wives of bi husbands

[Netzach]

You say sucking off a bunch of ungloved dicks and not telling me is not hateful and angry, I say tomato.

 

[Netzach]

Here's the total irony -- I am sounding like some crazed sanctity of marriage person. I'm so not.

I'm usually very drawn to defending the person who is going outside a marriage to meet needs. I understand the dynamic well. I've been there done that.

What I'm objecting to is the attitude of "oh that bitch" for the spouse having a strong reaction, good bad, correct or incorrect. I'm laughing at the idea that this person is being painted as bitter and morally bereft.

I've screwed married men before, and never felt a huge debt of guilt. But I'd never resent their wives for having a reaction had they found out, short of homicide or arson or crimes against person. You kind of waive your right to someone being kind and understanding when you decide to lie on that scale.

That's called "paying the price, whatever it might be for being yourself."

and sometimes it's a high tag. Such is life.

 

[gingermango]

You say sucking off a bunch of ungloved dicks and not telling me is not hateful and angry, I say tomato.

It is not an expression of hateful, hurtful, angry and destructive emotion. It is an expression of sexual need, probably quite also loneliness, depression, anxiety and fear on the part of the man in question. It may result in hateful and angry feelings on the part of the betrayed partner but that's not what you said.

It is also quite a different thing from actively seeking to destroy someone else. If you will not or cannot grasp the difference there is little point in continuing the discussion.

And for that poster above who complained about taking responsibility for one's actions, hear hear. How about the hurt and angry partner taking responsbility for her own feelings and emotions? No one lives inside our heads with us. The world happens around us - we experience it, observe it, take part in it - how we think and feel about what we see, experience and do is our own choice. That's what got me drawn into this in the first place, complaining that "kicking him to the curb" and making someone miserable in revenge for an emotional betrayal is not a choice worthy of applause or praise. Just as the closet bi has to take responsibility for his actions (likely through the end of his hetero relationship), so too does the betrayed partner - anger begets bitterness, bitterness leads to unhappiness and further loneliness. She has to be responsible for her own feelings.

 

[mansome]

Here's the total irony -- I am sounding like some crazed sanctity of marriage person. I'm so not.

I'm usually very drawn to defending the person who is going outside a marriage to meet needs. I understand the dynamic well. I've been there done that.

What I'm objecting to is the attitude of "oh that bitch" for the spouse having a strong reaction, good bad, correct or incorrect. I'm laughing at the idea that this person is being painted as bitter and morally bereft.

I've screwed married men before, and never felt a huge debt of guilt. But I'd never resent their wives for having a reaction had they found out, short of homicide or arson or crimes against person. You kind of waive your right to someone being kind and understanding when you decide to lie on that scale.

That's called "paying the price, whatever it might be for being yourself."

and sometimes it's a high tag. Such is life.

Once again.. I agree with you.. and it may sound hypocritical , but yes I have had sexual relations with married men before and hell married women for that instance.... and did it knowingly... and I know that besides me being in the wrong the married person being with me is also in the wrong......

I've never been married myself.. would like to be sometime and that may end my naughty ways with men.. which is fine with me.....

But to blame the woman for "not understanding" is like I said before ridiculous........ I know if I was married I would never cheat unless we were in an open relationship......

 

[mansome]

ginger.....

I know you can't help how you feel..... I'm the king of moving on.... I certainly don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me.. and to hang on that and hope for revenge, or get pissed because it didn't "work out" isn't something I feel like spending my time doing.... I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I still care even if I do....

I move on...

 

[Netzach]

.

It is also quite a different thing from actively seeking to destroy someone else. If you will not or cannot grasp the difference there is little point in continuing the discussion.

If you cannot or will not grasp the endangerment of uninvolved people via STD's being a form of "destruction" beyond mere social life concerns, there is really little point, you are right. Callous recklessness is not necessarily lower on the scumbag totem pole than malice.

My experience with closeted bi men is that very very few of them use rubbers fanatically every time with every partner, and many are extremely uninformed about HIV transmission. There's a whole heap of denial going on in lots of cases.

Many new HIV infections have relations with men AND women. The women don't even get the option of being alarmed, because they are in the dark.

 

[wild175133]

If you cannot or will not grasp the endangerment of uninvolved people via STD's being a form of "destruction" beyond mere social life concerns, there is really little point, you are right. Callous recklessness is not necessarily lower on the scumbag totem pole than malice.

My experience with closeted bi men is that very very few of them use rubbers fanatically every time with every partner, and many are extremely uninformed about HIV transmission. There's a whole heap of denial going on in lots of cases.

