Words Women Use - and the "real" meanings

[Guest]

Gauche, you may well be the smartest bloke I've ever met. You should open a school (and send your best students to San Francisco).

Perdita

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

A correlary: A small Women's guide to men:

Silence: I want to be left alone right now.
Silence: I want some help but I don't want to lose face by asking for it or risk an argument.
Silence: I'm thinking.
Silence: Okay, the one above was a lie, stop asking me what I'm thinking or we'll have an argument that ends in you saying "FINE".
Silence: I'm pretending to be a tree.
Not-silence: There's a 75% chance that what I said was callous or stupid enough to warrant either a) an argument ending in "FINE" or b) A frying pan to the head.

 

[Just_John1]

Gauche,

That works for those of you on the other side of the pond and is another reason why the women on this side of the pond fawn all over you refined gentlemen when you come over here. One problem is that over here the word would be "dear" which is interpreted in a different manner by our brilliant and intuitive women. Rule number one here is, if you ever want to have sex again you will never end a sentence in love or dear. Hence the american interpretations that follow:

Blokes round here (and elsewhere I suspect) have a perfectly acceptable answer to any question that a woman implies or directly asks. It may only be used by those men with the experience to judge the situation accurately and have been in a relationship for more than 4 years (minimum)

That answer is simply yes or no, but with the added ingredient of love at the end.

Gauche

Did you hear what I just said? - Yes love. Yes dear (American female interpretation: I'm watching the game, its sudden death overtime and until the next goal is scored I'm not listening... Result - No sex for a week.)

Do you take me for an idiot? - No love. No Dear (American female interpretation: I think you're a total idiot because I think you're falling for this dear shit... Result - No sex for a week)

Does this look OK? - (glance first) Yes love. (Glance first) Yes Dear (american female interpretation: I don't have the testicular fortitude to give you a real answer and don't really care enough to develop my own opinion - Result - no sex for two weeks)

Did I upset you? - No love. No Dear (AFI: I'm too busy watching the game to have a meaningful conversation and I really don't have feelings so how can you upset me... Result, an argument that ends with "fine" and no sex for a week).

Are you stupid or what? - Yes love. Yes Dear (AFI: see response to "Did I upset you?")

Adding that extra word can also give you five minutes peace.

Will you fix that shelf? - Right love. Right Dear (AFI:I'm not paying attention to you, accompanied by a mental image of a small child with fingers in their ears saying nah nah nah I'm not listening... result - No Sex.)

Will you fix that shelf? - ok love. Ok Dear (AFI: No. Hire somebody. result... yep you guessed it NSFAW

Are you going to fix that shelf? - Yes love. Yes Dear (AFI: Stop asking me these stupid questions! Result - NSFAW

When are you going to fix that shelf? - In a minute love. In a minute dear AFI: five minutes after the hired help leaves I will ask if I can fix the shelf proving that I haven't been listening for the last fifteen fucking times you've asked the same fucking question. Result - Another argument that ends in fine or flying pottery... and yep you guessed it NSFAW

Why haven't you fixed that shelf? - No 3/4 inch self tappers love. No 3/4 inch molly bolts dear AFI: I went to the hardware store and got distracted by all the other shit you won't let me buy and I forgot what I was there for, and by the way have I told you about the cute new girl at the check out counter. Result - nosex for the foreseeable future.

How many fucking times do I have to bastard ask you to fix that cunting shelf? - I'll do it now love. I have to be honest with Gauche... My SO has decided that this is the first question she will ask because she knows its going to go this way and she knows I haven't been listening anyway so she can save a lot of energy and save alot of potential sex by going straight to this question. The only appropriate response at this point is "I already fixed it dear." but be very careful, the tone of voice can be taken as sarcasm which can be hazardous.

JJ1

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Just John is just telling it like it is.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Belegon]

see, I ususally get myself in trouvble with silence or answers to certain questions...

There is no correct answer to:

"Do I look fat in this?"

"If I died would you get married again?"

"Why would you spend $75.00 on ONE bottle of scotch?"

and many others...

 

[Guest]

"If I died would you get married again?"

Bel, that really means, "If I die how soon will you start having sex you fuckturd?"

Perdita

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Bel, that really means, "If I die how soon will you start having sex you fuckturd?"

Perdita

And you definitely don't want to answer "Never. She doesn't believe in marriage."

Also, "Not unless I move to Massachusetts" is also one that'll get you deservedly smacked.

