A Conversation of Need

[Shadowsdream]

Des

My gentleness is earned and deserved...I have often been called the Bitch from Hell by those who earn My wrath or endure My Bitchyness for My pleasure.

 

[Desdemona]

Des

My gentleness is earned and deserved...I have often been called the Bitch from Hell by those who earn My wrath or endure My Bitchyness for My pleasure.

Why am I not surprised? I love the new av.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thank you Des

I thought it was time to show a little less reflection in My posture. I like to show that there are many moods to Domination and My avs are used to back up My words.

 

[Persephone36]

perse

*but we live to learn*

Yes I speak from the 24/7 perspective but one can never reach 24/7 without analizing, experiencing and recognizing at least some of the fundamentals in much of what I present for thought.
The *responsibility* in your case * as a sexual consideration* the need to NOT have to initiate or control your sexual gratification. The *responsibility would come in accepting that need and allowing that control to another..which is giving up the responsibility you had controlled.

As always, Shadowsdream, I thank you for the time and care you take in your reply to me.

Explaining to me the NEED to not have the responsibility to initiate or control my sexual gratification to me -- hit me in my core. I think it deeply embarasses me to even think of asking to give up that responsibility. I think it embarasses me to even have those fantasies. Revealing my sub nature to myself -- I had to get in touch with this part of me. Because in some ways it's one of the most important secrets needs of mine. But, I don't know why -- perhaps the era I grew up in -- it still shames me. Or I'm just afraid of being rejected for it. I'm not sure.

Maybe because it's still such new experiences for me. I went from just thinking about this in my mind in the last few months -- to coming to LIT in May, to expanding my sexual boundaries for the first time skin to skin immediately after, to finally tredding the waters of D/s a month ago -- to my first skin to skin experience of that -- just slightly over a week ago. LOL, I know when I look at it like that I'm rushing through things.

Trust takes time, doesn't it? Trust of a partner...but also trust that your needs will be fulfilled if you embrace them.

Thank you again Shadowsdream -- always thought provoking -- and you're always insightful.

Perse

 

[Shadowsdream]

As always, Shadowsdream, I thank you for the time and care you take in your reply to me.

Explaining to me the NEED to not have the responsibility to initiate or control my sexual gratification to me -- hit me in my core. I think it deeply embarasses me to even think of asking to give up that responsibility. I think it embarasses me to even have those fantasies. Revealing my sub nature to myself -- I had to get in touch with this part of me. Because in some ways it's one of the most important secrets needs of mine. But, I don't know why -- perhaps the era I grew up in -- it still shames me. Or I'm just afraid of being rejected for it. I'm not sure.

Maybe because it's still such new experiences for me. I went from just thinking about this in my mind in the last few months -- to coming to LIT in May, to expanding my sexual boundaries for the first time skin to skin immediately after, to finally tredding the waters of D/s a month ago -- to my first skin to skin experience of that -- just slightly over a week ago. LOL, I know when I look at it like that I'm rushing through things.

Trust takes time, doesn't it? Trust of a partner...but also trust that your needs will be fulfilled if you embrace them.

I do not see you as rushing through the experiences even though I am known as the Domme of caution and baby steps. If you were to tell Me that you were in love with a new Dom you have just met on line or real time or that you were rushing to live 24/7 then I would slow you down.

The Dominant knows that you do not want the sexual responsibility and they know that they do want the sexual responsibility. It is a given in BDSM. Relax and enjoy the journey..no guilt and no shame.


Perse

 

[Persephone36]

<snip>
Relax and enjoy the journey...no guilt and no shame.

Thank you again Shadowsdream.

I'm going to trust you on that one and stop worrying so much.

(You just brought a big relaxed smile to my face and...I *needed* that, truly, lol.)


Perse

 

[redelicious]

I adore your honesty and understanding, the recognition that for you, your needs are best served through your love for your husband. I hope that you will find a way to discover how His needs could mirror your own. If it cannot happen I have no doubt your honesty will take you in the right direction

Thank you ShadowsDream. I have to be honest - do not do so would be a diservice to myself and anyone who comes in contact with me. I hope I have an understanding of who I am, and I hope I continue to grow.

Thank you for this thought provoking thread.

 

[Ebonyfire]

willow

From the first post of yours I read so very long ago I recognized how well you understood your needs. Over time I saw how well Robuck stroked those needs as He fullfilled His own. *MAGIC*

belle

I have not yet congratulated you on finding and accepting the magic that takes you one step further into this wonderful world of D/s. I do so now and hope the two of you will surpass all of your hopes and dreams. How pleased I am to see you articulate the depth of the *new* understanding of how you percieve needs. This new understanding reflects on the communication you share between Domination and submission.

Eb

Thank You My Sister Domme for Your light hearted agreement and availablity to embrace, control and guide the toys that feed Your magic.

Shadows, it sounds a lot like ass kissing but it is not. So much you say just makes sense to me and it relates to where I am headed. My boys benefit with every discovery I/we make in this lifestyle. It is a joy to watch them grow and bloom in submission.

