Writing exercise: show us your style

[StillStunned]

How would people feel about making this a regular thing, by the way? A new story prompt once a week or so. Maybe we could take turns thinking of one.

 

[samhasstories]

Great idea! Whether or not this is a good example of my style, I'm always into a good writing exercise. Looking forward to looking through everyone's take on it (wanted to write mine first without too much influence).


The hike was long. The day was hot. As Jack finally reached the top of the hill, trailing his wife, his legs ached, his back dripped with sweat. He struggled to catch his breath. The sun raked at his skin. He'd burn, he knew.

Jill stood still, surveying the scene before her, the view from the top. Jack was just about to grumble, to remind Jill they weren't young anymore, that if she insisted on schlepping up these switchback trails she might turn one day and find he'd tumbled right out of her life. But he stopped short when he saw her face.

Looking down the hill, her eyes gleamed. She wore an enigmatic smile.

She used to look at me like that, he thought.

He followed her gaze. A tent stood at the bottom of the hill, its flap whipping in the breeze. A woman lay on her back, her legs partially inside the tent, her back on the grass. She was naked; even from here Jack could see she was breathing hard, her eyes cast upward, her back arched, her arms splayed in the grass. The man was just emerging, moving upward along her body, kissing along her shins, her knees, her thighs...

It was like looking back in time. That had been them, once. A long time ago.

Jack looked at Jill. She looked back at him, that same expression on her face, the one he hadn't realized he'd missed, all these years.

Jack's fatigue fell away. As he stepped toward his wife, it was like stepping back in time.

 

[SimonDoom]

"I see naked people."

I looked ahead, in the direction of Jack's pointing finger. Sure enough, a naked man and woman walked away from a yellow dome tent toward a stream, hand in hand.

We stood on the crest of a hill in the woods near the end of a long day of hiking. The camp below lay on the edge of a meadow bisected by the stream. We had hoped to set up our own camp in that spot. The afternoon was growing late.

"Looks like they beat us to it, Jill," Jack said.

"Yeah, and it looks like they don't want company." The man and woman stepped gingerly into the stream until they stood ankle-deep. The water looked cold but inviting after six hours of walking. The woman took the man's cock in her hand, squeezing and massaging it.

"I like where this is going," Jack said.

"We shouldn't watch."

"No, but I want to, and I want to do something else, too."

He reached around my waist and unbuckled my backpacking belt.

"What are you doing?" I asked, as he took hold of and removed my backpack, laying it on the ground. The removal of the weight was a relief and a pleasure. Jack removed his backpack, then stood behind me, close, and his strong hands swept under my dusty t-shirt, over my tummy, cupping my braless breasts.

"Jack?"

"I hoped to do this at camp, my dear, but it's no longer an option. I can't wait anymore."

I looked again at the naked couple in the stream. The woman was still stroking the man's cock, but now they were looking up at Jack and me as he swept the sticky t-shirt off my body.

I waved at them, weakly. They waved back and smiled.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Your short outline shows where they will be. But the intro doesn't need to start there.

********

“I wanted to wear a dress today,” I said sounding disappointed “but that wouldn’t go well with the hiking shoes.”

“Why a dress?” Jack asked.

“I like to feel the air down there. I’ll feel fresh later, you know, like when I want you down there. But hiking shoes?” I asked, when he commented on my four-inch cork sandals.

“You can put on hiking shorts,” he suggested. Then with a sly look added, “They don’t need to stay on very long.”

So, it’s going to be one of THOSE days, in the woods.

I was hoping for a more subtle time today, like maybe going to the park for a picnic and some under-the-blanket playing around. Or maybe he’d casually explore with a hand under my dress to find I was ready for him. But when he mentioned the hike, I knew now it would be to THAT place he found last year. It IS a nice summer day, and the weather is perfect for one of his ‘adventures’. And it has been quite a while since that last one.

So, I opened my dresser to select the shorts and tank top, which would soon be in his backpack when we left the trail. And Jack went to the garage to get his small backpack, camera, and tripod. I expect, like the last time, I’ll soon be feeling another man … or two. And I’m already wet in anticipation.

