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When did you first realize you were submissive or dominant? (No underage content!)

Dominant---watching old movies where a when I was younger in which a woman was tied up and terrified

Switch/Submissive-watching JOI videos a few years ago in which a woman was degrading the man and calling him names.
 
From this point on, if your post contains any underage content, I will delete your post. Every time I see this thread bumped, I feel a little pit in my stomach and click, worried about prohibited content. I've edited a lot of posts in this thread, but don't plan to edit and keep posts that violate Lit's TOS any longer.
 
Where is everyone? This was (could be again) such a great thread

Where is everyone? This was (could be again) such a great thread



gretchenmilliner said:
It was when I was at Uni. An old school friend and I discovered the pleasures of sapphism during the holidays, she loves to tease and one day she decided to tie my hands behind my back and as she did so I found myself thinking, 'tie my ankles too, please hold my legs wide and tie my ankles.'
Click to expand...
 
Like most people I think there were inklings forever. When my first marriage was on the rocks my ex was practically living on this site. In an attempt to save the marriage I tried to understand what he was into. Sadly for me, he was a submissive. I've not got a Domme bone in my body. However, in the process I found out that there was a name for what I, myself, was. I sought out the person who had really tipped it off in college and in a rather heated moment asked him point blank. He shot it down COLD. I tried for a brief stint and had some interesting but less fulfilling experiences. 11 years down the line he is actually giving it a go with me ^___^. Shock of my life when he out of nowhere told me he could be my Sir. I think my brain hasn't yet rebooted completely.
 
I am a very large, imposing man, at least to those who don't know me. Anyone who does knows I'm a teddy bear and a nurturer who likes making others happy. In a sense I tend to be more passive and non-confrontational so as to not make others uncomfortable, and I guess this dovetails into a role of servitude. Not sure if there's an explicit link there or not, just what I think has happened over the years.

Along the same lines, because of my size I am quite strong, so letting someone else set the tone for physicality keeps 'em from being, well, hurt. Pain's fine and all, but only when it's wanted - the g/f isn't down for it.

(I identify about 5 percent dom, but only really care to exercise those desires and tendencies in fantasy - in reality, I'm too much of a sissy to really dominate someone, and I'm totally fine with that.)
 
I was 19 he was 42 and my boss

First real BDSM experience was with my boss. I did not know what BDSM was, hadn’t really heard of it. Bwah. He turned me into believer, first time.
 
Always

I guess I have always felt a degree of fascination with such things. On TV and in films if there was a woman captive in a old cowboy movie or a slave girl in ancient Rome I found that exciting and tingly. I had vanilla boyfriends but I met an older man who at first kept me naked when we were together. That idea of forced nudity and being on display was hugely arousing for me.
 
When at a young age I accepted that I was required to routinely provide oral service to my best friend with no expectation of reciprocity.
 
The first time I realized I was submissive and knew what it meant was on this very forum. I'd known for years that I wanted to be both taken care of and ordered around, but I didn't think much of it other than that it was probably another way in which I was weird and "wrong." After I started writing and posting here on Literotica under my old name (going back almost 11 years now), I found the BDSM section of the forum and started reading, and realized that other people were wired the same way I was.

Now I actually am a submissive, with two Doms. And it's definitely the right thing for me.
 
As a very young person, I'd often undress my barbies, tie them up, put them on display for Ken. And it was the barbies' position that appealed to me, not Ken's. I'd also daydream about being taken away by male film characters and having to 'submit' to them, although that never involved sexual acts – I was too young to know about such things.

I also vividly remember a scene in the 1991 film Robin Hood in which the sheriff (Alan Rickman) has a rather unwilling girl on his lap, her shoulder exposed, she pulls up her dress while they're interrupted by another character, and he barks at her something like "Did I say you could cover up?". Again, that scene did things to me I had no words for at that time.
 
By the time I was in my mid-20s I realized I was a bottom and not a top. I love nothing more than making my husband happy and I get great pleasure when that happens.
 
I've always been a people pleaser type of person. I love being taken care of and watched over and protected. I enjoy giving pleasure in many forms as well. So I feel I've always been submissive even before I could identify it with a name.
 
It's lovely reading the histories here.

