A Conversation of Need

[Homburg]

I have to kind of concur. My *needs* are very vague in a lot of ways, and don't pertain much to the specifics of the power exchange. I need to be on top in my interpersonal romantic relationships. What shape that takes is fine-tuning.

Yes, I don't need to do spanking, or flogging, or training, or dominance, or submission. I need to be on top, and I need to control certain elements. I can say this because I do not function without them. I may be unhappy without some of the other elements that I define as "wants", but I am inoperative without those I call "needs".

"Need" has been diluted by overuse.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Too many people confuse "need" with "want badly". And it is never more endemic than in matters sexual.

I'm not at all disagreeing with the sentiment of the thread, but just pointing out that "need" is a powerful word, and "want" is often far more accurate.

And, no, this is not a comment on, or reply to, anyone that has posted on this thread.

And sometimes a person doesn't realize that some things are really a "need" until they are no longer getting it.

When those needs are no longer being met especially when the circumstances are totally understandable it can be very painful.

There is so much that I thought I just wanted badly, then I found out it was a need.

 

[SubKekiLee]

And sometimes a person doesn't realize that some things are really a "need" until they are no longer getting it.

When those needs are no longer being met especially when the circumstances are totally understandable it can be very painful.

There is so much that I thought I just wanted badly, then I found out it was a need.

OH my A ESTATICSUB sighting YAY!!! I know the difference of want and need but I know I need to be a sub now... and I know I WANT my Sir in my life... and I feel I need him but he tells me I dont NEED him I want him...

 

[Homburg]

And sometimes a person doesn't realize that some things are really a "need" until they are no longer getting it.

When those needs are no longer being met especially when the circumstances are totally understandable it can be very painful.

There is so much that I thought I just wanted badly, then I found out it was a need.

Very true, ES.

 

[twysted73]

I suppose, when it comes down to it, one's own need is at the core of anything we hope to do or accomplish.

Even love, for all it's romantic trappings, is one of the most selfish, self-fulfilling things to inflict on someone else.
The sooner people realize this the easier it would be to pass by all the confusion and misunderstanding it entails.

One's selfishness is the motiviation. Even those who say "they want to make others happy" is simply feeding their own need to be loved and cherished for what they bring to the lives of others.
Why or where one's own wants became selfish and bad is beyond my imaginings.
As if selflessness were truly possible while still remaining human with emotions.

No, as humans we are imperfect. And in being imperfect we have impulses to get for ourselves what makes us happy and content within our own little worlds.

Selfishness is good in semi-moderation.

 

[Homburg]

I suppose, when it comes down to it, one's own need is at the core of anything we hope to do or accomplish.

Even love, for all it's romantic trappings, is one of the most selfish, self-fulfilling things to inflict on someone else.
The sooner people realize this the easier it would be to pass by all the confusion and misunderstanding it entails.

One's selfishness is the motiviation. Even those who say "they want to make others happy" is simply feeding their own need to be loved and cherished for what they bring to the lives of others.
Why or where one's own wants became selfish and bad is beyond my imaginings.
As if selflessness were truly possible while still remaining human with emotions.

No, as humans we are imperfect. And in being imperfect we have impulses to get for ourselves what makes us happy and content within our own little worlds.

Selfishness is good in semi-moderation.

Bravo.

"Greed is good"

 

[faeriefire]

selfishness and survival have driven people since Adam and Eve, even before. Instinct tells us we need each other to survive, we build social infrastructures that enable survival. Roles are assumed. When the playing field changes we still are driven by instinct. Affirmation and acceptance grow out of mutually beneficial interactions. But I still think love can be bigger than need, more encompassing than want. Sometimes we love in spite of getting nothing back. Sometimes we give without receiving. Maybe it fulfills something inside, but then why else would we do it? Are truly selfish people happy do you think? Probably. Are people in love crazy. Usually. Does needing others make us human. Most definately.