Many new HIV infections have relations with men AND women. The women don't even get the option of being alarmed, because they are in the dark.

Just one question here: when you were fucking around with married men and married women did you use protection?

 

[Mistress L]

wives with bi husbands

Hubby and I had been married for 20 years when he finally told me. I knew he had looked at a lot of porn and we had fantisized many times about creampies. I wasn't quite sure how I felt at first. I questioned weather I pleased him or not. We had to keep the lines of communication open and I mean wide open! For a while we just increased our fantasies about him sucking a cock and eating the cum. Then one night someone callled us and asked us if we would like to get together. Hubby just looked when I said ok. That was the first night I watched my husband suck cock and I'll say it sure has not been the last. It was very hot and the fact that he likes to have them fuck me and then eat their cum just puts me in the wetlands. I feel I am pretty comfortable with his being bi. I had to realize that his wanting to sexually be with a man is no threat to the love that he and I share. It is for sex and pleasure. The bond we have is stronger than ever. I'm not sure that in our younger years I could have handled it but that was because I was not comfortable with myself. We have explored so many things over the past two years. I would have never imagined that I would fullfill so many awesome fantasies. It has opened my eyes to a whole new world and it has even peaked my bi curious side. Thanks for the thread.

Mistress L

 

[Never]

If someone cheats on you, be they male, female, or Inuit, you kick their ass to the curb. You then explain to all your friends and family why you kicked them to the curb. It doesn't matter if they're humping the blonde cutie next door or milking the muscular 16-year-old down the block.

Anyone who complains about their spouse or partner being 'mean and vindictive' about their extracurricular activities is probably just displaying the same spinelessness and/or lack of respect that caused them to have an affair in the first place.

Unless you can't figure it out, I agree with Netzach.

 

[reddcutie]

but the question still remains...

if a man is in a supportive relationship with a woman, lets say, a very open-minded woman, who would not out them or forsake them for having bisexual needs, why would a man STILL choose to cheat and be in denial about their extracurricular activities? it is a great pain and burden to some very loving women who are loyal...not all of us are bitches....

 

[anne27]

Re: but the question still remains...

if a man is in a supportive relationship with a woman, lets say, a very open-minded woman, who would not out them or forsake them for having bisexual needs, why would a man STILL choose to cheat and be in denial about their extracurricular activities? it is a great pain and burden to some very loving women who are loyal...not all of us are bitches....

Why does anyone cheat? Insecurity, to prop of their ego, because their morals or ethics are not up to par, because they're self centered and just don't care? Lots of reasons. It's always wrong. There is no 'right' reason to cheat.

Anyone who knows anything about me at all knows I'm hardly a saint. I am, however, one of the women you refer to in your above post, reddcutie.

 

[reddcutie]

that is good to know....

 

[bi some, try so]

i am a bi woman married to a bi man... for close to 20 years now... and we share a select group of friends... ours has been and will be a healthy loving relationship.... (besides it can be a lot of fun..... .....)

 

[Jander1]

I told my wife of 5 years about a month ago that I have always fantasized about men. She took it very well, and things seem to be going better now that I told her. Iwas having some guiltyfeelings. I have never cheated on my wife and I think this made it easier for her. I did advise her that I do not know if I will be able refrain from acting on my fantasy at some point in the near future. She is not into group at all, though she said that if I felt I really have to and am safe about it she would understand. We watch porn together and she said she would try a strap on if I desired. So far it has helped our relationship because after unloading my feelings on her I feel less guilt and treat her better. I guess I am lucky to have a spouse who is so loving and understanding, though I know that this story is not over. I hope everything will work out

 

[wild175133]

Im sorry to see the thread die out maybe their are not that many women on lit who do know their hubby is bi or who has bi thoughts

 

[Jander1]

Im sorry to see the thread die out maybe their are not that many women on lit who do know their hubby is bi or who has bi thoughts

I think there was a good discussion here that kind of did reach a conclusion. Though there are many other things about this subject to talk about. As for my situation, my wife is now saying that she has no problem at all with me exploring my bi side. She says she understands that it is not something that I can just turn off. She also says that if I told her I wanted to be with another woman she would cut my balls off. She finds a man less threatening because she does not feel jealous of men only women. Fine...I don't wanna be with another woman, she satisfies me as much as a woman can, which is very much so. She watched me masterbate to male porn one night and said it turned her on very much, though she does not want to watch me with a man in person. I understand her feelings, I could handle it if she were to make out with a woman, and the idea does kinda turn me on. Though I have no desire to be involved with this (and she says she has no desire to be with a woman anyway.)
Just a comment on the double standard of the acceptance of bi/gay women as opposed to men. I think this may be in part because of anal sex that can be involved with m to m. Many find the thought repulsive, I have no desire for a cock up my ass, but to each his own. My wife agrees, does anyone else have a thought on this.
Maybe can get wife to post here soon