*****

I prefer to provide more context to start, not just jumping onto that hilltop, but showing how they got there. I like writing for the Loving Wives trolls, showing them sex and sharing can be fun, thus the implied others she’ll be feeling. I’m lately exploring the theory that the LW crowd rate stories higher when told from HER POV. And I like writing first person.

They'll soon find themselves on that hilltop (like last year), only this time seeing a couple at their favored spot.

 

[MrPixel]

"Ow! Fuck!" Jill cries out.

A concerned Jack asks, "Whatsa matter?"

"That old ankle thing. I just stepped wrong on a rock."

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Want to lean on me the rest of the way? It'll make the hike a little easier."

"Well I'm certainly glad I convinced you to let me keep my shoes on."

"Yeah. Forgot the grassy part of the trail doesn't go all the way. Oo. Now that's a pleasant surprise."

Jill and Jack crest the slight rise and spot two friends cavorting in the stream in the small vale, also nude.

Jill smirks to Jack, "You didn't tell 'em we were going to be out here, did you?"

"Dave and I were talking about weekend plans and I may have mentioned our hike in passing."

Jill laughs, "You didn't happen to mention that the water in that stream is cold, did you? Shrinkage."

"Nope. Kathy looks none too pleased about it, either," Jack chuckles. "She sees us."

Kathy is giving Jack and Jill the "frustrated" raised hands sign.

"Well there you go, sweetie. Want me to get you up for Kath? She'll appreciate it."

"Sure. Dave'll recover soon enough for you. Let's go say 'Hi!'"

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

“Jack, if you don’t stop with that stupid nursery rhyme, I’m going to break your crown with my walking stick.” Jill nudged me with her elbow as we topped the hill.

“You picked the route.” I nudged her back. In all fairness, we’d hiked this trail a dozen times, and I had abused her everyone of them with that silly rhyme. Her name was Jill, after all, and we climbed this damned hill to get to the water. Our reward was just on the other side of the crest, a small stream that flowed from a blue hole; one of the best hidden treasures of the Texas Hill Country.

There was a nice limestone outcropping on the edge of the blue hole that was perfect for sunbathing and diving. It also worked for extracurricular activities when the opportunity arose. Only a few lucky adventurers that knew where to turn off the main trail and weren’t afraid of the climb Jill and I had just made knew about this hidden treasure.

“Well, shit.” I could hear the disappointment in Jill’s voice. “Someone beat us to it.”

Sure enough, just down the trail, right by the stream, there was a small camp with a tent, just big enough for two. Between two trees hung a little clothesline with a couple of towels and what looked like some bathing suits hanging on it: two bikinis.

“Well, that sucks. What do you want to do? I’d feel awkward interrupting whatever they’re doing.” The sound of girls giggling and splashing drew my attention back down the slope toward the camp.

“I don’t know. Maybe we should just stay here for a while.” Jill handed me the binoculars she had dug from her pack. Two nubile young women, kissing passionately, drifted over the blue hole. Their naked bodies were just visible through the crystal-clear water.

“Yeah, let’s.” I handed the binoculars back and started digging for mine.

 

[StillStunned]

This one was just submitted anonymously.

===
Is there anything that is better than the smell of a remote, rural area after rain? The look of it as the sun comes out and makes every leaf glisten with gem-like droplets.

Jackie and I had been monitoring the weather through the flap of our tent. It was small, designed for climbing trips, not glamping. Then we’d never come back to it shredded by the wind, unlike the house-sized ones that adorned so many campsites. Water still dripped from the canopy, but we wanted to get out. Too wet for climbing, but a walk would be lovely. We pulled on our boots, lifted our packs and headed out.

Jackie and I knew the location well, and headed for a gap in the surrounding foliage. This led to the side of a stream, and thence up a small hill, which the brook meandered around. We were in our first year of marriage, and the thrill of just holding hands hadn’t dimmed. We ascended the hill on a winding path, dipping in and out of wet trees. As we reached the summit, a vista opened in front of us. Trees stretching to the horizon. Our stream joining a languid river, which wound through a broad valley between them. Feeling at one with the beauty of nature, we embraced and our lips met. I felt warmth flood me. Jackie’s kiss was like no other.

