Wife questions.

[Givher]

I have had fantisies about my wife with another man for a long time now. I have mentioned having a threesome or having her go out with me and flirt with some guys or dress sexy and show a little more of her body than she should. The problem is she is very conservative and doesn't seem to be interested in doing any of that. I can usually get her to wear some somewhat revealing clothing and I once got her to go into the bar first and try to flirt with some guy but she just didn't seem to be interested in it. I can't get this fantasy out of my mind and I can't get it to materialize in real life. Does anyone have any sugestions on how I can get her to dress sexier (border-line slutty) and actually entertain the idea of flashing some guy or having a threesome with someone? I have this fantasy stuck in my mind and it's one of the only things that arouses me (I have to picture it in my mind when we have sex to keep going and get off). I'm lost any advice would be helpful. I even thought about posting some pics of her on truth or dare website but not sure if she would go for it. argh help please.

 

[Cathleen]

I have had fantisies about my wife with another man for a long time now. I have mentioned having a threesome or having her go out with me and flirt with some guys or dress sexy and show a little more of her body than she should. The problem is she is very conservative and doesn't seem to be interested in doing any of that. I can usually get her to wear some somewhat revealing clothing and I once got her to go into the bar first and try to flirt with some guy but she just didn't seem to be interested in it. I can't get this fantasy out of my mind and I can't get it to materialize in real life. Does anyone have any sugestions on how I can get her to dress sexier (border-line slutty) and actually entertain the idea of flashing some guy or having a threesome with someone? I have this fantasy stuck in my mind and it's one of the only things that arouses me (I have to picture it in my mind when we have sex to keep going and get off). I'm lost any advice would be helpful. I even thought about posting some pics of her on truth or dare website but not sure if she would go for it. argh help please.

Seems to me you've stated the answer a few times already. She just isn't interested in those activities. I know the more I was pushed the less likely I'd be to entertain the idea.

I suppose you could 'praise' (can't find the best word) her on her dress when she does dare to were more provocative clothing or does flirt. But on that front, are you prepared for consequences that might put her in harms way? I'm finding it difficult to give you ideas since you stated her lack of interest and my gut reaction to it.

The statement about not being able to climax unless your picturing your fantasy sounds problematic, now and going forward. Does your wife know about this? How long have you been doing it? Do you see any issues about that going forward?

As for posting her pictures without her absolute consent, you're just asking for trouble. Big trouble, IMHO.

 

[silverwhisper]

if you have to keep picturing it in your mind to stay hard and climax, the problem here isn't your wife. don't you think it's just a little odd that one--and only one--fantasy gets you off?

as cathleen mentioned: if she isn't into it, she isn't into it. this makes it doubly important that you discover a way to find your wife sexually attractive to you.

if this hasn't always been the case in your relationship, perhaps thinking about how/when/why that changed would be a fruitful line of inquiry.

ed

 

[DrHappy]

To honest, I’d suggest that you accept this fantasy for what it is, or else you can expect some damage to your relationship. Some fantasies are meant to be enjoyed as fantasies. Many don’t work out so well in real life. In fantasies, there are no STDs, pregnancies, arrests, or jealousy. There is a theory that some turns are a result of strong non-sexual emotions that inadvertently cross over into the sexual area. Part of the brain that is affected by arousal is also affected by sexual stimulation. Fear or humiliation can also cause sexual arousal. What other emotions are you feeling when you think about your fantasy? Fear, jealousy? I’d suggest that you accept that this can be enjoyed as only a fantasy. Maybe there are some other realistic fantasies that you can replace this one with.

 

[Eilan]

I have to agree with what everyone else has said.

FWIW, my husband has somewhat similar fantasies, and we did make them reality for a few months back in late 2004-early 2005. They were mostly positive experiences, but the fantasy, IMO, is way hotter than the reality. I know that if I decided to do this again that my husband would love it, but I don't think I'm wired to separate sex and love all that easily. Plus, I'm not particularly outgoing, so it's not like I can just start flirting with random men in bars or clubs.

Be grateful that the two of you still have some semblance of a sex life, because a lot of men on here would love to be in your shoes right now, and be careful that your pushing her to do things she's not comfortable doing don't lead to resentment somewhere down the road.

Good luck.

 

[Somehowyou]

Boost her confidence. Get her to dress sexy in the bedroom for you. Tell her how good she looks and how it makes you feel. Go to the lingerie store and get the ladies to help you pick out outfits and massage oils etc. Buy them for her if she is too embarrassed to buy them for herself. Buy clothe for her you would like to see her wear. Go with her and buy her that little black dress and sexy fish net thigh highs. If she ever wanted plastic surgery like a tummy tuck or a lift and you can afford it - go for it. In bed push the envelope. As you are stimulating her joke about she is too sexy for one man and that she must have a boyfriend. Get her to think about other men. Joke about a make believe boyfriend with "is this what you do with your boyfriend?" Work this into your sex talk. As she gains confidence maybe you can get her to go out with you to the bar and flirt or enjoy others noticing her. This may be enough by the way. It is as is far as I have got with this and if it doesn't go any further I am OK. I have the fantasy in my mind and as others have said it may be better that way.

I will say this. I like having a hot wife and I am glad that others think she is sexy. It is a turn on.

 

[whoremaker]

Somehowyou is giving great advice. You can't push anyone into this sort of thing. Just doesn't work, and the more you ask, the farther from your fantasy you'll get. But, you can lead her to it, gradually. Build her self esteem, compliment her regularly, make her feel sexy. It has to start at home, in the bedroom. That is ground zero. Once she feels hot there, she'll start to feel hot at home. Once she feels hot there, she'll feel hotter out of the house, and so on. It's a building process, but with patience and a level head, the whore can be gradually brought out in any woman. Trust me. Just don't be selfish and expect her to give in and do it for you. She has to want it, enjoy it, and essentially allow you to participate in her fantasy, even if that fantasy was orginally yours.

Good luck.

 

[subwannabe]

This sounds like one of those things like be careful what you wish for. First, I don't see it happening. Second, the real life situation would probably be a let down from your fantasy.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

you can't force her into a fantasy she doesn't want to participate in. At best, you can be honest and upfront with her - this is something you really, really desire and then see if the two of you can explore it - if not completely, at least partially. But if she doesn't want to, then that is that...

As an alternative, try writing up some of your fantasies. how do you see your wife behaving, what is she wearing, where is she picking up another guy, how does he respond when he finds out she is married, etc, etc.