When did you first realize you were submissive or dominant? (No underage content!)

[SweetMarie2323]

I’ve known for a long time

I’ve known since a young age, before I ever had a sexual experience with a boy. But I didn’t have the words until I was out of High school (I literally didn’t know what the acronym BDSM meant). The internet helped me to understand what it all meant and forums like this helped me to understand that I wasn’t weird or crazy. The stigma can be bothersome and I often get annoyed by people who say that no woman would want to be dominated. For the most part, however, I’ve come to terms with my own sexuality & I’m getting back into writing about my fantasies.

 

[cliteatingman]

I’ve known since a young age, before I ever had a sexual experience with a boy. But I didn’t have the words until I was out of High school (I literally didn’t know what the acronym BDSM meant). The internet helped me to understand what it all meant and forums like this helped me to understand that I wasn’t weird or crazy. The stigma can be bothersome and I often get annoyed by people who say that no woman would want to be dominated. For the most part, however, I’ve come to terms with my own sexuality & I’m getting back into writing about my fantasies.

It is great to be happy with who you are!!!

 

[OldbutHorny]

Well, I think simple physical dominance comes easily to teenage boys and young men, but knowing how to be a dom -- understanding what a sub wants and needs and giving it to them while taking your pleasure from that as well -- does not come easy. It took me years, until I was in my late 40's and in the midst of a divorce, to learn how symbiotic dominance and submission are, to learn how to feel and anticipate the subs desire, to provide the trust and non-judgmental understanding of the subs needs, to stoke those desires at just the right moment with just the right action, and thereby set off that overwhelming lust that submission brings. That to me was when I learned true dominance.

 

[HomerSimpson123]

Well, I think simple physical dominance comes easily to teenage boys and young men, but knowing how to be a dom -- understanding what a sub wants and needs and giving it to them while taking your pleasure from that as well -- does not come easy. It took me years, until I was in my late 40's and in the midst of a divorce, to learn how symbiotic dominance and submission are, to learn how to feel and anticipate the subs desire, to provide the trust and non-judgmental understanding of the subs needs, to stoke those desires at just the right moment with just the right action, and thereby set off that overwhelming lust that submission brings. That to me was when I learned true dominance.

Your post has taught be a lot. Thanks.

 

[hornytoni]

around 26

I found out I was dominant when I learn how much fun it was to control my husband. My husband is 2 years older than me. He asked if I would start wearing stockings with garter belts and heels. I quickly learn that was one of his many fetishes. One night he was naked I was in black stockings red heels and red garter belt. I was teasing him rubbing my leg up and down his cock and he shot all over my nylon cover leg. I said look what you did lick it up he did!. That lead to more things making him eat me cleaning up his mess to me pegging him and spanking his ass. Over the years we did more and more. We are in our 50's and he is fully shaved I cage his dick at times.

 

[Blase]

I've told the story before, but what the heck... I never gave D/s a serious thought until I came to Lit back in 2006. I only knew about the theatrical stereotypes of black leather, whips, etc. that had penetrated into popular culture - and none of that was me.

What opened my eyes to other possibilities was reading here about more sensual and psychological forms of domination - and tripping over a submissive partner (who is no longer on the site) on the SRP board.

My life has not been quite the same since.

 

[deesto99]

I realized I have a submissive side after an incident in which I caught my mother cheating. She had arranged a sexy photo shoot with a married man from the gym, and I walked in on her bending over and posing for him. Dressed in black spandex leggings and heels with a tiny leotard thong riding up her ass.... She looked raunchy and powerful. The photographer had misplaced his pants SOMEHOW, and was shooting with a raging hard cock standing freely. My mother loving every second of it until I walked in and stopped to stare - her pleasure turned to rage, and she disciplined me with a belt right then and there, still dressed like a cheap whore. It was humiliating for me, yet I had the hardest cock ever. The insults and spanks turned me on so much, plus the strong dominant woman and her skintight attire... I stood no chance haha. It was decided then and there

 

[YoYoMa1]

