how to get into the bsdm scene later in life?

[average_red]

There are far more subs than Dommes, you can have a stable of them if you want. Go to a munch, you can find them on FetLife or just an internet search. What you’ll find is people who want you to be part of their community as long as you’re not creepy, don’t rush, and are polite.

that is very encouraging to hear! out of curiosity, would you say that people at a munch are more or less polite than normal society?

 

[Strixaluco]

that is very encouraging to hear! out of curiosity, would you say that people at a munch are more or less polite than normal society?

My experience is that they are safe places. At least here, rules for safer places are enforced, including no touching without consent, but also not assuming gender or sexuality.

 

[average_red]

My experience is that they are safe places. At least here, rules for safer places are enforced, including no touching without consent, but also not assuming gender or sexuality.

That is disappointing. I think in Spanish often enough to need to know the gender of every person, animal, and object in the room. /shrug

Safe places don't really matter to politeness and manners, aside from people insisting on vexing that part of my mind, are there any other peculiarities I should be aware of?

 

[Strixaluco]

That is disappointing. I think in Spanish often enough to need to know the gender of every person, animal, and object in the room. /shrug

Non-cis people are very common in bdsm circles, not some uncommon curiosity, and it would be very unsafe and impolite to not accommodate them. You can ask what pronouns they use, if they haven't told already - but be prepared that it may also be "they".

This is not a peculiarity, it is modern socialising and the future.

I don't even need to know a name or word for everything in the room to be able to think. It's useful to learn to think of undefined items and people.

Safe places don't really matter to politeness and manners, aside from people insisting on vexing that part of my mind, are there any other peculiarities I should be aware of?

Well, the "no touching without consent" often really means none. As in, no patting someone's shoulder. My partner asked if he can hug me - after we had already agreed upon a date.

 

[average_red]

Non-cis people are very common in bdsm circles, not some uncommon curiosity, and it would be very unsafe and impolite to not accommodate them. You can ask what pronouns they use, if they haven't told already - but be prepared that it may also be "they".

This is not a peculiarity, it is modern socialising and the future.

I don't even need to know a name or word for everything in the room to be able to think. It's useful to learn to think of undefined items and people.

No worries, I am quite accustomed to people demanding that I accommodate them without any effort on their part to accommodate me. It isn't a question of thinking, it's a question of the structure of words. It would be like someone insisting on saying "that are an bad idea." is proper use of the english language. /shrug