When do men stop cheating? (story research)

[carsonshepherd]

LOL!

I'm inclined to believe this, though. Maybe I'm just cynical, but if a guy doesn't see anything wrong with it and there's opportunity, he'll do it.

Not so sure about that. I might not see anything wrong with it, but my partner does, and (so far) that's kept me from doing it. Well, that and getting caught is a real drag....

The trick here, if you're prone to cheating *ahem* is to not give yourself an opportunity. I usually only cheat when I don't care about my partner's opinion anymore, i.e. I'm already checking out of the relationship.

 

[carsonshepherd]

*ponders* I might not be the best person to answer this thread after all, come to think of it...

 

[cantdog]

You certainly have your answer, at any rate. Maturity changes things. It happens.

But I think you have to realize that it may not be wise to commit, not to the actual person you see, but to a fantasy person you wish they would become. Sure, the guy could change. If he does, why, then you may possibly have what you are looking for; if he hasn't, how much blind faith do you have that he will?

You can write a maturational change. They actually sneak up on a person, interiorly, but they manifest themselves at the cusp of a decision.

 

[impressive]

I think my leading lady wants to wait and see for a bit, but it will grow increasingly more uncomfortable for her because she is starting to fall in love...and that will affect her willingness to accept the situation.

She's not falling in love with HIM, but with a vision of what she wants him to be. It's an illusion.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Not so sure about that. I might not see anything wrong with it, but my partner does, and (so far) that's kept me from doing it. Well, that and getting caught is a real drag....

The trick here, if you're prone to cheating *ahem* is to not give yourself an opportunity. I usually only cheat when I don't care about my partner's opinion anymore, i.e. I'm already checking out of the relationship.

Ok, so...you're checking out of the relationship, but haven't broken it off. The new person you're seeing starts to think you might be seeing someone else. He tells you he's been wondering about it and, if his suspicious are true, isn't comfortable with it. Would you then end the first relationship right away? Or end the new relationship until you've checked out of the first one?

 

[LadyJeanne]

*ponders* I might not be the best person to answer this thread after all, come to think of it...

No, no! You're exactly the best person to answer it!

 

[NoJo]

You really think so? Most men who cheat are immature in some way?

I can only speak for myself. And in my case, that was the reason. (Actually, it was one reason).

Maturity = Self control, compromise.

Also, of course, you have to have a certain reason to disrespect for your partner in order to "give yourself the mandate" to cheat. Of course a very common reason to disrepect your partner is if you suspect them of cheating themselves.

So, in your story, if they get back together, and it works, I'd assume that the guy has regained respect for the partner, or has just decided that he's rather be with her and accept with the fact that he won't be able to have other women at the same time, behind her back.

Of course, not everybody think these things through logically. Usually, there's remorse ("I want you back"), without really considering coolly what comprimises are necessary. So some people get back together without really tackling the issues that drove them apart.

In my case, the two years I spent apart from my partner were a good opportunity to work things out calmly without a climate of fear and mistrust.

Whatever happens from now on, I know that we'll be respectful and honset with each other, even if we don't stay together.

 

[LadyJeanne]

She's not falling in love with HIM, but with a vision of what she wants him to be. It's an illusion.

Yes, of course! Humans do that all the time, no? My heroine is flawed and doesn't always see things clearly...

...but she gives great blowjobs!

 

[LadyJeanne]

You certainly have your answer, at any rate. Maturity changes things. It happens.

But I think you have to realize that it may not be wise to commit, not to the actual person you see, but to a fantasy person you wish they would become. Sure, the guy could change. If he does, why, then you may possibly have what you are looking for; if he hasn't, how much blind faith do you have that he will?

You can write a maturational change. They actually sneak up on a person, interiorly, but they manifest themselves at the cusp of a decision.

Or maybe she can have that change and realize she's chasing rainbows...

 

[impressive]

Or maybe she can have that change and realize she's chasing rainbows...

If you REALLY loved me, honey, you'd change.









That kind of approach -- with maturity -- makes my skin crawl, whether spoken outwardly or implied.

 

[NoJo]

If you REALLY loved me, honey, you'd change.









That kind of approach -- with maturity -- makes my skin crawl, whether spoken outwardly or implied.