 

[69forever]

Im sorry to see the thread die out maybe their are not that many women on lit who do know their hubby is bi or who has bi thoughts

Not H/W....just S/O's and in love for now. Yeah both are here on Lit. Yeah it's a friendship that has grown into more now that I'm free again. And yes we both are open in our Bisexuality. It's a rare thing to find a woman who is secure enough in a relationship to allow a man to engage that side of himself. It is rarer yet to have a woman who will explore that side with you. I am blessed to have such a woman.

My sig line says it all.....Love is the answer, communication is the key.

 

[Luck7lady]

Not H/W....just S/O's and in love for now. Yeah both are here on Lit. Yeah it's a friendship that has grown into more now that I'm free again. And yes we both are open in our Bisexuality. It's a rare thing to find a woman who is secure enough in a relationship to allow a man to engage that side of himself. It is rarer yet to have a woman who will explore that side with you. I am blessed to have such a woman.

My sig line says it all.....Love is the answer, communication is the key.

Very well said my love and as I've told you I am very blessed to have you in my life too. I've longed for a man that I can explore the things that excite me. My darlin we have many adventures to experience and I'm so happy that it's with you.

 

[69forever]

Very well said my love and as I've told you I am very blessed to have you in my life too. I've longed for a man that I can explore the things that excite me. My darlin we have many adventures to experience and I'm so happy that it's with you.

MANY, many adventures. As I'm extatic to have them be with you. ~soft smile~

 

[Netzach]

Just one question here: when you were fucking around with married men and married women did you use protection?

Actually, yes. Always. Rubber and I are friends and I use barriers religiously. I came of sexual age in a post AIDS world and I'm very good to myself and those around me on that level.

Does that make me better or more enlightened or whatever? No.

The bi closeted men who have told me condom-clueless things tend to be casual acquaintences, relatives, and such. I'm not saying no bi men act responsible, sexually, I'm just saying (and transmission stats support) that this is often not the case.

 

[Netzach]

And in the spirit of posting something not cranky I am officially the wife of a bi husband as of 2 weeks ago. Calling myself a "wife" at all still is really weird -- rubber apron strings in the future?

As long as he keeps his sausage binges gloved and tells me what he's doing to some degree, I don't really care what he does. We have very liberal house rules and I think this is going to keep life spicy and worth living.

This weekend he's getting dicked, I've made all the arrangements. Poor boy needs it bad.

 

[69forever]

Actually, yes. Always. Rubber and I are friends and I use barriers religiously. I came of sexual age in a post AIDS world and I'm very good to myself and those around me on that level.

Does that make me better or more enlightened or whatever? No.

The bi closeted men who have told me condom-clueless things tend to be casual acquaintences, relatives, and such. I'm not saying no bi men act responsible, sexually, I'm just saying (and transmission stats support) that this is often not the case.

I agree....the days of casual, unprotected sex are over. I'm 52. Used to be the worst thing could be cleared up with a shot of pennicillin. Not now. Anal sex should NEVER be done without protection, unless you are in a monogamous relationship and trust your partner with your life. You are.

Oral is different as long as there are no open wounds....i.e. recent dental surgery.

At any rate....if one is sexually active with more than one partner, it is only responsible to get tested on a regular basis. I do. I will not put anyone else at risk....much less one I love. IMHO

 

[69forever]

And in the spirit of posting something not cranky I am officially the wife of a bi husband as of 2 weeks ago. Calling myself a "wife" at all still is really weird -- rubber apron strings in the future?

As long as he keeps his sausage binges gloved and tells me what he's doing to some degree, I don't really care what he does. We have very liberal house rules and I think this is going to keep life spicy and worth living.

This weekend he's getting dicked, I've made all the arrangements. Poor boy needs it bad.

First, congrats. Second....lucky guy.

 

[wild175133]

i thought i would resurrect this thread

It has been some time since this discussion ended i wonder if any one like to add to it now maybe meet some new friends and get together with some old friends

 

[rl_dylan]

I for one have many bi- fantasies and it seems as I get older they occur more and more often. But only in a MFM type relation, but with the longing to have oral sex with my lady while the "other" guy is fucking her. Oh well, would like to hear from wifes that have the female part of my fantasy, or other males that have lived it out