I realized I have a submissive side after an incident in which I caught my mother cheating. She had arranged a sexy photo shoot with a married man from the gym, and I walked in on her bending over and posing for him. Dressed in black spandex leggings and heels with a tiny leotard thong riding up her ass.... She looked raunchy and powerful. The photographer had misplaced his pants SOMEHOW, and was shooting with a raging hard cock standing freely. My mother loving every second of it until I walked in and stopped to stare - her pleasure turned to rage, and she disciplined me with a belt right then and there, still dressed like a cheap whore. It was humiliating for me, yet I had the hardest cock ever. The insults and spanks turned me on so much, plus the strong dominant woman and her skintight attire... I stood no chance haha. It was decided then and there

Wow that's hot. Unfortunately so. Would love to have been there. Now your a sub?

 

[switchersm]

I found out I was dominant when I learn how much fun it was to control my husband. My husband is 2 years older than me. He asked if I would start wearing stockings with garter belts and heels. I quickly learn that was one of his many fetishes. One night he was naked I was in black stockings red heels and red garter belt. I was teasing him rubbing my leg up and down his cock and he shot all over my nylon cover leg. I said look what you did lick it up he did!. That lead to more things making him eat me cleaning up his mess to me pegging him and spanking his ass. Over the years we did more and more. We are in our 50's and he is fully shaved I cage his dick at times.

That's similar to our experience. I've always eaten my sperm from my wifes body or out of her pussy. Her rule was. Equalizer where I drop your cum, I have to clean it with my tongue. In our early 50s, when our kids had left our home, we started to cage my cock. Three years later I was in permanent chastity and again two years later my wife has reduced my orgasmns to zero. Intercourse is history and I have to please my wife with my hands, lips and tongue when ever she wants. And she wants very offen.
I get a regulary heavy spanking once a week. When my wife has to go on Business trips I have to stay all nights at the home of her best friend. I have to serve her in the same way as I please my wife.
It is simply wonderful

 

[Desire_Girl]

I knew for a while, although I didn't know at that time what it was called. I just knew that I liked the idea of someone else being in control sexually. When I fantasized, would always be the man taking control, it always aroused me. Haven't experienced it much in reality though.

 

[WildFawn]

About a month ago

I am in my mid-50s. I always felt conflicted somehow. When I was very small my mean cousins and the neighbor boys would rough me up and my dad taught me to fight back. He said he couldn't always be around to protect me. So I learned to go against my natural inclination and be more aggressive. When I was about 16, a friend of my father's got angry at me for being sarcastic and rude and he told me that I was the sweetest person he knew, but I was determined not to be sweet so I was rude to try to hide it. That always stuck with me.

Only a month or so ago, a person on this thread gave me some info I'd asked for and discussed the theories of D/s with me, in a very logical and nonthreatening/nonsensationalized way. It was like a light switch flipping on, or a dislocated shoulder suddenly popping into place. I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. It's not just or even mostly about sex, although that's better now, too. I see now how I've instinctively interacted with others and how I can better fit in now. I don't feel that I'm somehow not doing as much as I should, not being as aggressive or as go-getter as I should--I'm motivated but in a different direction now, a direction that meshes with my natural abilities and skills better.

I would highly recommend everyone to investigate this aspect of human nature more, not for kink and sex necessarily, but to better understand themselves and others. It doesn't have to be incompatible with traditional views--you can blend this understanding of basic human psychology with religious beliefs. It's all about the individual and what works best for them, with an emphasis on absolute honesty and clear communication.

 

[LadyClaraBeau]

A couple of years ago

I was looking for something to read and picked up The Story of O. From then on I'm both! I want to be in charge, but I also like to be told exactly what to do.

 

[Gabriel9876]

blurb

 

[Stevew0073]

I realized I was submissive over 20years ago when I noticed I had a thing for the girls feet when they wore shoes that exposed them. From there I learned more about my desire to serve and please at a Lady’s feet.

 

[JugheadJane]

.....

 

[HampshireBoy]

I've always been someone that, if I want to do it then I will do it - so I guess being focused and in charge is in my nature.

