is running out.

 

[Netzach]

I wish I was better at taking chances. I've been brought up to have too much common sense. Common sense says you'll just waste your mone...your dream will only be struck down, you'll end up in the same place, and poorer.

I wish I could come up with a lot of cash, so the above sceneario wouldn't be such a daunting thought. And, time is running out.

Money is one of those things you can always make more of. Time and health, not as much. Money just allows you to have experiences, it doesn't have worth in and of itself.

Yeah, right. Rinse lather, repeat, repeat again.