My first boyfriend, unfortunately, was very abusive and turned me against any type of bondage or sex, even, resulting in me waiting until I was almost 20 to lose my virginity. The fear and apprehension of bondage, spanking, etc. didn't go away until a few years ago when a man I was going to marry talked me into trying it. He was very respectful and watched closely to make sure I was comfortable before continuing. I became an enthusiastic participant! Sadly, the relationship ended, but I'm thankful for all he showed me. He never told me to call him Sir or Master, but I have a feeling Sir would have slipped out of my mouth more than once. It was blissful giving my trust to him like that.

With women, I tend to be more dominant. Although I have not had a female relationship in many years, I thrived on being in charge and teasing, arousing, and getting them hot and bothered. I also enjoy teasing men, watching them on the edge of madness before they lose control. I don't like making them kneel or be submissive otherwise, just taking control of their orgasm.

I believe that is the first time I've told anyone any of that. 😃
 
it was my first year of university when I discovered I was submissive. I grew up always wanting to please people and am just generally a quiet perso. I found out what BDSM was first year and identified as submissive
 
I. was always dominate but didn't realize exactly what that entailed till late HS early college. The girls i dated started being more submissive. Eventually i saw what dominate was and started really going for true submissive partners.
 
I am probably more vanilla than anything but on occasion, I can go one way or the other.

I will give an example here that has nothing to do with sex but more to do with manipulation. I can't even remember how old I was at the time but I was still living with my parents. I wanted to go out with a male friend and he was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. I used every trick in the book to get him to do what I wanted, then hung up the phone, happy that he was coming to pick me up.

My mom heard the entire conversation and said, "Why did you do that?"

My response was, "Because he LET me!"

I actually felt proud as I was saying that but then immediately felt bad. It was as if I'd had an epiphany. Instantly, I knew that I had the power to get what I wanted from someone and that in and of itself was the important thing. Knowing that I could do that was far more important than actually doing that.

I immediately called him back, told him not to pick up up but to go to bed. And then I told him that'd I'd pick him up the following day and we'd do what he wanted.

Then when I was in my 20's, I hooked up with a much older and more experienced man. He knew all sorts of things about sex that I'd never even dreamed of. He introduced me to BDSM but in our case it was strictly a sensual/sexual thing and not a lifestyle. With him, we didn't do this every time. And mostly I was submissive to him but occasionally it was the other way around.

I don't think I could or would ever want to do this as a lifestyle but with certain people and certain situations, it just feels right.

There is a person in my life now that I never actually had sex with. He keeps putting things off to the point where sometimes they never get done or perhaps they get done weeks after I want or need them to get done. I learned that I simply have to take control with him.

Once I had a minor thing that I wanted done but could not do myself. I knew that he could and it would only take a minute or two. I asked him three times and he kept saying he would get to it. Then I asked him again and he said that he would do it after he got back from ___.

I just looked him in the eye and said, "No. You will do it now and if you need me to, I will hold onto you so you don't fall." The task involved climbing onto a step stool.

He just looked back at me and replied, "Yes, I will!" And did what I wanted. Since then, that is the approach I take with him and he seems to like it.

Would be interesting to see where it would go if I actually did ever have sex with him. His astrological sign indicates that he would be dominant. And in many ways I can see that he is. And then there's the way that he responds to me. Very interesting indeed!
 
In high school

I realized I was dominant when i put her in a sleeper hold and cummed in my pants when i saw her eyes roll over.
 
I'm still trying to understand my desires. I fantasize a lot about being restrained, about things happening even though I'm reluctant. I want to serve and pleasure.
Neither real pain nor true degradation appeal no me.

I started a thread in the GLBT forum on the topic, "Gay BDSM". Wish I had found this first.

Thanks everyone for providing context.
 
Towards the end of school I sent an underwear pic to a few guys there, and the news basically got out. As much as I was worried, the degradation and thought of everyone knowing I'd been a dirty whore was so thrilling. After that I started having sex and it escalated from there really.
 
I’ve known for a long time

I’ve known since a young age, before I ever had a sexual experience with a boy. But I didn’t have the words until I was out of High school (I literally didn’t know what the acronym BDSM meant). The internet helped me to understand what it all meant and forums like this helped me to understand that I wasn’t weird or crazy. The stigma can be bothersome and I often get annoyed by people who say that no woman would want to be dominated. For the most part, however, I’ve come to terms with my own sexuality & I’m getting back into writing about my fantasies.
 
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