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

Shadows, it sounds a lot like ass kissing but it is not. So much you say just makes sense to me and it relates to where I am headed. My boys benefit with every discovery I/we make in this lifestyle. It is a joy to watch them grow and bloom in submission.

Eb

You and I know Eb that Your concern for those under You is as authentic as Mine is. You and I both know that the journey of knowledge and sharing knows no bounds and that the joy is in learning something new every day.
You and I know there is no need of competition between Dom/mes or between subs. It is O/our own uniquenesses that help U/us to learn and to pass on that knowledge.
The Power in BDSM and D/s is in the sharing.

 

[A Desert Rose]

She NEEDS to be an honest Woman of integrity so that She deserves to be worshipped and trusted.
Agree or disagree? Opinions?

It takes two to tango after all.

Integrity. There's a word that speaks volumes to me.

Raising yourself above the standard. And being better than those around you is what integrity is all about.

It is about people who will stand above the mob and the mob mentality.....someone who is their own person and does not ditto or echo the rest....Someone who recognizes the weaknesses of others and holds such in tender regard.

Those are the people most admired and respected. Those are the ones you want to emulate and follow. Those people are hard to find.

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

You and I know Eb that Your concern for those under You is as authentic as Mine is. You and I both know that the journey of knowledge and sharing knows no bounds and that the joy is in learning something new every day.
You and I know there is no need of competition between Dom/mes or between subs. It is O/our own uniquenesses that help U/us to learn and to pass on that knowledge.
The Power in BDSM and D/s is in the sharing.

One thing is certain, not sharing is to stagnate.

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

Integrity. There's a word that speaks volumes to me.

Raising yourself above the standard. And being better than those around you is what integrity is all about.

It is about people who will stand above the mob and the mob mentality.....someone who is their own person and does not ditto or echo the rest....Someone who recognizes the weaknesses of others and holds such in tender regard.

Those are the people most admired and respected. Those are the ones you want to emulate and follow. Those people are hard to find.

Rose

~

Perhaps W/we will find these people amongst the ones that have nothing to gain by weakening others. The ones that know who they are and make no apologies for it.

These people are every where bút most often have no need to be heard. ýou will recognize them by the respect they show to others in the small ways. It is easy to appear to be more than one is but it is hard to kep up the facade in the small over looked areas.

I sense that you will find heaven..because you have discovered it is located above the clouds.
~~~smile~~~

 

[A Desert Rose]

~

Perhaps W/we will find these people amongst the ones that have nothing to gain by weakening others. The ones that know who they are and make no apologies for it.

These people are every where bút most often have no need to be heard. ýou will recognize them by the respect they show to others in the small ways. It is easy to appear to be more than one is but it is hard to kep up the facade in the small over looked areas.

I sense that you will find heaven..because you have discovered it is located above the clouds.
~~~smile~~~

Nothing to gain by weakening others..... absolutely. What is the point of weakening others? The enhancement of our own egos, primarily.

Security in yourself is the beginning of integrity. Knowing you are your own person is the beginning. Needing not to prove your worth to anyone, because you wear it like a new suit, and no one can miss it, that is integrity.

Nothing to gain but everything to lose by weakening others: Injuring others for the sake of salvaging a bruised ego, or a precieved injustice, is the height of insecurity.

Holding with tenderness, the weaknesses and fears and insecurities of another, is the true statement of a Dom/Domme who understands his/her own integrity. And he/she will procure all the admiration and respect and regard, he/she could ever ask for.

Rose

 

[Shadowsdream]

Nothing to gain by weakening others..... absolutely. What is the point of weakening others? The enhancement of our own egos, primarily.

Security in yourself is the beginning of integrity. Knowing you are your own person is the beginning. Needing not to prove your worth to anyone, because you wear it like a new suit, and no one can miss it, that is integrity.

Nothing to gain but everything to lose by weakening others: Injuring others for the sake of salvaging a bruised ego, or a precieved injustice, is the height of insecurity.

Holding with tenderness, the weaknesses and fears and insecurities of another, is the true statement of a Dom/Domme who understands his/her own integrity. And he/she will procure all the admiration and respect and regard, he/she could ever ask for.

Rose

It has not been many days since you felt you had nothing to offer to My threads worth hearing if I recall correctly and look at you today!

your voice is full of thought and introspection with not a word wasted nor any doubt in their presentation. you have watched and grown, asked questions and weighed the responses to find what made sense to you.

Such is the way in the BDSM journey..each will seek what they need and find it where it is.

Integrity just may be the most valuable word of all!

Thank you rose for adding to this conversation so much insight. Reality begs all to look through glasses that are not rose tinted but crystal clear to allow each to find the path that suits their needs.

(rose tinted) ( not a desert rose inflection)

 

[Ebonyfire]

It has not been many days since you felt you had nothing to offer to My threads worth hearing if I recall correctly and look at you today!

your voice is full of thought and introspection with not a word wasted nor any doubt in their presentation. you have watched and grown, asked questions and weighed the responses to find what made sense to you.

Such is the way in the BDSM journey..each will seek what they need and find it where it is.

Integrity just may be the most valuable word of all!

