Write your own obituary.

[Super-Surprise]

Write your own obituary.

Before you pass on, tell us what you would say if you were to write your own obituary.

 

[RedAllan]

I told you I was ill.

 

[Nuff_Said]

I hid my millions in... oh shit, if forgot!

 

[Monica_112]

I told you I was ill.

That's what Spike Milligan has on his headstone, although in Gaelic because the council said it was disrespectful to have it in English

Me, I'd have

She went for it
In the end it got her

Loved, laughed, lived.

 

[RedAllan]

That's what Spike Milligan has on his headstone, although in Gaelic because the council said it was disrespectful to have it in English

Me, I'd have

She went for it
In the end it got her

Loved, laughed, lived.

Spike was one of my favourite writers/comedian, and yes I got the idea from him.

The other Spike cemetery humor I like is "Not dead only sleeping" to which Spike adds "Who are they kidding"

 

[RedAllan]

That's what Spike Milligan has on his headstone, although in Gaelic because the council said it was disrespectful to have it in English
.

Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite

 

[warrior queen]

Despite her mistakes, her children have grown to become people you would be proud to call 'friend'.
She did THAT right

 

[Monica_112]

Spike was one of my favourite writers/comedian, and yes I got the idea from him.

The other Spike cemetery humor I like is "Not dead only sleeping" to which Spike adds "Who are they kidding"

Love a bit of Spike, I think he might have liked it here. He also said "Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

 

[parodyluvr75]

"The bird is gone, and in what meadow does it now sing?"

Philip K. Dick

 

[DesEsseintes]

'At his funeral in St. Peter's Basilica, Rome, the massed Cardinals watched the Pope immolate himself in ritual grief, before advancing in slow step towards the great mediaeval font to pour their life's blood into the seat of baptism. Thus, the Catholic Church put an end to itself - a signal honour, yet as the Pope's last words had it, 'all too little' for a proper tribute to this extraordinary man.

'Across Europe, those who had not yet buried themselves alive in black, volcanic sand - the most popular response to The Death - stood on mountain tops and cliffs, pausing for those final moments before the artificial tsunami towered over the Iberian peninsula and on across the continent, finally burying that landmass of so much achievement and history. And yet, as the President of the European Union said prior to his own leap from the Cabo Girao cliffs, history had both peaked and finished with the life of Des Esseintes, who in himself symbolised and made flesh the great civilisations of his birth-continent.

'The tsunami, due to hit early this evening, was of course created by the deliberate destruction of the whole eastern seaboard of the United States. The great majority of American citizens have already given up their souls in memory, many choosing to lie in the desert sands of Death Valley that their lives might be taken by the sun. 'He was our Sun,' sobbed one woman who declined to be named. 'It is only right that the Sun should take us to him in heaven, now that he has been taken away.' Under the last ever Presidential Decree, a carefully selected remnant of one hundred thousand American citizens will stay behind to work as itinerant monks, walking barefoot and clad in rags across both North and South America to spread the news to those poor few who have not yet heard.

'And yet it is hard to believe that there may be many such, who do not yet know the News to end all news. Several reports indicate that the isolated bush-fires in the Amazonian, Congolese and Indonesian jungles are in fact part of one world-wide immolation, as the lungs of the Earth are sacrificed by those traditional peoples who for so many millennia were their fierce guardians. "We offer what we can," said Chief M'Puah of Borneo; "the rich environment that for so long has sheltered our people. We have no need for it now."

'As is widely known, the animals from such jungles are long-since dead, flinging themselves in countless millions into the nearest seas and rivers within hours of the death being announced. Professor Jeremiah of Oxford University agreed tersely that there was no evolutionary reason why animals should behave like this. "But what good is Science now?" he sobbed. "Science won't bring back Des Esseintes." On this note, he joined the other professors and students of that great university in placing his robes and certificates in the vast fire-bowl erected in Carfax, before the Chancellor in solemn procession with his page-boys brought the Flame of Ending to the bowl, to end at last almost 900 years of teaching in Oxford.

'And as for you, dear readers - what will you do? Will you go with the rest, spending your last moments gazing at his divine countenance before swallowing the suicide pills issued by the UN? Or will you be one of The Witnesses, mandated to stay on Earth in poverty in case one day an alien civilisation should land on the ravaged Earth and ask what happened here? Perhaps by then the NASA mission, propelled by the latest engines out of the solar system with its payload of tributes and authorised biographies in mathematical code, will already have sent the word to our distant cousins at the far ends of the galaxy, and civilisations as yet unborn will make their own farewells in the face of this overwhelming grief. Whatever your choice, dear readers, know that no blame can attach to you - for who can remain rational, even sane, in the face of such annihilation of all hope?'

That would do me. Nothing too formal.

 

[Monica_112]

That'd be one humongous headstone (and invoice)

 

[Garnate]

"She might've died too soon but she took a lot of people with her."

 

[DesEsseintes]

That'd be one humongous headstone (and invoice)

True enough, though I wouldn't be paying for it...Plus the thread did say 'obituary', not headstone!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

On The Whole, Being Dead Is Better Than Being You.

 

[big9000]

"Will never be remembered".

 

[Monica_112]

True enough, though I wouldn't be paying for it...Plus the thread did say 'obituary', not headstone!

Oh fuck you're right and here's me thinking epitaph

I should learn to read properly

 

[warrior queen]

Oh fuck you're right and here's me thinking epitaph

I should learn to read properly

My epitaph will be a tree.
No words.
Just a tree.

 

[RedAllan]

For my short obituary.

He was born.

He died.

The bit in-between was life.

It was good.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Oh fuck you're right and here's me thinking epitaph

I should learn to read properly

No, I should learn not to contradict a lady of such distinction and bearing. <Offers hand.> Des Esseintes, madam. Your eternal servant.

 

[Monica_112]

No, I should learn not to contradict a lady of such distinction and bearing. <Offers hand.> Des Esseintes, madam. Your eternal servant.

Not at all, I should read properly

Enchante Jean

 

[DesEsseintes]

I knew you were a woman of culture!. <Kisses outstretched hand and bows lower.> You are entirely correct: Jean, XVeme Duc des Essseintes, entirely at your service. May I have the honour of knowing the illustrious family to which you belong? You bone structure and accent proclaim you to be a Bourbon or Romanoff, surely?

 

[oggbashan]

He left undone the things he should have done.

He did the things he should not have done.

He left unwritten many of the tales he could tell.

But he enjoyed not doing and doing, never embarrassed the servants, nor frightened the horses.

 

[Captainnumnuts]

I knew this would happen.