Yet another writer with her first story

[JennyCapricorn]

After years here in chat and on the forums I wrote my first solo story (I’ve contributed to @genzsub’s stories a half dozen times but always felt she was doing the real work).

It’s framed as a journaling exercise, and is based on events from my actual life. This is my first time writing solo fiction ever and would love to hear what worked or didn’t work for people.

https://www.literotica.com/s/jennys-journaling-confessions-01

 

[BeechLeaf]

In the nicest possible way... are you kidding? This is superb. You don't need validation from us as if you're a beginner writer. I thought there'd be clunky scenarios, awkward punctuation, crude sex, the usual failures a reviewer has to be gentle and polite about. But no, none of that. The opening paragraphs are gripping. You are literate and a very good writer - we get this straight away.

Then we get to the good parts. 'I promise I will get there' shows you as narrator in charge as well as you as writer of words. You are controlling the narration. Then the words: the actual words blaze up: 'her hair almost a halo', 'base matter', wood and fire. You don't do this much but you can do it.

Then the writer overriding the narrator, 'Does it matter what I look like?' and 'That is enough to begin'. You're not keeping in a single voice, you're moving in and out as you need to, in a perfectly balanced way. I'm at about, what, half way through page 1, I know I'm going to give you 5* and add you to my private watch list, and I haven't come across a single thing that I could be even slightly negative about. Perhaps not so useful for you if you want to refine your writing based on feedback, but heck, you're more sure of your style than any possible reviewer.

And then you add new stylistic nuances: the repetition of 'the only thing I could do', and later 'It was'. After a carefully measured time you deploy a new technique. Superb. I don't want to fawn, but I can't fault you and I still haven't found minor points to quibble over - and it would be unjustified even if I did. Just keep doing what you're doing. Have confidence. Keep thinking as you have been, developing these careful techniques.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

In the nicest possible way... are you kidding? This is superb. You don't need validation from us as if you're a beginner writer. I thought there'd be clunky scenarios, awkward punctuation, crude sex, the usual failures a reviewer has to be gentle and polite about. But no, none of that. The opening paragraphs are gripping. You are literate and a very good writer - we get this straight away.

Then we get to the good parts. 'I promise I will get there' shows you as narrator in charge as well as you as writer of words. You are controlling the narration. Then the words: the actual words blaze up: 'her hair almost a halo', 'base matter', wood and fire. You don't do this much but you can do it.

Then the writer overriding the narrator, 'Does it matter what I look like?' and 'That is enough to begin'. You're not keeping in a single voice, you're moving in and out as you need to, in a perfectly balanced way. I'm at about, what, half way through page 1, I know I'm going to give you 5* and add you to my private watch list, and I haven't come across a single thing that I could be even slightly negative about. Perhaps not so useful for you if you want to refine your writing based on feedback, but heck, you're more sure of your style than any possible reviewer.

And then you add new stylistic nuances: the repetition of 'the only thing I could do', and later 'It was'. After a carefully measured time you deploy a new technique. Superb. I don't want to fawn, but I can't fault you and I still haven't found minor points to quibble over - and it would be unjustified even if I did. Just keep doing what you're doing. Have confidence. Keep thinking as you have been, developing these careful techniques.

I…I was not expecting that. Thank you!

 

[BeechLeaf]

My pleasure. My time here is best rewarded by discoveries like this.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Okay, so I have a review thread, so poking around unsolicited feels like cheating. But... BeechLeaf is a damn fine writer, and if someone like that has all that to say, I pay attention.

It is very well written, the level of authenticity is great, as it should be. Very clear voice, very clear narrative. It's truthful and coy and not. I don't really have a ton of notes, but I do have one.

While I get this is a journaling-style story, there is a fair amount of meandering. These are difficult to pull off, and for the most part you did a damn fine job of doing so. You might want to look about paring it back just a smidge. Locate all the places there's asides and meanders, count them, and trim maybe 20%. Not just the number, but the length as well. Are you stepping on your own toes to get an authentic voice? Authenticity is great, but it does impede the flow at times. A journal, written for the pleasure of others, needs to consider flow as well as authenticity. Too much meandering, we lose the plot, you force the reader to recontextualize, which makes it harder to sit in the immersive elements. Each tangent yanks us out of the immersion, and one of the great benefits of diary/journal-style stories is their immersive element.