 

[Belegon]

Bel, that really means, "If I die how soon will you start having sex you fuckturd?"

Perdita

exactly why I refuse to answer...I just raise the eyebrow and try to let the eyes smolder and hope she takes it in a positive way...

(she would not like the real answer anyway...)

 

[Belegon]

And you definitely don't want to answer "Never. She doesn't believe in marriage."

Also, "Not unless I move to Massachusetts" is also one that'll get you deservedly smacked.

How about, "well, have you ever heard about what they are calling a triad?"

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

How about, "well, have you ever heard about what they are calling a triad?"

I have a bisexual friend who's trying that out right now, but I think the other guy's jealousy is going to break it up soon.

 

[Belegon]

I have a bisexual friend who's trying that out right now, but I think the other guy's jealousy is going to break it up soon.

jealousy...if any thing deserved it's spot on the "seven deadly" list...

 

[impressive]

see, I ususally get myself in trouvble with silence or answers to certain questions...

There is no correct answer to:

"If I died would you get married again?"

Just say you intend to adopt Heinlein's philosophy of marriage and relationships

Damn, I'd love to live like that -- and I'd live to love like that!

 

[Guest]

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Then, of course, there's my brother's philosophy towards women:

"Feed me, fuck me and shut the hell up until the commercial."

Let me guess... he's still single.


(And if he is married, he'll be single again soon.)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I’d also suggest the word “cute”.

When used without sarcasm, women intend “cute” to mean appealing in a non-sexual way, which is an esthetic category that men are completely indifferent to and therefore incapable of recognizing. Women have a large cute-recognition center in their brains which is totally missing in men.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

There's the killer, when trying to chat up a woman (works both ways, too, I guess), "You have a lovely personality". I'm sure most people know what that means.

 

[Guest]

Bel, that really means, "If I die how soon will you start having sex you fuckturd?"

Perdita

Answering with a question is probably not right.
"Will your cute cousin be coming to the funeral?"

 

[Guest]

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

There's the killer, when trying to chat up a woman (works both ways, too, I guess), "You have a lovely personality". I'm sure most people know what that means.

Lou,

That sounds similar to the blind date come-on: She's got a great personality. All the girls in the dorm/office/convent/brothel/soup kitchen just love her.

Oh, and Lou, please get another AV. I spent ten minutes cleaning my glasses and monitor screen before I realized it was an "artistic" (out-of-focus) photo.

Rumple Foreskin

ps: Lime, maybe your sister-in-law figures she's getting off easy. Once he's been fed and fucked, then she can ignore him until a commercial. If she's lucky, maybe he'll be watching PBS or a cable movie. RF

 

[Guest]

Speaking of AVs that fog up one's lenses - Ted EEEEEEEEEE!!! Is that for real?

Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

see, I ususally get myself in trouvble with silence or answers to certain questions...

There is no correct answer to:

"Do I look fat in this?"

"If I died would you get married again?"

"Why would you spend $75.00 on ONE bottle of scotch?"

and many others...

Oh, I can think of some...

Q: "Do I look fat in this?"
A: "Not at all. Why? Aren't you feeling allright?" (granted, it works best if the partner is not a straight guy, but...)

Q: "If I died would you get married again?"
A: "No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't even be able to start dating again - I'd just compare those women to you, and they would never come close, and that wouldn't be fair to them." (oral sex granted)

Q: "Why would you spend $75.00 on ONE bottle of scotch?"
A: "Because I was already drunk from a $5 dollar bottle of moonshine."

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Lou,

That sounds similar to the blind date come-on: She's got a great personality. All the girls in the dorm/office/convent/brothel/soup kitchen just love her.

Oh, and Lou, please get another AV. I spent ten minutes cleaning my glasses and monitor screen before I realized it was an "artistic" (out-of-focus) photo.

Rumple Foreskin

Yep, bless her heart.

Hahaha! It's not an "artistic" (out of focus photo), it's a real one! I took it while looking in the mirror and nearly scared myself stupid when I saw the ghost staring back at me. You can just about make out the ghost's face, just to the left of mine, if you look really hard.

Lou

 

[LadyJeanne]

You look beautiful, almost saintly, in a sexy, come-hither way. The ghost is eerie. The juxtaposition is subliminally wicked.

Love it!

 

[Guest]

You look beautiful, almost saintly, in a sexy, come-hither way. The ghost is eerie. The juxtaposition is subliminally wicked.

Love it!

Blimey! Thank you!