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2009 Survivor Bonus Round Challenge #1: Valentine's Day.

champagne1982 said:
oops! I just noticed that my final verse isn't the same line as the 3rd in the first strophe. Should I edit or would you all let it pass? I like the variation but I know I can make that 3rd line in S1 work if y'all are gonna be sticklers.
Click to expand...

Wanders off whistling pretending I haven't noticed ........ what line? I see no line!
 
champagne1982 said:
oops! I just noticed that my final verse isn't the same line as the 3rd in the first strophe. Should I edit or would you all let it pass? I like the variation but I know I can make that 3rd line in S1 work if y'all are gonna be sticklers.
Click to expand...

You're a Terzanelle Tramp, "variating" is almost expected... ;)

(Seems silly to make Mama Kitty process an edit when we know, you know, we know, you know... yeah, that.) :cool:
 
A day for two

This is my first attempt and i would appreciate any feedback you have

--- thanks so much i didnt even notice
 
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NorthernPA4U said:
My goodness. That is a very small list of things indeed that makes you happy. :confused:

I am thinking you must never have tasted chocolate almond ice cream.
Click to expand...

oh you caught me in an overstatement...understatement? onomatopoeia? ... I am actually a very happy person. I am sometimes afflicted by mad laughter I am so damn happy :D
 
At The House of the Tragic Poet
On the Via di Nola, February 14

Cave canem, the threshold read
On modest villa in Pompeii.
All living there that day are dead.

The house, preserved from time's decay
And heat of pyroclastic flow—
A modest villa in Pompeii,

Whose Poet knew love long ago,
Inspired by Lupercalia,
Love hot as pyroclastic flow.

But did he write erotica?
Or whip her with a goatskin thong,
Inspired by Lupercalia,

So she'd be fertile, children strong?
(That festival, now Valentine's,
Struck women with thin goatskin thongs.)

Such different loves in different times:
All living there that day are dead,
The festival's now Valentine's.
Cave canem, the threshold read.

I have some questions about this one:
  1. I've reversed the order of lines 1 and 3 in the final stanza (i.e., line 1 repeats as line 17, line 3 as line 19). Am I allowed to do that, given the form definition?
  2. I've modified some of the repeated lines slightly (e.g., "Or whip her with a goatskin thong" is repeated as "Struck women with thin goatskin thongs"). Again, is that acceptable?
  3. The meter is mostly iambic tetrameter, though the first and last lines are not. It whole poem is octosyllabic, though. Is that an acceptable meter?
  4. Is the theme enough about love to count?
Thanks.
 
[threadjack]

Terzanelles are the work of the devil!

[/threadjack]
 
pushkine said:
At The House of the Tragic Poet
On the Via di Nola, February 14

Cave canem, the threshold read
On modest villa in Pompeii.
All living there that day are dead.

The house, preserved from time's decay
And heat of pyroclastic flow—
A modest villa in Pompeii,

Whose Poet knew love long ago,
Inspired by Lupercalia,
Love hot as pyroclastic flow.

But did he write erotica?
Or whip her with a goatskin thong,
Inspired by Lupercalia,

So she'd be fertile, children strong?
(That festival, now Valentine's,
Struck women with thin goatskin thongs.)

Such different loves in different times:
All living there that day are dead,
The festival's now Valentine's.
Cave canem, the threshold read.

I have some questions about this one:
  1. I've reversed the order of lines 1 and 3 in the final stanza (i.e., line 1 repeats as line 17, line 3 as line 19). Am I allowed to do that, given the form definition? YES
  2. I've modified some of the repeated lines slightly (e.g., "Or whip her with a goatskin thong" is repeated as "Struck women with thin goatskin thongs"). Again, is that acceptable?YES
  3. The meter is mostly iambic tetrameter, though the first and last lines are not. It whole poem is octosyllabic, though. Is that an acceptable meter?YES
  4. Is the theme enough about love to count?
YESThanks.
Click to expand...

I think that form modified within the spirit of the form are innovative and interesting. Messing up because you don't know what you are doing (like me on occasion) us not as acceptable, in my opinion. But as you say, I am not the one with the red pen :)

Well done!
 
annaswirls said:
I think that form modified within the spirit of the form are innovative and interesting. Messing up because you don't know what you are doing (like me on occasion) us not as acceptable, in my opinion. But as you say, I am not the one with the red pen :)

Well done!
Click to expand...
I agree entirely.
 
Chicago Love Story

holy shit I can't fix this hahah don't try to help, I will get it at some point
Chicago Love Story, 1929


A soft snow fell on St. Valentine,
Machine-gun Jack was hidden and warm.
Safe in the arms of his blonde alibi.

Seven men dead in a bullet storm
At Steven’s Hotel in bed with Louise
Machine-gun Jack was hidden and warm.

"Call her to stand," cried the police
Was Al Capone's number one triggerman
At Steven’s Hotel in bed with Louise?

To keep the silence, the border they ran
They can't make you turn once you are wed
even to Capone's number one triggerman.

Faded starlet now lived instead
with thoughts of Jack in better days
You can't turn back once you are wed.

Louise held tight to lies and faith
and whenever snow fell on St. Valentine,
her thoughts turned to Jack in better days
safe in the arms of his blonde alibi.
 
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annaswirls said:
I know the meter count is off. I am putting this here as storage. I did a lot of research, if nothing else, I learned about this love story among the massacre. I may not be able to properly write a Terzanelle but at least now I know what it is and can appreciate the form when I see it.
Click to expand...
The 2nd and 4th lines of the quatrain should repeat the 1st and 3rd lines of the initial triplet. ;)
 
Just to clariffy the "love" theme for the challenge. Would a poem about people visiting a cemetary on Valentines Day to mourn the passing of their loved ones, qualify with the theme? It's not about specific people, it's more general in nature.
 
loganforester said:
Just to clariffy the "love" theme for the challenge. Would a poem about people visiting a cemetary on Valentines Day to mourn the passing of their loved ones, qualify with the theme? It's not about specific people, it's more general in nature.
Click to expand...

It's the subject of one of the Valentine stories so don't see why not here
 
loganforester said:
Just to clariffy the "love" theme for the challenge. Would a poem about people visiting a cemetary on Valentines Day to mourn the passing of their loved ones, qualify with the theme? It's not about specific people, it's more general in nature.
Click to expand...

sounds like love to me :heart:
 
Thanks for the responses, I assumed it would qualify but I want to make sure I follow the rules.
 
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