You can now call me the bionic single Dom

[Richard49]

a little update here

1) I finally found money to pay my rent for last month and this month
That buys me now till the 5th of April
For whatever that means

2) I finally got a letter from the Saginaw VA in support of my pensin claim .....

Me thinks all this is to little to late

I made some serious decsions the other day
I will post them soon

 

[Richard49]

I am trying to find a way out of the descions I have made

Today I am feel very very sad

I have looked at the last 34 years of my life and do not like what I see/have lived. I am trying to find a reason to believe that my future can be different

 

[bunny bondage]

maybe i'm just naively optimistic, but every dawn brings new possibilities, new choices, new beginnings. the path to changing your life begins with a step.

 

[MissTaken]

Hello Richard.

I am stopping in to give hugs and let you know I haven't forgotten you.

I intend to read the thread in it's entirety tonight or tomorrow.

 

[Richard49]

Today is Rachel's sons birthday
He is 6 years old

She knew I would be calling this morning to sing HB to him
I got the answering machine
I sang into it

No word back

I miss her being mine
however ithink i miss that mixed up little boy more

 

[Richard49]

Hello Richard.

I am stopping in to give hugs and let you know I haven't forgotten you.

I intend to read the thread in it's entirety tonight or tomorrow.

Thank you

 

[s'lara]

Life in Review

Richard, i just wanted to let You know i've read through this thread and see a lot love here for You. i would also like things to become better for You ... that is a sincere wish.

In Your review of Your life recently, were there things You felt positive about? i tend to be a bit negative when looking back on things, but i jus wondered if You looked at it differently.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Life in Review

Richard, i just wanted to let You know i've read through this thread and see a lot love here for You. i would also like things to become better for You ... that is a sincere wish.

In Your review of Your life recently, were there things You felt positive about? i tend to be a bit negative when looking back on things, but i jus wondered if You looked at it differently.

I tend to be neg also
However I did look at the positive stuff also
there just was not much of it

In addition to my physical health problems I suffer from PTSD
related to VN. Maybe it is this that has prevented me from having healthy long term realtionships ... I do not know .....

what I know is that most of my life has been in choas and pain.
That no matter what I do or do not do it continues
that I see no reason to believe that the future will be or can be better

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Life in Review

I tend to be neg also
However I did look at the positive stuff also
there just was not much of it

In addition to my physical health problems I suffer from PTSD
related to VN. Maybe it is this that has prevented me from having healthy long term realtionships ... I do not know .....

what I know is that most of my life has been in choas and pain.
That no matter what I do or do not do it continues
that I see no reason to believe that the future will be or can be better

well, it can be. i will dispense with the psycho-babble and just say that hope is and can get You out of bed. Also, the positive stuff can and should spur the want for more of it. i for one hope to see You reap the positive.

PTSD? Please pardon my ignorance.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Life in Review

PTSD? Please pardon my ignorance.

Post tramatic stress syndrome

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Life in Review

Post tramatic stress syndrome

ahh ok. thank You for explaining. You do have a few hurdles, but the fact that You have come so far and so long is a testament to Your strength. Hey, isn't that a positive?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Life in Review

ahh ok. thank You for explaining. You do have a few hurdles, but the fact that You have come so far and so long is a testament to Your strength. Hey, isn't that a positive?

Could be a testment to my insanity

 

[Richard49]

There is a rest in the battles
I am enjoying it

I am getting some badly needed emotional rest

I hope it is long enough of a rest and victory or two

 

[Richard49]

I have communicated the wrong thing(S)

Here I have talked a lot about Rachel and her son, our relationship or lack of it etc.

From email I got today from Rachel I proably have communicated the wrong thing(s).

I am NOT down nor been so down because of Rachel, the realationship, the betrayal etc. They have NOT helped.

It is all the battles that I have been going through.
My finances, the VA, my health, etc. Even things like getting my van moved from one side of the street to the other on somedays.
It all just became to much. I became to needy. I lost all hope.

I do not know if I managed to communicate that to Rachel today.
I do know I need to make a public ammends tonight at the recovery meeting. Yet I do not want those that have betrayed me to feel like they are let off the hook.

I know that I can not save my ass and my face at the same time.

 

[lady-kat]

There is a rest in the battles
I am enjoying it

I am getting some badly needed emotional rest

I hope it is long enough of a rest and victory or two

Richard, it is my hope for you as well......

 

[lady-kat]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Life in Review

Could be a testment to my insanity

tsk
Richard
say rather a testament to your tenacity........

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Life in Review

edited to remove test message

 

[k¡tty]

a little update here

1) I finally found money to pay my rent for last month and this month
That buys me now till the 5th of April
For whatever that means

2) I finally got a letter from the Saginaw VA in support of my pensin claim .....

Me thinks all this is to little to late

I made some serious decsions the other day
I will post them soon

I'm glad that you were able to pay Feb. & March rent, and hopefully you'll get some help for April's. But at *least* that much has been done.

So the letter in support of your pension claim.. I'm not sure exactly what that means. Does it look more hopeful?


My thoughts are with you hon..

 

[Richard49]

I'm glad that you were able to pay Feb. & March rent, and hopefully you'll get some help for April's. But at *least* that much has been done.

So the letter in support of your pension claim.. I'm not sure exactly what that means. Does it look more hopeful?


My thoughts are with you hon..

Thank you for your kind thoughts

I was missing a medical letter connecting my heart problems with dibties. The diebties was already approved as service connected.
I got a letter from my nurse case manager at VA. If it were the Dr it would be a done deal. We do not know since it is nurse how VA will respond.

 

[Richard49]

It always amazes me how people can become angry at others for there own behavior ..... how they can take something someone else does and turn it into ..... oh well

Rachel has emailed me today saying I am never to contact her again because of things she says I did that I did not do

Denial is not a river in Egypt?

Anyone want a used .. I mean experenced Dom?

 

[Richard49]

Bad News always comes in threes?

1) Rachel says never contact her

2) VA says they over paid me $800 and want it back now

3) The letter supporting my "new" claim can not even be looked at till end of week. Then the VA might want one of there Drs
to review the letter and write a support ordenial ....... because my letter came from a VA nurse prationar (sp)

Even if her letter is accepted we are talking majoe delay again

 

[bunny bondage]

aww jeez Richard, i really wish there was something i could do to help....just know that you've got a network of friends here who really care.

 

[Richard49]

aww jeez Richard, i really wish there was something i could do to help....just know that you've got a network of friends here who really care.

You could cum take me away

Thank you .... for being here

 

[Richard49]

Is it just me?

1) without a submissive in my life reading about the lifestyle just makes me sadder. It triggers old memories.

2) seeing the former SO at other type social events hurts

 

[Richard49]

You are invited

I have just added an important
(important to me)
modification to my herb web page
This includes adding a picture of me

Please go ... take a look at the page
( not just my picture )
and give me some feed back

http://www.theherbspecialist.com/Apothecary/

Richard

any where else on these board that it would be OK to post this?