So, tangents and meanders for flavor, but not at the cost of immersion. They should be short, useful, and doing work. Yours do for the most part, and I regret not flagging the ones that weren't, because there were a couple, but like I said, I have a review thread to prioritize. Take note of them, and see what they're doing, what value they add. Tangents in stories like these are a constant pros vs. cons calculation, and I highly recommend doing that analysis moving forward. Not in the moment they're written, that will do a great deal of damage to the process of the first draft for these types of stories, but as you review and edit, really dig into those tangents with a critical eye, and be prepared to make hard choices about them. Tangents are like catnip to most writers (speaking from way too much experience), and require all the more hardness of heart to deal with.

You're clearly a very talented writer with a very strong voice. Your characterization comes across well, and you have a good instinct for when to tell and when to show — quite good, actually. You've set us up with a nice hook, created tension. Very nicely done.

 

[SmilingLez]

This is my first time writing solo fiction ever and would love to hear what worked or didn’t work for people.

https://www.literotica.com/s/jennys-journaling-confessions-01

Beautifully written, definitely worthy of five stars

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Okay, so I have a review thread, so poking around unsolicited feels like cheating. But... BeechLeaf is a damn fine writer, and if someone like that has all that to say, I pay attention.

It is very well written, the level of authenticity is great, as it should be. Very clear voice, very clear narrative. It's truthful and coy and not. I don't really have a ton of notes, but I do have one.

While I get this is a journaling-style story, there is a fair amount of meandering. These are difficult to pull off, and for the most part you did a damn fine job of doing so. You might want to look about paring it back just a smidge. Locate all the places there's asides and meanders, count them, and trim maybe 20%. Not just the number, but the length as well. Are you stepping on your own toes to get an authentic voice? Authenticity is great, but it does impede the flow at times. A journal, written for the pleasure of others, needs to consider flow as well as authenticity. Too much meandering, we lose the plot, you force the reader to recontextualize, which makes it harder to sit in the immersive elements. Each tangent yanks us out of the immersion, and one of the great benefits of diary/journal-style stories is their immersive element.

So, tangents and meanders for flavor, but not at the cost of immersion. They should be short, useful, and doing work. Yours do for the most part, and I regret not flagging the ones that weren't, because there were a couple, but like I said, I have a review thread to prioritize. Take note of them, and see what they're doing, what value they add. Tangents in stories like these are a constant pros vs. cons calculation, and I highly recommend doing that analysis moving forward. Not in the moment they're written, that will do a great deal of damage to the process of the first draft for these types of stories, but as you review and edit, really dig into those tangents with a critical eye, and be prepared to make hard choices about them. Tangents are like catnip to most writers (speaking from way too much experience), and require all the more hardness of heart to deal with.

You're clearly a very talented writer with a very strong voice. Your characterization comes across well, and you have a good instinct for when to tell and when to show — quite good, actually. You've set us up with a nice hook, created tension. Very nicely done.

Thank you! I’ll do my best to not let this advice impede my first draft and help inform my second.

 

[SmilingLez]

Since you asked for a critique there really isn't any. But I do want to share with you my favorite sentence from your story. It definitely sums up what I feel inside when I am with a woman

I suppose it's more that I am the wood and they are the fire.

 

[Duil2]

This is a compelling read for sure.

Your skill with words is obvious and you conveyed well your thoughts about your experiences and the discoveries of aspects of your personality and sexuality.
Thank you for being brave enough to share that in such a raw form.

My only observation would be that these seems to be your thoughts, reactions, which at times are physical, such as having 'shaking hands'. Is there more 'heart' to be found behind the thoughts?

I suppose I'm just wondering is the act of writing it, taking you too much into your cerebral processes, bringing you to your thinking mind and not leaving you open to expressing more of your feelings and emotions?
If you think so, dictating how you feel or felt might help to get it captured initially and then you can come back and edit and refine.
But at first, to allow yourself to delve deep into your emotions and express from there might unlock even more - perhaps.

Naturally, I could be way off with that and if I am ignore me.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Since you asked for a critique there really isn't any. But I do want to share with you my favorite sentence from your story. It definitely sums up what I feel inside when I am with a woman

I suppose it's more that I am the wood and they are the fire.

That was a superb sentence, absolutely!

The writer is someone to watch. No pressure, @JennyCapricorn.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

That was a superb sentence, absolutely!

The writer is someone to watch. No pressure, @JennyCapricorn.

Right. Sure. No pressure

 

[ElectricBlue]

Right. Sure. No pressure

Atta girl!!