You absolute...

[EctoJohn]

You absolute paper straw.

 

[LizWetmore]

You absolute soggy biscuit.

 

[baculum]

You absolute runny nose

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute greasy glass.

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute Waldo,
Wait, sorry, not British enough.
You absolute Wally!

 

[Cwtchseeker]

You absolute dead battery

 

[barefootgirl69]

You absolute bottle

 

[Baztrachian]

You absolute Yugoslavian dildo!

 

[Cwtchseeker]

You absolute tummy fluff

 

[MissSNG]

You absolute salty olive

 

[Cwtchseeker]

You absolute prune juice

 

[MissSNG]

You absolute small print crossword puzzle

 

[Cwtchseeker]

You absolute torn out last page from a novel

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute choose your own adventure book with only one possible ending.