Our intimate moment was broken by a faint noise. A splash below, followed by a yelp. Looking down, we saw them. Where our stream bent, a deep pool had formed on the lazy-running side. Standing in it, waist deep, were two girls. I say girls, they seemed to be in their early twenties, maybe a decade younger than us. And the were very much together. Both nude, as far as we could tell. Braving the cold water, delighting in splashing each other, then falling into a giggling embrace.

Jackie said what I also felt, “it could be us, us ten years ago.”

She was right, the hair colors, one blonde, one dark brown. The blonde the smaller of the two. Skinny, with lithe bodies, and toned muscles, I wondered if they were climbers like us. And oh so so obviously each having their world completed by the other.

I turned to my wife, and she turned to hers. The words burst out of my full heart. “Promise me we’ll always be so happy as we are now, as they are now.”

Jackie smiled and bent slightly to kiss my forehead, smoothing stray blonde hair from my face. “Always, Jill. You’ll always be my angel.”

Jackie’s brief intensity and seriousness evaporated, and she grinned wickedly at me. “Wanna go and say hello?”

I nodded, aware of the heat in my cheeks.

Feeling more breathless with each step taken, we descended to the stream and to the joyous couple below.

 

[intim8]

Remember: to keep it short, let's confine ourselves to the story's opening

I suggest we take it further. Actually publish our stories, with a note that this is for the Jack and Jill exercise from AH.

It might be interesting for readers to see different takes on the same basic idea. I'd thought of an idea before where two authors pair up to tell the exact same story, but each from a different character's POV. Even better, a male and female writer each taking one side of a couple.

Anyway, I have my idea already. Will flesh it out later.

 

[SimonDoom]

This was a good idea, @StillStunned . It promotes creativity rather than pointless discussions about the dangers of bears! Speaking of which, I'm kind of surprised a thread about a tale set in the woods didn't raise them until now.

But, anyway, some random thoughts about my process as I wrote this. The whole thing took maybe 15-20 minutes from conception to publication, and these were the things going through my mind:

I deliberately wrote mine in what I think is my most common style. I thought about it for a couple of minutes, wrote it in a few more, and then edited it in a few pass-throughs, trying to make sure I got the punctuation right and eliminating duplicative and unnecessary words.

More often than not, I like to jump into the story quickly, with a short sentence or a snippet of dialogue, so that's what I did. The word "naked" is supposed to get attention, because I'm always mindful that readers have over a hundred stories to choose from every day, and if I don't get their attention right away I probably will lose them. The dialogue also recalls the famous line from Sixth Sense, which I figured many would remember.

I use "ly" adverbs only twice in the passage. I don't avoid them altogether but I try to use them sparingly.

There is no passive voice in the passage. There's some, but not too much, use of the verb "to be."

I used simple past tense, as I usually do. I decided to put it in first person POV, from Jill's perspective, because I thought it would be more intimate. The only mechanical challenge then was to have Jack call her by her name in a way that seemed natural and unforced, so we know what the name is, which I adopted as a goal of the exercise. This is tricky because we don't usually call people we are with by their name. We just talk to them without saying their name.

I used "said" and "asked" as my only dialogue tags, although I did away with tags altogether where I thought I could do so without making it unclear who the speaker was.

All sentences are complete sentences. There are no sentence fragments. I don't stick to this idea religiously, but I use sentence fragments sparingly.

I'd say this is a pretty good example, although a rushed one, of the style I usually write in.

 

[intim8]