Thank you rose for adding to this conversation so much insight. Reality begs all to look through glasses that are not rose tinted but crystal clear to allow each to find the path that suits their needs.

(rose tinted) ( not a desert rose inflection)

What she said!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Embarrassment

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

You have taught me. I read and re-read your threads and the responses by all and I have learned so much from you and the responses of others.

I know my voice is not alone when I say that I have a deeper understanding of what I need and desire in a Dom, all thanks to you and your threads. You are a valuable asset to this forum.

Two months ago, I would never have thought that I would or could learn so much from a Domme. But again, my eyes have been opened, thanks to you. You have my deepest respect and admiration.

Yours are the threads I look for first. I always know I am welcome and accepted here. I also know, that many feel as I do. You are the most non-threatening, most accepting Dom/Domme to all who speak to your conversations.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Embarrassment

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

I am not sure I will ever get over embarrassment and blushing. It goes back to disappointment for me. My fear of disappointing my Dom by, ok I will say this and hate myself for it, my imperfections.

Rose

 

[artful]

Re: Embarrassment

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

Sis,...please start a thread on EMBARRASSMENT,...if you will,...sounds like an interesting topic for discussion to ME.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Embarrassment

Sis,...please start a thread on EMBARRASSMENT,...if you will,...sounds like an interesting topic for discussion to ME.

Yes, please do. I am still thinking and working on this train of thought, Eb.

I think I can speak to this in my heart.

Rose

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Embarrassment

That word comes up a lot in this and the shame thread.

One of the things I have noticed about sissy is that he blushes less that he used to. It occurs to be that his embarrassment level has lowered.

I think that submission can help lower the embarrassment of having needs that may have been suppressed for years finally coming to the surface and being met.

Any comments?

Eb

Of course I have a comment..did You ever have a doubt ? ~~~grin~~~

Once the submissive truly understands that the Dominant is not looking at their needs or kinks with judgement but with acceptance and delight the embarrassment seems to filter unnoticed into the recesses of yesterday.

When they have tasted encouragement..and felt approval they become braver and less self judgemental as well.

 

[Shadowsdream]

You have taught me. I read and re-read your threads and the responses by all and I have learned so much from you and the responses of others.

I know my voice is not alone when I say that I have a deeper understanding of what I need and desire in a Dom, all thanks to you and your threads. You are a valuable asset to this forum.

Two months ago, I would never have thought that I would or could learn so much from a Domme. But again, my eyes have been opened, thanks to you. You have my deepest respect and admiration.

Yours are the threads I look for first. I always know I am welcome and accepted here. I also know, that many feel as I do. You are the most non-threatening, most accepting Dom/Domme to all who speak to your conversations.

Rose

you have been taught because you have desired to learn rose. Without the true desire there can be no progress.

I look forward with a ~~smile~~ to see what you will have to say as I watch you flower in new understanding.

One mistake many submissives make in My opinion is that they do not open up the possibility of learning from a Dom/me that is the same sex as themselves unless they are Bi or gay.

Dom/mes both have words of value to the opposite sex as well as the same sex submissives. Learning should never be stymied due to the misconception that the Dom or Domme you are seeking is the only one that has the knowledge that will help you on your journey.

This same mistake is often made by Dominants who do not see the lessons that can be learnt from the lips of a submissive of the sex they are not seeking to Dominate.

Off of the soap box arghhhhh!

 

[zipman]

you have been taught because you have desired to learn rose. Without the true desire there can be no progress.

I look forward with a ~~smile~~ to see what you will have to say as I watch you flower in new understanding.

One mistake many submissives make in My opinion is that they do not open up the possibility of learning from a Dom/me that is the same sex as themselves unless they are Bi or gay.

Dom/mes both have words of value to the opposite sex as well as the same sex submissives. Learning should never be stymied due to the misconception that the Dom or Domme you are seeking is the only one that has the knowledge that will help you on your journey.

This same mistake is often made by Dominants who do not see the lessons that can be learnt from the lips of a submissive of the sex they are not seeking to Dominate.

Off of the soap box arghhhhh!

Or what a Dom can learn from a Domme! I too, have learned from you, your posts and your threads.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Or what a Dom can learn from a Domme! I too, have learned from you, your posts and your threads.

or what a sub can learn from a sub...W/we all have the possiblity of learning from each other.

From you all I have been given joy, I have learned how much knowledge can be absorbed and how deep the thoughts can go with a little provocation.

I have learned that the desire for knowledge never ends and that even the doubtful are brave enough to believe.

Each of you that joins My conversations allow Me to watch the amazing beauty of your growth. I have watched recovery from disappointment and uninhibited sharing of success.

I learn and learn and learn from you all...and thank you for that priviledge.

 

[subtledecadence]

~smiles@rose~

You have taught me. I read and re-read your threads and the responses by all and I have learned so much from you and the responses of others.

Yours are the threads I look for first. I always know I am welcome and accepted here. I also know, that many feel as I do. You are the most non-threatening, most accepting Dom/Domme to all who speak to your conversations.

Rose

I agree w/ you rose, whole 'edly!

subtledecadence