What's up with being under consideration

[ultramarineblue]

The more experience I gain, the more I realize relationships are just relationships. Some people want the theatrics and some people don't. I'm finding more and more that I don't want the theatrics. Way too much work.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm fucking mean all on my own, and I don't need a narcissistic sycophant "under my consideration" to feel actualised.

Reading this just made my day.

 

[00Syd]

The more experience I gain, the more I realize relationships are just relationships.

That's what I've been realizing, too.

There are a lot of people who, when I met them, I thought "are they KIDDING?." I saw relationships that seemed to be all about looking good and seeming like teh hot shit (or as we sometimes call them: "MonseigneurHighLordAndUberMasterDomliness and misssupersubissivemasochistextraordinaire"), and not at all about actually being in a relationship. I saw the most theatrical relationships and completely wrote them off as being bogus shows. Some of these people I got to know better and I realized that I was wrong, that their relationships were genuine, however showy, and that that relationship type was just what worked for them. I also got to know some people better and realized that they only went to the theatrical side of things to further inflate their own super-sized egos.

We always like to talk about how BDSM relationships are just like other relationships, that there are good ones and bad ones, that there are genuine relationships and ones that are a sham, and that no matter how domly or how subby you might be, you still need to find someone with whom you are compatible. The same goes for different relationship-types within the spectrum of BDSM relationships, and we should try not to assume their worth.

 

[Homburg]

As insipid as I find the whole thing, it is a good compatibility filter. When I see someone involved in that, I know that they are not right for me, and vice versa. That is honestly useful info. Fortunately for them, there are people out there for whom this sort of silliness is the bee's knees.

 

[Netzach]

As an aggressive uptight bitch, I have *always* used the "under consideration" model in my dating life.

I just never made a big deal out of it. To me it's codifying something that's so obvious as to be amazed that anyone bothers codifying it.

 

[rida]

I disagree with this. I know a lot of people who are performers (hired to do bondage performances at events, that sort of thing), and who are what I guess you would call a BDSM "public figure" (well-known in the community, respected teacher, a "name," etc), and of course theatricality is a part of their public role, but I don't think that they are first and foremost artists, at least not in the BDSM relationship/lifestyle sense, which is what I think you were suggesting (please correct me if I'm wrong). Being well known performers or personalities does not mean that their relationships are more theatrical (in the "under-consideration" sense) or contrived than others, only that they know how to bring that out when necessary.

Yes, I meant it in reference of their public role not necessarily part of their private life.

-----------

Back to the main point: symbols are symbols. Vanilla or Kinky, they have the value you attribute to them. Same with titles or labels.

For some are a reality for other a representation of fantasy. For some they are necessary and binding, for others are optional or just a fad.

The same could be said of engagements and even marriages. Not everybody take them with the same level of commitment. But nobody belittle someone for being engaged or claiming that their are dating exclusively or what not.

 

[YourCaptor]

I think its ridiculous.

Online, I sent out a message and get back something like, "sorry, im under consideration"

At which point I write something like, "then why do you have a profile open"

Some folk

 

[00Syd]

I think its ridiculous.

Online, I sent out a message and get back something like, "sorry, im under consideration"

At which point I write something like, "then why do you have a profile open"

Some folk

If that was on fetlife, you've got to keep in mind that not everybody uses that website as a dating site or somewhere to find play partners.

But if that was on a dating site like collarme or some such, then yeah, some folk.

 

[00Syd]

Another thing to add to this, I came across someone last night who gets super turned on by "high protocal" (whatever that is, exactly), and uses the "under consideration" structure because it gets her really hot. And that's cool. Just like its cool for people who have it worked out where the sub doesnt speak unless they have permission from their dom. Not my thing, but hey, whatever turns you on.

 

[Homburg]

I've met folks like that. The protocol is interesting, but in the sense that watching a nature show on ape behaviour is interesting. Not denigrating the protocol, but I am as likely to want to be involved in it as I am to sup with silverbacks in the jungle.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I think if you're not careful, you can run the risk of playing at life instead of living it.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I see a lot of people talking about that [being under consideration] ... What do y'all think of it?

"Under Consideration" is the BDSM equivalent of "going steady". It ain't quite being owned (or married), but it's more than mere play partners or "just dating".

If it works for you and yours, use it. If not, don't. *shrugs*

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Not always. The "Under-consideration" relationship model isn't my thing, and I think its just as silly as many of the rest of the posters on this thread seem to, but I know that its a relationship model that does, in fact, work for many people both online AND in real life. Just because being "under consideration" is often an excuse for meaningless online wank-fodder for many, doesn't mean that it isn't a legitimate relationship-type that works for many other people.

A D/s relationship-model may seem like a silly excuse for meaningless masturbatory material to many, many people, but, as we know very well, that does not mean that it isn't an important and legitimate part of other peoples lives.

Point taken. My post before was very much an off-the-cuff sarcastic mini-rant but if being 'under consideration' gets your knickers wet, more power to you.

Wait... that should be less power to you... surely?

I think if you're not careful, you can run the risk of playing at life instead of living it.

Word.

There have been times, particularly when Master and I were still long distance D/s, when the formalities ran the risk of becoming too important and of complicating matters rather than simplifying them. All though many M/s couples see no need for a contract, it has made everything a tacit, blanket agreement. When I think of the negotiation and faffing around that little document has saved us. It's actually one of the reasons I was drawn to M/s. Before that, Master was constantly checking in with me and affirming my consent to things. It was a necessary process for us I think but there's something sublimely simple about our M/s.

'You're mine. You have no automatic rights. I set your limits. Any questions? Tough shit.'

Or words to that effect.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Point taken. My post before was very much an off-the-cuff sarcastic mini-rant but if being 'under consideration' gets your knickers wet, more power to you.

Wait... that should be less power to you... surely?

hehe. Nice.

Word.

There have been times, particularly when Master and I were still long distance D/s, when the formalities ran the risk of becoming too important and of complicating matters rather than simplifying them. All though many M/s couples see no need for a contract, it has made everything a tacit, blanket agreement. When I think of the negotiation and faffing around that little document has saved us. It's actually one of the reasons I was drawn to M/s. Before that, Master was constantly checking in with me and affirming my consent to things. It was a necessary process for us I think but there's something sublimely simple about our M/s.

'You're mine. You have no automatic rights. I set your limits. Any questions? Tough shit.'

Or words to that effect.

Simple is always good for me.

 

[MisterSir]

Urgh. Bringing this thread back up 'cause a friend of mine has just gone and got herself under consideration to become part of a polyamorous group involving a single Dom who has three ladies under him. Passengers of the 2:12 to London Bridge, the 2:21 to Cannon Street appears to be speeding towards us, and I'm getting word the brakes have failed. Please adopt crash positions.

 

[ZRT]

Urgh. Bringing this thread back up 'cause a friend of mine has just gone and got herself under consideration to become part of a polyamorous group involving a single Dom who has three ladies under him. Passengers of the 2:12 to London Bridge, the 2:21 to Cannon Street appears to be speeding towards us, and I'm getting word the brakes have failed. Please adopt crash positions.

Sometimes brother, you just gotta walk. People live their own lives, and you live yours.