My shot at it. Raw pantsed footage, and a little rushed to get the essentials in reasonably close to the word limit....

~~~~~~~~~

And Then There was Todd...
--------------------------------------

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch their daughter for breakfast.

This was their last chance to stay up at the cabin as a family before Emmy went off to college next month. Beth, Emmy's best friend since 2nd grade, had joined them. The girls had spent so much time together growing up that Beth felt like family.

Last night, the girls had wanted to sleep in the tent down by the creek. As kids, they'd often "camped" in the back yard, and Jack guessed they wanted to relive that fun adventure one more time.

The one dark cloud on the horizon, from Jack's point of view, was that Emmy's boyfriend Todd would be arriving this morning. He was a good kid, and they'd been dating for nearly a year now. Even better, the reason he was arriving late was that he had a job, and it meant he couldn't ride up with them.

He was a responsible kid, but still, Jack wanted to insist that they sleep on opposite ends of the cabin. Jill convinced him that Emmy was a responsible girl, that she was raised right, and that she was old enough to make her own decisions. Jack didn't like it, but he had to admit she was right, and that with Emmy off to college, she'd be making a lot of her own decisions from now on.

They crested a small rise that dropped down into the hollow the creek ran through just in time to see Emmy come out of the tent and squat down next to the creek to splash some water on her face.

Jack's heart would have leapt to see his beautiful daughter enjoying a beautful morning in these beautiful woods, but instead, it stuck in his throat when he saw she was naked. Even worse, just as they were taking that in, Todd came out, equally naked and still sporting morning wood.

 

[StillStunned]

I suggest we take it further. Actually publish our stories, with a note that this is for the Jack and Jill exercise from AH.

It might be interesting for readers to see different takes on the same basic idea. I'd thought of an idea before where two authors pair up to tell the exact same story, but each from a different character's POV. Even better, a male and female writer each taking one side of a couple.

Anyway, I have my idea already. Will flesh it out later.

That would be interesting, and as I was writing I was already plotting out the rest in my head. But I thought this way would be better for people to show off their style and approach. It offers a direct comparison, and the fragments are short enough to read without getting bogged down. Also, anyone can rattle theirs off in a few minutes.

I'm not sure how many people would be quite so eager, with the calendar already full, to go for a full-length story. And then also read everyone else's submissions.

 

[KeithD]

I suggest we take it further. Actually publish our stories, with a note that this is for the Jack and Jill exercise from AH.

It might be interesting for readers to see different takes on the same basic idea. I'd thought of an idea before where two authors pair up to tell the exact same story, but each from a different character's POV. Even better, a male and female writer each taking one side of a couple.

Anyway, I have my idea already. Will flesh it out later.

They would have to be collected and published under one title. 250 words doesn't come anywhere close to the minimum wordage required to post here. If done, I think it should be restricted to the 250 words. It's a good "write succinctly" exercise. As long as authorship was attributed, I'd be happy for someone to collect them and submit under their name.

 

[KeithD]

The whole thing took maybe 15-20 minutes from conception to publication,

Me too. And I think that grabbing an idea/approach and doing it swiftly is/should be an important element of the exercise.

 

[StillStunned]

This was a good idea, @StillStunned . It promotes creativity rather than pointless discussions about the dangers of bears!

Thanks! I thought so too. I'd noticed some comments by other posters recently bemoaning the lack of writerly discussions, and I thought this would be nice way for everyone to show off and be involved.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

They would have to be collected and published under one title. 250 words doesn't come anywhere close to the minimum wordage required to post here. If done, I think it should be restricted to the 250 words. It's a good "write succinctly" exercise. As long as authorship was attributed, I'd be happy for someone to collect them and submit under their name.

I may have misread @intim8's post, but I took it as we should all finish our stories and then publish them, not just publish the 250 word blurbs we've posted in this thread.

 

[intim8]

They would have to be collected and published under one title. 250 words doesn't come anywhere close to the minimum wordage required to post here. If done, I think it should be restricted to the 250 words. It's a good "write succinctly" exercise. As long as authorship was attributed, I'd be happy for someone to collect them and submit under their name.

My thought was for that to be in addition to the exercise here, not instead of it. I really like the exercise idea as is here.

Nothing formal, just maybe "J&J - <real title>" to flag it for readers, along with the note ahead of the story.

 

[SimonDoom]

