When life hands you lemons...

[LazerGuided]

George Carlin

You can prick your finger but don't finger your prick

 

[pleasantville]

Never shake hands with a man leaving a porno theater

 

[carrie-on]

Two sayings my grandfather taught me:

"In anything you do, it's better to do it slow and do it right... than to do it fast, then have to do it all over again."

"The hurrier you go, the behinder you get"

My grandmother had one similar to your first one..."If you do it right the first time, you won't have to do it again."

her other fave was..."Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember what was said."

 

[Kylan]

If your parents haven't had children, the chances are high that you won't either.

{or something like that ... I don't recall the quote exactly}

 

[simply_subbie]

A man has no business to marry a woman who can't make him miserable. It means she can't make him happy.

i like the new av Kylan

 

[bequ23]

One of my Dad's favorites; You know why they don't send donkeys to college? No one likes a smart ass!

 

[MollyDolly]

Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty- Anne Herbert

 

[simply_subbie]

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
German Proverb

 

[simply_subbie]

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro

 

[koalabear]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abe Lincoln

 

[simply_subbie]

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within"

 

[pleaz_me]

The words I live by ...


"When you were born the world was smiling and you were crying. Live your life to the fullest so that when you die, you are the one smiling while the whole world cries."

Also ...

"When life hands you lemons ... grab a bottle of tequila and the salt and CALL ME!"

 

[omahaman2]

The words I live by ...


"When you were born the world was smiling and you were crying. Live your life to the fullest so that when you die, you are the one smiling while the whole world cries."

Also ...

"When life hands you lemons ... grab a bottle of tequila and the salt and CALL ME!"

http://regmedia.co.uk/2006/08/14/sparkfun_rotary_phone_1.jpg

 

[pleaz_me]

http://regmedia.co.uk/2006/08/14/sparkfun_rotary_phone_1.jpg

You call me in a month ... I'll bring the tequila!

 

[smotherman]

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.

 

[Morrigu]

When you fall arse over tit be assured of a soft landing

 

[LazerGuided]

God so loved the world that he did not send a committee.

 

[simply_subbie]

Everything I've learned about life I can sum up in three words: It goes on.

 

[simply_subbie]

Absence makes the grow fonder

 

[Kain__Thornn]

If life hands you lemons, put em in a heavy sock and give the next wiseacre who gives you crap a good sour beatdown...

 

[simply_subbie]

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.

by Mary Schmich

 

[MollyDolly]

Failure is the path of least persistence.

 

[LustfulOne50]

When life hands you lemons, take a talk to the man upstairs and ask for a new recipe....I did that a few months back and he seen fit to keep me here alittle longer.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

my dad used to say
"The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass every day"

my dad was a drunk too,,lol,so there ya go

 

[koalabear]

If life hands you Limes....rearrange the letters and smile