I was 18 when an older female friend asked me to "play", this involved her being tied and restrained whilst I explored her body. I had complete freedom, except I wasn't allowed to fuck her without her agreement (as she wanted that level of control). At that point I discovered what fun it could be to tease, touch, caress, knowing that she wanted more. At that time I didn't know what the "label" was but we had several years of fun before moving on.

I still enjoy that sort of fun but have also learnt that it can be fun to be the one restrained, not knowing what is coming next - being at the mercy of your partner's imagination.

 

[CapnCerebral]

Very beginning

First time I got intimate - I wanted to tease my partner and been enjoying since being dominant in bed and RL

 

[Antihackergrl32]

both

I was young when I first saw a movie called 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton seeing the women in that movie take control of their boss and dominating him I was glued to that movie watched it over and over and over again

I guess they would call me a switch, i used to be in denial about my submissive side but a lot of people would point this out to me because I've always been very quiet and I tend to avoid drama at all costs. But at the time I've had my moments of having a need to feel superior as well, it's very strange how i am, but i think this is preferably to a lot of people because it means you like to explore. But I still have my boundries with it.

 

[Drinkmein]

about age 37... I'm 43

 

[sexyprof1967]

I started chatting and playing online in my 30s, after a very repressed sexual upbringing, and began to meet women who wanted to chat their way through fantasies of submission and non-consent. Being online allowed me to let my imagination go places where I had never let it go, and I found it intoxicating to exercise power, even if only imaginatively, over consenting women. Eventually, this lead to an online relationship with a person who identified as a sub, and I learned the joy of guided masturbation and orgasm denial. When I finally met a wonderful woman in real life, our relationship quickly moved in a a D/s relationship, and we discovered that it was the best way we knew to show each other how much we cared for each other. I've identified as a dom ever since.

 

[Helen1954]

Back when I was, well, somewhat younger than I am now I ran across some "bodice-ripper" romances which tended to be far steamier than they are today, frequently featuring a heroine who often found herself a captive being used sexually against her will. They thrilled me, and I used to pose naked in front of my mirror with my hands above my head or lie on my bed as if tied spreadeagle, imagining myself in scenarios from the books.

When I married I said nothing of this to my husband as I had been somewhat sheltered and thought my fantasies perverted...until one night when we were making love and he held my hands over my head. I was barely able to control my voice when I asked if I was a captive, and he asked me if I WANTED to be. Talk about floodgates being opened.

For the last forty years of married life I've never once had to fantasize about being strung up naked or tied to my bed.

 

[pumperguy191]

Back when I was, well, somewhat younger than I am now I ran across some "bodice-ripper" romances which tended to be far steamier than they are today, frequently featuring a heroine who often found herself a captive being used sexually against her will. They thrilled me, and I used to pose naked in front of my mirror with my hands above my head or lie on my bed as if tied spreadeagle, imagining myself in scenarios from the books.

When I married I said nothing of this to my husband as I had been somewhat sheltered and thought my fantasies perverted...until one night when we were making love and he held my hands over my head. I was barely able to control my voice when I asked if I was a captive, and he asked me if I WANTED to be. Talk about floodgates being opened.

For the last forty years of married life I've never once had to fantasize about being strung up naked or tied to my bed.

that's awesome, good for you

 

[MaBelle3120]

I was 18 and I joined an online community where most of the members happened to be wayyy older than me. I started chatting with a lot of older men and they all wanted to guide me and tell me what to do... giving up control that way just clicked. So yeah, started doing research and exploring, submissive just fit.

 

[Mei5ter]

I can remember thinking “Surely I must be hurting her? Is she okay?”

And then I saw the expression on her face.

 

[JaneRamsey]

I've had some fun times, on both sides.
Like I said, I can be greedy. Bruises are love letters written on flesh. My flesh, her flesh, as long as I get to feed off her energy, it doesn't really matter.

I've got a half written story where a guy starts by taking her over the arm of a sofa...then ends up tied at the wrists by her stockings and she enjoys leaving her mark.

So yeah, us true switches need a space too. It just won't be too safe.

I wanna read that story!