I don't know about people changing. But one can certainly change ones behaviour, which usually is all that was being asked for, in the end.

 

[elsol]

If you REALLY loved me, honey, you'd change.

That kind of approach -- with maturity -- makes my skin crawl, whether spoken outwardly or implied.

So where's the response...

If you REALLY loved me, baby, you'd accept me for what I am.

---

My real problem is with people who cheat but expect their spouse not to.

What the fuck is that about?!?

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[LadyJeanne]

I can only speak for myself. And in my case, that was the reason. (Actually, it was one reason).

Maturity = Self control, compromise.

Also, of course, you have to have a certain reason to disrespect for your partner in order to "give yourself the mandate" to cheat. Of course a very common reason to disrepect your partner is if you suspect them of cheating themselves.

So, in your story, if they get back together, and it works, I'd assume that the guy has regained respect for the partner, or has just decided that he's rather be with her and accept with the fact that he won't be able to have other women at the same time, behind her back.

Of course, not everybody think these things through logically. Usually, there's remorse ("I want you back"), without really considering coolly what comprimises are necessary. So some people get back together without really tackling the issues that drove them apart.

In my case, the two years I spent apart from my partner were a good opportunity to work things out calmly without a climate of fear and mistrust.

Whatever happens from now on, I know that we'll be respectful and honset with each other, even if we don't stay together.

I want them to tackle the issue. Maybe they don't get back together, but I want them to tackle it. I'm just not sure what will get the guy to onto the field wearing his helmet and padding and with his head in the game.

 

[impressive]

I don't know about people changing. But one can certainly change ones behaviour, which usually is all that was being asked for, in the end.

Leave anal sex out of this.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Ok, so...you're checking out of the relationship, but haven't broken it off. The new person you're seeing starts to think you might be seeing someone else. He tells you he's been wondering about it and, if his suspicious are true, isn't comfortable with it. Would you then end the first relationship right away? Or end the new relationship until you've checked out of the first one?

I'd play it both ways, baby (at least until I got busted...)





Woof.

 

[NoJo]

I want them to tackle the issue. Maybe they don't get back together, but I want them to tackle it. I'm just not sure what will get the guy to onto the field wearing his helmet and padding and with his head in the game.

I can suggest (most from people I've known, some are negative reasons, but, hey, that's life)

1. Wanting a kid
2. Scared of dying alone
3. Just needed a break to see how much he cared ("You don't know what you've got til it's gone")
4. Pity
5. Had to get something out of his system (get closure)
6. Jealousy (she makes herself desirable with other men)

 

[carsonshepherd]

So where's the response...

If you REALLY loved me, baby, you'd accept me for what I am.

---

My real problem is with people who cheat but expect their spouse not to.

What the fuck is that about?!?

Sincerely,
ElSol

I just agreed with ElSol.

call the paramedics...

 

[carsonshepherd]

I can suggest (most from people I've known, some are negative reasons, but, hey, that's life)

1. Wanting a kid
2. Scared of dying alone
3. Just needed a break to see how much he cared ("You don't know what you've got til it's gone")
4. Pity
5. Had to get something out of his system (get closure)
6. Jealousy (she makes herself desirable with other men)

yeah, a scare will usually do it.

 

[NoJo]

Leave anal sex out of this.

Okay. But don't blame me if I go looking for it elsewhere.

 

[impressive]

Okay. But don't blame me if I go looking for it elsewhere.

Oh, that's a whole 'nother thread.

 

[NoJo]

Oh, that's a whole 'nother thread.

Thanks. The words "anal" and "thread" reminded me, I have to go give my dog a pill...

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'd play it both ways, baby (at least until I got busted...)





Woof.

I keep coming back to that - I think he needs to get busted. That would force both of them to deal with it, one way or another.

 

[NoJo]

I keep coming back to that - I think he needs to get busted. That would force both of them to deal with it, one way or another.

He might actually want to get busted.

 

[impressive]

I keep coming back to that - I think he needs to get busted. That would force both of them to deal with it, one way or another.

Really, does it just come down to an issue of communication? Of definitions and expectations?

 

[elsol]

When do men stop cheating?

When the concequences of getting caught outweigh the shine of new pussy.

Sincerely,
ElSol