24/7 VS. Part-time/bedroom only Dom/sub relationships

[FurryFury]

*smiles*

Yes, it does seem like the same dynamic.

 

[incubus'_sub]

LOL Cat, I was referring to the ones who think they desire micromanagement as per chained naked to the bed, having to ask if they're allowed to breathe... you get my drift. The ones who think that being 24/7 will let them opt out of general day to day responsibilities.

Our lifestyle D/s differs somewhat to yours in that with general everyday matters we discuss & make decisions as equal partners. The D/s is sexual for us, so it does flavour our general life, but doesn't control it.

 

[buxxxom]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

Copy, paste! I think I'll print it, give it a gold star, and stick it on the fridge!

 

[Krinaia]

I think you will find there are more than a few who share EG's sentiments and already have a relationship where they have completely submitted (or wish to), I for one. The 2 are not mutually exclusive and for us it is having the type relationship EG describes which makes it possible to submit completely.

Catalina

eh, i was mostly saying what i've come across...

i'm the the side of the coin or dice or whatever that is kinky but not necessarily as into power play as some. i like it on occasion but don't necessarily want it integrated in a ritualized or even realized way into every sexual encounter. by this i mean i can ask for a spanking and expect to get it if he's willing not because he's a dominant and he's willing and it's a part of some power play by him nor is it an act of submission by me. Rather i get spanked simply because we both enjoy the activity and it fulfills some need. the line is fuzzy but it's there. at least, to me it is

 

[pandoravampire]

Beautifully put by EvilGeoff

pandoravampire