Thanks! I thought so too. I'd noticed some comments by other posters recently bemoaning the lack of writerly discussions, and I thought this would be nice way for everyone to show off and be involved.

I like the writerly discussions. I think it's fun to get into writer-nerd mode and argue about serial commas and dialogue tags and point of view. Nobody ever "wins" the arguments but they can still be illuminating.

 

[KeithD]

In looking at what different folks wrote, in addition to looking for their signature style/voice, suggest you look for the classic elements of a story: dilemma/conflict/change (or purposely no change). I think the works can and should show that a story can be accomplished in 250 words (or even less).

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

@StillStunned
How long do we let this run before another prompt is suggested? Inquiring minds and all that. It's very interesting to read all the different takes on the same prompt.

 

[intim8]

In looking at what different folks wrote, in addition to looking for their signature style/voice, suggest you look for the classic elements of a story: dilemma/conflict/change (or purposely no change). I think the works can and should show that a story can be accomplished in 250 words (or even less).

I didn't take @StillStunned's intent to be that it is a complete story in 250 words, but rather, 250 words(ish) of the beginning of a story. The setup, with the payoff to be had later.

A strict 250 word complete story exercise would be a nice idea, but I didn't take this to be it.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Our trip to the Yorkshire Moors is only three-quarters as bad as I was fearing: it’s cold, windy, and muddy but not actually pissing it down. I’ve got a sensible cagoule on and a walking stick to help with the climb. Hannah is wearing her flowing red dress and has a retro eighties-style ghetto-blaster, albeit one with a USB port, perched on her shoulder. I swear her hiking gear has been chosen solely to taunt me. As has her choice of music - Running Up That Hill.

“Explain this caper to me again, will you?” I say. It’s not that I haven’t grasped it. I’m hoping arguing will keep us warm.

“What more is there to say?” says Hannah. “Wuthering Heights Day. Two hundred people gathering on the top of Round Hill to dance the iconic dance.”

“I’m still struggling with the why,” I say.

“Cancer Relief.”

I sigh. I can’t argue with that however cold I am.

We round a corner and a whole new valley springs into view before us. I have to admit it looks majestic. It would be even better if everything wasn’t grey.

“Look at that,” says Hannah. “Real Kate Bush territory.”

“You know she’s from Kent, right?”

“Oh my,” says Hannah and points. It takes me a moment to follow her finger to its destination.

Out on the wily, windy moor a couple are rolling and falling in green.

“See! They are getting into the spirit,” she says. “Why can’t you?”

(248 words)

 

[StillStunned]

@StillStunned
How long do we let this run before another prompt is suggested? Inquiring minds and all that. It's very interesting to read all the different takes on the same prompt.

I originally wanted to add a suggestion that anyone can start their own threads, with their own prompts. Which of course they can.

But my concern is that we'd burn out on the idea very quickly. If everyone begins their own prompt, we'll all feel obliged to post our version, and if there are too many people will start choosing which ones to do and which ones to skip. And of course it could end up with the usual AH politics.

For now, I think we should let this one run its course. I mentioned in a previous post that we could make this a weekly thing, taking turns to suggest the prompt. Or maybe just keep an eye on whether the current thread has petered out, and whoever wants can start a new one.

 

[StillStunned]

I didn't take @StillStunned's intent to be that it is a complete story in 250 words, but rather, 250 words(ish) of the beginning of a story. The setup, with the payoff to be had later.

Yep, that's the idea. The rest of the outline is there to provide context, or for anyone who wants to start the story at a later (or earlier) point than hiking up the hill.

 

[SimonDoom]

I originally wanted to add a suggestion that anyone can start their own threads, with their own prompts. Which of course they can.

But my concern is that we'd burn out on the idea very quickly. If everyone begins their own prompt, we'll all feel obliged to post our version, and if there are too many people will start choosing which ones to do and which ones to skip. And of course it could end up with the usual AH politics.

For now, I think we should let this one run its course. I mentioned in a previous post that we could make this a weekly thing, taking turns to suggest the prompt. Or maybe just keep an eye on whether the current thread has petered out, and whoever wants can start a new one.

I agree with you. Let's give the current concept its full run and not step on it. But it's an idea for future threads. People could start their own threads, maybe with a title like "Flash Story: ______", give a little set up, and invite authors to write, as quickly as they can with minimal preparation or editing, not more than a few hundred words of their own inspired by the idea, then talk about what they did and why.

 

[intim8]

For now, I think we should let this one run its course. I mentioned in a previous post that we could make this a weekly thing,

I agree. A smutty version of Reedsy prompts contest.